moonwalker

This man is not to be trusted. 

It was one of your first thoughts when you joined the cleaners as a blond man towered over you, hand outstretched, a smirk on his lips.

“Enjin, and you are?” He introduced himself, holding your attention. Your hand met his hand, large and warm. You told him your name, he kept holding your hand so you were the first to pull back. “Pretty name for a pretty girl.” Yeah that didn’t go over well. You glared and turned back towards Semiu who was trying to actively hide her laughter over the little exchange. 

“Let me show you to your room.” She said, hiding a smile behind her hand.

You weren’t exactly the warmest person. But most people in the pit weren’t. The cleaners though… they were an anomaly. They cared for one another in a way you’d never experienced. They were like a family. And to someone like you that grew up alone, quiet and unloved, their love, affection and shared time was entirely overwhelming and entirely unwelcome. 

You skipped the parties and lunches, you ate in your room and trained after midnight when everyone else was asleep. You trained up enough for months so you no longer needed to do missions with a team and from then on most people in the cleaners never even caught a glimpse of you. 

You liked the money. 

You liked the food. 

And you liked the stability of a home that couldn’t be taken away.

You garnered a nickname that annoyed you but not enough to care to stop its spread. Ghost. You’d first heard it when you passed a pair of young cleaners. One met your eyes and his eyes widened like he had seen a ghost. You supposed now that he had. But at the time he just elbowed the other cleaner and whispered in a hushed tone, ‘There’s Ghost’. Ghost? You glared over at them and their lips zipped shut. You heard it again and again after that. At a point you’d heard that nickname more than your own real name. And you knew exactly who started the circulating of this idiotic nickname which is exactly why you wouldn’t go out of your way to tell that certain someone off. It was a waste of time and probably exactly what he wanted. 

It didn’t help that out of everyone, who respected your space and mostly left you be, Enjin liked your space the most and did not like letting you be. He found you everywhere. He’d join you to train late sometimes, he’d leave the parties to find you on the roof, he’d lean by your door as you walked past, dinner in hand. 

“Eating in your room again?” He asked one day. You didn’t answer, it was obvious. You unlocked the door and pushed it open with your hip. “Food tastes better with company.” He said, cocking his head to try and catch a reaction. You gave him none. 

“It tastes the same either way.” You responded, slipping inside, letting the door shut behind you. Solace was much better company.

Once again a party brewed in the mess hall and once again you found yourself on the roof. Your room was close enough to the mess hall that you could hear just about everything, the music, the laughing and talking. You didn’t mind, the cleaners deserved to wind down, but that didn’t negate the fact that you couldn’t focus, work or sleep amidst the chaos. Unfortunately you weren’t the only one who knew that. Because as you sat at your usual place, the ledge of the roof, feet dangling over the edge you heard the roof door push open, the wood of the door dragging against the concrete. You didn’t spare a glance back. You knew exactly who came to find you. He always did. 

“You ain’t much for socializin’ are ya?” He called out, pushed the door shut behind him. You’d been a cleaner now for over two years. You almost didn’t want to answer him because the answer was a given. 

“What gives you that idea?” You asked into the night, staring ahead at the vast wasteland around the headquarters. 

“Ah… many clues I've picked up on.” He answers obviously sarcastically.

“Should’ve been a detective.” You sassed back and you could feel his eyes on you as he approached. He sat beside you, back to the ledge. His large frame settled as he leaned a bit to the side, fetching his box of cigs and lighter. You paid him no mind as he placed the but of the cigarette between his lips and lit the end. He sucked in a few puffs before letting the smoke curl from his lips up into the night sky. He offered it to you. You shook your head. 

“Were you ever a people person? Like maybe when you were younger?” He asked, voice thick with smoke from another puff. 

“No. But you seem to be.” You say, cold air picking up, blowing against your cool skin. 

“Do I?” He asks and you can hear the smirk in his tone.

“Mhm.” You hum in agreement. “Which is why you should just head on back inside.” You hear an exhale of a laugh from him and he leans back slightly, trying to catch your eye. 

“Nah, I’d rather keep you company.”

“A ghost ain’t much company.” You answer, finally gifting him your attention as your eyes slide from the darkening horizon to his almost pale marigold colored eyes. His smirk widened. 

