Here's a bunch of crap!

the worst kind of social interaction you can have is when you don't know if you passed or failed it but you know you could have done better. like it was fine i guess but if someone shot me in the back of the head right now i wouldn't complain.

minos was such a pussy. if my wife gave birth to an epic minotaur baby i wouldn't have locked him in a labyrinth. i would have taken him to the mcdonalds play place (athens) every day and let him eat as many stray mcnuggets (athenians) off the floor as he wanted. i love you hungry son

(pulling a painted vase out of my wallet) and this is my youngest at his first nose ring fitting. isn't he handsome

*goes to Coachella in a white linen suit like an antebellum lawyer, sweating profusely and dabbing at my forehead with a handkerchief* now, I’m no fancy scientist, but would you folk know where a simple gentleman such as myself could obtain some acid? Now, I’m no big city lawyer, but could any of you fine youths point a country boy such as myself in the direction of some fucking acid?

easily a contender for post of the decade

Now THIS is physical comedy

it's rotten work, but without the rot nothing can grow

it's rotten work but decay is part of the cycle of death and rebirth

#this is like the computer equivalent of one of those tortured saint portraits#our lady of the flayed motherboard

Hozier writing Francesca: what if every horrible thing you've ever been through has led you, or will yet lead you, to someone you love so much you'd do it all again. What if the suffering is all worth it, not from a religious standpoint but because of someone you love. What if that's all there is - heaven and hell couldn't care less about us, but we care for one another. We endure the unspeakable for one another. What if heaven won't let us in but we wander together through the darkness for eternity knowing we acted in love and having no regrets. What if heaven can't contain people of complexity and passion like ours. What if we were offered the opportunity and we said we'd do it all again.

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

he got raptured

MEN WE NEED TO GET SLUTTIER

ON IT BOSS *changes from my regular t shirt into an identical t shirt that just has the word COCK on it*

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

Rip Howl Pendragon, you would’ve loved Korean skincare.

 #i hate to do this to my man but howl would have a tiktok account   #he is trying to share his 12 step skincare routine and his 20 step haircare routine   #but he spends most of it trying to hide that he lives in a moving castle in a different world   

for all men reading this you are not kenough. you are kenothing

you are kenobi