O PRAISE HIM

I called, You answered. You came to my rescue, and I, I just want to be where You are.

I never asked to be fighting myself every single week to overcome introvertedness, to be in the preaching to a crowd every Sunday. I never asked to be taking care of 150 students, putting in almost full-time hours, while taking full-time load of seminary studies. I never asked to be the one that has to confront people in their sin; something that almost no one likes talking about. I never asked to be the one supporting many others, while not having not much to support myself. I never asked to become someone responsible for planning a lot of things, as someone that’s not so great at administrative work. I never asked to be put in the place of starting a lot of new things, which in turn would mean a lot of disagreements and discouragements from people who don’t agree. I never asked to be the one to bring change to a place that hasn’t changed much in years. I never asked to be fighting for hope, while so many people around me tells me there’s no way this youth group can change. 

But I love living through every bit of it, through all the discomfort and pain and misery and fatigue and discouragement and ridicule and pity and disagreements and all of it; all because I know in the middle of all of it, is exactly where You are. And as long as I’m where You are, I don’t want to be anywhere else. As long as I’m where You are, I know I’ll be okay; as long as my life is in Your hands, there’s no better place for me to be in. I may have never asked for any of it, but all of it was what You had in mind for my good. I may not be qualified to be doing all those things, but I know that You are more than capable than I can even imagine - cuz even if I can’t, You surely will.

Regardless of where I’ve come from, regardless of the pain in the process, regardless of the future results; thank You, that You have been with me literally every step of the way.

And at the end of the day, I just want to be where You are.

WARNING: Probably somewhat controversial statements ahead. If you are the type to be sensitive, or start arguments on social media, or get offended easily, feel free to see yourself out! Personal thoughts from this point on.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way...

“Don’t be a minister if you can help it. Because if the man can help it, God never called him. But if he cannot help it, and he must preach or die, then he is the man.” -Charles Spurgeon

Last Monday, I finally took care of all of my car maintenance, after driving for MONTHS with various warning lights on. Engine oil, brake fluid, tire rotation, low tire pressure and even empty gas tank… After taking care of everything, I felt so frickn great, finally relieved that I will no longer possibly be in danger of dying on the road LOL.

I mention this, because it’s a good picture of how I’ve been the last 4 years in ministry. Various warning lights were going off, and many things had to be taken care of; but I felt too overwhelmed and incompetent to solve everything. Little by little, I started learning how to be in ministry, with the conviction that God had brought me into this, though not quite understanding fully why. 

I am still quite a novice in the field, with much ignorance and inexperience, I have learned quite a few things along the way; some on my own, others through those with more experience. Instead of writing long posts, decided to break em down into smaller points.

I hope this helps prepare anyone that is trying into enter into youth ministry. Oh man, you’re in for one hell of a ride.

20 Things:

1. Abandon any sort of ambition for money early. Earlier the better, trust me. Be okay with the fact that you’ll be quite poor compared to everyone else.

2. You’ll be giving out way more than you receive, something that’s inevitable. If you want to expect people to invest in you as much as you invest in them, look for a different job.

3. Be okay with being forgotten. You may remember the people you invested heavily in, but they’ll move on to their own stages in life. Be okay with the fact that you had the privilege to be Jesus’ hands and feet during a specific time in their lives, and not more.

4. Someone told me that my first 100 sermons are going to suck. They still do. Keep that in mind, and don’t get discouraged.

5. Commit yourself to preaching the Gospel. Your time at the pulpit is not to be spent being a motivational speaker. Jesus is the only One that saves, Jesus the only One that changes people. If you want to see change, make sure that Jesus is preached. Everyone needs to know of their absolute need for a Savior... including yourself. Sin will never be conquered through self-discipline and self-betterment; we are saved through grace alone, by faith alone in Christ alone.

