Change is Coming

listen i haven’t lost any weight in over a year but i’ve maintained 134 and let me tell you. i love being thin. this is only a BMI of 21.6 but i feel so skinny in fact i don’t think i’d want to be much thinner because i don’t want to feel any weaker i mean my arms are already frail enough. but it’s weird because i hated my body for so long and now i love it and don’t want to change it? were ADHD meds the key the whole time? was everything else just a result of leaving that untreated??? idk y’all. i’ve also been grappling with the fact that i may be on the spectrum but i’m not sure what’s just ADHD and what could be autism. i do feel sometimes like everyone else got a manual for socializing and i never did. i’m getting off topic but i think i’m going to try to build up some muscle to feel stronger and look more toned but i don’t want to gain any weight lmaoooo and that’s how i know i’m not like better because weight gain still terrifies me though i am trying to unlearn that

logged in for the first time in a month and saw my current weight in the bio and i’m definitely a few pounds up from that and shit hurted y’all but i’ve been drinking like 6 days a week for 4 weeks straight so maybe don’t do that girl what

lmaoooo all these people posting for eating disorder awareness week or whatever and i’m like idk half cringing half like realizing half the people i know have disordered eating habits?????

i’m so fucking miserable it’s insufferable