i don't really have mutuals here anymore, at least no one i actively talk to, so i'm not sure if anyone cares. but! I've gotten back into writing after 3 or 4 years. thunderbolts has awoken something in me and i've been inspired, and of course my little one-shot idea has become a whole series. classic!
i'd like to do a little rebrand and center myself on here before i publish anything, but i have no idea what i want this to be. i've been on tumblr for close to 15 years and i've gone through so many phases and fandoms so this isn't new to me, but this is the longest i've been kind of inactive.
idk what i'm saying, just talking into the void. so, if you see me again, it'll probably be under another name. i have a lil snippet of bob x reader that i need to clean up and share. hopefully soon :)
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summary: it was supposed to be simple â you only had to water Bob's plants and feed his fish while he was gone. you weren't supposed to find a ring in one of his drawers.
cw: fluff, kind of a character study, sweet and caring bob, absolutely whipped boyfriend bob, talks of marriage and views on it, light angst, relationship and commitment talk, both parts are on the same wavelength, it's more fluffy than those tags make it look I swear, implied intercourse, domesticity
a/n: ough this one. loverboy bob yesss. jumping head first into things yessss. marriage was a though subject to tackle especially with bob imo but I really wanted to try it out!
Bob drops his bags to his feet and hugs you tight before he leaves. Tight and suffocating, the way he would if he was leaving for six months. You wonder how intense he would have made it if it had actually been six months.
Itâs only a matter of a couple of weeks â itâs not much for what the mission involves, but for codependent, emotionally attached Bob, it feels like the most challenging thing he has ever had to do, and heâs more afraid of being away from you than he is for the actual mission, heâs pretty sure.
He leaves you one of his hoodies and promises he will do his best to find the time to call you.
The second day, he calls you at eleven in the evening. You stay on the phone for almost three hours, listening as he tells you about every single detail of the trip and about the so-called âclassifiedâ mission plans heâs not supposed to tell anyone about. He complains about how demanding and overbearing Valentina is for a good quarter of the call, and tells you how much he misses you already for half of it.Â
You tell him how chaotic being in the Watchtower feels without his calming presence around, tell him how nothing changes the fact that John and Ava can't stop fighting.
You hear it in his voice when he starts to feel tired, too familiar with how softly honest he gets when the exhaustion starts to weigh on him. It takes him a few tries to explain what he means, repeating his words with a warm chuckle when he stumbles over them and makes a mess of the syllables.Â
He doesnât fight it when you advise him to hang up and get some sleep.Â
His lucidity resurfaces when he remembers he forgot to ask you to water the few plants he has managed to keep alive, and to feed the fish he got after his psychiatrist told him having an animal to take care of could help him care for himself at the same time. Like two sides of the same coin â take back what youâve been given, treat others the way you would like to be treated or something.
So you have a mission of your own, and you take it very seriously â you take pictures and research his plants to know how often you should water them, and you carefully read the instructions of the fish food to know how much is enough and how much is too much. It becomes a routine as the days pass, and you take a picture of the fish to send to Bob, snapping when it opens its mouth to eat the particles before they reach the bottom of the aquarium.
Bob usually texts back asking how youâre doing, and when he doesnât have the time to, he responds with an assortment of emojis; a smiley face, a fish, a thumbs up and a heart. Which youâre sure, looking for the emojis just takes as long as a full conversation.
It feels weird not having him around the Watchtower, but as long as youâre kept busy, the days pass and donât seem to drag, and if your schedules match, heâs just a video call away. It is at night that it particularly hurts, when you get in bed and he never joins you, when you wake up in the middle of the night and heâs not here to cling to. Instead, you hug and bury your face into his hoodie, or sleep in his bed when you happen to miss him too much.
On the tenth day, the fish food runs out. Only a few specks fall out of the holes, and the fish hurries and catches them in no time, swimming around afterward like heâs expecting more. âI hope thereâs more somewhere or weâre both fucked, buddyâ you mutter to the fish, letting the empty container rest beside the aquarium. If there is any logic behind this and Bob has backup food somewhere, it shouldnât be far from the aquarium.Â
You try the first drawer. Itâs a mess. Tangled cords and cables, crumpled takeout menus, a pair of broken headphones, a bag of your favorite candies that he offers you when youâre feeling down. It makes you smile and your heart aches a little.Â
There is loose change at the bottom of the drawer, buttons, and things you canât even comprehend. But thereâs nothing that resembles the fish food, so this drawer is out.Â
The second drawer is more organized. Notebooks, the console controller heâs been meaning to try to fix for ages, a stack of papers that look like past prescriptions, painkillers, and a small, forest green velvet box tucked in the corner. The fish food still isnât there and youâre about to close the drawer, until you freeze when your gaze rests over the corner of the drawer again when the information hits the right place in your brain. You know you shouldnât or you will ruin something, you know what it is even before you reach for it, but your hand runs faster than your brain and you have to make sure, and youâre not sure youâre even truly processing the information. You stare at the box for a while as it rests in your hand.Â
Unopened, neat and pretty, the velvet soft.Â
And you know it should remain like this.Â
You try reasoning yourself, try to come up with reasonable reasons why a box like this would be there except for the obvious reason, telling yourself not to open it, like itâs a forbidden artifact holding an ancient curse. But everything leads back to reality, and once you lift the lid, you know it was everything you expected â it couldnât have ever been anything else and it was stupid to think otherwise in the first place.Â
Bob bought a ring.Â
You close the box just as soon as you open it, like itâs suddenly burning your hands, putting it back right where it was.
