So... I'm a furry. I don't participate much, but I do love the community and a lot of what comes from it. I only preface with this because anyone in the community who reads this will probably have some idea where this post is going the second they read the next line...
I played Adastra. And it's destroying me a little.
I got recommended a long video essay about it, along with a beastars video from the same dude, and I got curious enough to check out the game before watching the video. It was... incredible. I've played other visual novels, even some other furry ones that had the same general vibe Adastra oozes with, but it felt different. The characters started to really grow on me, even just twenty minutes in on the spaceship I already wanted things to work out for Amicus and my character. I was intrigued by the seemingly simple premise, and delighted as more and more wrinkles were layered in.
But then it started to hit more emotional beats. Amicus coming out, and his awkward attempts at flirting, and then the first kiss. I was swept up in the fairy tale of it all, even as I saw warning signs coming up in the background. By the time the second trial concluded, I almost thought the game was going to close on a happily ever after, which only made the morning of the third trial hit like a freight train. It stopped being about flirting with a sexy wolf man, instead I became invested in the world and characters as the coup ramped up. And I cried for the first time during the first visit with Amicus in the dungeon.
When all the parent stuff began happening, with the monitor actually adressing and guiding my character, I again thought I understood where the story was going. I instantly agreed to follow the big plan of theirs, terrified not of my character dying but rather having to witness Amicus breaking down in a full scene. The awful day started with that ominous message from the monitor, and I was convinced that the bad things happening were just a vision, or that the monitor would turn back time so I could stop it. But it just kept moving on, and I got worried. I reached the big fight, and saw the death flags coming a mile away. I was fine though, I should have been, I picked the right answer didn't I? The monitor seemed to think so.
So I felt betrayed, and hurt, and angry, when the scene played out and it all became too much. I cried again, and kept crying straight through the entire scene as Amicus's dialogue ripped out my heart. I was still wiping away tears when the perspective changed and Amicus decided to confront the parents. Somehow, I felt like it would still work out for the best, but then the conversation turned sour. Amicus was faced with his impossible choice, and I felt that same hopeless anger when he accepted. I cried again when the two were reunited, even though I as the player knew that something was still boiling under the surface.
The final chapter of the game, I felt the same unnerving tension that my character was grappling with. I just wanted things to work out, so badly that I hoped the game would throw me a bone and let me abandon the real plot in favor of just existing with Amicus. No such luck. I almost cried out of sheer frustration when the special date went wrong, and then cried for real during Amicus proposing. At that point, I finally got where the ending would leave things, I knew it would be heartbreaking just like everything else, but just like my character I just wanted to enjoy whatever time was left.
The ending came too fast, and after too long all at once. Because I accidentally picked the positive ending, I was treated to the vision of the perfect future. I cried, easily envisioning it and left still wanting more time to enjoy it; and then the game ended for real, and I was left on the end screen of Amicus on the throne. I couldn't stop crying for another few minutes, half out of genuine sadness that the story ended the way it did, and half out of a strange hope that I could get something like that some day. I really just sat there, pining and wishing that one day I'd meet someone who I could experience everything the game forced me through with together, even the heartache if it meant I could understand the empty feeling in my chest. I only considered the game's other elements, the twisted fated lovers story puppeteered by what are basically gods, the resentment I found myself feeling after I realized how manufactured my and Amicus's agreement was to the grand scheme of things, after a day full of that same pining and half-contained sobs.
Adastra is a 10/10 experience. I'm glad I could experience it the way I did. That said, the aftermath has me hesitant to recommend it to anyone.