6. Be careful, the asking of “what-ifs” is a endless tunnel to walk down into; there could have been 14,600,005 possible outcomes, but the current one is the only one that God had wanted (bonus pts for getting that reference).

7. Don’t ever confuse your laziness with God’s plan. 

7a. The most disgusting thing I’ve heard recently, was a pastor supposedly saying “I will be giving up on that [specific] class, because they won’t respond well to me & the vision anyway.” Good luck explaining that to God when you see Him face-to-face later. Don’t ever mock God with your excuses, nor try to justify your unwillingness; serious warning. Okay, rant over.

8. Don’t ever confuse your vision for the ministry with God’s plan, and don’t ever compromise taking care of your sheep, for the sake of your vision. Your job is not to carry your vision forward. Your job is to sacrificially take care of and feed the sheep (John 21:15-19). 

9. Don’t ever blame your sheep for your failures as a shepherd. If you can confidently be honest before God that you did your absolute best, that’s on them. HOWEVER If you failed to do everything in taking care of them, providing for them and bringing them closer to Jesus, that’s on you. Stay humble.

10. At the same time, don’t blame yourself for everything. There are things in your life, circumstances and relationships that were out of your control, which had resulted in you not being able to fully give to the ministry. And that is okay.

11. Be careful of blaming the church. God set up that church, and the leadership within. Sometimes you won’t agree, and they may or may not be flat-out wrong. But still, that’s leadership that God set up for whatever reason at that moment. Be innocent as doves, shrewd as a serpent (Matthew 10:16). Ask for wisdom from God, to be able to work around and with your circumstances.

12. It’s okay to be selfish with your time here and there. I struggled with this a lot, and always felt guilty about saying no. But sometimes, you need your own time, and that is okay.

13. You will preach grace, but may not always receive it back. Sometimes people will forget that you are human, and hold you to sometimes unfair expectations. You won’t meet them, but that’s okay; you don’t work for people’s expectations, but rather to be faithful to God.

14. IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. YOU’RE A HUMAN BEING. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP A FRONT.

15. Not everything is your fault. If someone didn’t like what you did or said - within the grounds that you were being courteous, not rude or offensive, and doing your best to be Christ-like in everything - their actions thereof is not your fault.

16. If the qualities in the point above didn’t apply to you, humble yourself, repent, and commit to change. “That’s me just being me” mentality may fly with the people you know, but it will never fly with God. If you led people astray because of your non-Christlike actions & words, that sin will be on your head.

17. Don’t ever resort to gossip/tearing down of the previous pastor/leader, in order to establish your own ministry. If you find yourself constantly doing this to validate yourself, not only is that somewhat pathetic, but also you seriously need to ask yourself if you’re actually doing the Kingdom’s work. Kingdom divided against itself won’t stand. You attacking another minister’s credibility is the devil’s work.

17a. Just be care of gossip in general. It WILL come back and bite you in the butt, guaranteed.

18. Commit yourself to Godliness. Asap. You can easily fake ministry; you will never be able to fake faithfulness. One day, the façade will surely fail. I pray that God will have mercy on you in those days.

19. Find a hobby/interest outside of ministry. This is key. Find activities in which you can take your mind off of ministry for a bit and take a breather. My choice was working out; a time for me to be alone, and to be human again. Don’t be sheltered; living at church won’t make you a better pastor. Go outside, have real conversations. Otherwise, no one will be able to relate to you.

20. Be thankful. As difficult as it is, God will bring infinitely greater amount of blessings. With every critic, there will be more people supporting you. With every difficulty, there’s more rewarding moments. With every person that forgets you, there will be many that remember you, and are thankful for you. With every unfair circumstance, there’s God’s perfect plan holding your life.

And lastly, take care of yourself.

