but then it turns out the other intern on my team reneged last minute and i get half of his work, the other intern gets the other half

problem is, the dude who reneged had the most technically heavy machine learning part of the project, and the other dude who stayed on the team is a full stack front end guy who prob never used pytorch in his life

It's a great change, although I'm oftentimes finding myself reminiscing about times I used to do just that.

Having a boyfriend definitely takes that time away, where I can sit and think and have that thinking be about nothing.

I also don't really just "sit" there as much as I used to I almost always have some sort of video going or playing and have that background noise dull the incessant nagging that I put myself through.

Doomscrolling and passive dopamine shots are the best to heal my staggering ocd.

Nonetheless I find myself here, thinking back to how I used to write whatever my heart desired for no other purpose than to hone my craft and think in solitude. Since when was the last time I actually honed a craft?

I don't know who to tell this to, i wanna be by myself just for a little longer. Until i know that one day when i have bigger goals and dreams i'll be too occupied with greater things. One day, i might have kids. Then I may never have a quiet thought again, until I'm 50 years old and sitting in bed. Wondering where all that time passed.

The reason it might seem that i'm panicking this early is that there's one shot at getting this perfect

But there's many shots at thinking forward and knowing you're gonna be okay.

It's easier to have that time to yourself assuring your brain that it's gonna be alright, and things are going your way.