beau

“I got away from them and decided to do shit for myself. I don’t wanna say the streets raised me as I know that sounds dumb , but I learned a lot from the people I grew up around who weren’t my parents ,” the brunette haired boy admitted. “I can like barber and shit because people took me under their wing and taught me skills to get me places,”.

Looking at Beau Lawson clenched his shirt. “Prove it. Fucking prove it or this conversation never happened.” He felt himself speak as the words left his lips. He needed to feel something hence why in that moment he pushed them both back until he felt himself tumble forward onto Beau when the other male fell back onto his own bed from Lawson guiding them back in a frenzy. “Don’t be a fucking idiot. When have I ever stopped caring about you?” He hissed the words out as his hand came up and he slapped Beau across the cheek again. He knew what he was doing to rile the other up. “Doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be reprimanded for your actions. Ya properly pissed me off.” He growled as he slapped his other cheek as he straddled Beau’s lap. 

Beau was trying to distract himself from the bigger picture and knew he could do that around Rowan. The two of them had a romantic past with one another so it would easy to find a distraction in the blonde haired femme. Being physical had never been a problem between the two of them, it was Beau’s attachment issues that always stirred things between the two.  The brunette flipped the two of them around continuing to kiss the blonde under him. “Your the best distraction, you know that?” He grinned against her mouth.

Lawson stood there and tried to look away as he felt Beau grasp his face and tilt his chin up to where their lips brushed. Licking his bottom lip before biting it he looked into the others eyes before back down to his lips. “Why? You don’t want the same things I want. Just give me one good reason as to why I should stay.” Law replied as he felt himself press further back into the door trying to push his thoughts of wanting Beau now off his mind once he closed his eyes. 

Beau was feeling incredibly isolated and alone in Spain and knew that Rowan would be there for him if he asked. He felt the blonde close the gap between the two of them and pressed his lips against hers, sitting himself up as their lips met in the middle. He pushed his body up so their bodies were touching one another’s and made a small sound against her lips as her hips pressed down into his own. His large hand cupped the back of her head as he kissed her back, moving his mouth in time and in sync with her own.

Beau had a wicked way of making people feel like the wanted him and could easily rip it away from them moments later. Rowan had been aware what Beau was like because he had done her wrong in the past, but he tried not to dwell on all the bad between the two of them, knowing their had been good between the two of them as well. He watched as she repositioned herself and climbed on top of him instead. His hands ran over the outside of her thighs as she sat on top of him. “What fall is there to take?” He asked. “My ex boyfriend is going to hate me anyway for letting someone else do something to me,” he commented. “I get blamed for everything else. I’m used to it.”

Lawson listened and he dropped the bag he was holding and jerked away from Beau. Drawing his hand back he slapped Beau. “Don’t you fucking touch me.” He growled lowly. “Don’t you ask me to stay when you aren’t wanting to be a reason for me to stay. I’ve tried to not be like everyone else, but you, what the fuck are you trying to do to me?” He asked before feeling his back collide with the door and the air sucked out of his lungs. “Beau, I’m not joking with you.” He bit his lip as he faced the others eyes after he whispered the words. “I’m not gonna fuck ya.” 

“I think you would like me distracting you, and I also know you’d find it hard to turn me down in a time of need, ” beau commented, hoping to use all the right words to get rowan under his spell. He wasn’t good at getting over someone who didn’t want anything to do with him (or so he thought ) so the only way to get over someone, was to get under someone else.  “ so confirm for me? is that a yes, you’ll be my distraction?” he asked teasingly.

Lawson sighed as his head hung. “I’m a text or call away if they need to reach me. My education wasn’t important, I just wanted to have a degree in music.” He spoke as he shrugged. “You though, you say you’re here, but I can’t just be friends, I can’t not feel something for you.” He looked up meeting Beau’s eyes with his hurt ones as his hand lingered on the knob. “I’ve been fighting for us the whole time. Don’t you see that. I’m only walking away because you’re done with it.” 

“Beau lets not make this any harder for us than it is.” He whispered as he pulled his wrist away zipping up his bag. “Nothing is left for me here. Not you, nothing. I only came back to the states for school, for you.” He remarked as he picked up his bags. “I love you B, but I can’t keep doing things like this. Going home might mean taking the next step on my music career.” He spoke looking down as he turned walking to the door.

Beau had been in a relationship with Lawson for a couple of months then the two of them had fizzled out, and then the two of them were seeing each other on and off again. Beau did have a past romantic relationship with Rowan. She did mean something to him as well. All his relationships were complicated.  “I want to not think about hurting. I want to distract myself from the thought of hurting anyone else. I want to not feel lonely right now,” he confessed. “Feeling lonely cuts deep...”

Lawson was a complicated person. He knew that much. Looking down feeling a void of broken hope he shook his head. “You can’t tell me who’s going to treat me better. It’s not your place, it’s my thing to figure out and I believe there is no one better for me.” He remarked as he looked up and refused to meet Beau’s eyes. “You may love things about me, but in here.” He pressed his hand to his own heart. “Is something different, and I wish, I wish you felt the same, I wish you didn’t do stupid shit, but then again were we ever really official? Was I ever really yours or was that just me holding onto something we used to have, something that was the best thing that has happened to me. You once showed me what loving someone was like B.” He whispered and shook his head as he went over to his bags and began to repack them. “Sometimes a person can stop loving another and I can’t. I think I am ready to go home. Perhaps I’ll ask the dean for a trip home while you all have fun without me.” He spoke as his eyes watered. 

“Lawson’s good to me. He loves hard, it’s intense.” Beau loved being loved, but didn’t know if he could reciprocate it in the exact same way back. “He means more to mean than a friends with benefits would. I do love him,” he confessed, knowing it was weird for him to admit this to Rowan, who he had something with in the past, but she seemed to be listening to him. “Lawson’s protective of me, he always has been...I find it really sweet,” he confessed.

“ my present behaviour is all situation-ship orientated though .. i’ve ever promised to be faithful and committed as that’s not me... i’ve never felt like I deserved long lasting love because I don’t know if I could offer someone the same thing back , I always feel like i’m letting someone down, ” he confessed with was the truth. Beau had been with Rowan himself. She knew exactly what he was like. “I thought you liked being my distraction, ” he teased. “You didn’t mind it when we were on and off with another..”

Beau hadn’t grown up around love. He had grew up in a very toxic place that he wanted to get far away from but assumed that’s why he was toxic himself. It was all that he knew. “You don’t have to pity me, it’s the hand I was dealt with,” beau shrugged, looking at Jordan. “I know I’m not the only one in life with shitty parents,”.

“I was brought up with parents who didn’t show love towards each other or me. I’ve never really known what love is because it’s never been in my life...” Beau confessed honestly to Rowan. “My parents always argued and were toxic. I really think that’s where I get it from...” he confessed. “I was planning on giving him some space and some room to breath...but he can’t forget about me that easily, and I can’t forget about him either,”. Beau ran his fingers over Rowan’s face, tilting her chin towards him. “ wanna distract me?” he asked playfully, toying with her feelings.

Marina: I'm not everyone else - you can make a choice and my choice is not to pick any off you two.

Marina: You messed up but perhaps its not unfixable.

Beau: I don't know if it'll be unfixable or not