The last point, many people that know me will say that I am the greatest hypocrite. I am seriously, the worst at taking care of myself LOL. I throw away my physical health every retreat/missions season. I compromise my introvert sanity by making too much time for people. There used to be a time when I ate less on the weekdays, so I can take kids out to eat on the weekends. Time and time again I threw myself into the fire, hoping that through my efforts I can do my best to impact people. I thought I was faithful to the message of Jude 1:23; but I was becoming more focused on my efforts, rather than the God who works miracles through my small sacrifices.

So forreal, learn to take care of yourself. Have some fun. Take care of your physical and mental, emotional wellbeing. Value the calling that you’ve received, and do your best to cherish it while you have it. Ministry isn’t forever; Jesus is, though. May this time of serving not drive you to the ground, but rather continuously point you upwards the Savior who awaits you at Home. 

Ministry is hard, and it honestly really sucks sometimes (LOL). But Jesus seriously makes it so worth it, and the reward of seeing people change is seriously greater than anything I can ever describe. God is seriously so, so good, and it’s so different being able to see it from the other side of the pulpit. I am still learning, and still growing in all those 20 things that I’ve mentioned. Don’t ever stop learning, and going deeper into the truths of God; we will be doing that for eternity afterwards anyway.

To commit everything, to the One who never leaves the 1 behind. You included.

11 years and 1 month ago, I first arrived in the United States. As a new immigrant, it was daunting to see everything around me, without much political context. Toronto was a peaceful city within the peaceful country of Canada. I didn’t care too much to be politically aware, because there didn’t seem to be many issues going on - not much ever seemed to go on in Canada, to be honest.

Since then I’ve seen 4 presidential terms go by with 3 different presidents. What I’ve noticed from then til now, is that the rhetoric is the same.

While President Bush was in office, the rhetoric was fear and hatred towards terrorists who have attacked the United States during 9/11, and secretly harbor Weapons of Mass Destruction.

While President Obama was in office, the rhetoric was fear and hatred towards “intolerant” Americans who discriminated against so many different things that I can’t even keep track anymore. Hatred towards those that seem to fight against rights. Hatred towards those that were offensive, AND the other side, hatred towards those that were offended.

While President Trump is in office now, the rhetoric is fear and hatred towards “bigots” and racist white supremacist citizens - whose head is currently the head of state. Hatred towards those that don’t seem to value what I value. Hatred towards those that seem to be too outspoken about what they believe in. It became almost normal to tear down people for having strong beliefs - ironic, because by doing so you express a strong belief yourself (against the other strong belief, if that makes sense).

The rhetoric didn’t change. The rhetoric has always been fear. The rhetoric has always been hatred.

Society just decided to change what to blame everything on.

I’ve always despised Facebook political activism, and all its keyboard warriors; thought it was the fakest show of “patriotism” that I had ever seen. So many people talking about equality and justice and social awareness, while not lifting a single finger to help those in need, even those that are in their immediate surrounding communities. Talk honestly is so cheap; if there is no action, what is the use of raising awareness? Talk of creating a better society, at the cost of other peoples’ opinions and individualism.

I think around 2000 years ago, those keyboard warriors would have been called the Pharisees.

What if social activists cared less about raising social awareness, and more about actually being active in their communities? What if people stopped complaining about racism and labeling others as racists, and instead made the effort to support a more diverse community around themselves? Ask all those keyboard warriors who most of their friends are: chances are, they’ll be someone of the same ethnicity/culture/colorofskin/race/country/whatever. What if instead of complaining about how the country is run, people thought about contributing to the immediate community around them first? Don’t tell me you care about America, when you don’t even care about the issues that are going on in your city/town/neighborhood.

All that crap ain’t social awareness, it’s just wanting to be the new majority. Racism by definition is discrimination/prejudice from a majority people group towards a minority group, in the belief that the majority is superior. What are you doing that’s so great, that’s any better than that?

It’s one thing to stand for your beliefs, it’s another to tear a different one down.

What if Christians stopped talking about being one, and actually started being one?

