Bean-e

You’d never be able to take your little girl away from him no matter how awful of a person he was and that’s what killed you inside.

The utter thought of relief you would have to leave your daughter with this so called king she loved so much and to take off running for yourself.

Though evil felt so right when you heard your husbands loud voice cut through the cold conversation your parents had started over dinner.

“ correct me if I’m wrong miss l/n but I like to think I provide well enough for y/n to feel safe “ he shook his head slightly “ so why must you ask them to come back home“

“ well you see bakugou we assume that y/n— “ your mothers ever delicate hand pointed to you causing your eyes to fall downwards to your food upon seeing the action “ y/n needs space “

“ we would hope that as their husband youre more than open to that idea of letting them pursue well — uh that much needed space “

“ well “ a small laugh choked from your husbands throat as he stared ahead “ I woul—- we would never come to the decision of y/n leaving my daughter alone that would — it would never happen “

“ there you go again speaking for everyone but yourself bakugou“

“ excuse me ? “

“ every since the marriage don’t think we haven’t noticed how little y/n gets a say in any of the decisions you make “

“ honestly if it were a two way street it’d really just be you making u turns every 5 seconds on a circle racetrack “ your dad let out eyes pointed in annoyance to your husband who rolled his eyes at the accusation pushing his plate back as he looked into your fathers eyes

“ excuse me if I seem like an asshole right now but , I do have a hero patrol in 15 mins so we need to go — sorry to cut the y/n intervention short “

Your husband grabbing your hand picking up your daughter and forcefully dragging both of you to the car.

Locking your daughter into the seat with a harsh tug on the seatbelt and a huff when he finally sat beside you in the drivers seat starting the car and veering onto the road.

“ you don’t have a patrol scheduled tonight bakugou “ your eyebrows creased at the flat out lie eyes moving to look out the window of the passenger seat

“ yeah ? “ he spoke flatly “ just like you don’t have any wish to leave me and your daughter in the middle of the night while we’re sleeping “

“ I never said that “ you sighed “ I never told her that either “

“ well that’s not what your mom just told me “

“ katsuki baby you know my mom you know how she loves to be dramatic about things that have nothing to do with her “

“ are you lying to me right now ? “ he questioned eyes flicking over to look you up and down between glances at the road and back“ you better not be fucking lying to me right now y/n — you know nothing good comes of it “

“ what ? No “ you screamed loudly sounding as if you were trying to convince yourself more so then him. Your body shifting when you felt his eyes on you

“ so then why didn’t you supply me backup during that whole interrogation from your parents “

Your body shook in a shudder at the implication he knew exactly why you didn’t help him hell even your daughter could put the pieces together after hearing one conversation between you two.

Laughing softly you licked your dry lips and spoke “ what are you a cop ? What backup do you bakugou katsuki need? “

“ backup against your parents y/n ? Are you fucking blind did you not see what I just saw ? Hear what I just heard ?”

“ trust me I saw and heard both of my sense are thankfully still intact after the fight last night “

“ it wasn’t that bad “ he let out with a huff

“ it was that bad “ your daughters voice chirped from the backseat causing your husband to fix the review mirror and stare at her small body shrinking back into the seat to escape his enraged stare

“ parents argue all the time sunflower — it just happens a lot more with us because “ his eyes staring at you with a foreign look in them “ we don’t always see eye to eye in our parenting process ok“

“ but Vivian’s mom said that parents like mine will always agree on things because they’re rich — she said there’s nothing money can’t fix “

“ yeah ? “ his grip on the steering wheel tightening “ did she say that “ your husbands eyes wondering over to yours as the car slowed down upon a red light. “I don’t want another necklace bakugou “

“ but necklaces make your neck look pretty “ he swallowed trying to cool down the rising anger he felt at finally hearing a simple no from you “ they also make me forget that you lied to me — I don’t know if that means anything to you “

“Yeah but, necklaces also make me forget about our fights “

“ wow aren’t necklaces such a magical creation doing not one but two jobs all in one “ your husband smiled

“ it’s not fucking funny bakugou ? “ you scoffed

“ I never said it was — have you ever heard the word funny fall from my lips in regard to you “

“ all you do is piss me off — talk to me any kind of way — and then you blame it on a stupid sucky patrol— ‘ oh babe i had a tough patrol’ tonight I’m sorry “ you crossed your arms as you stared at the male next to you in disgust

“ y/n I—“

“ no at this point fuck you katsuki “

The silence in the car along with the chilling air that swirled between the three of you having no escape as the windows were rolled up .

the fresh cool air that once felt refreshing now feeling suffocating. Your silent protest in your head not enough to stop the escalation of the situation at hand as you felt the car come to a slow stop on the side of the highway.

Watching as the grip he held on the steering wheel tightened his now white knuckles let it go falling to his lap as his head fell back against the seat and rolled against the back of his headrest and let his eyes fall on yours.

