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enough shane hollander nick suzuki and sidney crosby comparisons. what if shane hollanders parallel was natahn mackinnon.

#hr #let him be intense and unpleasant. and also harp on ppls food choices.#shane hollander

hollanderthoughts

rozanov said he wants to get a dog one day. I guess I mean nothing to him..... I see how it is.

#shane bible post to me

hollanderthoughts

I mean It’s not like an IDEAL scenario or anything, but I do think a murder/suicide could be romantic. if done right.

i just dont think shane hollander should give a fuck about that dog. 😐

#as someone who lives w a dog thats not mine that i adore but do feel ambivalent abt #i am not a dog owner #and neither is shane #hr #this is how u know he loves ilya so much #im a strict shane is not a pet guy #i think he would literally rather take care of a human child #heated rivalry #shane hollander

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virginshane

i think also. like everything about shane the tdick gives ilya cuteness aggression. when it's soft and just resting there he's just hnnnnnngggghh clenching fists. shane. can i say hi to him. he looks like such a charming gentleman under his little hood. shane please. oh look he’s getting hard. i think he likes me shane :)

blond-shell

this is how i imagine cishet male montreal and boston fans act on hockeytwt before shane and ilya are outed

cuppydogshane

hudson williams the most successful employee at brunetteswhowearjeans.com

lavenderprose

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

#hr

clytemnestraaa

i think ilya’s identity has been repeatedly stolen (well actually he just enters his credit card onto any sketchy website) and someone is siphoning like a thousand dollars a month from him and ilya has never noticed. he is fully supporting a scammers family somewhere and he has no clue.

#shane voice ilya why is there an accumulated 10k charge on the credit card to o̶r̶e̶o̶s̶ some random scam company #ilya: i liked their product! wanted them to have a little cash!

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clytemnestraaa

Ilya: im so happy about my crumbs #mycrumbs and everything I am doing to have them. unrelated what’s a normal amount to think about killing yourself

shane: Every time you lose a hockey game

Ilya: okay ❤️ yay ❤️

so so so true

clytemnestraaa

#myshane has no idea what the toothpaste flag is, he is attending 2-3 corporate proide events a year at most

i think shane is just such a fundamentally private person who has been given so little privacy throughout his life that he was planning to never come out and just start appearing at NHL events post-retirement with his Business Partner ilya rozanov. yes shane hollander brand corporation and ilya rozanov brand corporationare registered to the same address. what’s the business. it’s. housing. well. one house. no further questions at this time.

clytemnestraaa

ok i know this is a dead horse but it’s MY dead horse bongo drum and i will beat it all i please. the thing about the hollander-in-laws-adopt-ilya thing is like. so at the end of tlg post-fight shane calls yuna crying and is like “mom we just had a huge fight and i fucked up he’s going to dump me oh my god.” and yuna is like “there there he loves you it’ll be fine.” now how does this go if shane calls yuna crying and says “mom we had a huge fight and i fucked up and ilya slammed me against the wall.” well i don’t think those loving hollander in-laws are going to be quite so generous with their pasta now are they. which is why it’s a terrible idea for your PTSD-riddled suicidal spouse’s main support network to be your parents!!

like not to put too fine a point on it but suicidal people with untreated PTSD can do terrible things, and that’s usually a sign that they are in urgent crisis, that you need to act immediately, because pushing everyone away from you as hard as you can and crossing the line that (you think) you can never come back and finally being fully doomed and damned and unforgivable and provably evil is the last step of the process. so like now shane can’t tell anyone about literally any negative aspect of their relationship because then ilya is left without any support system at all, so instead shane is stuck going no baby it wasn’t that bad it’s all fine, because otherwise ilya is taking a header off the nearest ugly ottawa bridge!! this is why couples need separate friend groups.

clytemnestraaa

are you on board with the fanon shane-svetalana friendship? i just personally can’t see shane ever really liking her but that’s also because i just don’t see she and ilya ever setting boundaries with each other. i think they still kiss goodbye (not make out but yeah kiss on the lips), still sleep in the same bed half naked and still have hours long phone calls late at night when he would otherwise be in bed with shane. i know shane isnt a particularly jealous guy but he doesn’t even really like the concept of splitting ilya’s attention with a dog or that it’s easier for ilya to talk to his therapist in russian. i can’t see a version where he is happy with svetlana unless i completely rework my vision of ilya and svetlana

i think they could reach a kind of uneasy truce where shane could eventually be glad that ilya has a non-shane-dependent source of love and support in his life and that svetlana was there for love and support throughout his childhood when ilya was so desperately lonely. but i don’t think shane gets there until they’ve been married for several years, and i don’t think he is ever going to be FRIENDS with svetlana. if only because svetlana is like “ilya your new boyfriend is controlling and also you are having a manic episode” and ilya blocks her and then unblocks her eventually but it’s weird for a long while.

also i DO think shane is a jealous person both of svetlana but also specifically he’s jealous of ilya’s bisexuality because shane does NOT wanna be here and queer he just reluctantly had to accept having no choice in the matter. so his weird relationship with svetlana is like… not totally that he’s jealous of her. an imperfect analogy would be if you wanted to go to medical school really badly and that was your assumption and goal all your life, and then you didn’t get in. and your boyfriend DID get in, and he didn’t even care that much, and he decided NOT to go so you could be together. and now whenever he brings up almost going to medical school you get really bitter and twitchy. in some strange way, shane respects ilya less for choosing shane over heterosexuality. just like he respects ilya less for choosing shane over hockey.

anyways i don’t think shane himself actually comes around on svetlana until she accidentally lets slip (because ilya would never) that ilya tried to kill himself when he was 15 and she was the one who stopped him and covered for him which allowed him to keep playing hockey. and shane is soooo mad and ilya is like “she is exaggerating and it was never relevant to bring up!” and shane finally talks to her later is like solemnly. gritted teeth. “svetlana. i owe you. an… apology….”

however svetlana isn’t fully coming around on shane until the centaurs win a cup.

hollanderthoughts

Tornado Blowjob…. Okay? What about my Hurricane Blowjob. Spitting and drooling!!

hollanderthoughts

Okay fine. and Crying.

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hollanderthoughts

“what do you think about when you jerk off” i try not to think about anything at all “nothing?” if I think about women I can’t get off if I think about men I feel so guilty I get nauseous “that sounds miserable” buddy you asked

hollanderthoughts

rozanov said he wants to get a dog one day. I guess I mean nothing to him..... I see how it is.

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