Did God save you, so you can mouth off other religions? Did Jesus die for you on the cross, so you can separate yourself from the pain in the world; to blatantly disobey His commands to love your neighbor as yourself? Did Jesus abandon the comforts and glory of heaven, to come to earth, just so you can stay home and be comfortable and do whatever is safe for the rest of your life? Did God make you new in the Spirit, just so you can walk and talk like you’re in the flesh, and feel no remorse or embarrassment of any sort? Did God “deliver you from the domain of darkness, and transferred you to the kingdom of his beloved Son” (Colossians 1:13), just so you can be indistinguishable from the rest of the world around you?

Did God not love you, so you can love others? Did God not save you, so you can be you can be the messenger of that salvation? Did God not serve you, so you can actively go and serve others? Did God not give Himself, so you can give to others? Did God not come for you, so you can go reach out to others?

“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

Christians and non-Christians alike need to learn to not only talk the talk, but also walk the walk. Help some unprivileged people, before you complain about social injustice. Give to charities, before you complain about the poverty gap. Go into the world and see the pain and chaos yourself, before you start trying to speak on behalf of the underprivileged whom you’ve never even cared to visit. Actually enter into someone else’s culture and make some friends in it; before you complain about racism, and indulge in cultural appropriation in the name of “appreciating culture” (Pointing towards all you Bay-Area Asians who still throw around the n-word, yet don’t have a single African-American friend to call your own). Speak against hate-speech, after you’ve stopped your own of gossiping. Speak against “intolerance”, after you’ve learned to appreciate others’ opinions and actually heard fully them out in everything they had to say.

And if you have any questions, ask the broke, homeless Carpenter; who quit His job to spend the rest of His life serving the underprivileged, feeding the poor, visiting the sick & the widows, making friends with social rejects, defending the helpless from the tyrant bigots, actually taking the time to hear those same tyrants out when they came to Him honestly, telling people about God, and gave His life as a ransom for many.

If Christians cared less about talking about Christianity and more about actually being like Christ, how different would this world be?

Missions exists, because worship doesn’t. Missions exists, because there’s still so much work left to be done. Missions exists, because God still loves all those broken people.

I moved to the States 10 yrs ago today, having lived in Toronto for 6.5 yrs before that. As someone who has lived almost 2/3 of my life as an immigrant - away from where I’m “really from” (Korea) - and most of that in the States, immigration is a process that I am proud of & has made me who I am. The amount of racism and “otherness” that I’ve experienced along the way is substantial, and definitely difficult at times; but it is this that made my finding home in the bay area so valuable and worth it for me.

Never take anything for granted. Hoping & praying that America could be a place that upholds this beautiful tradition - seeking to embrace the “otherness” rather than isolation in fear. May our churches be the same, learning to love based on Christlike standards instead of emotional/physical ones - because after all, Jesus Himself loved & welcomed people who legitimately didn’t belong in His crib (me included).

Colossians 2:16-23 (+13-15) What Christianity Is 11/20/16 Intern Pastor Bill J. M. Kim New Vision Church "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast." -Eph 2:8-9

I don’t speak very often, and I don’t particularly like doing so either (due to stage fright, lack of public speaking skills, etc). But I do appreciate the outlet in which I am able to speak out my heart that I have for the youth group, and the Christ whom I can preach about in these messages. He is the way, the truth, the life - He is the One that sets us free. Perhaps one day my fear/dislike of public speaking will change and diminish, but I pray that my heart for my ministry and my love for Jesus never would - if anything, may they keep growing.

I hope this encourages you, as much as it encouraged me to prepare it.

I don’t speak publicly very often on topics such as these, but here goes. I will make it clear from the beginning, that this note is not about supporting either of the candidates, nor is it about taking a specific political stance. But rather, the purpose of this note is the address the main issue that was blatantly revealed through this election season: the attitude of deservedness that becomes angry about certain results, without feeling the necessity to do anything about it (both Hilary and Trump supporters alike).