You forget to feed the fish.
Bucky has to shake you out of your thoughts during dinner that evening. When the rest of the team asks how Bob is doing, you respond briefly and donât elaborate the way you usually would, too shaken by your discovery, standing somewhere between excitement and dread, turning it all around your head. You chew on your food while Johnâs voice drowns into your ears, only imagining Bob going to the jewelry store, dawned by the responsibility to take a decision on which ring to pick. Wondering how long it has been in this drawer, how he plans on doing it all. Hearing his voice in your head already, stumbling over the proposal because heâs talking too fast, face flushed red while he tries to explain how much he loves you. Wondering if youâre even ready for something this big.
You love him; of course you do, but you hadnât even begun to think about this aspect of the relationship.
You stray away from contacting Bob too much the next day; you stick to texts only, because you know you will struggle pretending that there isnât something gnawing at your brain if you hear his voice, or worse, if he sees your face.
You get a text while youâre out shopping for the fish food with Yelena, and when you see it pop up onto your screen with Bobâs name, you donât bother opening it, immediately shoving your phone into your pocket with a small sigh. When you glance back at Yelena, you know by the look on her face that she knows somethingâs not right.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â she asks, putting back the can of food she had been holding.Â
You consider pushing it away, but youâre pretty sure you need friendly advice on this. âDo you think Bob is thinking about marriage?â
She makes a face like she had been expecting everything except this. âWow. Like, eventually, or right now?â
You give her a light shrug and tear your gaze away from her, pretending to look through the different varieties of fish food though youâve been knowing which to pick for a while already. âI donât knowâ
She doesnât follow right away, like sheâs thinking about it.
âI mean, if you proposed to him, he would say yes right off the bat without even thinking about what it implies.â she declares, knowing how deep heâs in for you. She had been suffering from his heartache before he gathered the courage to confess his feelings for you, after all. âIâm not sure about the real thing. I mean, maybe not right now. Too much commitment for him, especially with what he has gone through and his life at the momentâ
You nod. It aligns with your train of thought.
âBut eventually, definitelyâ she affirms. âIâve never seen someone so lovesick, it kinda disgusts me sometimesâ she grins, only meaning to tease you. You grin back at her and give her a playful nudge of your elbow, shaking your head with a laugh when you pick up the fish food from the shelves.
When youâre in line for checkout, you open Bobâs texts.
I got those crispy fried stuff you like at lunch todayÂ
I miss you
It makes you stupidly smile, and you send in your response before itâs your turn on paying.Â
I miss you too, babe
Your conversation with Yelena somehow eases your worries for the next few days; it makes the apprehension of Bob coming back less daunting, and your excitement grows with each day that passes.Â
He comes back on the fifteenth day â sooner than expected, by two days, because the mission got wrapped up sooner than planned, and heâs relieved; because he gets to go home, and because he knows he would have ended up hurting Valentina if he had to spend those extra days with her.
You figured he would talk a lot; about the trip, the mission in itself, the environment, his progress on using his powers. Itâs usually when you want to kiss him most, when heâs proud of himself and when he goes on about something that excites him, but this time, he doesnât bother with words when you close the door to his bedroom behind you. He kisses you, gentle and slow, like heâs savoring what heâs been deprived of for weeks, hands resting over your hips when he backs you up against the door and comes even closer. Your arms wrap around his neck, hand in his hair, and the snowball rolls and you end up under him in his bed while he kisses you like he wants to consume you whole, his hand trailing down your body until it slips under your clothes.
You kiss along his jawline when he lies back beside you when youâre done, his face prettily flushed, his breathing still uneven while he stares at the ceiling with that dazed, blissed out expression you love bringing on his face.Â
âMissed that too, right?â you ask with a teasing grin, hand resting over his throat while you kiss his cheek a couple more times.Â
His eyes close with contentment, an internal laugh running through him. âOh yeah.â
Your fingers brush away the hair sticking to his face, and he smiles when he watches you, kissing you one last time before he reluctantly pulls himself upright, quickly rearranging the clothes he had barely shed, too eager earlier to bother taking them off.
You do the same before getting comfortable still lying on his bed, cheek resting over his pillow, listening as he tells you about his last day on the mission and about the trip back home while you watch as he starts unpacking his travelling bag â he knows if he leaves it in a corner of his room he will let it rot and wonât touch it for weeks, and heâs been working on this kind of stuff in therapy â facing problems instead of running away from them.Â
It gets you thinking. About your own personal current problem. Bob still has no idea you know about the ring, and you feel like youâre lying to him by not letting him know.
Lying to the man who sleeps wrapped around you like heâs afraid youâll disappear in the night. Lying to the man who loves so desperately and honestly that sometimes it scares you only because you donât know how someone can feel something that deeply and handle it.
It feels unfair to hide it from him and to think about pretending to be shocked when the time eventually comes and he proposes; you know you will feel awful knowing you hid this from him.
