Eddie getting that call from Maddie at almost 3 AM. His gut clenching because he knows it’s not good news. It never is when you get a call at 3 AM. His thoughts are immediately dark and all of them are about Buck.
Because he always assumed if it was anyone else, his best friend would be the one to call him.
So when he hears it’s Bobby, a part of him is relieved. Relieved that Buck is okay. Relieved that he still has a chance to confess these new feelings that had been swirling in his gut since he got to Texas and spent everyday talking to him on FaceTime, sometimes even multiple times a day.
Then when he hangs up the guilt crashes into him. He sits there on the ground crying his eyes out trying not to wake his son in the other room. Because how could he even have thought that? Being relieved it was Bobby? That man was everything to him. His inspiration. His guide. His father figure. And he was glad it was him?
As long as it’s not Buck, his mind kept repeating.
“Fuck!” He hisses into the darkness.
Because he could lose Bobby. He could handle it. But he couldn’t lose Buck. That he couldn’t handle. He’d spiral. Christopher can’t lose Buck. Christopher can’t lose another parental figure.
He never tells a soul his thoughts. He carries that guilt with him for almost a year. He doesn’t admit his feelings for Buck. Carries those feelings with him for almost a year as well.
Until, Buck gets kidnapped. The dam breaks and when he finally finds him and gets him to the hospital, he admits everything. He pours his heart out to Buck, about Bobby, about his feelings for him, about everything that ran through his mind that night and how it all almost became true again and he still hadn’t admitted his feelings because he was being a coward.
Buck reaches for him. Squeezes his hand and admits that he felt the same way. Admits that he was glad that Eddie and Christopher were nowhere near LA when all of that had happened. That they were safe even if the rest of the 118 wasn’t.
Eddie presses a wet teary kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth as he holds him carefully like he’d break if he didn’t. Something in him heals that night, being there with Buck and just spilling the truth. Having Buck be so understanding.