“I was wondering when you’d finally bring that up. It’s been months, Ghost.”

“Falling from this height would be a quick way to go.” You said it as though you were commenting on the weather. His eyes lit up.  

“Hm. I take it you don’t like my nickname.”

“Again with the detective skills.” You say, turning back to stare at the last dregs of the sun slipping over the horizon. 

“I think it’s quite fitting.” He says, raising the cig back towards his lips. You plucked it from his hands and took a drag, watching his eyes widen just slightly. You blow out the smoke before speaking. 

“No more nicknames.” You say, tossing the cigarette right off the roof. He watched it hit the concrete below, ashes sparking before dying. 

“Ah. That was my last one.” He remarks. 

“Bummer.” You commented as cocked his head, you felt his eyes on your side profile. A part of you wondered what the hell he was doing? What the hell was he ever doing? Why did he insist on talking with you, someone who has never been accommodating? He pushed to his feet and without a word left the roof. When the door shut you turned and sure enough he was gone. You turned back towards the night. You finally drove him away. You swallowed, biting at your lip. It didn’t feel as good driving him away as it felt with others. But nevertheless he was gone. 

The door pushed open and this time you couldn’t help but turn. Enjin was taller than the damn door opening so he ducked slightly as he came back out onto the roof, two drinks held in his one large hand as he pushed the door back closed. Your heart lurched slightly as you whipped back around, not wanting to get caught looking. You didn’t drive him away? He walked back over and took up his usual spot, offering you a drink.

“Here.” 

“I don’t drink.”

“I know. It’s warm tea.” He said and your eyes shot to his. He was smirking because he knew you. He knew you didn’t drink. Knew you preferred tea to coffee. He knew. You narrowed your eyes, slowly accepting the cup. It was nice to have something warm on this cold night. You took a sip, letting the warmth settle inside. “Say… why don’t you drink? If I didn’t know you any better I’d think you’d be a whisky girl.”

“Why’s that?” You ask, looking down at your cup. 

“That or beer.” He rambles. “You just don’t seem like you like complicated things.”

“Hm.” You hum into your cup. “I don’t like either of those and I don’t drink because I don’t want to.”

“Yeah but is there a deeper reason?”

“Does there have to be?”

“‘Suppose not.” He says, taking a swig of his beer. You take another sip of your tea. It was quiet for a long moment and then for some reason you spoke. 

“I don’t like being drunk. I don’t like being around people who are drunk.” You say. You hear Enjin set his bottle down on the ledge and lean back to meet your eyes. 

“Too uncomfortable?”

“Too unpredictable.”

“Ah. I could see how that could rile you up.” He smirks, you narrow your eyes.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing bad.” He smiles, soaking up your attention like a sponge. “Just sayin’... You don’t seem the type to like much change.” You swallowed.

“Does anyone?”

“Some don’t mind.”

“Like you?” You ask and he reaches into his pocket for his box of cigarettes. You scoffed slightly. “Liar.” He smirks, pulling out his actual last cigarette and lights it.

“I don’t mind change. I don’t mind meeting new people.” He says, taking a puff. “I like makin’ new friends.” 

“You like annoying them too.”

“Does that mean we’re friends, Y/n?” He asks and for some reason he sounded like he’d put extra care in saying your name.

“I never said that.” You say and his eyes light up again. Like he relished in your attention. 

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Wouldn’t wanna get stuck there.” He says as you furrow your brows but decides against asking what he meant. He chuckles warmly at your reaction. He reaches for his drink and instead of taking a swig he turns the bottle over, emptying the contents over the ledge before setting the empty bottle back at his side. You swallow, a questioning look in your eyes. He sucks his teeth. “I’ve had enough tonight already.” You suddenly hear the music cut off below and that was usually your cue to head back to your room since the party had ended. You push off the ledge.

“Done?” He asks. You nod your head. “Let me walk you back.”

“Why?” You ask and he just smirks, leading the way. He pulls the door open and makes a show of motioning you inside. You sigh, brushing past him as he ducks inside behind you. 

Most everyone had already scurried back to their rooms so the halls of the building were quiet as you winded towards your room, Enjin staying in step with you. You question his intentions. He never asked to walk you back before, most of the time you’d just leave him on the roof. 