You stop him before you get lost in his words and stop listening to him altogether. âI need to talk to you about somethingâ
Bob perks up, his narrative already dropped. âWhatâs wrong? Did something happen?â he puts the shirt heâs holding back in the bag, walking back to the bed when he sees the look on your face, sitting in front of you.Â
Your head shakes and you give him a small smile. âNo, everythingâs fine. Itâs justâ I ran out of fish food the other dayâ Bobâs head turns towards the tank like heâs expecting you to tell him the fish is dead. âHeâs okay,â you grin, seeing the soft relief over his face when he looks back at you. âBut itâsâ I figured youâd have more somewhere and I looked through your stuff, andâŠâ you trail off, but thereâs no use beating around the bush. âI found the ring.â
His soft, worried frown turns into an expression you canât quite decipher. Then, his mouth gapes just slightly, and you witness every stage of his thought process hit him in real time. Confusion, questioning, realization, horror. His mouth moves, no sound coming out as he searches for his words, unable to get anything intelligible out.Â
âOh my god,â he eventually whispers as he turns around and gets up from the bed again, a hand covering his face as he paces around processing the information, rubbing over his eyes.Â
You get off the bed and join him, carefully resting a hand over his arm, trying to quiet his frantic desperation. âItâs okay, Bob.â
âItâs not evenââ he gestures around aimlessly, his gaze everywhere but on you, still looking for his words. âFuckâ
He lets out a small, frustrated sigh. âItâsâ I was manic when I bought it. I felt like I was doing so great, I was finally starting to have control over my powers and things were so good between us andâ and I guess I got carried away, you know how it getsâ he explains frantically, brow furrowed. The words settle and still between you, and suddenly, it all makes sense.Â
âIt doesnât have to mean anything, I just⊠itâs crazy, I knowâ he huffs out humorlessly. âI mean, Iâd want to marry you, I know it, but we havenât been dating for that long and I donât even know if you would wanna get married, and I donât want to trap you into this or something, or pressure you into something you donât wantâ he rants, a nervous laugh punctuating it, his eyes squeezing shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose like an ache has developed there suddenly. He doesnât say anything for a few, the room getting awfully quiet suddenly, but you know thereâs more, itâs obvious over his face, so you let it sit.Â
âI donât even know if I want to, really. Or if Iâll ever be in the right place toâ he admits in a small chuckle, voice softer in confession. âIt just went so great with my parents, so,â he scoffs, voice pained with sarcasm, his hands falling to his sides again.Â
You take a hold of them, and for the first time since you dropped the bomb, Bobâs gaze meets yours, like your touch is steadying him. His eyes are filled with worry and apprehension of your reaction, explaining why he felt the need to justify himself this intensely.Â
âItâs okay,â you nod. âWe donât have to think about this right now. We have all the time in the world to figure it out and to know what we want for sure.â his eyes set to where your hands are holding his, his gaze softening with vulnerability, and his hand squeezes around your fingers softly. âWe can love each other the same even if we never get married. Itâs⊠really, itâs just a formalityâÂ
He nods, gaze still down. One of your hands slides away from his to brush beneath his chin and have him look back at you. âI love you and Iâm happy with you either way, you know that, right?â his mouth pinches into a sheepish smile, and he nods, eventually reciprocating the grin over your face.Â
A sense of relief washes over his face, and he brings you closer to hug you to his chest. âI love you tooâ he murmurs, the tension in his limbs easing a bit, the thumping of his ribcage still frenzied against your ear.
You sit together over the edge of his bed when you pull apart, grabbing his travelling bags to help him unpack. Thereâs a soft expression over his face, gratitude hitting him as he watches you move and neatly fold his clothes before you pass them over to him so he can sort them into piles to put away later. You both move in comfortable silence, until something hits Bob suddenly.
âAre you disappointed?â
You look back at him, a confused expression etched over your face. âOf what?â
He shrugs lightly, busying himself by digging through his toiletry bag. âYou could have been expecting me to propose and now youâre disappointed that I canât do itâ
âOhâ no, Bobâ you assure him immediately, hand resting above his. He gazes back at you, uncertainty masking his face again. âI donât think itâs something Iâd want right now. Iâm not opposed to it eventually, but itâs not an absolute necessity either. Our happiness doesnât have to depend on that, Iâd love you the same whatever we decide to doâ
Your words lodge themselves somewhere beneath the panic and self-consciousness and all the ugly little fears he carries in his brain, those about being difficult to love, even more on a long term aspect, and those about being abandoned.
You can see him trying to believe you, trying to let the reassurance sink in instead of immediately searching for hidden disappointment behind it.
âYeah?â he asks quietly after a moment, like he needs to hear it again to be sure.
Your thumb strokes over the back of his hand. âYeah.â
His gaze lingers on your face, studying you carefully, looking for any hint of hesitation or disappointment.
Thereâs none.
You kiss his cheek before you get up from the bed and take the pile of shirts to put it away in his closet, and he progressively visibly relaxes, more at ease now that this whole thing isnât dawning on the both of you anymore.
âHey, uh⊠do you like the ring at least?â Bob asks gingerly, though with less nervosity than if he had asked earlier, a faint grin over his face. âI had such a hard time making a decision. I mean, now that you know, we can get it changed if we ever decide to get married one dayâ
You break into a soft laugh and nod. Thereâs a gentle beaming smile over Bobâs face when your hand slides into his hair. âI love it. Itâs really pretty. And very careful of what I likeâ
He nods, a sheepish, proud smile over his face.Â
Itâs his first time turning a rushed decision into something right, at least.
And now his fear of the future isnât as clouded as it used to be.
â
every feedback/reblog/comment is greatly appreciatedâĄ
Summary:Â After overhearing some choice words between Bucky and his best friend, you make the difficult decision to avoid him. For a week. Bucky loses his mind in the process.
