The evil one reigns supreme!

The twelve scumbags of christmas, dec 1st: First snowfall (aka a rare moment of peace on 15 Credibility Street)

note: even though there are meta-references to the actors playing these characters (Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson) the characters are still the same, even if they have similar appearances as their actors outside of the “san soho” realm.

Some dialogue I have added in myself, but the rest of the fanfic’s format was based on the original script of the Black Mirror episode San Junipero written by Charlie Brooker and directed by Owen Harris) they own the concept,and (The Young Ones was written by Ben Elton,Rik Mayall and Lise Mayer, Directed by Paul Jackson,Geoff Posner and Ed Bye, with the characters belonging to the actors who played them).

Britain’s equivalent to San Junipero is San Soho

(when Rick Pratt wanders San Soho he meets a punk called Vyvyan as their lives change forever)

(this is also mainly told from Rick’s perspective)

Chapter 1

The year was 1985

Walking along the sidewalk of neon sparkling Soho was the sarcastic but socially timid Rick Pratt,

A young man in his early 20s he was dressed quite plainly

He experienced 1985 before this was one of those many times

He decided to visit the local nightclub

He had a loose grey shirt, black badge covered blazer and red boots on, not usual nightclub attire but he wasn’t really a party person so he focused on Pac-man which he was not good at

when suddenly he saw a beautiful orange-haired man in a trihawk dancing on the dance floor to The Clash.

Rick tried to ignore the punk but he noticed him

“Oi!”

He tried to run off but the punk kept gesturing to him moving his head in his direction when he wasn’t moshing

“Wanna join”

“Pardon?” Rick said unable to sense the gesture due to the loud atmosphere

“Right” the punk mumbled before he ran over to Rick and dragged him to the dance floor to join him

“You’re going to enjoy this” the punk shouted before Rick started to mosh

Swaying his body in an animated fashion like that of a vintage cartoon character

The crowd was crashing like a wave except covered in spike studs and band logos

Rick felt like a stammering Ian Curtis as he clambered making sure he didn’t hit anyone

He ended up clambering with that punk from earlier.

Part of Rick wanted to enjoy this cool “rebellious” activity but the other felt like he was ruining the event simply by being there.

He felt uneasy he didn’t want anyone thinking anything weird was going on.

Rick was unsure about the concept of moshing but tried to continue anyway.

Chapter 2

When the song was over he left the dance floor he felt a bit embarrassed he could feel his nerves acting up so he just sipped his lemonade and walked out the fire escape door.

The punk from before caught up with him “Why are you running away?” he asked

Rick  made an awkward smile “Sorry I’m not into *moshing*”

The Punk answered back “No shit you were like the world’s most stiff giraffe back there”

Rick was going to walk off only for the punk to say “I was taking the piss…obviously”

“I’m Vyvyan, sorry for forcing you to mosh with me, I only get to do these on Saturday nights

Rick sat on a low wall

“It wasn’t that Everyone was looking at us crash into each other”

Vyvyan tilted his head “Why would they care?”

Rick made a couple miming gestures with his hands

“You know? two blokes grinding into each other like cheese graters”

Vyvyan lit a cigarette and smoked it

“Okay: one, there’s not as many uptight tory folks here as there used to be, and two,

This is a punk part of town nobody’s judging here”

“You want one?” he offered as he leaned over holding his lighter to where Rick was sitting

Rick nodded as he also took a cigarette

Vyvyan spoke again “if they were staring it’s because they were intimidated by me sod em”

Rick chuckled “your such a stupid fascist you know that?”

Vyvyan smirked proudly “Thank you”

Rick looked at the sky “I’ve never moshed before”

Vyvyan stared at him surprised “Never, as in you’ve never gotten a gang of mates to just destroy the dance floor to Iron Maiden?”

Rick shook his head “Never I’d usually listen to punk rock music alone

Living in a right-wing house that was frowned upon, tattoos, androgyny the whole lot

Vyvyan was shocked “What are you a hermit? that’s one drab existence you’ve got there”

Rick shrugged

“They vote the pigs, the officers attack people like rabid dogs I want to be a revolutionary Anarchist poet but I can’t do much else they worship thatch like she’s God outside of literature I’m politically pathetic”

Rick looked down when Vyvyan sat next to him

“Yeah, Well. No one knows about half the shit I’ve done, like Riding a motorbike up someone’s staircase”

“With your folks, they come from a different place on the political spectrum tories will always be nasty in my eyes”

“Yep I agree with you there, it doesn’t help to have no mates, they simply don’t understand concepts like shyness, trust issues or anxiety

I get panic attacks sometimes around crowds and what they say is just deal with it.