Part of you wondered if he was finally gonna cross that line again. Enjin was a convert flirt. He’d only flirted overtly once and that was when you first met and he had said a ‘pretty name for a pretty girl’. You didn’t know how to react then because no one had ever said something like that to you in the pit. Let alone someone like Enjin. 

“Hey, you okay?” Enjin asked as you blinked, stopping. 

“Hm? Yeah, why?”

“You walked past your door.” He cocks his head slightly, a ghost of a smirk on his face. You’d been rather engulfed in your thoughts it seemed. You swallowed and fished out your key, stepping back towards your door. “Something on your mind?”

“Just tired.” 

“Liar.” He ribbed as you unlocked your door. 

“Not a lie.” You pushed your door open and turned, Enjin leaned on the side jamb of the door. 

“Gonna invite me in?” He asks and he says it like a joke, like he expects a resounding no and sure your lips form that word but that doesn’t come out. 

“Alright.” You say, shocking you both. For a moment it’s quiet, the threshold between you two a tangible thing. You step aside and Enjin’s brows raise. You shocked him to the core. He slowly steps inside as though he’s afraid he’ll hit an invisible barrier and suddenly the room you felt was so cold and big suddenly felt small and warm. You pushed the door shut and wondered what the hell you were doing. Enjin moved around your room, eyes bouncing around your stuff as he took in a part of you that not a single soul got to see. Your room was mostly barren. A lot of other cleaners took care making it their own but you stayed almost exactly how you got it. Bare walls, white bedding, a chair near the window and a desk with a chair. 

“Made this room your own, huh?” Enjin joked shakily. He was still slightly off balance at the fact you didn’t shut the door in his face. He reached for some books on your desk, finger tracing the spine. You found yourself not really knowing what to do. He genuinely was the first person you let into your space. God you really weren’t a people person. Enjin glanced back at you, smirking. “Gonna give me the tour or what?”

“There’s my reading chair, that’s my desk and that’s my bed.”

“Ah. Don’t forget the dead plant in the window.”

“I told August not to give me that.” You sighed, walking over to pick off one of the many dead leaves. 

“That’s the last person I’d expect you to tolerate.” Enjin sits on your bed, casual, as though he’s been here before. 

“He does most of the talking.” You say and Enjin laughs warmly and reaches across to the desk chair, patting it.

“Come on, take a seat.” His voice warmed. You sat across from him, trying not to glare at the fact you’d followed an order. “Why’d you invite me in?”

“Why?” You echoed because you were wondering the same thing.

“Hm.” He nodded his head. You reached up, running a hand through your hair and clearing your throat. “Why not?”

“Just unlike you, that’s all.”

“Why’d you come in?” You ask and he meets your eyes and sort of cocks his head, pursing his lips.

“Don’t you know why?” He asks and your heart sort of flickers in your chest but if you were good at anything it was keeping a straight face. You narrowed your eyes. The room felt charged and changed. 

You’d spent hours, days and nights in this room. Reading and training and sleeping. Safe and locked away. Maybe a bit too distant. Maybe a bit scared of making connections. Not a bit. More like terrified. And the one that scared you the most was reaching across the small distance between you and easily tugging your chair a bit closer. Your poker face faltered, lips parting as you inhaled softly. 

Someone you loved once said that love and hate were often mistaken for one another, both strong emotions that consumed thoughts. Because love and hate weren’t opposites. Indifference is the opposite of love. And as much as you wanted to feel indifferent or hate the man in front of you he was climbing up your walls like a rather persistent ivy. No need to break them down if he can scale them.

“You know… I feel really special that you invited me inside.” He smirks, he can see it in your eyes that something has shifted and it scares you. You plant your feet so he can’t pull your chair any closer. His hand faltered and his brows furrowed just slightly. Not a big reaction but an inquisitive one. You reel in your emotions. 

“It’s getting late.” You say and there’s a pause. 

“It’s barely past midnight.” He returns, you can tell he knows you're building those walls higher. 

“That’s late for most people.”

“Not to you.” He leans back. “Come on, don’t kick me out just yet.” His hand still lingered on the arm of your chair, inches away from the bare skin of your leg, you could almost swear you could feel the heat radiating off him. You swallowed and breathed out shakily. “What exactly can I do? Hm?”

