beck avery

The shadows of the ruined building stretched long under the moonlight, and the only warmth was the residual burn of hexes still hanging in the air. Blood soaked through the sleeve of his robes, but he refused to flinch, even as Beck’s bitter words dug in deeper than any wound.

"Define, 'too much' please." Clyde said, flexing his hand carefully. His brother did good work. If it was anything else Clyde might ignore the advice and do as he pleased, but this had been serious. His fingers didn't quite feel like part of his body but he reckoned that was the pain potion and not the curse.

Beck decided that Clyde might be his worst patient. "What the fuck do you mean, not too much? How about you find out on your own? When you move it and you feel pain, that's how fucking much." He was the only patient that Beck would speak to this way, but it was the language his brother and him always talked. Broken barriers and bruised words. Beck leaned away and began cleaning and putting away his medical tools. He was dutifully wiping them now that his brother was fine and he had time. Beck was sure they would hear a mission report later in the evening. He drowned out Clyde's words about the Minister like he usually did, finding it unusually boring. Then his attention snapped when Clyde mentioned a woman. "Who?" he asked with a tone of surprise. "You're having women over?"

Hestia gave a nod, chuckling as she went. "They do, otherwise I'd not be here. Or well, maybe I would be here but they do have to be notified either way so I took care of it before I came here." When it came to her job she was almost too careful about things; anything but the amount of time spent working. "I just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything big."

Beck knew the procedure for Auror patients and usually just zoned out until they left. It was always the same and they all seemed to soldier through the pain even if it was a major complication. Beck wasn't jumping at his feet to attend to another stubborn Auror who would be back the next week for not following treatment orders. "Something that small? Definitely not big. You'll be out within the hour," he said, already wondering who he had to ask to stop sending minor cases to him. It was a distraction and hole in his day when he could be seeing other important casualties. "You visited? You visited him where?" he asked, arching a brow. Beck didn't know what was more questionable: Clyde having a friend or someone finding Bonnie 'charming'. "My advice is you can always say no when it comes to him. Are you two...involved?"

Mira knew that soon enough she would have to take leave from the hospital. Already the long hours were getting to her, her body hurt more than normal, she was constantly exhausted. No doubt a combination of pregnancy and the emotional turmoil that kept her awake most nights. She sighed, running fingers back through her hair even as she shook her head. "I fear it won't ever stop at this rate...even when it's taking so much." A weak laugh as he mentioned falling asleep and she nodded. "Fair enough, though I've had my fair share of naps in here as loathe as I am to admit it." She took a small drink of tea, setting her mug aside once more. "Truthfully?" Mira shook her head and turned to look at him. "Not well, I carry it home more often than I wish to. I'm doing my best but it's heavy....I never feel as though I'm doing enough. And you?"

Beck felt helpless in his position. Before the war, he wasn't an optimist, but he had seen a lot, done a lot. He didn't know what he believed in. He didn't know who he was. Beck had stumbled down a long dark path and didn't know how to get back to the center. Somehow, he still showed up to work and donned healer robes like he was some model Samaritan. He was nothing. He blew out a dull sigh. "We can just do our best," he nods. Beck didn't know if he believed in the words he was saying. It was the same parroted phrase he said to patients or their guardians when their loved one was unable to speak. That was probably the worst part of his job; giving people the silver lining they wanted against his medical opinon. They all wanted the same thing. A better world. Beck's gaze was heavy on a spot on the table, glancing up at Mira. "Sometimes I can sleep for ten minutes and feel better," he answers honestly. "If you don't feel like you're doing enough, then that's what tomorrow is for. And the next day. And the next...I think you're doing good. You seem like you are, if it means anything. I'm trying," he shrugs. "I don't know. I think I'm doing okay."

Her brows furrowed slightly when Beck used the word “loved,” the correction enough to make her tilt her head with a thoughtful nod. It wasn’t her place to dig, how he felt about someone else was his story, not hers. “Then I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she said softly, lifting her cup for another sip of tea as his words lingered in her mind.

Beck wouldn't have thought he would turn to Pandora to settle his worries, but he felt honest enough to approach her about it. From a healer perspective, he could only see the practical points that life provided him. He and Pandora at some point shared those values and it was that which led him here in the first place.

Charity leaned back, swirling her glass as if thinking deeply, though her smirk betrayed just how much she was enjoying the conversation. “Quite the roster you’ve got there, Avery,” she said, voice playful but measured. “Estelle, Pandora… a little schoolboy crush on Bellatrix. Not surprising, though. You’re… selective. Cautious, even. Careful not to insult anyone, and maybe a bit haunted by past mistakes."

