simpgrl420

the more I learn about myself in a relationship, the more I realize how much affection I prefer and how much attention I would like to have.

like what exactly separates what we have from a friendship?

are these things what I need in a partner? are they dealbreakers? will I regret settling for this and making it work? will I be happy with this decision down the road?

I have no idea bruh. I don’t know.

it’s like, how many moments am I left alone with my thoughts because either you don’t hear me, you don’t take it as seriously as it is for me, or you just aren’t there….

So this is 27 huh?

It’s currently 1:26AM and I am at nini’s… and yep he is asleep, from all the driving this weekend.

Drove to Bako to see Dollz, then met up with his bestie in Anaheim (that he hasn’t seen since 2018)

At least I’m mostly healthy and am blessed with what I have everyday.

But also I feel like I repeatedly said what I wanted over and over again earlier. But w/e. Fighting every urge to act like a lil brat.

I guess I’ll try to sleep.

When life gives you lemons…lol jk

The ones up there we worked for, complete with battle scratches hehe...but sometimes, life just gives you the lemons.

I don't know if it was the retrograde for the whole ass month of April or what but a biss was going through it.

And now that my emotions have settled down a bit, I thought I'd make sure that I track the good things in life too in hopes that when I need to, I can come back here and remind myself that with bad days, there are also good.

Starting from top:

Although my job really tested my patience these past few months, I'm thankful I am employed at a job that provides benefits and pays decently. I'm thankful that there are still people who care and who are genuine. I'm thankful that my bf also works quite close to me now and that he's finally working in his field. And I hope that I have the strength, when it's my turn, to find an occupation that I enjoy in my own field.

Coming home to Kiru baby is still so crazy to me. With his Gotcha day coming up this weekend (Mothers Day) I can't help but also feel so guilty about not spending enough time with him. Nini also wants a doggo (pref a corgi or dach) but tita hard turned him down lol. Maybe in the future honey. Our own lil croissant, or bean, or most recently Chopper hehe. (oh ya btw we are trekking to catch up with One Piece--we just hit ep 200 today wooo)

2024--finally made a goal come true and purchased my own car. AND ITS A LEXUS SIS??? Lol, would have never thought since I had my eyes set on that Lunar Rock Rav4 but Totota decided that they wouldn't make it in that color anymore...sadge, but thank you baby for pushing me to do it, taking me on a journey, and helping me get a good deal. And I'm glad I was able to help u with ur car dreams too...is that a SUPRAAAAA??? Oh boy, and now all the mods you want to do hehehehehohohohoho but s/o Syrena but also sis, y ur maintainence light on so soon?? hope it's nothing srs. but we'll see maybe this week or next week soon.

...speaking of things I need to do soon, I need to schedule some doc appts and do a cute lil passport renewal bc another goal is PI 2025 for mng monique's wedding and meeting bb's homies/seeing his childhood home etc? soo much to do in prep for that and it's about to get busy for work so I really needa take advantage of the "free" time I have now.

Just this past weekend, was blessed to go bike riding with my bb (up until this point, he didn't believe I knew how to ride a bike bisssss LOL) but it was super sweet, and my arms got burnt but it was lovely. and last week we played tennis for the first time. Just celebrated 16 mos on the 2nd and I'm heppi we're still finding firsts to do hehe. You sometimes be grinding my gears (sometimes it's you, but I admit it's also me and my wandering, overthinking ass mind). Besides that, words can't express that gratitude I have for you. Thank you God for blessing me with this man. He truly tries his very best to be the best boyfriend he can be for me. And at the end of the day, he's human, and has days of his own, but damn, I am just so damn lucky. Lately, he's been really good about consoling me and trying to understand where I'm coming from. He's also trying to push my limits while still keeping a safe space for me to do so. I admit, I am stubborn af, and he does have a point sometimes lol. And sometimes I can be bad at setting healthy boundaries. And honestly I can be pretty selfish. But thank you for helping to open my eyes and helping me to grow too. Since day 1, you made it clear that you want to help us reach our highest potential and live healthy lives so we can spend it together for a long time. And until now you’ve kept to it, even though I can be a lil brat about it. Hehe, but thank you for not giving up and I ain’t ever giving up on you my love.

And to speed run the remaining cos I need to work on sleeping earlier. Another first--we changed his oil hehe, and I supervised ;) lol jk I helped with jacking it up/down, and reviewing the instructions, and handing him stuff, and pouring the oil hehe and I'm glad both of our family's are chill with one another...lol I hope. It seems chill and we each get invited to outings so it feels good lol. Got to spend time with each of our families in the last few weeks. O ya--gma and gpa's gravestone is finally set!!!! heppi heavenly bday to both of yall <3 Just realized 4/4 and 5/5 hehe cute

well i’ll also use this as a lil moment to rant.

life update shawty,

SO... u are cuffed HONAYYY frfr.

And this man, lemme tell u, THIS MAN. ugh, he is everything you’ve ever wanted and more in a partner.  He is patient, sweet, spontaneous, reminds you how lucky he is to have you, appreciates the kind of person you are, is always looking to improve for the better, only wants the best for us, tries his best to keep me motivated while staying motivated himself, he shares the idea that solving problems together instead of passively pushing them aside is the best way to go about it, he helps me find peace when my world isn’t the best, he shows his emotions, he makes me laugh, we literally share a brain at this point cos our views and morals align so well.

I could go on and on, but this is supposed to be a quick lil thang before we continue Naruto since he wants to finish it with me to see my reactions since he’s already finished it. 

He entered my life at a tough time--when Heaven gained another angel. Losing a loved one is never an easy time, but he helped me release what I needed, and grieve as I needed. Again, not easy conversations to have especially while going through the motions of the loss, and it wasn’t an easy, smooth process, but we overcame it. He is v logical, which is a great characteristic to have, but when in a highly emotional state, especially losing a loved one, logic isn’t what I need to hear. He learned, we learned some things about each other. And we went through many adjustment periods already, and here we are, at almost 5 months together. WILD. 

It still randomly hits me that grandma’s gone. but at least I feel at peace knowing that grandpa and her are reunited now. The fact that grandma lived 20 years after grandpa’s passing. She was able to meet so many of her grandkids and GREATgrandkids (theres no many too lool) not any from our family yet but das okay.  I hope my parents take care of themselves long enough to see theirs too.

Growing up and getting old is so crazy. Just looking back at what’s happened in a year is wild, but even moreso when you look back farther. Life is a trip, but i’m so thankful that God blessed me with a man who makes me feel like I live the best life I can...and I know it’ll only get better.

i just don’t really see the point of this all anymore. everything’s moving too fast or too slow and it just doesn’t really feel worth it to me.

dragging. pulling myself out of these long gazes to muster the strength to do just one smol thing.

From my dreams to my woken state, I held myself together. I picked up the pieces and grasped each one close to me but with each step I would drop them leaving a trail of your memory visiting me throughout the day. Reminding me of the sweetness you brought to my life and how you made me feel invincible when I had you by my side.