Word count:Â 2.1k
Warnings:Â Some angst and miscommunication
a/n: I love this trope!! It was so fun to write a little one and I loveee reading it. I hope you enjoy!! Thank you for reading ily â€ïžâ€ïž
Masterlist
~~
You fought off the swell of your throat with tight lips, stirring the contents of the pot with unnecessary care. He was staring at you. He had been staring at you from the moment he came inside, but there was nothing you could do about itânothing you should do about it.Â
The spices from the haphazardly thrown-together dinner were beginning to burn your eyes. This felt awful. The past week had felt awful.Â
After overhearing Bucky call you intense, everything you felt was amplified.Â
It had been an accident, you being at his apartment at that exact moment. You were dropping by unannounced, but you hadnât even knocked on the door before his words had vibrated past the locked threshold of the door. And then you had left.Â
You had taken great care to be less intense over the past week. This was the first time Bucky had been in your apartment since that day, and that hadnât been without struggle. He asked to come over several times, even showing up and knocking on the door while you pretended to be asleep. It all felt very juvenileâthe ignoring and avoiding and missing calls. But you didnât know how else to respond.Â
You loved Bucky. You loved him and it felt intense, but, apparently, things had moved too fast for him. A few months of dating were not enough. You were too much.
You had told him you loved him for the first time just days before you overheard his confession, so connecting the dots hadnât been very hard.
You were too much.Â
Avoiding him had been made easier by your intense work schedule. You stayed overtime and texted brief excuses. That had worked for a time. But last night, Bucky showed up at your office with a bag of takeout and an uncomfortably furrowed brow, and you knew it was probably time to face this.Â
You gave him space for a week, and now it was time to practice being less intense in person. You couldnât avoid him forever. And it hurtâbeing away from him for too long. Not that you would admit that. Not now.Â
âI donât know how good this is going to be,â you huffed out a laugh, ladling noodles into two bowls. âItâs a new recipe, and Iâm kinda low on groceries.âÂ
When you glanced up at Bucky sitting on the couch, his smile looked strained. ââM sure itâll be great.âÂ
You replied with a short smile, glancing down at the bowls as you joined him in the living room. You sat far enough away for it to make senseâone cushion over, not halfway in his lap like you used to. The television created a soft backdrop of some show you werenât paying attention to, but the meal was otherwise silent.Â
You missed kissing him.
When he came in, you gave him one quick press of your lips and then darted back to the kitchen, ignoring the feel of his hands on your waist as they rushed to grab you. He was only doing all of that to appease youâthe calls and trips to your office and the affection.Â
If you let him do what he didnât want to do, you would lose him.Â
âWell,â you prompted, your teasing smile almost wobbling over the bowl. âHow is it?âÂ
Bucky caught your eye from the other side of the small couch. His expression narrowed on your mouth, and then he winced, almost imperceptibly.Â
Something dropped in your gut.Â
âItâs good, sweetheart.âÂ
You kept up your smile, but as you turned back to your meal and pretended to watch TV, everything felt final. Your jaw was stiff as you took your next bite, the food tasting like nothing and curdling in your stomach. You hadnât done enough. You hadnât given him enough space. He had been so adamant about coming over because this was the end.Â
You left your bowl half-filled when you placed it on the coffee table, the smell of it nauseating. The inside of your cheek was bleeding from where you bit into it.Â
âDone already?â Bucky asked. He had finished a few minutes before you, his dish next to yours, and his arm looped back behind the couch. He wasnât touching you. Almost, but not.Â
âYeah,â you replied. The single word sounded unstable, and you cursed your throat for feeling so thick with anxiety. You looked at Bucky from the corner of your eye, only to find his eyes closed and his expression pinched.Â
Your lips parted. Were you going to beg? That would only make it worse, surely. Too intense, too much.Â
Maybe this would be for the best. Some time for a break wouldâ
âPlease, tell me how to fix this.âÂ
You blinked at the TV, and then you blinked over towards Bucky, lips still parted but no words escaping them.Â
A pause as breath was caught in the heaviness of your chest, and then, âWhat?âÂ
Bucky moved his tongue to his cheek, leaning forward to prop his elbows on his knees. He was wearing a hoodie today, and it felt so uncharacteristic that you had almost been distracted at the door.Â
âI canât⊠I canât lose you, okay? I donât know what I did, but you gotta tell me or Iâmââ his hands came up to run over his head and fall at the nape of his neck. ââjust tell me what I did, sweetheart. Please.âÂ
He turned to look at you then, only a foot of space between you but the distance almost stifling. Your hands clenched atop your knees, and he watched them, eyes flickering to any movement you made. He tracked your unsteady breath, the way your gaze couldnât stay rooted in one place, and each minute shift in your features.Â
âI donâtâI donât understand,â you offered, because it was the truth.Â
Buckyâs jaw rocked to the side. âYou barely said three words to me this week. You didnât want me overâdidnât want to see me. I fought through your building security to bring you dinner, and you looked⊠Baby, I walked through the door and looked about ready to cry. I mean, you didnât evenâyou barely even kissed me today.âÂ
Your gentle sigh weighed down your chest. You dropped your gaze down to the couch, unaware that Bucky was desperately trying to find himself there, leaning his head down to no avail. This didnât make any sense. You really couldnât do anything right, it seemed.Â
âItâs justâbaby, I thought you saidââ Bucky started, speaking in such disjointed sentences you looked up to try and parse them out. His shoulders untensed as you did, but then he said, âThought you loved me, is that still true?â and the confusing swirl of emotions turned to devastation.Â
âI do,â you fervently replied, shaking your head as if that made sense. âOf course I do, Bucky, but youâŠâÂ
âI what?â Bucky rushed to get clarification, the vulnerability so clear on his face it made you ache.Â
âI thought I was too much for you. I was trying to give you space. I thought you were going to end things tonight.âÂ
âWhy in the hell would you think that?â he exasperated, the words harsh but his delivery of them so gentle.Â
You bit into your bottom lip and let out another breath, the pressure on your chest looming down into your ribs. The fists on your knees moved to pick at a loose thread on the couch.Â
âI came by on Saturdayâto your apartment, I mean. You left your jacket in my car, and I knew you were going to be out late with Sam.âÂ
âBut I didnâtââÂ
âI never actually got inside your apartment,â you revealed, knocking your head to the side, still unable to fully meet his gaze.Â
A tick of silence passed.Â
âYou heard me.âÂ
This was the worst part. It made you seem immature, eavesdropping from the hall of his building. It made you seem immature, and you were also petty because you avoided him for a week. You fought the urge to allow the couch to swallow you whole.
