incorrect batfam quotes

stephanie brown: Good news! I didn’t screw up! barbara gordon: … stephanie brown: I screwed up less badly than usual! barbara gordon: … stephanie brown: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual.

barbara gordon: Do you ever see a “hot take” and you’re like, ohhhhh critical thinking is a learned skill and OP has not put in the practice. cassandra cain: Do you ever see a “hot cake” and you’re like, ohhhhh yum.

stephanie brown: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? tim drake: It was autocorrect. stephanie brown: Autocorrect wrote “You’re so hot. Please sit on my face.”? tim drake: Yes.

bruce wayne: Here’s two facts about me. 1. I hate people. 2. I’m a hypocrite.

dick grayson: When’s the last time you slept? tim drake: Uh… a few days ago, I think. dick grayson: A few- how many?! tim drake: Uh… *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers… dick grayson: What you need is sleep!

tim drake: “Just stop thinking about it” my brother in christ, if I could stop thinking about it I would.

tim drake: Maybe I am using eyeliner to hide from my problems! Why do you care? dick grayson: Because you’re my brother and I care about you? jason todd: Because you need to use more. I can still see your face.

alfred pennyworth: I noticed you had plenty of soy sauce and sugar, so I made a chicken teriyaki. cassandra cain: Where did you get chicken? alfred pennyworth: Took it out of one of those TV dinners that were covered in freezer burn. cassandra cain: What did you do with the breading? alfred pennyworth: It went into the dessert. cassandra cain: There’s dessert? alfred pennyworth: Of course! I am a professional, after all. cassandra cain: And where the hell did you get rice? alfred pennyworth: I reconstituted some of your Rice Krispies. Hope you don’t mind.

[On twitter] selina kyle: Who was ROBBED at the GRAMMYS: 1 - BTS 2 - Lady Gaga 3 - Phoebe Bridgers 4 - Doja Cat selina kyle: What I got from them: earrings (6 sets), $9,000 in cash, 3 phones (Apples, LG, Samsung), iPad Mini 5, plane tickets, ermine stole, diamond cufflinks, monogrammed flask, 1 pet serval.

bruce wayne: Most problems will go away if you ignore them. of course they’ll resurface with greater intensity, so you have to ratchet up your ignorance every time. Luckily this can go on forever, until you die in some strange- assuredly unrelated- way.

tim drake comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in his and stephanie’s bedroom.] stephanie brown: Muffin, are you.. coming to bed? tim drake: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a wife. tim drake: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep* stephanie brown:

cassandra cain: *on the phone with duke thomas* I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit. duke thomas: You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you. cassandra cain: cassandra cain: Maybe.

dick grayson: Dammit, Jason, you ruined everything! jason todd: You’re welcome.

dick grayson: I’m not stupid you know. barbara gordon: Well you’re doing a really good impression of it.

damian wayne: I care deeply for about 6 people in my life… and about 600 cats I’ve never met on the internet.

alfred pennyworth: Using a small spoon makes a pudding last longer. Especially when the pudding is large anyway.

bruce wayne: I really don’t understand how I could have abandonment issues when I love being alone.