lady disdain

“Always happy to see my favorite Brit, besides myself, of course.”

“Just your favorite brit? Not your favorite person?”

“Of course I am, Bea.”

“Thats what I like to hear, now what are we going to do for fun?”

“Oh please, even with ten years added on you would still be the hottest piece in Verona.”

Dick skipped the elevator to jog up the stairs, hoping the exercise would bring some relief to his jumping nerves. He hated putting his heart on the line, especially since this past week had been filled with nothing but let downs, but he was losing sleep over this. Maybe it was selfish, to do this more for himself than for Bea, but he was going to drive himself crazy if he didn’t at least try. If she told him to fuck off, she told him to fuck off. It wasn’t that different from before.

She felt herself melt slightly as he spoke against her better judgment. He wasn’t the one who needed to be apologizing when she was the one who had fucked things up so monumentally. Well she supposed he had fucked things up as well. They were two disasters heading straight towards one another, they always have been, it was what made them so good for each other and also destroyed them. His words shook her, making her feel slightly dizzy and confused, not expecting any of this to be what happened between them when he came upstairs. 

“The outside world is good, yeah? Being cooped up in a flat all day isn’t good for the brain.”

“Yeah I think that my apartment was making me go crazy. Like the book set in the yellow room.”

“Always disappointing, isn’t it?  Coming outside.  It’s not so bad if you imagine life as some weird, absurdist film you’re half-watching.  Or the backdrop for a music video.  As life, though, it kinda sucks.”

“Thats kinda a weird way of think of it... But anythings better than reality right now. If only the therapist they sent me to when I was eight could see me now.”

“Hal and I... We got drunk in Venice and kind of slept together, right before he went off looking for you. Now, he thinks that he’s in love with me or something and I don’t know... I don’t know who I’m supposed to want to be with anymore. This is why I stay away from this kind of shit.”

Dick was nervous – the stupid beating in his chest that had become the bane of his existence lately was rearing it’s head again – as he waited outside of Beatrice’s building. Was he a stalker? He was definitely a stalker. Shit, she was going to call him a stalker. Still, he pushed himself to the buzzer of her apartment, holding the button longer than probably necessary. “Hey,” he said, drawing a deep breath to keep his voice steady. “It’s Dick– Um. It’s Ben. Can we talk? I swear I won’t yell at you this time.”

She was getting pretty tired of all these unexpected visitors at her apartment. For one thing her home was never clean enough for company and for another thing almost every time someone showed up they wanted to talk to her about the whole Hal thing and that was one thing that she was trying not to talk about. She took a deep breath, debating turning him away, but the moral part of her knew that the least she could do was let him in. “Yeah, okay. Come on up.” She said buzzing him into her building before running around her small apartment, throwing anything she could get her hands on into the laundry bin.

“Oh.  Wow.  I see.  I take it things aren’t going well, then?”

“Yeah, not so great right now. I’m pretty much the queen of fuck ups now.”

“No.  Should I be?”

“Well I didn’t fuck your best friend or your fiancee so I guess not.”

“Tea would be excellent, thank you.” She said curtly. You always accept the drink, whether you intend on drinking it or not. 

She didn’t say much as she set about making the tea. She seemed calm but really she felt like every nerve in her body was wired to the fact that this women was in her apartment. She felt everything from guilt to anger to resentment to jealousy. She just had to focus on the damn tea to keep from any of those emotions to come out in a ugly way. Well an uglier way than they already have. 

Dick grinned as soon as he saw her, dropping the rocks in his hands as he held them up in surrender. “Sorry!” he shouted, laughing in delight at himself. His leg jiggled while he waited for her to come down, and he hoped she wouldn’t take time getting ready or whatever. It was dark anyways. Seriously, what was it with girls and that? He liked Bea just fine in anything, and he liked Bea just fine in nothing at all. He made a mental note to tell her. It was probably important.

“I did not! You’re just impatient.” She said, rolling her eyes and swatting his arm playfully. She giggled and grinned despite herself as he playfully bit at her neck, making her whole body burst into flames in a way that almost scared her. She wished that he kissed her longer, but there was time for that. With Benedick it always felt like there was an infinite amount of time, like he was powerful enough to make the world stand still just for them. 

“Oh, of course not Bea-”

“Ben doesn’t think so... Whatever, fuck. This was a really fucking stupid mistake, stupider than most of the shit I do.”