âI didnât mean to hear you,â you stressed, pulling and tugging at the loose corner of your cushion. âI left pretty quickly. I didnâtââÂ
âHey,â Bucky interrupted. He placed fingers under your chin, forcing your gaze up to his. The concern in his features masked lingering hurt, and you moved your hands into your lap to squeeze them together instead. âWhat did you hear, baby?â
You flickered your gaze between his eyes. âIâm not mad at you. I understand, you know? I wouldnât wantââÂ
âY/n. What did you hear?â
âThat you think Iâm too intense. That thisâusâis too much, maybe.âÂ
Bucky kept you in his hold, but he closed his eyes. The hurt melted from his face only to be replaced with something akin to regret. He shook his head slightly, jutted out his jaw, and then he looked at you once again, his features strained.Â
âDamn,â he whispered. The fingers under your chin moved to cup your cheek, rubbing soothing shapes there. âThought you were leaving me, did you know that? Whole time this has been my own fault. God.âÂ
Bucky shifted forward on the couch until your legs were pressed close. You untucked yours to accommodate him, greedy for the contact despite your confusion, and he only got closer. When his forehead touched yours, you gave in to the burn in your waterline, vision blurrier than it had been.Â
âI love you so goddamn much,â Bucky began, moving back only an inch to find your watery gaze. âWhen I said you were intense, I meant that this is the most Iâve ever felt for someone. That the intensity was mutual. That maybe, at the rate weâre going, it would be too much for you. I was asking Sam for adviceâseeing if he thought I should back off.âÂ
âYou?â you asked, the word crackling in your throat.Â
âYeah, me, sweetheart. Not you. I was afraid you were gonna bolt one of these days. Iâm not exactly the easiest to get along with, according to quite a few people, and I know that loving you means that Iâm probably the worst around you.â
The muscle at the corner of your mouth twitched, and along with it went the stress that had settled in every nerve ending in your body. The tension in your jaw released, your chest began to ease, and the only remaining negative was the sadness at Buckyâs confessionâat his fronted vulnerability.Â
You reached up to catch his wrist in your grip, and he responded by bringing his other hand up to hold you fully.
âI love you,â you affirmed. Buckyâs own smile was sad. âIâve never thought about âbolting.â I spent this entire week sad and lonely because I was afraid you were going to leave me. I was trying to show you that I could be⊠chill, I guess.âÂ
âChill?â Bucky repeated with a scoff-like laugh, brows shooting up as he brushed his thumbs along the dampness of your cheeks. âI drove past your apartment every night this week. I used that shampoo you left in my shower just to make my bed smell like you again. I wroteâŠGod, I wrote you this letter because I figured maybe if you got something in the mailââÂ
âYou sent me mail?â you interrupted.Â
Buckyâs face blushed a bashful pink, his mouth open in a defensive smile. âWe can forget about the mail, okay? Now that weâre talking it out.âÂ
âRight. Iâm going to check my mail when you leave.âÂ
âHey,â he demanded, his playful, pointed look reorienting you to the reason behind the tears now drying on your face. When you settled back into his gaze, Bucky readjusted you in his hands, bringing your head into his shoulder until you were fully in his arms. âI love you, you got that? Iâm sorry you heard what you did and thoughtâthought that wasnât true. Youâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. I never want to feel like that againâlike Iâm losing you.âÂ
You tightened your fingers into the material of Buckyâs hoodie, taking a moment to relish in his arms around you. You nodded against him, hoping that would suffice, and it did. He kissed the side of your head and leaned back against the couch, bringing you with him.Â
âCanât even check the mail,â Bucky eventually grumbled out. âYouâre crazy if you think Iâm leaving any time soon.â
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Reader always falling asleep next to Bucky, yes. BUT. Hear me out okay, Bucky always falling asleep next to reader. Pre-relationship. All reader has to do is be in the same room as Bucky and he's out like a light. It becomes comical because the team tries to figure out who it is and stay w Bucky alone to see if he falls asleep, but it's not until he's sitting alone with reader that he passes out within the minute. The team thinks it's funny, Bucky is embarrassed, but reader thinks it's cute and gets him to start sleeping in her room so he can sleep properly đđ
It truly was an acccident.
