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@battles-ofa
sometimes, i really really question how i am still alive. i don’t know how. i have been given a lot of second chances.
i don’t want to keep chancing my life.
it makes me scared to live. to die. to exist completely.
i wish this disorder would just buck off.
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how have you been lately? xx
It’s a strange question that comes with a lot of answers. I miss having the feeling of a ‘connection’ here.
Alright, I suppose. A lot of progression in my life with where I’m going, and there’s a lot of potential hope.Sorry, I guess this doesn’t really answer the question.
To be honest “Lately” I’ve been kinda shit. Really sad and my heart hurts in a lot of manners of the word. Acknowledging that I have depression would probably help, but I feel like I just need to try to be “less lost”. A lot of scary news health wise, scary personal heartache, and lots of thinking to do about everything. Reflecting.
My externship (an internship basically) is starting soon however, for my progression toward getting my certification as a veterinarian assistant- so I have this to distract me. It’s keeping me busy (and very tired) between working full time; sometimes six days a week - and studying and tests. But I’m almost done and it’s going to pay off if i work hard for it.
Now to keep myself alive, hah hah. But seriously though.
Anyway, that’s the long winded version you probably weren’t asking for. I hope you are well anon. Thanks for giving me a opening to be a little exposed.
I am a very private person, yet I am an open book. If you don’t ask…I won’t tell.
(via haileymr)
To all those out there fighting and suffering. Please reach out. Get help.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Lost more. I didn't mean to. Randomly up two. I want to die. This used to be a low. I don't want to die. I need to fight stronger. I hate being consumed. My weight is disgusting i look disgusting. Nothing fits. Everything hangs. I worry my mother. My boyfriend. My friends. No one says it. He does. Momma does. I fight for redemption and salvation for others. To be a savior to be better. To be strong. To say I did it. To not be a statistic. To die and be a lost cause would be fucking pathetic. Fuck.
last night i had a small dinner without purging involuntary or by helping myself. its one little thing that could be a big thing. ... without.. making me a big thing. right?
i'm dying from my nostalgia. memories and day dreams. i'm stuck in a wonder land of this strange life. oh well. i'm struggling to live and move on but i'm living. not good or bad. i'm living. i'm breathing. and i'm alive. i'm trying to fight. but my weight is still at it's lowest it's been. i'm still so scared. i don't know what to do. i haven't ever been able to gain without medical help. and i feel like i won't make it. i'm great at losing weight.
but what the fuck kind of accomplishment is that. it isn't . and i'm not proud of it. it's not even an accomplishment at all. no one CARES about how much you weigh. no one cares because it does
NOT M A T T E R.
I am ashamed of the weight i am and i should be. because i am dying. REALITY CHECK. if you are underweight, starving, malnourished etc, YOU ARE DYING. get a grip. its not beautiful. i'm dying. how awesome is that?
how am I still here after years of abuse i have NO idea. but i don't plan on giving in. my body will spread life where i go and most importantly, it's got to bloom back to the girl i know i can be. there's nothing great about being burned or buried and forgotten - and hurting everyone that knew that me,
all because i didn't want to eat.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
The fear of being too happy because you think something tragic is going to happen soon is called Cherophobia.
(via psych-facts)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Lately I've been feeling surges of positivity. I woke up today with no feelings of needing to purge; no feelings oh my God I have to eat something just so I can purge. ... Lately, I feel a sense of hope, but also some sadness. I just want to lay here--empty. the second food enters, I feel so guilty. I just wish it would all stop just. I wish I could feel normal to eat or not to eat. like i wasn't obligated to eat... Or Not to eat.
You are beautiful and you are loved and even if you don't always feel it,it still remains the truth. People do care but sometimes forget to show it,you are stronger than you think and you can achieve what you want to,I believe in you and you should too.
Does 'thank you so much oh wow oh gosh' sound too insincere? I always worry I won't sound as grateful and 'in-love' in type as I truly do in my heart. Really really I appreciate and love ALL the words in this message.
