ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
āĀ Ā Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ā
āĀ Ā Hungry? Eat the government. ā
āĀ Ā Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ā
āĀ Ā Silence, you uneducated peanut! ā
āĀ Ā They should invent a being alive that isnāt so difficult. ā
āĀ Ā Women have to think Iām hot or none of this matters. ā
āĀ Ā Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ā
āĀ Ā Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didnāt want you to have fun and be sexy. ā
āĀ Ā What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ā
āĀ Ā I LOVE complaining! You canāt take that away from me! ā
āĀ Ā I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ā
āĀ Ā Iām simultaneously āIām tired of this grandpaā and āthatās too damn bad!ā ā
āĀ Ā The word ew coming out of a pretty girlās mouth holds so much power ⦠I think that it can tear apart nations. ā
āĀ Ā Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ā
āĀ Ā If youāre short, simply get taller. ā
āĀ Ā I better think twice? Buddy I donāt even think once. ā
āĀ Ā My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ā
āĀ Ā Thereās something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ā
āĀ Ā You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ā
āĀ Ā I mean yeah heās evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ā
āĀ Ā I really do hate thinking. ā
āĀ Ā In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ā
āĀ Ā Iāve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, Iām innocent. ā
āĀ Ā Sorry I couldnāt hear you over my internal monologue. ā
āĀ Ā Of course you have white hair and trauma. ā
āĀ Ā So apparently the bad vibes Iāve been feeling are actually āsevere psychological distressā. ā
āĀ Ā Stop calling me a bad person just because Iām orchestrating your downfall! ā
āĀ Ā The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ā
āĀ Ā Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ā
āĀ Ā The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ā
āĀ Ā I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ā
āĀ Ā Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so Iām back ā
āĀ Ā What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ā
āĀ Ā Academic validation is required for my sanity. ā
āĀ Ā RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but Iām different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ā
āĀ Ā Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ā
āĀ Ā My parents were like Iām gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ā
āĀ Ā Itās not easy to admit when youāre wrong, and thatās why I wonāt do it. ā
āĀ Ā Why canāt this family ever have a funky good time? ā
āĀ Ā How do I show people that Iām more than my unethical career choice? ā
āĀ Ā I fucked my way into this mess, and Iāll fuck my way out. ā
āĀ Ā You look so biteable today. ā
āĀ Ā Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ā
āĀ Ā I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ā
āĀ Ā Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ā
āĀ Ā Third base is me telling you about my father. ā
āĀ Ā Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ā
āĀ Ā Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ā
āĀ Ā I didnāt āmissā the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ā
āĀ Ā Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ā
āĀ Ā I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ā
āĀ Ā Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ā
āĀ Ā Iām going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ā
āĀ Ā Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ā
āĀ Ā You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ā
āĀ Ā Youāre not a girlboss unless youāve killed someone. ā
āĀ Ā Itās so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ā
āĀ Ā Hello, my love ā I mean, my rival ā
āĀ Ā No one is calling me baby and itās outrageous I canāt believe it. ā
āĀ Ā No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ā
āĀ Ā I DONāT UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ā
āĀ Ā Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ā
āĀ Ā Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ā
āĀ Ā I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ā
āĀ Ā Well, well, well, if it isnāt the consequences of my own actions. ā
āĀ Ā I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please donāt yell at me Iāll cry. ā
āĀ Ā Short legs, big butt. Iām a corgi. ā
āĀ Ā Fuck being the bigger person; Iām going to start biting people. ā
āĀ Ā Well that wasnāt very slay of you! ā
āĀ Ā May I please get a crumb of affection? ā
āĀ Ā I crave power! Please donāt yell, though; Iām sensitive. ā
āĀ Ā You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ā
āĀ Ā Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ā
āĀ Ā Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ā
āĀ Ā All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ā
āĀ Ā How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ā
āĀ Ā What if I said āto be honestā but then lied? ā
āĀ Ā I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ā
āĀ Ā Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but Iām also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ā
āĀ Ā Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ā
āĀ Ā I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ā
āĀ Ā Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ā
āĀ Ā Iām coming for your kneecaps. ā
āĀ Ā You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ā
āĀ Ā Are you a fire alarm? āCause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ā
āĀ Ā Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ā
āĀ Ā I love me a good lesbian scandal! ā
āĀ Ā If you canāt run away from your problems, youāre not running fast enough. ā
āĀ Ā Everything I want to do is illegal. ā
āĀ Ā Donāt make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ā
āĀ Ā I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ā
āĀ Ā Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ā