“What?” You ask and he leans forward. 

“Do you hate me?” He asks and the seriousness of the question is undercut by the smirk on his features. 

“Do I?” You echo, you were sure you didn't but that’s something he didn’t need to know. 

“Well?”

“It’s nuanced.” You return. “I hate you in some moments.”

“And what about this one? Sometimes you look at me like ya wanna kill me and then other times you look at me like…” He trails off. 

“Like what?” You couldn’t help but ask. 

“Like how you are now. You're hard to read.” 

How were you looking at him now? It’s not like you had a handle on your feelings, let alone enough to communicate them to someone like Enjin. For two years you’ve known this man. Not deeply, not even scratching the surface of him, just the bare bones of him. His jokes, his looks, his actions. You’ve seen him scamper out of other women’s bedrooms late in the night. You’ve seen him metaphorically jump on the grenade during missions. He was just as hard to read as he thought you were. 

“So are you.” You say and that makes him laugh, actually laugh. 

“Me?” He slaps his knee in laughter. You lose the poker face and glare but he keeps laughing. 

“What the hell's so funny?”

“You think I’m hard to read? Me?”

“Yes! I’ve established I’m talking about you.” You growl and he wipes tears away, shaking his head. 

“That’s too much, really too much.” 

“Do you want to die?” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He apologizes trying to calm his laughter. “It’s just hilarious.”

“How?” You push. 

“How you can flirt with a girl for two straight years and she says she can’t read you.” He laughs even more. You sharpen your glare. Two straight years? You shake your head. 

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Ah hell.” He sighs, running a hand down his face. “You know I did a lot for your attention. A lot of pathetic, desperate shit and you never noticed once?” You shake your head again. He sighed even harder. “I’ve specifically asked to be assigned to your missions your first couple months here. I’d show off? Nothing?” You shake your head again. “I know you saw me leaving girls bedrooms, come on, Y/n, I was strategic about about it.” He almost whines. You stare at him. 

“You were trying to make me jealous?” You ask, barely following along. 

“Yes.” He implores. 

“That’s scummy.” You cross your arms. 

“Nothing happened. For two goddamn years I’ve been stuck on you.” He says exasperatedly, like he’s exhausted. He runs a hand down his face. “This is humiliating.” He looked away down at his hand as he pulled it away from your chair. 

Pieces aligned in your head. Moments where he looked at you a little too long, smiled a little too softly. He’d find you around cleaner HQ all the time. You just didn’t put too much thought into it because something as complicated as a relationship had your fight or flight on high alert. 

“Do I have any chance at all? Or am I bugging you?” He asks. 

“You always bug me.” You answer immediately. He swallows, nodding his head resolutely. Like that was all you needed to say. “And you irritate me. You invade my personal space.” 

“Yeah, give it to me.” He leans back, knee brushing yours. 

“You haunt my favorite spots. I know what you want but I don’t trust you nor do I want to. You and I are different. You just— you say shit and you get me mad and yeah I saw you with other girls.” It all came spilling out and the more you talked the more Enjin’s face changed from resolution to realization. You went on, shoving to your feet to pace your room. Enjin watched you in awe. He must’ve been surprised you could talk so much. “Yeah I notice stuff but I don’t choose to harp on it because I just— don’t know what to— or how to— go about it.” You huff, running a hand through your hair. “I like it here. I like my peace and quiet, I like my solo missions.”

“I know.” He nods his head. 

“Shut up.” You glare. Working through things in your own head. Enjin blushes. “I like to train alone. But I don’t mind that you're there half the time.” You say and the words shock you. But it was true. You didn’t mind. Not as much as you thought you did. “So… so what does that mean?” You ask. To him? To yourself? You’re not sure.

“I think I might need more than ‘I don’t mind’.” Enjin says and your eyes snap to him. You part your lips to speak but nothing comes to mind. You turn, sinking back into your chair, knees grazing him. 

“I don’t know what to say.” You swallow. Enjin nods his head, leaning forwards slightly. He had this certain look in his eyes that had replaced the defeated one from earlier. It was almost… hopeful?