The disgust and borderline threat that lay in them enough to make you uncross your arms as his eyebrow quirked up at the defiant action he’d failed to notice while driving only making you straighten in your seat. Your eyes that rested on his for some reason trying to compete in a staring contest against him already knowing you’d lose

“ who the fuck do you think you are “ he laughed lightly “ huh ? “

A small smile playing at his face “ what did you parents give you some kind of new confidence that I’ve gotta beat out of you again or some shit ? “

“ d/n “ your daughters body shooting up at the sound of her fathers voice “ baby — put your headphones on “

Her small chubby hands moving to put them over her head as your head shook hand reaching back to hers to try to stop her “ no— no baby don’t put your headphones on ok “

Your daughter now confused beyond belief eyes moving between you and her father. “ daddy’s just being mean right now ok “ Your body twisting to face her in a small plea “ if you listen to mommy and don’t put them o— “

“ put the headphones on d/n “ his eyebrows creasing as he looking at you mouth up in a snarl of disgust hand gripping your arm that was reaching back to your daughter and the other clamping over your mouth as he pushed his face into yours “ the fuck do you think you’re doing “

Your body going cold “ are you trying to scare my daughter “

“ katsuki please I just “

“ what ? Are you using my child now ? “ his eyes glaring at the thought

“ You gonna use my child as a way to not piss me off to escape what you obviously need to hear ? Huh “ he scoffed “ you talk to me any kind of way but as soon as you hear it back you’re crying “

“ what a pathetic whore you are y/n “ You moved to wipe your tears knowing how badly he hated to see you crying after you made him mad “ ‘m not —‘m not pathetic “

“ oh so you’re a whore though “

“ please I’m sorry “ hands moving to grip his shirt that hovered over you “ ‘m so sorry “

“ ‘Ts fucking pathetic “ he shook his head in annoyance “ how the fuck could I marry something like this ? “

“ I— “

“ you keep begging me not to leave you but look at you ? —- you’re borderline disgusting ? — you let your parents talk to me any kind of way you let them disrespect our daughter ? “ he laughed “ you just sat here and begged a 7 year old to not play music while her parents are arguing “

“ BECAUSE YOURE GOING TO HIT ME “

“ Now y/n what the fuck are you on about now “ his face made up in disbelief “ do you even hear yourself I’ve never put my hands on you “

“ words are fucking enough katsuki “ you cried “ they’re more then enough “

“ well obviously they’re not if you’re telling me to fuck off in front of my 7 year old daughter “

“ I didn’t— what I meant is that “

“ what ? “

“ I just meant that “ your brain losing track of what you wanted to say after realizing how he hovered above you the big suv suddenly feeling so tiny now

“ mhmm”

“ I don’t— I don’t know “

“ yeah ? “

“ I’m sorry “

“ yeah ? “

“ yes “

“ you better fucking mean it y/n “

“ I do I’m sorry “ you swallowed eyes darting everywhere but his as he moved to start the car again. The silence in the car not nearly as loud enough as your daughters voice that soon spoke “ daddy“

“ hmm princess “

“ I think you should punish mommy when we get home “

Your face contorting in disbelief “ wha— “

“ why baby “ he shook his head “ why would you say something like that — why would you want your mommy to get in trouble baby “

“ well “ she bit at her lip “ it’s just that whenever I lie I get in trouble and you punish me “ she swallowed “ you take away my toys and tell me no tv and stuffs but just now mommy didn’t get in trouble “

“ hmm “ your body shook in fear at her words “ d/n why do you think mommy lied to me “

“ I don’t think I know daddy “

“ yeah ? “ his eyes looking over at your shaking body in the seat next to him. His mouth not even allowing him to let a laugh out with how pissed he was right now. How dare you lie to him.

How dare he not catch it

“ yeah “

“ well — can you tell me how she lied “

“ mhmm— I heard her talking to grandma last night while you were working “ she shook her head up and down rummaging through her tiny Barbie bag as you moved to speak “ katsuki she’s 7– she doesn’t know what she’s talking about “

You laughed uncomfortably “ just— I don’t even know what she’s talking about— baby why would I lie to you ? Huh I talked to my mom yesterday yes you know she calls at random times and you weren’t there to listen to the call—but I swear we didn’t talk abt you—or—or anything — why would I do th—“ you nearly cried when a recorded tape of your voice broke out over your own

“ mom I’m just really scared “ you cried “ he just— he’s so angry now “ tears heavily “ I mean in high school he was always pissed off yeah but I only married him because he said he was working on it “

“ is he not ? The tv stations are all saying he’s visiting therapy now y/n “

“ no “ you practically whisper yelled “ hes —- hes full of shit I’m — visiting therapy — I’m seeing therapist— hes going to pick up me— anytime you see a fucking clip of him walking in a fucking therapy building it’s to pick me up “

