poems

your cigarette kisses flick their ash on my lips

you burn the shape of your tongue into the dip of my neck

my fingertips char from the flames of your skin

never forget to set me on fire

pants falling from the length of your legs

legs falling to the end of the bed

in prayer, in worship

your ring clad fingers meeting my bare thighs

my bare thighs meeting your waist

your waist meeting mine

yesterday i met someone from your hometown.

small fucking world, huh? i almost asked if they knew who you are. the words were at the edge of my mouth, a little air bubble right in between my teeth and my lips. i bit my tongue so hard, the blood ran down my chin. it felt like you had punched me in the mouth.

i wish you had. i wish you were here.

i miss you. come back. please call me. i left you a voicemail, did you get it? i sent you a letter, did you read it? i’ve been screaming your name in the middle of the night, did you hear it?

do you remember the first time we felt it? all-consuming. powerful. push me over, knock the breath out of me, scrape my knees. heart shaped bruises form on my skin, just for you. i love you. lie to me. lie to me. lie to me. 

nagging question in the back of my mind, wedged between my skull and my brain; i can’t shake it out. will i ever meet someone from your hometown and not think of you? will i feel no pain? god i hate the thought of that. i hope i never get over you. i hope the sound of your name always makes me sick to my stomach. i hope i puke. i hope i bleed. i hope i die.

closing my eyes now to sleep, your face is projected on the inside of my eyelids. your body. your lips, your eyes. in my head, they’re not memories, they’re our reality. if only for a few minutes. here in my dreams, we meet again. we fall in love again. you leave again. i feel the pain as clearly as if i were awake, i can feel it now. it feels like you punched me in the gut.