“from past social experiences I’ve had to repress many things depressive episodes, nerves and flashbacks just because I don’t want to bother others or bring the mood down”

“I always feel weird when put into lively situations but that’s because I haven’t gotten the chance to fully express myself in that way”

Rick kicked his legs against a wall when Vyvyan looked at him

“What would you like to do that you’ve never done before?”

Rick smiled “Oh so many things I’d like to go to concerts, I’d like to perform for people, I’d like to, I’d’ like to

Vyvyan put his finger on Rick’s lips “Soho is the party hub of London might as well nick all the time we have left while we still can”

They went to fortune tellers, they went to thrift shops, they bought some “magazines” and they checked out the local comic strip club seeing the likes of French and Saunders, Alexi Sayle and Peter Richardson and Nigel Planer onstage telling jokes.

Rick and Vyvyan then ran off to a pub where they got completely sloshed usually Rick would be able to hold his lager but when “Come On Eileen” was playing on the radio Vyvyan had thrown him into his arms as they danced until after a few more minutes Rick was getting tired and Vyvyan was getting bored “Boring bastard” he mumbled angrily as he grabbed Rick’s sleepy face shoving his head into the cake that was in front of him.

Rick cheerfully said, “Hey Vyv this is like Laurel and Hardy or do you prefer Chaplin?”

This ramble of questions cascaded into Vyvyan yelling “Shut Up!” in Rick’s face

Rick was suddenly silent he was probably asleep but then Vyv remembered what he said about mental health before as he quietly carried Rick over his shoulder driving him back to his place in his yellow Ford Anglia.

At Vyvyan’s house, he let Rick relax on his sofa covered in his universal monster themed blanket

He was about to mumble “I’m sorry” when Rick suddenly awoke to scoff “You bloody fascist” pointing his finger at Vyvyan aggressively before he threw a tantrum “You got your hands over me  How dare you! And to think you thought you’d get a snog from me”

Vyvyan was annoyed but not annoyed enough to get violent so he chased Rick around the room

There was a short intermission from the fight when Vyvyan accidentally turned on his record player making the Cliff Richard hit “Living Doll” play which made Rick pause going into a dream-like trance badly singing out of tune

it was not long until they were both yelling “Virgin” at each other while pillow fighting.

However, because of the fun “fight” as they were no longer angry they were laughing

When Rick’s pigtails were undone Rick then pulled at Vyvyan’s hair leaving orange hair dye stains on Rick’s shirt

What started off as a chase around the house, dancing and pillow fighting resulted in Vyvyan trying to playfully choke Rick only for him to aggressively hug Vyvyan in return

After the snog and shag was over

Rick innocently licked his lips “I’ve never done anything like that before”

Vyvyan smirked “All the more reason” as he unlocked the handcuffs from his bed

Rick hesitated “you’re a lovely bloke. I can’t”

Vyvyan shrugged “Alright then”

Rick stumbled over his words “you see -I?”

Vyvyan nodded “I understand”

Rick looked at the time and scrambled to get his clothes on before he was about to dash outside “I have to go”

Vyvyan stared “in this crap weather?”

Rick shouted back “It’s been great to meet you”

Chapter 3

He shook Vyvyan’s hand before he left

Later in the early morning, Rick was looking around his wardrobe for different outfits

He tried a green suit but it didn’t work, he tried a basic shirt with a tie and jeans that didn’t work, he even tried a blue and red anorak but that didn’t work so he just had to settle with his pair of yellow dungarees.

A few days later at the same club, they met at Vyvyan tried to talk to Rick but he was talking to someone was that Peter Richardson’s son he was with?

He wandered into the restrooms that Rick had went off to he surprisingly still had his pigtails in

They said nothing

Rick looked in the mirror his hands on his cheeks unhappy a fake smile projected on his face amongst the red lip balm smudged under his lips

“I don’t know how to do this”

Vyvyan was confused “do what?”