“ y/n — wha— baby what that doesn’t even make any sense “

“ hes not going I’m going hes a fucking liar— I don’t know what hes telling these tv cast people or what the fuck goes on he doesn’t even let me watch an interview hes in “ you spoke loudly “ he says I don’t need to watch him on tv when the real things right here “

“ y/n what do you want to do “

“ I wanna fucking leave “ you cried “ I wanna go “

“ you have a daughter baby — you can’t just leave him you two are parents “

“ I don’t give a fuck “

“ y/n “

“ I don’t give a tiny fuck — a big fuck— a medium fuck if she wants to stay here she can — I’m leaving “

“ y/n she’s 7 she’s protecting her dad she just doesn’t know any better “

“ no mom — she’s the devil she’s a miniature version of him — I’m telling you that girl is sneaky id be crazy not to believe she’s not listening in on me right now to report back to him like a fucking spy “

The radio going static as the recording stopped.

Your body tense as you turned slowly to make eye contact with the spawn of satan who sat in the backseat. Her mouth turning up in a small smirk when she saw her fathers eyes close as he parked in the garage a heated breath leaving him.

You shook your head lightly “ you’re— you’re just like him “ your eyes welled up this could not possibly be the child you brought into the world “ you ? Why would ? You’re just like your fucking father “

“ mommy— I don’t know what you’re talking about — “ she shook her head in mock sadness “ daddy gave me this toy to record anytime a stranger tries to talk to me or I’m scared so I can play it back to him and he can find them “ she fake cried “ I started recording when we got in the Uber last night I didn’t mean to get you in trouble ‘m sorry “

Your eyes lit up as you watched tears fall from her eyes only for them to blink slowly when you made eye contact with scarlet glowering eyes that you knew you wouldn’t be able to run from.

“ exactly ? So explain it to me — even though I’m the only one who’s apparently made you feel safe —you run over here to feel safe ?? “Your mouth closing shut at his words. You’d been caught. There was nothing you wanted more then to get away from him every single moment you were with him you felt that 10 years were shaved off your life.

In fear that he could kill you at any given time for any reason maybe you didn’t run fast enough , didn’t speak slow enough for him to understand , didn’t kiss him when he wanted one. You were scared. Being with him made you scared

“ what—does cheongsan make you feel safe baby ? Safer then me ? It’s ok you can tell me i was gonna kill him anyways but —“

His eyebrow raising at the unsaid claim and the flinch of your body “ what do I not make you feel safe anymore y/n is that what it is ? You think I’m scary now ? That I’m weird gonna bite you or something now ?? “

“ no it’s not like that I just “

“ you just what —admit it youre scared of me now “

“ it’s not just now “ your voice let out softly

“ what “

“ Ive always been scared of you gwinam “

His face dropping to reveal his real feelings behind the fake face he applied during your relationship his mask only being put on again after a few seconds to hide his emotions

“ no you haven’t that’s a lie why would you be afraid of me we’re dating baby I’d never hurt you “

“ that’s the problem “ your mouth opened in a small yell“ we were dating before any of this everything I had was yours. — there’s no more normalcy there’s zombies and hambies like you how can you say you won’t hurt me ??? How do I know we’re still dating—and if we are it’s not the same guy “

“ because I love you and I’ve never been unfaithful during our relationship nor have I been a bad person so — “

“ you wrote on that—that girls shirt “

“ huh girl ? baby what are you talking about “

“ you wrote on that girls shirt “ voice wavering as you began to be confused by his words. You saw it.

He did. He wrote on some girls shirt in class moments before this whole zombie thing. He wrote on it with whore or slut or — or something. Your brain feeling fried but, wanting so badly for him not to trick you again you couldn’t let him win this time. You would stand your ground.

“ I don’t know what you’re talking abt baby I’ve done a lot of things today to fight for my survival — to fight for our surviva -“

“ no no no no it was before any of this “ you laughed quietly the weapon you held shaking a little in your hand as his eyes went down to the ground and back up to your own “ stop— stop lying you didn’t write slut on her shirt for me— you wrote it because you’re a monster “

“ a monster “ he let a scoff fly from his throat before he wiped his mouth “ let’s not get crazy now ok baby—- before this i was —“

“ before this you were writing I have a good body on a shirt “ His mouth shutting up at your words all the wind being knocked out of him.

How the hell did you know the exact sentence

“ what no disagreement now ? “ your eyes tearing up at the guy you used to trust “ what an asshole “ you cried

His tounge poking the inside of his cheek at your tears cheongsan who stood behind you had been long forgotten along with everyone else , he’d came up here to fight for you with , watching as this unfolded.