Youâre in the common room late one night, curled up on one end of the couch with a blanket tucked around your legs and a file open on your tablet. The compound is quiet in that rare, fragile way it only ever is past midnight. You hear the soft, familiar whir of servos before you see him.
âCanât sleep?â you ask without looking up.
Bucky grunts something noncommittal and drops onto the opposite end of the couch. Heâs fresh from a shower, hair damp and pushed back, wearing gray sweats and a black Henley that stretches across his shoulders. He smells like clean soap and something warm and distinctly him.
You hum in acknowledgment, keep scrolling.
Itâs less than three minutes before you glance over and realize his head has tipped back against the cushions, mouth parted slightly, breathing slow and even.
You blink.
âBarnes?â
No response.
You lean closer. Heâs out cold.
You stare at him for a second, then snort quietly to yourself. He had been tense when he walked in, shoulders tight like piano wire. Now he looks⊠soft. Younger. Peaceful in a way you donât get to see often.
You slide the blanket off your legs and drape it over him instead.
The next night it happens again.
And the next.
It becomes a pattern so quickly itâs almost ridiculous. Youâre in the kitchen, leaning against the counter while he nurses a cup of tea? Heâs asleep at the table before it cools. Youâre on the training mats stretching after a workout? He sits down âjust for a minuteâ and is snoring softly within five. Youâre on the Quinjet, shoulder brushing his, and heâs gone before takeoff.
The first time Sam notices, he nearly chokes on his drink.
âMan,â he says slowly, eyes bouncing between you and the unconscious super soldier slumped in his chair, âI have never seen him do that.â
âWhat?â you ask innocently.
âSleep. Like that.â
You glance at Bucky. Heâs folded in on himself in one of the common room armchairs, chin tucked to his chest, looking so deeply asleep it borders on absurd.
âMaybe heâs tired,â you shrug.
âUh-huh,â Sam says, squinting.
Natasha catches on next.
She tests it.
One evening, she corners Bucky in the kitchen while youâre still in the gym. She talks to him about mission reports, about old Hydra intel, about nothing at all. She even sits him down on the couch and lowers her voice to that smooth, soothing cadence she uses on frightened witnesses.
He doesnât so much as yawn.
You walk in ten minutes later, towel around your neck, cheeks flushed from sparring.
âHey,â you say, smiling when you see them.
Bucky looks up at the sound of your voice.
And promptly passes out mid-sentence.
Natasha stares at him.
Then at you.
âOh,â she breathes.
Within a week itâs a full-blown investigation.
Clint tries keeping Bucky company in the rec room. Steve insists on staying up with him one night to âsee whatâs going on.â Sam even suggests it might be some weird delayed serum side effect.
Nothing.
Bucky stays stubbornly, frustratingly awake with everyone else.
But the second youâre alone with him?
Lights out.
The breaking point comes during movie night.
The whole team is sprawled across the couches. Bucky is sitting ramrod straight on one end, clearly determined to prove a point. He even says as much.
âIâm not tired,â he mutters, jaw tight.
You bite your lip to keep from smiling and sit beside him anyway. Not touching. Just close enough that your knees almost brush.
The movie starts.
Thirty seconds later, his head tips sideways.
And lands squarely on your shoulder.
The room erupts.
Sam howls. Clint actually applauds. Natasha hides her smirk behind her hand. Even Steveâs lips twitch.
Bucky jerks upright, horrified. âI wasnâtâ I didnâtââ
âYou were snoring,â Sam informs him gleefully.
âI was not!â
âYou absolutely were,â Clint says. âLike a tiny chainsaw.â
Youâre laughing now, warmth blooming in your chest as Buckyâs ears turn pink.
âItâs not funny,â he grumbles, refusing to look at you.
It is funny.
But itâs also⊠something else.
Because youâve started to notice the details. The way his breathing evens out almost immediately when youâre near. The way his shoulders drop. The way the constant, subtle vigilance that hums beneath his skin finally goes quiet.
It hits you one evening when itâs just the two of you in your room.
He hadnât meant to come in. He was pacing the hall after a nightmare, trying not to wake anyone. Youâd opened your door at the sound of his footsteps.
âYou okay?â youâd asked softly.
He hesitated.
Then nodded, once.
âCâmere,â youâd said, stepping aside.
He perches on the edge of your bed like heâs afraid it might bite him. You sit cross-legged across from him, close but not touching.
âYou donât have to stay,â he says roughly.
âI know.â
You talk about nothing. About the new recruits. About a recipe Sam ruined. About the weather.
His eyelids start to droop.
You watch it happen in real time.
âBuck,â you murmur gently.
He blinks at you, trying to fight it.
âYouâre safe,â you tell him, because you think maybe thatâs the key. âYou can sleep.â
Itâs like someone flips a switch.
He sways once.
Then slumps forward, forehead pressing lightly against your shoulder as he goes completely limp.
You freeze for a second.
Then slowly, carefully, you ease him down against your pillows and pull the comforter over him.
He doesnât stir.
The next morning, the team finds him there.
In your bed.
Still asleep.
Sam leans against the doorway, grinning. âWell. Mystery solved.â
Bucky groans and buries his face in your pillow. âKill me.â
You just smile, brushing your fingers gently through his hair.
âOr,â you say sweetly, âyou could just start sleeping in here.â
His eyes flick up to yours, wary but hopeful.
âYou serious?â
âSeems like you only sleep when Iâm around,â you shrug. âMight as well get a full night out of it.â
Thereâs a beat.
Then, slowly, shyly, he nods.
