Blog #1: idk
My relationship with qt is kinda in jeopardy right now, it’s just an endless cycle of me saying something and then she responds with “xamloz” and “good night”. It was okay at first because I thought she would have more free time to talk to me while everyone’s staying at home because of this corona virus epidemic thingy. But then the replies and the good nights was getting less and less frequent, I asked her what was wrong but all she had to say was “tired”.
I started to think and figure out what went wrong, to be honest, I still haven’t got a clue. I thought it would be clever if I be mad at her so she could then try to reconcile with me. Clever? Maybe. Effectiveness? Zero. Hotel? Trivago. It seems her heart was as cold as when I confessed my feelings for her.
As Kanye once said: “I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny. And what I do? Act more stupidly.” Yep, I gave her an ultimatum, can’t get more stupid than that. I said that if she does not care about me nor our relationship, then she can block me if she pleases, but if there’s still some slight chance that she still cares, then we’ll try to rebuild our tattered relationship. And as what any mentally capable woman would do in this dilemma, she saw my message and didn’t reply. I knew I shouldn’t have written that message at 2AM on a Saturday morning.
Though she haven’t reply yet, as for 6PM..., I already knew what her answer would be, because ultimately, the ultimatum was merely a test. She would never block me (again), because she knows about my depression, my suicidal tendencies and the block would certainly be detrimental to my mental health. But on the other hand, it seems she does not would like to continue further with our relationship, and talking to each other should be kept to a minimum.
So that leaves me here, in a limbo. I cannot get closure because she wouldn’t block me, but also I cannot talk to her without her being annoyed. All I want is her to be honest with me and talk to me, or at least cares about me and our relationship. I guess that’s too hard to ask for. I don’t know what to do next.
Our relationship’s is on its last legs, unless something drastic or magical happens, I can’t see this going well, for me at least.
TL;DR: Relationship in tatters, don’t know what to do.