A hearty laugh pouring from your boyfrie—exes—mouth as he thought of a way out of this situation with you

“ so what now ? We’re just out here believing everything people tell us huh “ he laughed “ baby I would never do that I love you so so so much so why would I even be thinking about another girls body much less have seen it “

Your mouth dropped at his words causing a small smirk to show up on his face before it quickly dropped

“ I watched you? “ your heart breaking “ did you forget I sit right behind you ? “

His eyes going wide “ shit “ he had forgotten who was in his class his brain all foggy due to the zombie transition. “ I’m — im sorry“ he started taking a step toward you while everyone else took one back “ fucking assholes “ he spoke under his breath

“ you just tried to lie to me you flat out forgot about me —gwinam you scare me “ you felt more tears welling up In your eyes itd been a long day youd lost so many friends your parents were probably gone and then your boyfriend was up here acting crazy following the only person who was helping you stay alive while dodging gwinams pitiful attempts to kill him. “ you really scare me gwinam”

You were overwhelmed

“ don’t worry I don’t have to scare you any longer y/n “ he swallowed “ I mean it— I’m only scary because you’re not in my arms— as soon as I hold you — you won’t be scared anymore “

Your tears dropping fast as you dropped the weapon from in front of you and let it dangle in your hand “ yeah ? “

“ you’re only feeling this way because you’ve been without me for a couple hours baby “

“ you know how much I hate being without you “

“ I know “ he stepped closer “ I know — you hate being around other people you don’t know — I know how much you hate it y/n “

“ but— but I know cheongsan “ you moved to step back as he approached stopping at his next words “ but baby not like you know me“

“ I-“

“ remember our first date ? Because I do— I remember every food you like , you dislike, you can’t stand to smell or even see on a plate “ he moved a little closer “ I remember every movie you love— the ones you know word for word. I know every homework assignment you’ve asked for help on — every teacher you’ve had in your last few years of high school that we’ve been dating —because I’ve walked you to class everyday of every year“

You shook your head at his words “ y/n — baby no one knows you better then I do my love “

“ but— “

“ no one “ his hand coming out to grab yours as he smiled softly when you didn’t fight back “ so you’re gonna tell me the person who knows nothing close to what I know is gonna keep you safe ? “ he laughed “ really ? Do you yourself believe that “

“ well does he really have to know any of that to— “

“ yes — he does — and he doesn’t “

“ oh “ your head moving to rest on his chest feeling the heavy breathes he took and not noticing the small smirk he gave the group behind you “ y/n I can keep you safe ok — just like I have been just like I’ve been doing “

“ but - they kept me safe too “

“ if they really kept you safe then how did I find you so easily“ your body tensed “ imagine if I were a regular zombie ? Should you have been that easy to find ? When have you ever came this close to death like now when you were with me “

“ ne—Never “

“ exactly so — no this prick hasn’t been keeping you safe “ he rested his head on top of yours “ just come back down with me ok“

“O—“

“ y/n don’t leave with him he’s gaslighting you “ cheongsans voice rang out atop the roof and slicing through the heart to heart moment the two of you were having

“ we’ve allowed you to make you own timely rational decisions since you’ve been with us —are you sure you want to give that up “

He swallowed eyes stuck on the back of your head that rested against your boyfriends chest “ are you sure you want to go back to being spoken for — criticized — talked about ? —we all seen it”

everyone shaking their heads in agreement behind you “ we all seen the way he treated you like an object over the last few years guarding you as if he were your guard dog —but “

He shook his head softly no matter if you could see his small smile or not “ he doesn’t know you in the way we do — in the way —I’ve gotten to know you “

Your heart jumped at his words beating a little faster gwinams eyebrows furrowing looking down on you as he felt it thump louder against his chest “ so — even if it sounds a bit selfish “

he laughed a little at his words “ can you please just stay with me — I won’t learn or know everything about you like gwinam does but “ his face set in determination “ I will learn what you want me to all while putting my life on the line to keep you safe “

“ don’t you dare get together after I leave you sneaky bastards“ she shouted as your body shook at the claim a small ‘never’ leaving your mouth as he moved to put his head ontop of yours throwing a wink towards her.

“ wouldn’t dare touch her without your permission “

Freshman year's about to plummet just a little harder

But it didn't 'cause we kissed on that Halloween night

“ well that was a lie “ his eyes stuck on yours as he looked down on you. The angel halo you wore only doing nothing but confusing him after the devilish acts you’d just committed not even 5 seconds ago.

His eyebrows drawn together in a desperate act of concentration as he couldn’t move his eyes away from yours.

Heavy pants leaving his mouth as his hands panicked after realizing they were touching you. The anxiety from the sudden everlasting moment enough to make him pause all the thoughts he’d ever had about you.

Your wide baby like doe eyes only scaring him more as you looked up at him with nothing but innocence and a small plea hidden behind your beauty colored eyes.

