Grunkle Stan Sentence Starters
“Behold! The world’s most distracting object!”
“Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?”
“My ex-wife still misses me…but her aim is gettin’ better!”
“Have you seen my pants?”
“For tonight’s final illusion, we have the incredible “Sack of Mystery.” When you put your money in, it mysteriously disappears!”
“Bodies change, honey. Bodies change…”
“I can’t find the remote and I refuse to stand up!”
“Can I scratch myself now?”
“The young people of this town want fun; I’ll smother ‘em with fun!”
“I will break you, little man!”
“When there’s no cops around, anything’s legal!”
“You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That’s why I own ten guns, in case someone maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.”
“My one and only dream, which was to possess money, has come true!”
“I was awoken by the sound of mockery. Where is it? Show me the object of ridicule!”
“You’re the light of my life too, pal.”
“Why is there a pig jumping out of my chest?!”
“Sorry. It’s just hard to focus on what you’re saying with that squeaky puberty voice you got there.”
“Thanks, beautiful woman. But I couldn’t have done it without my sidekick, Footbot.”
“I’m gonna teach this bear… to drive!”
“Sometimes, I think: Is this all there is? Is life just some kind of horrific joke without a punch line? That we’re all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet, release of death?”
“Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers.”
“Mm! Those cannibals are onto something. I taste delicious!”
“Look. It all begins with this little fella, the pituitary gland. He may be little, but he has big plans.”
“Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face.”
“Darn beautiful men, always eating out of my trash… “
“He’s a fat, naked, jerk.”
“I’m not acting suspicious! You’re acting suspicious!”
“That picture’s taken out of context.”
“The entire lower half of your body is on fire.”
“My greatest achievement! Probably should’ve worn pants.”
“I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you got hurt on my watch.”
“They’re like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in them.”
“Is it legal for a child to wear that much make-up?”
“I don’t know, we’d have to break in and - Just kidding, let’s break in!!”
“Children fighting! I can sell this!”
“Sometimes, a man has to steal an animatronic badger to stay in this crazy game called life.”
“Can I have my hands back? I have a certain gesture I’d like to share with you.”
“You really think I’m a bad guy?”
“Wherever we go, we go together.”
“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen! And I once saw a dead rat floatin’ in a bucket!”
“Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That’s you.That’s what you sound like.”
“I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!”
“You really aren’t gonna thank me, are you?”
“Only a game designed by nerds would have “charisma” as a fantasy power.”
“For your information, I was gonna shoplift most of this.”
“I always say words that come out of my brain. If my head says, that lady’s got an ugly baby, my mouth says, ‘whoa, lady, you got one ugly baby.’”
“That llama knew too much.”
“So then I said to the bouncer, ‘Where’s your ID, ugly?’ That’s where I got this scar.”
“Oh, I seem to have lost my number! Can I borrow yours?”
“I don’t know. One minute we’re having the perfect date, and the next minute she’s growing extra legs and encasing me in webbing. Women, right?”
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