To those who have done nothing in the past to be even a little bit politically active: If you have done nothing to be beneficial to your community, nor have even previously been concerned about these issues in your communities, you have no right to be complaining about the presidency of Trump or for anyone for that matter. If you’ve never took the time to consider not only the presidency, but also the seats of governor, representative, mayor, etc. in the past few months/years, you have no right to be hateful about the politics of America - If anything, you are a part of the very thing you hate. You think Trump’s rise to become a Republican rep, let alone president, happened within a vacuum? It mostly happened due to a majority of people’s lack of interest in their society and communities & politics, which set up a political system where a man as ignorant and unqualified as DT can take the most dignified seat in this country without much resistance. 

If all you’ve done in the last few months is to rant on facebook, retweet some things on twitter, angrily talk about these issues to your friends - you have no right to be complaining, for you’ve done nothing about it either. How deserved do you have to think, that all of those things would amount to anything? If you ever felt like your voice wasn’t being heard, it’s because your voice doesn’t exist outside of the bubble you’ve created around yourself. You haven’t done anything for your communities, yet you say you care about all these issues? C’mon, be real. Trump not your president? Apparently the ones before him weren’t either for you. If you’ve done nothing to contribute to what it means to be an American, to embrace the freedoms and the rights you have as a citizen to make America a great place in the context that you’ve been placed in - then don’t denounce people for doing the same (or even worse). 

It’s not to say that your feelings don’t matter, although I have to tell you that your feelings are not everything. It’s perfectly reasonable that people are scared, and angry towards this man who is definitely not the shining example of character we want to see. But it’s not how we feel that matters, but rather how we respond. Are you scared for your community? Take action to make it a safer place. Are you aware of discrimination? Take action to make sure that you stand for your convictions and help others do the same. Sitting and yelling at others about your feelings won’t do crap. The real question is not whether you are scared or offended, because guess what, you are not the only one. Rather, it’s whether you will do what you can to be fully aware of the situation instead of what the media is feeding you, and take action to make this world (& America) a better place regardless of who is in charge.

As a child of an immigrant, I’ve never taken my American citizenship as granted (nor my Canadian one). It was the result of my parents’ hard work, as well as mine, as I grew up in these Western countries to be a conscience part of it. I’ve grown up, even before becoming a Christian, always learning that I must benefit the people & the communities around me, and to be aware of the needs. I’ve volunteered in community outreach, I’ve served the underprivileged, I’ve been aware of the issues all those years that I did not have the right to vote as an alien. Now as an American I believe it as my civic duty to not only spread awareness (as many of you believe that’s what you’re doing through twitter & facebook), but rather stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves: To feed the hungry, to provide resources for those who have less, to heal the broken, to address people’s hurts, to love those who are unloved (& some, unlovable).

After all, that’s what Jesus did. 

He felt all those feelings you have, and was fully aware of the context of His communities (discrimination, racism, bigotry, women/disabled/minorities not having representation in society, the rich exploiting the poor, superiors taking away opportunities from the lower class, to name some. Sound familiar?), yet His ministry was characterized by anything but passive. He went around, sometimes out of His way, to reach the unreached, to serve the unserved, to love the unloved, and to represent the unrepresented. He ate with sinners, He healed the sick, He stood against bigotry and discrimination & stood for the poor. 

Being “political” doesn’t quite serve any purpose, hating the current state of your community doesn’t either. What does make a difference, is the conscious decision to see the brokenness & embrace it as your own burden. Being a salt & light of this world doesn’t equal being political - it equals understanding the hurts of the community around you, and giving your life to be God’s hands & feet to remedy those needs that you see.