A plea he couldn’t fufill.

A plea he wouldn’t fufill.

Your hands dropped from his shoulders as you watched him move through the crowd pushing softly at anyone who didn’t move fast enough. Suddenly everyones eyes feeling like swords being pointed at you and only you for your straight forward action. An action that was ok for only guys to do first obviously.

I needed a good cry, I headed right to Kendra's

I hated you and I hoped to God that you knew

“ he’s not worth it y/n “ your friend spoke rubbing up and down your back as your body convulsed into itself with small cries leaving your now dry lips “ but yknow who is “

Shimizu moving to pick up your head to make it face hers “ you“ she smiled softly “ you’re worth the tears you’re worth more then him— and you’re damn sure worth more then anything he’ll ever have in the future when he does come around and finally figure himself out “ she shook her head laughing slightly at your tear stricken face

“ all these damn tears you might as well audition for the school play y/n “

Your eyes opening wide at the claim with a slow devious smile spreading across your face “ you’re right “ you cried “ you’re so smart shimizu “ you laughed pouncing on her like a 3 month old kitten.

Planting small kisses along her face as you screamed “ he’d never join drama club omg — I love you “

Now there's drama (Drama), found a club for that

Where I met ya (Met ya), had a heart attack

“ shimuzu— I really “ your eyes wide as you watched the doors open “ really—really“ tears only threatening your lash line again “ really “ watching as he walked down the ramp and onto the stage dropping his backpack as he came to sit next to you on the floor ignoring all the props you’d set out to decorate for the upcoming play “ hate you “

“ y—y/n it’s been awhile “ he smiled you cringing at his words the image of him walking away from you Halloween night a couple months ago still fresh on your brain “ I heard you were playing Juliet “ he nodded at your lack of reply teeth showing nothing but white and no thoughts behind his pretty brown eyes “ I’m Romeo “

High school in Jakarta, sorta modern Sparta

Had no chance against the teenage suburban armadas

“ what the hell — how “

“ I don’t know shimizu “ you shook your head as it laid on the edge of a table in the malls food court “ he just “ you scoffed “ appeared“

“ wow even i couldn’t have seen that coming “ she spoke as she took a huge bite out of her apple “ how unlucky are you “

“ extre— “

“ hey babe “ you heard the thundering annoying voice of your friends boyfriend come from above your depressed body that was draped across the surprisingly clean table “ what’s up with the grim reaper over there “

“ not funny tanaka you know y/n’s been going through hell lately “

“ damn you’re still stuck on him ? “ he laughed stealing kiyokos apple and taking a bite for himself “ how long has this been going on now ? Since what like ? middle school ? It’s like you’re always dealing with some shit with him ever since we first met “

he shook his head softly “ maybe you should’ve left him to sit there alone at that shitty table that day y/n “

“ tanaka “ she screamed as he moved to kiss her ruffling your hair “ you guys used to be the best trio freshman year what happened — you and ‘tsumu had the closest relationship— would’ve thought y’all were a Taylor swift song with the way you two ran around your parents “

We were a sonata, thanks to tight-lipped fathers

Eyes clenching as you remembered everything you’d been through with the stupid 6 foot volleyball player. Long nights filled with smiles as the three of you would sit on the edge of your bed watching dumb movies and singing karaoke.

The way your first best friend helped you to finally invite atsumu to sit with you at your table. Her guiding you through your speech as you struggled to talk to him only focusing on the blonde highlights he wore.

Her tickling your sides when you would protest to her leaving the room alone for just you and him while she went to make dessert for everyone.

The slumber parties yall would have circling around your head as you realized as soon as she left so did the comfortability you felt around atsumu “ I miss my best friend “ just another phrase you would say to cover up the true meaning behind it ‘ I miss him ‘

Yeah, livin' under that was hard, but I loved you harder

“ see this is why I didn’t want to do this y/n “ He screamed in your face backstage “ I hate this “ he spoke “ I hate you “

The small argument you had planned to battle his claims dying on your tounge as you let the words he spit sink in “ oh “

“ do you know how stupid that was “ he spoke breathing heavily like telling you not to get too wrapped up in your character was rightfully enough to make him lose his temper like this.

“ do you know how —- how dumb that was “ eyes sparkling with something you barely caught in the dark lighting of the stage lights.

“ I— I wasn’t thinking I’m sor— “

“ you never are y/n “ he screamed “ and that’s — that’s the problem — it’s just like that night— on — on Halloween “

“ you ? remember that “

“ of course I do — the moment you stole my first kiss freshman year y/n yes— yes I do very — very vividly “ jaw clenched as he spoke

“ you always do shit without thinking always — it’s like your brain stopped working when she left us “ he scoffed “ I just — I wish you actually thought things through before you did them that’s all “ he said wiping his mouth from the kiss you’d planted on his lips for the second time in the last two years.