“What exactly do you think I want from you?” He asks. You furrow your brow slightly, you thought it was obvious. You glance towards the bed and Enjin hikes up a brow. He understood your implication. “No.” He shakes his head. “Come on… you think I’d chase after you for two years just for that?”

“I don’t know what you want, Enjin.” You snap. He clenches his jaw. 

“Let me show you then.” He grabs your chair, yanking it closer with ease. His hand slides against your cheek and into your hair as he pulls you against his lips. You freeze up instantly, the heat, the surprise of the moment causing a misfire in your brain. His other hand slides up your thigh and rests on your hip as he deepens the kiss. 

You didn’t know what it meant to starve for affection, to be hungry for someone until this very moment. This is what you’ve been running from?

You match his enthusiasm as hear his breath hitch, he must’ve expected you to push him away but you kiss him back and chip at his sanity. He pulls back but your hand flies to his chin, pulling him back onto your lips. He makes a small sound in the back of his throat as his hand falls from your hair and both hands are gripping your hips and pulling you out of that chair and into his lap, the bed creaking slightly with the change of weight. 

Why the hell had you been running from this again?

“Mhm- wait,” He mumbles against your lips but you push him by the shoulders back onto the bed. You’d spent years alone, locked away in this room pretending and believing you didn’t need a soul to fulfill you. “Please… wait…” Enjin pants against your lips but makes no actual effort to halt the moment. In fact his hand slides beneath your shirt and up your back pulling you down against him. “God,” He kisses you harder. Then pushes you back finally, you both pant and his face blushes immensely. 

“What?” You ask, voice hoarse. He swallows with some effort and clears his throat. 

“It was just meant to be one kiss. One kiss. I don’t want you to think this is all I want.”

“Stop overthinking.” You bend down and capture his lips again and the hand that had been holding you back locks into your hair, a knee coming up between your legs. Your breath hitches, you could feel a heartbeat in almost every part of your body. 

“Is that,” He pulls back again and you sigh. “Is that all you want?” 

“Enjin…” You groan. “I don’t know what I want in that sense. But at this moment I want to keep kissing you.” Enjin's eyes grow slightly wide, almost like he was surprised as if you two hadn’t just been making out mere seconds ago. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Can we stop talking now?”

“Mhm.” He nods his head quickly and pulls your lips back to his. 

You're not entirely sure how it happened but when his hand slid around your back he flipped you around with ease, your back pressing into the bed, his lips never leaving yours for a moment. He caged your body beneath his, his knee rubbing between your legs, the little friction causing you to dig your nails into his shoulder. You felt him smirk against your lips and then trail kisses from your lips to your cheek. He showered your face with kisses. Each cheek, the tip of your nose, your forehead then down to your neck. Your one hand dug into his shoulder, trying hard to keep your best composure but with every kiss you were undone little by little. He pushed your shirt up a bit, moving down your body, lips pressing against your stomach, you sucked in a breath hand flying to his hair. It took everything in you not to yank him away from you in surprise but he looked up at you and all was okay. He kissed his way back up your body and parted your legs with his knee, pushing them apart as his hand played with the drawstring of your sweatpants. 

“Are you… waiting for something?” You asked breathless against his lips. 

“Maybe some sense. Or chivalry.” He murmurs against your lips, you half laugh but it’s cut off when he pulls the drawstring, undoing the knot. You swallow and meet his eyes. He’s asking for permission. 

This could complicate everything. Those walls you built, the careful way you’ve presented yourself. The relationships you’ve hidden from instead of nurtured. Did you want connection or connection? Hard to tell when you’ve had neither. Enjin was the only one you’ve had a running rapport with. The only one to seek you out, to make an effort. What if this one night causes an irreversible shift? You supposed that was already happening. Especially after the first kiss. There really wasn’t any way to go back to how things were now. It wouldn’t be fair to Enjin to brush things off now, nor would it be fair to yourself, especially when you know damn well you want this. You want this. Really that’s all that matters. But if you were going to be smart and respect a meaningful connection, sex wasn’t something to rush into. You cleared your throat, reaching for his hand, he let you grab it and pull it up to your face.

“Let’s take it slow. For now.” You said. Enjin smiled softly, he leaned up, pushing off his coat. Guess he meant to stay and take things nice and slow.