Beck half wondered if there was a truth serum in the drink of he was speaking candidly from the effects of the dark liquor. Normally, he wouldn't be so transparent about his personal life, especially with Charity who formed some blurred gray void of patient and friend. "Cautious?" he raised an eyebrow. "Enough to know that a relationship isn't for me. Right now."

Beck somehow thought that the door being open seemed less threatening now than Marlene walking towards him. This was the second or third time she came to the hospital and nearly got him fired which was more than he would've preferred. Beck felt nerves prickle at the back of his mind and every thought urged him to leave and find another room to hide out in. Perhaps he would get lucky and a healer would find him on the floor first. Beck forgot why the blonde hated him, thinking it had something to do with making her friend feel unsafe, but he counted that as her insecurities that were not his fault. "I was hexed last night," he ground out, trying to orbit as close as he could around the truth without giving himself away. "I slept without treating it. It's doubled in pain." His face felt like it was paling by the second. Beck felt like a manticore backed into a corner and was lashing out in pain. "Now, leave before I return the favor of a hex to you."

Her expression shifted almost imperceptibly, the playful curve of her mouth flattening into something harder to read. Marlene stayed rooted where she was, arms folded loosely now instead of in defiance, as though she wasn’t entirely certain what ground she stood on anymore.

"Stop being a brat then." Clyde countered, though it lacked some of its normal heat. It was a bit harder to maintain his normal sibling banter when his brother was busy making sure he'd be able to use his arm again. This had all come closer to serious permanent harm than Clyde wanted to admit out loud. The potion helped, it gave everything a nice fuzzy, far away feeling. The swelling was going down now, and the blisters. Beck was good at his job.

"I don't know, both seem kind of sad to me," Beck answered too bluntly, but couldnt' speak for himself. It also wasn't like him to drink heavily alone at a bar, but it was barely normal for him to go to a bar by himself anyway. Drinking was reserved for company or at least in the privacy of his place where a soft bed was waiting for him. "I'm sure it's about as strange of a time to be at the Ministry as much as it is to be at St. Mungo's." It was a shared misery that many people at work shared right now and he was happy to touch his days off when he could, but now he wondered if he was savoring them as much as he should. "Me? Also wanted to unwind before heading home."

Pandora wasn’t entirely sure where Beck was going with this. The conversation felt odd, yet she saw no reason to hide what she was thinking or feeling. Whatever they’d once shared was long over, its ending still a loss, but she liked to believe there was at least a little courtesy left between them.

The words felt like they were tugging out of his mouth unwillingly, not knowing how to frame his question; he was trying to ask. Having a conversation with Pandora that didn't end in an argument was new to him and so he continued carefully. "Loved," he corrected after a moment, his heart taking a cold stab at the realization. Estelle would live in his past like she had before, but he didn't know where they would barrel to next. Somehow, he didn't think they stood in a future together without him overthinking his previous prospects. "I'm wondering how genuine any...love is. But I appreciate you answering. I know this is an imposition. I hope you've been well...might advise you to not go near veelas."

Marlene took a slow step forward, ignoring the tension in his jaw as if it weren’t there. “Funny, you say I’m not supposed to be here, and yet--” her eyes flicked deliberately to the angry red of his wound, “--you’re the one raiding supplies like a first-year caught stealing from the potions cupboard.” She let the grin spread wider, a mockery of concern softening her voice. “That looks painful. Want me to call in your supervisor? I’m sure he’d love to see how well you’ve been taking care of yourself.” The way she said it made clear she had no intention of doing so, but she enjoyed dangling the threat all the same. Another step closer, her tone sharpening as her eyes locked on him. “So what’s the real story, Beck? Because if you’re actually honest with me, I might even leave you be.”

Beck somehow thought that the door being open seemed less threatening now than Marlene walking towards him. This was the second or third time she came to the hospital and nearly got him fired which was more than he would've preferred. Beck felt nerves prickle at the back of his mind and every thought urged him to leave and find another room to hide out in. Perhaps he would get lucky and a healer would find him on the floor first. Beck forgot why the blonde hated him, thinking it had something to do with making her friend feel unsafe, but he counted that as her insecurities that were not his fault. "I was hexed last night," he ground out, trying to orbit as close as he could around the truth without giving himself away. "I slept without treating it. It's doubled in pain." His face felt like it was paling by the second. Beck felt like a manticore backed into a corner and was lashing out in pain. "Now, leave before I return the favor of a hex to you."