Watching as his body turned to follow the same pattern away from you like it had that Halloween night almost feeling like a repeat of events or should you say this time it was almost like a sense of deja vu a stupid paradox to when you made the exact same mistake freshman year after swearing you had no interest in kissing him.

Screaming he’d give you a disease if you did yet, here you were with two rejected advances under your belt.

Had you really been that stupid like he said to believe that all his recent advances had led you here again?

the invite he gave you over the phone to have lunch with him in the schools courtyard.

The not so casual brush of his hand against your face before he took a picture beating into you how he thought you looked so beautiful in the moment.

The fast dart of his eyes from yours to your lips as you two swung on the set of swings at the elementary school he’d come looking for you at to help pass the time of you waiting for your little sister to be dismissed.

“ am— I ? Am I stupid ? “

High school in Jakarta, an elaborate saga

I still hate you for makin' me wish I came out smarter

“ I’m sorry “ he spoke softly brows furrowed as he climbed through your window “ they just— shes always nitpicking “

You bit at your lip as you pulled your shirt down trying desperately to cover the stupid Spiderman shorts you wore “ it’s fine you know the routine —just— just get in the bed ‘tsumu “

“ you know I hate to do this to you “ he spoke as he pulled off his shoes and moved to your bed. You never realized how tiny it was until you watched someone as giant as him try to climb in yet still manage to be comfortable.

Your figure moving to pull up the covers over your bodies tucking yourselves in them as you came face to face with his red stained eyes.

His eyelashes damp and long as he blinked at you. Your own stuck darting around his face as you wondered how you two had managed to get here in as little as a few weeks.

Silently thanking his mom for nitpicking so that you and atsumu could go back to the sense of normalcy and comfortablity you once felt with each other.

Biting the inside of your cheek as your hand came up to rest on the side of his face thumb swiping at the loose tear that fell from his eye as he closed them letting himself fall victim to the warmth your palm gave him.

Allowing himself to feel the comfort he’d been running from all these years. The comfort he told himself he didn’t need that he would never need again. The comfort he said he wouldn’t drive away but for the last two years he’d only been doing that to you.

Eyebrows wincing at the thought before he felt your hand travel and fingers ghost over his eyebrows trying to smooth them back to relaxation. The little bit of intimacy breaking his heart.

You love-hate your mother, so do I

Could've ended different, then again

We went to high school in Jakarta

“ you’re always with her “ he spoke venom laced in his words “ always “

“ well she is my friend “ you laughed at his words of jealousy “ — and we do sorta kinda have a major school project due tomorrow atsumu “ you scoffed “ you should be doing your half with us “

Got a group assignment, I'll be at Vall's place

You don't text at all and only call when you're off your face

“ yeah but, what if — “ he sucked his teeth “ what if I said I was drunk off my ass right now “

“ ‘ Ts—“

“ so drunk I might just show up on your doorstep ? “

“ atsu— “

“ so drunk I might just profess my love to you while, asking your dad to marry you and kissing you in his face saying fuck the formalities? “

The quiet breeze and static over the phone all that spoke between the two of you. Letting his words sink in.

It’s year three.

Year three of knowing each other.

Of being in love with the man who ignored you on and off again for the last two years yet, now here he is drunk like there’s no tomorrow screaming what ifs half way across town into your small device.

“ hmm ? “ he questioned desperation laced In tone “ what would you say y/n “

“ I’d say drink some water atsumu “ your hand moving faster then your stupid brain as you let him sit with his own thoughts while finishing your project that was due tomorrow morning.

You had no more time for his stupid antics that you knew he’d just forget by first period tomorrow.

I'm petty and say, "Call me when you're not unstable"

I lie and tell you I'll be gettin' drunk at Rachel's

“ you can’t date him y/n he’s just not — he’s just not the perfect fit for you honey “ your mom spoke softly “ we’ve known him for years he’s unfit — he’ll never pass as a good husband y/n “

“ he can’t even properly support himself after highschool my love“ your dad spoke harshly “ volleyball will only go so far what happens if there’s god forbid an injury “

“ well I would hop— “

“ what if you’re two kids in and have no job at the moment ? And he’s out of work for the next 3 months due to a god forbid Injury “

Your thoughts going everywhere mind following every concern they held except the ones you wrote out and practiced answering for the last two days to address just in case they asked

“ you’re not ready for a relationship y/n— you’re in your last year of high school baby“ your parents agreed “ we say maybe “ they looked at each other in silent agreement “ 23 maybe ? “

Your mom nodded along with your father “ then we’ll hear you out“ she smiled “ ok “

But I couldn't have you sit there and think

That you're better 'cause you're older

Are you better now that we're older?

