Batty Birdy

The deathcare profession is becoming a lot more diverse as more and more young people come into it, and it’a great to see. I personally work with several fellow lgbtqia+ people at my funeral home and it’s such a nice feeling of solidarity in an industry that is historically white, male and cisgendered.

Along with the progress though, I also think it’s very important to talk about what everyone can do to help protect themselves and their identities when their time comes.

I think of a case years back of a trans woman whose hair was cut and who was put in a suit by her family’s request for her visitation, because she’d passed away in an accident, and her parents were her next of kin, they completely disregarded and disrespected her identity after she died.

If you are a queer person, especially someone who identifies with a different gender than you were assigned at birth, and don’t feel comfortable with the idea of your family being in charge of your end of life care or funeral arrangements, there are a couple of things you can do:

-Fill out an Advance Directive. This is sometimes called a Durable Power of Attorney or a Living Will. This dictates that, should you be incapable of making your own medical decisions due to coma, illness, injury, etc, the person you ASSIGN is in charge of those decisions.

-Sign a Designee form. This is crucial if you want to designate a specific person to make decisions about your body disposition and funeral care. POWER OF ATTORNEY ENDS AT DEATH. Your power of attorney will NOT be able to make post-death decisions on your behalf. You need a Designee form for that!

Both of these forms can assign any willing person that you chose to be in charge of these decisions. This person does not have to be related to you, they could be a friend, roommate, non-married partner, metamore, in-law, whoever you feel the most comfortable with, and who is willing to sign the form.

You are NEVER too young to have these forms. If you are a young person, re-visit them every couple years and make sure the other person on them is still willing to be your POA/Designee. You can re-do these forms as many times as you need. In most states they should also be FREE and require only a notary public and witnesses!

Forms should be available on your state’s .gov websites!

I wish all of you a peaceful and happy pride season, and as always,