how to tell if your “friend” is not being a friend:
every time you talk about a problem, you have to spend time convincing them it’s a real problem
you have to convince them that your feelings are real and justified
you have to explain to them, more than once, to stop saying things that genuinely make you feel awful
you have to be understanding of their point of view entire time, but that doesn’t work both ways, they don’t do it back
you have to be understanding to the point where you accept that they wont ever see your point of view
if your problems make them uncomfortable you have to stop talking
they compete with you and try to prove you that their situation is worse no matter what you struggle with
they try to convince you to get over yourself and to not think of yourself too highly
they make you feel like your opinions, actions or emotions are stupid, and like you should be ashamed for expressing anything to anyone
they pick up on your vulnerabilities then use them against you in critical times
they say things they know will hurt you, to get to you
they hurt you to prove their point and think it’s legit reason to cause you pain
they talk down to you, act as if you’re not capable of making good decisions, scare you into not doing as you wanted, make you feel inadequate and inexperienced in comparison to them
they don’t care if they tire you out with their problems
they don’t care if you’ve already given them more than you comfortably can give
they don’t find you worthy of their compassion and care
they don’t think you’ve deserved their attention or admiration
they neglect you and then come back to you when they need you
they act as if it’s normal for you to spend much more energy and time on them than they do in return
they expect unlimited compassion, kindness, energy, time and care from you, and act as if it’s the least you could do for them
they don’t even consider going that length in return
if they forget, even for a second, that you’re a human being
they’re not to be trusted.