“ I love you “

“ I love 10x more “

“ you say that but you wouldn’t die for me now would you “ you smirked slightly hand ghosting over the staircase “ would you “

His eyes looking up at yours as he smiled “ I would “ he spoke softly “ I’d do a million treasons to be with you my love “

“ Romeo — if I do say so myself I’d say you’re acting a bit different then the normal guy “ you laughed “ I’d say you’re going off script here “

“ well “ he let out a laugh “ I’d say you just haven’t met many guys like myself — I’m not your average romeo “

“ oh ? “ you questioned an eyebrow raising “ would you mind showing me how different you are Romeo “ you spoke softly “ I’ll be waiting upstairs “

“ sneaky minx “ he screamed running up his homes stairs and into his room following after you as you jumped on his bed giggling loudly.

High school in Jakarta, sorta modern Sparta

Had no chance against the teenage suburban armadas

We were a sonata, thanks to tight-lipped fathers

“ he said no “ he spoke into your neck “ he told me no again “

“ I don’t even know why you bother at this point just accept it“ you sighed as he kissed your neck softly “ at least I have “

“ doesn’t it bother you — that they don’t want us together ? “ he pouted “ even a little “

“ it only makes me love you harder you turned your head to face his sad eyes looking up at you as you kissed his forehead softly

Yeah, livin' under that was hard, but I loved you harder

“ you two have to be the stupidest couple I’ve ever seen “ tanaka spoke softly watching as the two of you fought over the last milk that sat in the middle of the table

“ we’re not a couple! “ you both screamed in unison at the group in front of you before moving back to what you were doing before you were so rudely interrupted

“ just give it to me atsumu “

“ no “

“ atsumu if— “

“ no I’m not falling for your manipulation tactics today “

“ atsumu if you l— “

“ no “

“ atsumu “ you screamed

“ no “ he yelled louder everyone turning around to give you two side glances before continuing what they were doing coming to the realization that it was nothing important but the two class clowns arguing.

“ atsumu — if you love me — “

“ lalalalalalallaal “

“ Jesus fucking Christ just listen to her man— and if she gets it just get another one from the fucking cafe “ osamu screamed causing atsumu to only become even more pissed off then he already was.

The argument between the brothers only making you smile as you winked at osamu who passed you the milk in the middle of the table atsumus pleas falling on deaf ears. His eyes locking with yours as his mouth opened wide open to argue before you beat him to it.

“ love you “

High school in Jakarta, a comedy drama

I still hate you for makin' me wish I came out smarter

You love-hate your mother, so do I

Could've ended different, then again

We went to high school in Jakarta

“ you’re leaving me ? “ he questioned as he sat on the edge of your bed watching as you packed your suitcase “ why are you leaving me “

“ ‘Sumu“

“ baby “ he cried grabbing your arm as you walked past moving your body to stand between his legs as he looked up at you. Hand coming up to fix the sad smile that was etched on your face into a fake smiling one “ talk to me “

“ it’s nothing it’s just— shimizus leaving with tanaka yknow they got new jobs and — well “ you swallowed hard “ I’ve decided I wanna study in the states “

His heart dropped at the words he’d not only heard from you but also from his ex. The words that dug up years of trauma that kept you two from getting together in the first place “ oh “ he spoke the strength behind it losing its meaning as his heart dropped a little

“ see “ you pointed into his chest “ this is why I didn’t wanna tell you “

“ will you still— “ he shook his head “ what wait actually ? — were you even gonna tell me ? “

“ well I was— “

“ what ? Were you just making all the decisions of our relationship without me ? “

“ well “ you laughed “ I wouldn’t even say we’re in a real relationship ‘sumu “

“All we’ve been through and now we’re not in a relationship “

“ its just “ you spoke softly “ it just makes it easier for me to leave if we’re not ‘sumu “ you nibbled at the inside of your cheek as your voice was barely audible “ so let’s just say we were never dating— we just have “ you sniffles “ history “

Natasha’s movin’ to New York (New York)

Probably sometime in August (Ah)

And I'm spendin' the summer in Singapore (Ah)

I'm so sad, I can't tell you shit anymore

“ I’m glad we met atsumu “ you smiled as you watched him struggle to understand the situation fully. You were really leaving itd been four years. High school was over.

Graduation leaving you two named as most likey to stay together after high school. You winning most likely to succeed and atsumu winning biggest class clown. It was really over.

The late nights sneaking out and away from your parents with the little bit of euphoria you felt after every late night escape. The loud cries that would fill his ears when you would cry to him about how much you missed your old best friend. How she stopped calling you once she made it overseas.

His own cries that would flood your room when you opened the window for him to rant about another argument he had with his mom about how volleyball was in fact a career path. He didn’t have to do something as extravagant as his parents did . Explaining to her that he didn’t have to be exceptionally good at something like osamu was.