And to those who have been politically active, and been contributing to your community: I encourage you, keep doing what you’re doing. Keep spreading awareness, keep fighting for your convictions. Keep doing everything you can do make your communities a place where people can be accepted, safe to express their freedoms, and understand what it means to be the citizen of a nation that protects and respects people’s liberties. Keep educating yourself, so that you don’t get swayed by ignorant bigotry. Keep loving the people around you, and be supportive when they need it. Keep fighting for what is worth fighting for, to represent those who cannot represent themselves. Strive to make your communities a better place, and contribute in making a difference there. Serve to your fullest potential, and work hard to bring people to the light.

Because: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) Please, don’t just sit there. Don’t just say angry things or talk about angry topics.

Do something about it.

...ugliness in the success.” -J.Cole

If I could best summarize the last 25 years of my life, I think that describes it pretty well. Have tasted plenty of both success and failure - in my academics, relationships with people, my walk with Christ... and now ministry. I don’t think there was ever a moment where I thought to myself: “Wow, I did it. I’ve done everything well.” As a person who is very highly critical of myself, it was difficult for me to not see the flaws in my actions, the mistakes that I’ve made along the way, and to blame myself (& others & God) for the consequences that I needed to pay. I’m sure I’ve done a lot of good things in this life, but I’ve also done plenty of bad - and it was the latter that has always gripped me, dominated how I viewed things about my life, and directed how I thought/acted/lived.

But I’m thankful, to now realize that when it says that God makes all things work together for my good (”for those who love God who are called according to His purpose” -Romans 8:28), that He literally meant everything. The more I study at seminary, the more I get drawn into the truth that God seriously is sovereign over everything - He makes people specifically as they are, with specific circumstances, with specific purposes in mind at specific times. It is this truth that gives me hope, and gives me purpose in my life - that God in His sovereignty has everything in His fingertips. My successes, my failures, my joys, my sorrows - all for the glory of Him who loves me and has given His life for me, that I may give my life for Him (Galatians 2:20).

Beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success - and in the midst of both is a Savior who is sovereign, who is more than able to use all things to turn people back to Himself - to redeem, to restore, to set right and to renew life (Colossians 1:20).

It’s not to say that I’ve learned to avoid responsibility or consequences for my actions, no - but it is to know that while I can be faithful in making things right, that ultimately it’s not those things that define who I am. My identity as the child of God in Christ, is something that will never change, nor be taken away (Romans 8:38-39) - and that every act of faithfulness that I carry out, is another step towards following after Jesus’ footsteps & to make that identity more and more of a reality through the Savior that renews us daily. (doctrine of sanctification, if anyone wants to look that up). Every single birthday, ever since I’ve decided to follow the call to ministry, God’s been faithful about reminding me of the fact that I am not in a place of deserving... but rather a place of grace - that everything I call mine, the life that I live, it’s all because God has given me grace to make that happen. Reminds me every year to be thankful, to not dwell in my failures, nor to glory in my successes - to know that in every single moment of that year, God was with me, is with me, and will always be with me until I come back HOME (Philippians 1:6). But who knows, I’ve only been in the game for about 2 years, and still have a long way to go to learn & with a lot of changes to come. I just hope that every single year I could look back, remember where I’ve come from, and be able to hold it down in these truths in every situation. To be able to say:

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. [Phil 4:11-13]

A Good Friday, indeed.

Romans 5:8 - “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Galatians 2:20 - “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

1 John 3:1 - See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; AND THAT IS WHAT WE ARE!

Mark 4:35-41 Why Are You So Afraid? 03/06/16 Intern Bill J. M. Kim New Vision Church Kind of embarrassed to put this up, but first (and possibly last) sermon upload! It's definitely not the best nor the one I'm most proud of, but wanted to share as it was one of the most personal sermons that I've worked on thus far.

Still not too good of a public speaker, and still working to grow deeper in my content and delivery. But I do hope it serves as an encouragement more than a waste of your 20 or so minutes.

