I was focused on the scent of her hair and the feel of her temple resting against my thigh, so I almost didn’t catch that shy little smile…

A few months from now, at some random time in the middle of some random day, that’s going to churn up in my mental flotsam for no reason at all.

She wanted to play 😈

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.

2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.

3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.

4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.

5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.

6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.

7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.

tries to forget...even succeeds sometimes..the fangs however...

Delete anyone's nudes that doesn't fuck with you anymore.

Its creepy as hell to keep nude/lewd photos of someone who has CUT OFF that kind of connection to you.

Delete them.

It is so hard to repair broken things

Should I stare long enough, maybe they will fix themselves magically

Suspended, floating… two cripples dancing

All it takes is for one of us to speak first

But remember the last time?

This isn’t so much advice, and is only one thing out of many important things but..

Want their submission as much as they want your dominance. NEED their submission as much as they need your dominance. It has to be genuine and you need to show it. This is the kind of reciprocation I, and I’d hazard to guess most? submissives need because submitting to someone is no small thing and should be treated as valuable and worthy. Need and want them to kneel at your feet (metaphorically or physically, whatever is your thing) and especially value and appreciate spontaneous shows of submission (this means they feel extra safe to show you how much they honour you, do not brush them off!)

Her day had been long and difficult. She was tired, crabby. This was usually the strongest most fearless woman I’d ever known; she never let her responsibilities bring her down.

Tonight was different. Her attitude the moment she walked in the door was confrontational. More than simple brattiness. Pushing me like she ever had before. The energy coming off her was dark, boiling. Like flowers would wilt if she walked past them. All I wanted was to make it better. I knew what she wanted. I knew what she needed.

In the middle of her tirade, I shoved her backwards against the wall of our foyer. Pulling the black leather belt from my pant-loops, I closed it around her diaphanous neck and pulled it taut.

Her pupils swelled into oily black discs as my other hand wrenched at her hair, turning her head into a grotesque arc. She wrapped her legs around my waist and uttered the words “ruin me” in a strained whisper. Entwined on my hips, I rushed to our bedroom.

What followed was nothing less than an exorcism. Fucked into an altered state, I felt her cum and cum and cum again. As my hands left her throat and mouth, the sub-drop was severe. She lurched into my embrace like death might follow if she didn’t.

Before we drifted off, there was a word unspoken yet clearly communicated:

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

1. Inconsistency - If a dominant is inconsistent in applying and checking up on his or her rules, it makes the submissive not know whether to bother following them or not, and if he or she is inconsistent in their expectations of the sub, the way they treat him or her, and how they apply their dominance, it is very unsettling for the sub, and he or she cannot possibly grow or flourish in such a relationship.

2. Apathy - if a dominant does not care much about his or her sub or their relationship, they are not going to invest the large amounts of time and energy that power-exchange dynamics need to thrive.

3. Carelessness - This may seem similar to ‘apathy’, but in this case, I am referring to a dominant who does not think through his or her actions or take the required amount of care during scenes.

4. Dishonesty - Openness, good and effective communication are even more vital in a power-exchange relationship than in a vanilla one, because at times the sub will literally be putting his or her safety into the hands of their dominant, and he or she needs to know that they can trust him or her 100%, and that they have been honest with them about their intentions and feelings, and that he or she will respect their limits, if he or she is allowed them, and that they will answer her questions and concerns truthfully.

5. Violence - I am talking about the more abusive type of action where a dominant lashes out whenever he or she becomes angry, and takes his or her rage out on a sub in a physical manner, acting in an uncontrolled way during scenes, causes harm and lasting damage to the sub as a result, and uses their power to intimidate and beat down rather than to control in a consensual manner. It is a difficult line to describe, but i know it is there and i hope that others understand the point I am trying to make.

6. Uncertainty - If a sub gives over control to a dominant, he or she expects him or her to lead, guide, train, and give orders and rules and directions; if the dominant does not know what he or she wants from him or her, does not set any rules or guidelines, is continually changing their mind, leaving him or her to make their own decisions, or worse, still asks him or her what they want and/or think for every situation, it becomes pointless.

7. Arrogance - I think there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance, and too much arrogance can be dangerous in a power-exchange relationship, as it can make the dominant believe he or she is invincible, and that they can do anything they like, and that he or she is the only person that matters; that it should be all about him or her. Ultimately, it can make him or her blame the sub for their own mistakes, neglect their needs entirely, attempt things he or she really is not capable of or competent at, putting the sub at real risk, and turn into the type of person that nobody respects or likes or wants to be around, let alone have a relationship. I think a good dominant needs to keep a tight rein on his or her arrogance, and not let it become too much.

Leave everything undefined. Including yourself. Befriend uncertainty. Fall in love with mystery. Kneel at the altar of not knowing. Kneel for Him to decide. Embrace your submissiveness and exist in acceptance.

I’ve never been someone who needs a lot of aftercare. Friends of mine talk about blankets and chocolates and water and snuggles. But even after a hard spanking, I am often good to go once I’ve caught my breath. Maybe a little cuddle or praise if I really struggled, but that’s about it.

But I’ve realized there is something I need: beforecare. Those feelings of warmth and reassurance and praise that others need after play? I need them before. I don’t just mean having a solid relationship with good communication. But in close proximity to play, I need beforecare.

Let me explain what I mean. A couple months ago, I arrived at Monsieur’s place after several days apart. He kissed me, then moved quickly into a scene—a scene I imagine he’d been planning for a couple days as a way to reconnect to each other and our dynamic. And even knowing this was his intent—even knowing he adored me—it sunk me. I grew despondent. I obeyed, but there was no connection in it for either of us. My body was there, but the rest of me was a million miles away.

So he stopped. He had me sit at his feet and lay my head on his lap while he stroked my hair. He waited for me to find the words to express my feelings, and then he listened.

Now if we’ve been apart for a while, he makes time for us to cuddle and talk face-to-face before we play. When we do that, I stay connected to him during play. Even if I don’t exactly like what he’s doing, even if he’s making me cry, I still feel the connection and the joy of service. And I stay connected and happy after play. Aftercare won’t save me from drop, but beforecare can.