“ it was fun yeah ? “ you smiled your head tilting as you moved to grab your suitcase waving to him as you rolled it past the baggage area to get checked in.

I made friends with Abby this year

We're movin' in in March or so

And although you bring me to tears

I'm glad that we gave it a go

Suddenly the airport seemed too loud for him too many people too many wrong answers. His head swirling with all the old memories you two had. At the memories he hadn’t yet got to complete with you.

The picture perfect family that would pop up in his dreams whenever he fell asleep

The soft touches he would no longer get to feel from the random days he would crawl through your window complaining about how ass his life was.

All the moments he took for granted with you. All the empathizing moments he felt for you when you would cry about how your parents had yet again said no to allowing him in the house so you two would have to sit outside your house and if he felt like walking you two could have lunch at the park.

How he could pace outside your front door for a whole hour before knocking praying your dad would finally have a civil conversation with him instead of threatening to kill him if he brung up your name and marry one more time together in a sentence at 11 at night.

The homework assignments he would try to help you with as you sat in his lap palm pressed to your forehead as his back rested against the chair at your desk googling to find the answers to that quiz you told him you had coming up in 4 days.

The tears that had never stopped falling over the years for not only himself but for you. For your relationship that was never rewarded a title but, was filed with nothing but love.

Unlike most people when they send the love of their life abroad right now it was clear he had regrets.

He loved you with regrets.

He can only say right now as his feet moved faster then his brain faster then the people around him that seemed late to their flights. Faster then your plane that was getting ready to take off to wherever the fuck it was because he’s such an asshole he can’t seem to listen to the most beautiful person in his life talk for 5 fucking seconds

Faster then the way his heart thumped as he caught up to you ripping the suitcase away from you and scooting it behind the two of you as he wrapped his hand around your shoulder pulling you back and into the kiss he’d been wanting to give you in the 3 years you’d known each other.

The feeling he’d been dying to reciprocate back to you in these past 4 years youd grown up together in

The kiss and feeling he’d been wanting to feel since middle school with you. Since the first time you walked over to him with that stupid dopey smile confessing how he always seemed so lonely and he didn’t have to be because you and your best friend would welcome him with open arms if he was ever looking for a friend.

The intensity he’d been wanting to feel since freshman year when he nearly cursed you out at your first shared Halloween party not in anger that you’d kissed him but in anger that you apologized after.

In anger that he didn’t do it first that he didn’t take your breathe away first in anger that it was you who stole his first kiss not the other way around. Anger that you were so damn predictable with everyone else yet , everything to do with him you were nothing of the sort.

Angry with himself for only now noticing that you meant the world to him. Only now noticing that you weren’t middle school y/n that you were 4 year old wiser y/n.

Angry with himself for only now realizing that you were in fact the true love of his life.

That you were no longer the “ don’t touch her she’s fragile“ person your best friend drilled into his head before she left on her own adventure nearly three years ago.

His body trying to express all of this into a simple kiss but his attempt, obviously failing when you pulled away a small smile on your lips as you turned to look at your new friend who stood in shock that the irritating asshole in your backseat , who said he didn’t care if you flew damn near 10 hrs across the sea and didn’t come back he just wanted you gone literally 5 minutes ago in the car , just kissed you so hard you nearly floated out of the airport and into the sky.

“ i— i — i love — i love you y/n l/n “

Wiping your lips with the back of your hand and nodding at him causing his new smile and confidence he finally gained to break. Hand reaching to grab your suitcase from behind him before you patted him on his back “ 3 years too late atsumu “

You laughed walking your suitcase and yourself away “ at least now you know how to steal your first real girlfriends breath away yeah ? “ you laughed “ I was a fun free trial now go get a real subscription ok “ you smiled at him as you raised your fist shaking it a little “ I believe you’ll be a great boyfriend— everything you did wrong over the years finally soaked in it seems like “

You nodded at his dazed expression and lack of words “ I better see you on my tv atsumu — you promised “ eyes showing nothing but hope as you spoke “ I better see you carrying a beautiful baby at the Olympics ok —promise me “

His heart broken as he watched you finally walk through the small hallway ducked off by the exit to board your plane everyone else still walking in the airport like there was no tomorrow. No one knew nor cared that a 19 year old boy just got his heart broken by the love of his life that he’d failed to notice until it was too late.

His heart clenching as he let out a small “ promise “ praying not only you— but god could hear his small claim.

His prayer to someone up above to grant him his wish of not only fufilling his promise to you but, you being the other half in making it come true. You would be the one handing him a beautiful baby after he won his gold medal at the Olympics.

You would be the one he would have a real ‘ subscription ‘ with

He’d never forget his high school years with the love of his life in Tokyo Japan.

High school in Jakarta, I won't, but I wanna

Ask you when you talk about it, do I ever come up?

Say thanks to your mama, now we're through

Could've ended different, then again