(Lake Tahoe, NV)

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

My favorite part about going out into nature, is always humbly being reminded that the same Hands that created all of this, formed me with the same (if not more) care, thoughtfulness and creativity - something that I really wish everyone around me knew for themselves as well. Forreals though, there really is nothing better than knowing that we are redeemed, day in and day out, and loved beyond what we could ever imagine. It’s at times mind-blowing that God creates all of these magnificent things, yet in the light of how much He loves us everything else pales in comparison - and how nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from His love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39)

There is no other verse that has shaped me thus far more than Romans 8:28. Through the joys and the sorrows that verse has always been there for me - at times as the greatest comfort, and at others as the bitterest pill. It’s never easy fully trusting that God will make things work together for my good, especially when things look really hopeless or unanswerable. Where is God when things are not quite going right - when family is in chaos, when relationships come apart, when students whom I’ve invested in so much leave the church when they go to college, when...

I could continue on with the list, and as many times as God did prove that things were for my good, there were many other times that He was silent. Some things, I honestly still do not have an answer for. I’ve honestly spent many days blaming God, bitterly asking why He let certain things happen - why He seemed to be powerless to stop everything.

And every single time, He always brings me back to this one single truth: 

“I love you.”

So much that I gave my Son for you. He endured things that no man ever could endure, lost much more than what many people can afford, been mocked and wrecked and killed - just so that you could be called mine; so that you could know me, and know the truth that I have your life in my hands. If I have given up my most precious belonging for you, won’t you trust me that I will not relent on giving you things that cost much less? Won’t you trust that it’s not because I’m powerless to stop it, but because I’m powerful enough to allow and shape all things to work for your good. Your life, your circumstances, your surroundings - all for your good, all because of my love towards you.

So why don’t you start loving yourself, even in all these circumstances, as I have loved you?

Things have been tough the last few weeks or so, but it’s been a huge blessing being reminded of all these once again in my hurting. Jesus in His second great commandment commands us to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). If I do not know how much I am loved, I will never be able to love other people in the same way. In the last 1.5 years of ministry I’ve lost sight of that, making compromises in my time spent with God for the sake of making time for others - sharing the Gospel with many, but failing to do so to myself. Perhaps everything has happened lately to remind me that hey, I am loved too - that I should really invest in myself as I begin ministry, to solidify my understanding of God’s love towards me so that I would never doubt my calling when things get even tougher later on. That today and always I’d be able to say “this is how much God has loved me,” and that “God loves you in this same way” - and in that reminder, always love the people I serve to the best of my ability as He has done for me.

You make all things work together for my good.

As a person myself whom the doctors advised my parents to have aborted due to possible and likely physical & mental deformity (which I do not have, to my knowledge), this in a way speaks to me. My dad’s courage and willingness to raise me as I am, regardless of the “logical” or the most convenient decision, is the reason that I have been alive for the last 23 years. “In conclusion, let me say, I am alive because of the Power of Jesus Christ alone. In Whom I live, move, and have my being. Without Him I would have nothing; with Him, I have all.” -Gianna Jessen

I am in no way an expert in the issue of abortion, nor an avid follower of the current debates surrounding Planned Parenthood. But what I can offer, is that if anything, every single person here today lives due to the planned parenthood of our Heavenly Father. He has formed you, shaped you, and loved you even before you were born (and even before creation of the world, Ephesians 1:4). Praise the Lord for using my dad (who wasn’t a Christian then) to speak up and preserve my life. Hope I’m living up to that decision, and making both of them proud.

And even if I were to have been born deformed physically or mentally, I hope that I would’ve still embraced the gift of life and worshipped Jesus still. And I pray that the Lord who planned for my being, made sure that I was kept alive, and sustained me all these years, would surely continue to carry me forward until I come back home to Him.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:6

Because in Him, I live, move, and have my being. (Acts 17:28)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Rejoice in God and who He is

Let your epieikes be known to everyone

Translated more closely as “Patience under adversity”, or “Gracious humility”; learning to accept less than what I think I deserve.

Before letting the mind wander into anxiousness, turn to God instead!