The team never lets him live it down.
But that nightâand every night afterâBucky falls asleep within minutes of you climbing into bed beside him.
âŠïž â SUMMARY. Bucky finds your romance novel. Bucky reads the highlighted part. Bucky discovers you've both been silently wanting the same thing. Bucky proves heâs incapable of acting normal about this information.
WARNINGS. established relationship, MDNI, 18+, porn no plot, Bucky has a raging breeding kink, soft smut, unprotected pnv, creampie, cumplay, mentions of lactation kink, domestic intimacy, no use of y/n.
NOTES. scheduled post bc your girl is on a break. also thank you for 4000 followers, what the hell đ„č
The only good thing about a mission was that it ended. And when it ended, Bucky can come home to you.
The door clicked behind him. He exhaled properly, maybe for the first time in three days, and let the quiet settle over him. He shed his jacket, his boots, and followed the strip of warm light under the bedroom door without thinking. Muscle memory by now, this particular walk.
You were on your stomach, one leg bent, cheek soft against the pillow, mouth barely open the way it only went when you were properly under. Completely gone. One hand curled slack beside a book lying pages-down on the bed, spine cracked, the way books shouldn't be left if you cared about them.Â
He'd seen this exact scene before â you falling asleep mid-read, the lamp still on â and his move was always the same: turn the light off, climb in behind you, sleep for ten hours.
He almost did.
His hand reached for the book to set it aside when his eyes caught the open page. He sat down slowly on the edge of the mattress because his legs stopped cooperating.
The prose wasn't fancy. It didn't need to be, it was blunt about what it was describing. A man with both hands pressed to his girl's lower belly while he worked himself deep, telling her she was going to take every drop, that he wasn't stopping until he'd filled her up past overflowing. That's it, pretty girl, take my cum, let me breed this tight little cunt till it takes, want you so full of me you can't think, wanna see your belly swollen with my babies. The woman in the story was begging for it, wet and completely broken, while he kept his palm flat over her stomach.Â
Bucky's hand tightened around the spine until the cover bent.
He turned the page and found a star drawn in pencil in the margin. Your handwriting. Neat and small, beside the passage where the man pulled back just enough to watch his cum leak from her before pressing it back inside â not wasting a drop, gorgeous, every bit of it stays right here where it belongs.
A star.
He sat with that for a moment. Two moments. Maybe a full minute of just sitting there with the lamp warm on his hands and your soft breathing behind him.
He knew this want. He'd been sitting on it for months â the need to just stay, every time he was buried inside you and the pull of it got so loud it took actual effort to talk himself back. The responsible thing. The right thing. Pull out. Don't push it. Don't put that on her. And then watching the mess of it on your skin and thinking about what it would mean to not. To keep it all where it was supposed to go. How many showers he'd stood in thinking about your belly. What you'd look like. How soft you'd go. How it would feel to press his palm there and know.
To him, this wasnât some random story anymore. Apparently his girl has been falling asleep to fantasies of getting claimed and filled until she carried his baby, the same urges heâd been swallowing down every time he pulled out and spilled across your skin instead, not wanting to push too far and scare away that sweet softness you always seem to give him.
He turned another page. Found another star, this one beside the line where the man cradled his girl's tits as he asked about nursing from her.Â
He closed the book and looked at you. All the love he felt towards you multiplied with the awakened hunger, hands itching to wake you right then, to show you how perfectly those pages matched the way he wanted to ruin you for anyone else. He stood up, stripped down. Shirt, pants, everything. He was not getting into bed in three-day mission clothes, even if his brain was only half working.Â
He looked down at himself. Already half-hard, his cock thick against his thigh, wet at the tip just from reading. He'd been on missions that didn't break him this fast. He wrapped his hand around himself slowly, hissed at his own slickness smearing his palm and stroked just to get a handle on it.Â
He put his hand on your hip. "Baby." He shook you gently. "Wake up for me."
The sound you made was small and personally offended by the concept of consciousness. You burrowed deeper.
"Baby." He rubbed your hip. "Open your eyes."
Slowly, you did, blinking like a deer caught, as you found him in the warm lamplight and your face just opened. All of it, the sleep-blur gone in a second, replaced by that warmth, that automatic reaching, your arms coming up before you'd even finished registering what you were looking at. Like some part of you knew it was him before your eyes did, and your whole body moved toward him on instinct.
He gathered you in. He would never in his life stop being leveled by this, the way you reached for him like that, all open and unguarded, not one defensive thing in you when you saw him. He tucked his face into your hair and breathed.
"You're home," you mumbled against his neck. No matter what, the images from the book spilled over, now all he saw was you and him, those dirty promises echoing.
"I'm home." His lips found your temple. "Came home and found you sleeping like you haven't got a single bad thought in your pretty head." He felt your breath catching, your fingers going still in his shirt. "Left your book right out here for me."
"It's just a book." You spoke into his skin, pressing closer into him, fingers digging into his shoulders with a restless energy, soft sounds vibrating through you that only made him harder
"Pages worn soft from reading it."
"Bucky â"
"Little pencil stars in the margins." He pulled back just enough to look at your face. The flush was already climbing your throat, your eyes sliding sideways from his. He could see you trying to determine exactly how much he'd read. "My sweet girl." He shook his head slowly, as he watched you bite your lip. "Sleeping like an angel⊠with her breeding kink book on the nightstand."
A mortified sound left you as you tried to press back into his chest. He let you, his mouth curving, his arms pulling you in. "Don't," you said, muffled by him.
