The Unsaid

Just when you thought the worst was over, a wave of a different kind of difficult comes. And yet, I remain standing, despite the hatred & doubts I bear for myself. I am grateful because I can still see the goodness of being alive.

I hate that in the end, I feel as though it’s my fault how people treat me.

Luna girl! 😭😭😭

I don’t regret giving everything for love, because now it’s easier, now it’s lighter when I no longer have ‘what ifs’, when I know I did my best.

So this time when you told me you no longer see a future with us, while we were doing rounds at the ER, my heart sank for a while, then I just went on with my life.

It took years of tears shed secretly while on commute, while you are asleep, or at the adoremus; sleepless nights when I couldn’t silence the thoughts in my head.

And after all the hurt, I still can’t stop caring about you; I may never will. Yours is the chapter I will remember with warmth, not to mention the longest one; the one I thought would end along with my dying breath. Yet after 9 years, life is taking you away from me; I may have even overstayed my welcome. In the end, no matter how great and infinite what I could offer, it had worn me out, fighting for this relationship alone.

For what its worth, I am thankful for everything. I had a hard time letting you go. You will forever be a part of me.

I love you (for the last time).

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Sa lahat ng pahinang sinulat ng tadhana'y

Ikaw at ikaw at ikaw pa rin

Ang yugtong paulit-ulit kong babalik-balikan

Sigaw ay sigaw ay ikaw pa rin

Patuloy kong panghahawakan ang 'yong mga salitang

Hindi na nakikita sa tingin ng 'yong mga mata

Ngunit kung sarado na ang puso sa nadarama

Sunsets. Summer. Warmth. The late afternoon sun at a park. The ocean & the greenery. You remind me of a compilation of everything I love in this world.

This song brings me to tears whenever I hear it, because it makes me think of you.

I could never imagine a life without you in it. That if you leave, deep inside, I will always be looking for you. I could never not care about you. I would’ve sacrificed everything just to make you stay. I would turn myself inside out and give you everything I have until you tell me to stop. You are still the ending I want. I still dream of having children looking like little versions of you.

“Today, I choose myself.

I won’t chase what’s fading or force what’s not meant for me.

I deserve calm, respect, and genuine affection — not indifference.

His actions no longer control my mood.

My peace is my priority, and I’m reclaiming it, little by little.”

Night reflection

“I did my best, and that’s enough.

I release the need to be seen or loved by someone who’s already chosen distance.

I forgive myself for caring too long.

I allow my heart to rest.

When they don’t, your silence simply exposes how little they were giving to begin with.

So if he likes this new distance, don’t break it. Let him sit in it. Let the silence expand. Because now you’re not punishing him — you’re freeing yourself from the illusion that he still wants what you were fighting to keep alive.

This phase hurts, yes, but it’s also where your detachment becomes real healing.

You stop asking, “Why doesn’t he care?” and start asking, “Why should I keep giving my heart to someone who clearly doesn’t?”

9/29/2025 and 10/13/2025

My spine tattoo has finally come to completion.