Bad Headlines

Are they?

Just to make sure?

That might settle her nerves, but you'd think it would make the speech harder to follow

Under pressure from online retailers, local grocery stores turn to violence.

Usually when my toilet tries to do that I get out the plunger

TIL America sails new icebreakers out through Mexico.

Which is funny, because before it was the other way around.

I... don't think that's a thing, actually. Not a headline, just a badly rendered banner ad.

I didn't know you could win that.

What about memories not constructed by researchers?

Most senators seem pretty good at it already.

Did you really just write that?

Do *not* bring your cat here.

I guess too many contaminated eggs means causes entire countries to put on weight?

What sorcery is this?

He was noncompliant in the face, so I punched him.