Rick whined “Just help me can’t you just”

He settled “It’s like talking to a bloody hologram”

Vyvyan looked down and then back at Rick’s upset face he smiled

“You want to get in my car?”

Vyvyan raced his Ford Anglia down the highway the street looking like it was a 1980s music video

Rick asked, “How long have you been here?”

Vyvyan answered, “In Soho?”

Rick nodded

Vyvyan thought for a while

“ a couple months but the main thing is I’m planning to enjoy myself before I finally pop my clogs…guess I’m a lurking wanker like you”

Rick chuckled “Yeah”

Chapter Management

Edit Chapter

Chapter 4

Vyv’s car suddenly ended up in the upcoming lane luckily they prevented danger as the car skidded to a halt

“SHIT!” Rick yelled

Vyvyan started erupting into laughter his gravelly nasally voice being more loud than the traffic

“Your face”

They then went back round to Vyvyan’s place to have another shag even though outside of the dream system version of Soho Rick and Vyvyan were virgins

They then chatted about their past loves Rick apparently once had a big crush on a Scottish makeup artist and they remembered about when they watched the comic strip days before that Vyvyan and Jennifer Saunders were making subtle body language to each other.

Rick then remembered not only were they in the simulated afterlife of Soho but they were fictional characters with vague memories of the meta actors who played them in real life

He looked at the clock and then remembered something dark,something secret something Vyvyan should never know.

“I’m just going to party and nothing is going to stop me not Tories and definitely not that facist God”

Rick then walked off in a huff

Vyvyan continued to enjoy life in Soho without Rick but that was hard

A few days later and Soho looks like it’s in the 2000s

Vyvyan walked into the night club while Feel Good Inc by the Gorillaz played in the background

Vyvyan could see Rick with his hair down in more “Emo” attire playing dance dance revolution only for him to stop when he noticed Vyvyan.

Vyvyan started hounding Rick with questions in the restroom

“Wait a minute I’ve been looking for you why did you piss off like that?”

Rick was irritated “Why are you here?”

Vyvyan shouted “Why did you hide from me?”

Rick ran off some people could notice when Vyvyan saw that Rick was on the roof of the nightclub

Vyvyan ran up to where Rick was “Please tell me your pain slider is turned down”

Rick moved his eyebrows “Maybe,Maybe not”

Before he walked away “I’m not going to jump”

Vyvyan sighed looking down and then back at Rick “Look I’m sorry alright,I’m a lurker too I-I

Rick felt solemn “I don’t know how long there is,I wasn’t prepared for this I wanted to…”

Vyvyan shut him up with a kiss

They had another passionate night in Vyvyan’s place but then the unpleasant question was mentioned again

Rick exhaled “I have 3 months”

Vyvyan whined “Why? I’ll have nobody to play fight with at the pub every night nobody to have slapstick arguements with it’s not going to be the same”

Rick explained “my real life self, he was married he had kids,he had a happy life he entertained many but then he took a tumble on a quadbike and lost part of his spark eventually that caught up with him and he’s in the afterlife now I’m still around because I’m a fictional entity he created but like with imaginary friends I’m fading the more I’m forgotten I don’t want the same fate"

Vyvyan started to sob “Don’t leave me this way”

Rick smiled at him “I’m dying the people’s poet is dying nothing but that scares me”

Vyvyan whimpered “I want to visit you,let me say hi”

Rick again walked off the time changed from 11:59 to 12:00

Later a more grown up Vyvyan arrived at a hospital 

he now had glasses and was balding looking like an old man he was taken to a private room where Rick was quietly resting he was a lot more older than before he looked like he was in his 40s or 50s.

he looked at Rick for a moment

“It’s time for you to pass over and me soon probably”

He shrugged,

Vyvyan then took out a ring and put it onto Rick’s frail finger

As he was given the device to transport him and Rick back to Soho

After a few days, he did the same 

It was a sunny day in early March when in Soho Vyvyan parked his car near the seaside as he ran over to rick who was folding his hands happily,

“Miss me?”

Vyvyan  was lost for words “Of course I bloody missed you Happy Birthday” he shouted as he aggressively hugged Rick in an embrace as they ran along the seaside chasing each other like old times.

The End~

Merry Easter, scumbags! 🐥 Fanart and fanfic all round! The fest has been revealed:

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