B

Things I love doing with my niece: telling her stories I made up, reading her books, watching things that I like with her explaining, telling her about aliens and space and how we are stardust. Things I don't like: kids shows (my kid will only watch what I want), wanting constant attention (my kid will be out learning life outside, that's what I did, leaving me and my husband alone, danger is better than not having a life), only doing things that she wants (I will only do things that me and my husband want I don't think children should be the priority). I guess this babysitting thing gives me an opportunity to have my thoughts already made before having kids. Better than not experiencing it beforehand.

I can't stop crying. I'm struggling alot with self worth. I don't know what to do. Everything feels too much. Am I too weak to live in this world? Why don't I feel accepted at all? Why? Failure. I feel so stressed.

I am so tired of fighting. These days feel so busy. I don't even have a job but with everything goin on it feels too much. I am tired of arguing but I am tired of the reasons coming up almost every second. Either his reaction, something he does or a trigger I hear or see. I want to be able to fix things, I love him and I don't want to bother or make him unhappy I don't want to cause a bad feeling. But unfortunately it is not my fault, if it was it would be much easier I would just fix myself up. Yılan hikayesi.

Other people ruin things. Gotta find a way to focus on yourself, your perspective, your believes. I don't seem to be very succesful at that. I am trying though. I pray that the best days are waiting for me.

August. Reminds me of Zülal. Her grey eyes, freckles and how tall she was. How did I end up here? Late 20s. My last 20. I need time. I should go back and redo things with what I know now. Goodnight

We slept together and woke up at the same time. Everything I saw around me made me think of him and I told him that. The weather is so hot when I went outside I felt like I was swimming in hot water. Again makes me think of him. We would go out to eat breakfast today and soak our feet in water if we could. Summery good mood today. Only if he was here

I tried to focus on the good things and got up as Andrew was sleeping. I had a good breakfast I need to babysit Birce today so I'll be goin over there before they even come home. I love hearing him breath. My baby

I knew it. I was right about freakin out. Him leaving IS devistating. I knew I would need him by my side everyday. It is so hard. It is so hard. I can't offer him motivation or a glimpse of happiness when it is like this. I will try to medidate again. I am being impatient.

I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad

Love makes you appreciate crows..