Mira made her way over to one of the chairs and sank into it with a grateful groan. She was exhausted, and as the months grew so did her stomach and the pain from carrying the baby. Her ankles constantly felt swollen and she was grateful for even a brief reprieve to sit down. She sipped her tea, running her free hand back through her hair as she tried to embrace the momentary break. She'd always appreciate Beck, neither of them felt the need to force conversation and she'd forever be grateful that he'd gone as her date to her brother's wedding. "Yea..it is." She breathed softly, shaking her head. "I just...have a hard time believing the costs, the lives are worth it." She admitted in a quiet voice, her eyes on the tea she cradled in one hand, the other one her stomach. After a moment a weak laugh fell from her lips. "Here you are trying to enjoy your break and I come in being so morose."

The breakroom was a happy reprieve from the rush of the hospital, grateful to have more healers on the floor to relieve himself for at least an hour. Beck knew he needed a break when his bedside manner was becoming more temperamental. At least he still kept some humanity in a job that could easily steal it away from him. "It won't stop until everything else stops," he says conversationally, his tone lethargic. Beck knew that none of the patients deserved it and maybe what he was doing was a working contradiction. The corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. "Talking helps," he said. "Otherwise I'd fall asleep with my eyes open." Beck appreciated Mira's company as always, them both had a lot in common and he was still grateful that they went to the wedding together. "But how are you? Outside of here? How do you deal with it all? I feel like it's hard not to carry it home some days."

Rodolphus stood, the cold burn of restrained fury flickering in his eyes. His cloak was dusted with ash and debris, blood darkening the cuff where he’d caught a curse. The mission was a failure. That stung more than the injury.

"I wouldn't mother you if you weren't acting like an infant," Beck harped back, his eyes narrowing. Coming along to these missions felt more like an insurance. Beck wasn't the most qualified to whiz spells and curses at the Order as his speciality only extended to healing charms. Beck had tried to look into dark curses and charms but it hadn't been the front of mind priority.

Charity laughed, the kind of laugh that carried a little too easily in the bar, and shook her head. “Food poisoning? That’s pathetic, Avery. You’re telling me a man like you can stitch people back together but can’t find a more creative way to ditch a shag?” She tipped her glass toward him in mock applause. “Truly inspiring work. I’ll be sure to recommend you as the expert on graceful exits.”

"I'd rather have them think I was sick then turned off by something they did. I try not to insult that many people and when we're both in bed, seems the worst place to say her breath was rancid. I didn't realize the girl had a complex and couldn't read the signs. She ended up making soup and I pretended to pass out from being tired," he explained candidly, thinking it might be the liquor that was turning his usual dryness into a blanket of honesty. His lips lifted into a rare chuckle at her turn of confession. "That's definitely better than what I would've done."

The praise in Evan's voice conjured a flicker of heat to run down Beck's back. The rest of the world faded, reducing his attention to only Evan and wherever his friend's hands landed. In honesty, Beck didn't know what he was expecting tonight, only wanting to be lulled by alcohol and wake up wherever the world intended him to be. There was a dark depression trying to lunge out of him that he was insistent on ignoring. It was the first time in a while that something was alive in him at least, loathing that it was Evan bringing it out of him, swearing into every impulse his friend gave him. Beck hissed out a breath as his back met the wall, his hands scrambling to grip Evan's back in an attempt to take off whatever clothes were between them.

Evan’s hands gripped Beck with deliberate force, steadying him as he guided them to the bed. A low, satisfied hum escaped him as the wizard pushed him down, his body eager, his eyes dark with want. “Well done, boy,” Evan murmured, ignoring his plea, voice thick with approval and something sharper underneath. “Finally letting yourself feel… finally letting me see it.”

Willa couldn't help but tilt her head as Beck tried to swivel the spotlight on her. A cool knowing smirk on her face as she turned the clipboard to face him - the very clipboard her matron had provided her before waving her off to check rooms. "Matron Donnelly, she asked me to get exact numbers for vacant beds." Standing up a little bit straighter as she spoke. "I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. You, however? What the fuck are you doing?" Willa parroted the man's tone as she mirrored his phrase.

"Four," he said easily, knowing the answer and mostly just wanting Willa to leave. Beck wouldn't normally do this and he didn't even know how he ignored the pain on his way into work. As the long hours went on though, the pain had doubled around the wound and he could barley keep his concentration when he was around patients. His focus was already slipping and the walls around them felt like they were blurring.