Let your requests be known to God in prayer

Supplication with thanksgiving <- the part that we forget most of the time.

And THEN, the peace of God is promised.

I used to think that the solution was good time of solitude, or secluding myself from the things around me. I mean those things definitely play a part in helping, but still lack the substance that only the Lord can provide.

A refuge for the poor A shelter from the storm This is our God He will wipe away your tears And return your wasted years This is our God A father to the orphan A healer to the broken This is our God He brings peace to our madness And comfort in our sadness This is our God A fountain for the thirsty A lover for the lonely This is our God He brings glory to the humble And crowns for the faithful This is our God This is the One we have waited for He is the One we have waited for This, is our God.

Not only the One we’ve waited for, but also the One that’s been waiting for us. 

Still learning every single day to remind myself that I am privileged, so blessed, to know God and be known by God - that all the work I do I participate in the things that He is doing, not quite trying to produce fruit from my own strength or plans. I used to think it was ridiculous of me, an “intern pastor”, to get overwhelmed about the things happening around me - that I should be able to take care of things somehow, or at least know how to. But today I find God teaching me, that as much as I don’t expect any of my youth kids to be perfect without blemish, neither should I expect that of myself - as much as I care for people because I understand that everyone is broken in one way or another, that I should understand and care for myself in the same way. Maybe it’s pride, perhaps it’s disillusionment. But I find peace that even when I am overwhelmed and find myself somewhat helpless sometimes, that it doesn’t change who God is - the patient Savior who is waiting for me to come, and lay my burdens at His feet in humility, so that He can become my rest.

My mom can’t multi-task.

Earlier in the day yesterday I was watching her pull out of the garage. She reverses out. Stops the car, clicks the garage door remote. Fixes the car positioning. Stops the car, puts her seatbelt on. Fixes the car positioning again. Stops the car, puts on her sunglasses. And then finally starts driving off. 

Driving is one of the arenas where she can’t multi-task, most likely due to her fear of accidents. There’s other things too, like watching the TV and cooking, being on her phone and answering questions, etc.

Today she told me something that I think I will never forget. She told me how she was inspired by this one famous Korean pastor, who talked about how the only reason he got so far is because he was backed by the prayers of his mother. My mom told me that her wish is to live to see me become a solid pastor - perhaps until I’m 50 or so - and back me up in prayer until then. That it’d make her happy, if she live the rest of her life doing just that, until she joins Jesus in heaven.

My mom can’t multi-task.

She wasn’t able to take care of my sister and I, and follow her dreams. She couldn’t buy us nice things, and buy herself nice things at the same time. She couldn’t leave with to America for me and my sister’s benefit, and stay in Korea with her family and friends. She had always refused to do things for herself, if it came at my cost. She always preferred to see me happy with my gifts, than to get herself nice things that all her friends had. Though she had her own dreams and passions, she gave those up to make us her dreams and passions. Even now she refuses to live a life for herself, in order that she may serve me in prayer until the day she leaves this earth.

I always have regrets when it comes to my mom. I wish I had never hated her for having a specific dream for me to follow, knowing now that she gave up hers for me. I wish we had never fought, knowing she had nothing but love in every single word that she spoke. I wish I had served her more, knowing now full well that she has given herself up to serve me as I grew up. I wish I could be making more money, to buy the nice things that she had refused herself all these years. I wish I could make her happy and proud of everything that I do. I wish I could do more.

I wish I could do more.

Every Mother’s Day is a reminder to myself, to do the best in what I do so that in turn I may one way or another give back to my mom. To make her proud, for all the work she’s put in just so that I’d succeed. That I may never forget on whose prayer’s backing I’ve come so far, and on whose prayer’s backing I would go even further. To always strive to give back and to have my mom’s back, knowing full well that she will always have mine.

There's no way I can pay you back. But the plan is to show you that I understand. You are appreciated.