"I'm not doing anything."
"You're laughing at me."
"I'm not laughing." He really was, a little. He pressed his lips to your hair to hide it. "I would never." He rubbed your back, felt you slowly start to relax against him. "I've been pulling out," he said, into your hair. "This whole time."
You went completely still.
"Every single time," he continued. "Being responsible. Doing right by you. While you've been in here starring passages about being filled up and bred." He felt your fingers curl in his shirt. "I've been pulling out for nothin', baby."
A long pause where you just nuzzled again and breathed. Then very quietly your voice came. "I didn't think you'd want â"
"I think about it every time I'm inside you." He said it simply. Just the plain truth of it sitting between you. "Just â thought it would scare you. Thought I'd push you away." He pressed his lips to your forehead.Â
He continued when you didn't reply, "so here we both were, keeping our mouths shut like absolute idiots."
You looked up at him with an expression he could never quite name, somewhere between wanting and completely undone. He kissed you before either of you could ruin the moment with more words. Slow and thorough, hands cupping your face. You made a soft sound against his mouth that had always gone straight through him.
Clothes came off fast, what little you had on was gone, and he was already bare. He settled between your thighs and looked at you properly.
Your cunt was weeping before he'd even touched you. Slick and swollen, soaking the sheets, and he dragged two fingers through your folds and brought them to his mouth while holding your gaze the entire time. "You were dreamin' about it." He could still taste you on his tongue. "Weren't you? Dreaming about me filling up this tight little pussy."
A broken whimper came as you turned your face into the pillow.
"Baby." He tapped your thigh gently. "Look at me." Reluctantly, you met his eyes, warmth spreading to your ears. He circled your entrance without pushing in, felt you clench around nothing, as he listened to the sound it pulled out of you. "Don't get shy now, sweetheart. Tell me what you want."
"Please â"
"Please what baby?"
"Fill me up. Please, Bucky, please just fill me up, I need it â" Your hand raised to hide your face, which he softly pulled away.Â
Bucky pushed in slowly. Your nails found his biceps before he was halfway there, digging crescents into the thick muscle. He worked into your dripping cunt inch by inch, feeling every clench and flutter, the wet sounds of it loud in the quiet room.Â
When he got himself fully seated, he held there, both of you just breathing each other in.
His palm pressed flat to your lower belly. "Feel that?" He pressed down gently and watched your eyes go soft. "That's me, baby. Right here." He pressed a little firmer and your breath punched out. "That's where it's staying. Every load, from now on." He pulled back slowly and drove in, as he watched your mouth fall open. "Never pulling out. Not wasting a drop. Gonna fill this pretty pussy up and keep her that way."
"Bucky â"Â
"I know, baby." He started moving, finding a rhythm. "I know. We've been idiots."
You came apart under his hands easily, wound up and desperate, scratching at his back, your thighs locking around his waist. Your cunt was soaking him, drooling around his cock with every thrust, the slick sounds of it filling the room.
"I know you love swallowing." You made a soft, small sound when he said that. "And I love watching you do it. Love seeing my cum on your stomach, on your tits." He palmed your breast, taking your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, feeling you jolt under him. He did it slower the second time, watching your face. "But that's done. From now on every single load goes right here." He ground his palm down over your lower belly. "Load after load, until you're round with my babies and everyone can see what we've been doing."
"Yes â please â"
"These tits." He thumbed your nipple again and your back bowed off the mattress. He felt you gush around him. "They're gonna fill up, you know that? Get so heavy and full." He kept his palm there, felt your pulse jumping under your skin. "Gonna let me drink from them." His thumb dragged slowly across your nipple again and your whole body shuddered in a shock. "Aren't you?"
A gasp spilled from your lips, barely a sound.
"Aren't you, baby?"
"Yes," you gasped. "Yes, god, yes, anything you want â"
"Atta girl." He sucked a mark into your throat and felt your cunt clench and flood around him, soaking him straight down his thighs. He kept his palm on your belly. Couldn't stop touching you there, the soft warm plane of it, the thought of it round and full of him. "Gonna put a baby right here." He spread his fingers wide. "Take such good care of you. You and our baby both, I promise you that."
"More â please â Buckyâ"
He hooked your knee higher and drove in harder, making you cry and scratch at his skin.Â
His metal hand reached up, curving gently under the back of your neck and tilted you forward. "Look how good you're taking me."
You looked down. He watched your face while you watched his cock move in and out of your puffy, soaked cunt, the slick mess of you coating every inch of him. Your thighs were dark and wet, your pussy drooling around each thrust and clinging to him when he drew back. He could see the drag and pull of it from here. Watch the way your cunt stretched open and tried to keep him every time he moved.
"Look at her," he marveled. "See how she takes me? Sucking me in like she's been starving." He drove in to the hilt and held himself there, watching your head drop back. "Did I starve her? Hm?"
"Bucky â"
"Tell me." He rocked into you, slow enough to be punishing. "Did I keep her empty when she wanted to be full?"
You whined in response, clinging to his arm. He pulled back slowly, and pushed back in. "That's done, babygirl."
Your sounds had gone to pieces, his name breaking apart in your mouth. He worked you harder and felt you winding up, getting impossibly tight around him.
"You'd make such a good momma." The words fell out of him without planning. He pressed his face into the curve of your neck. "Gonna make this belly round and take care of you through every bit of it. Every part. I mean that. You want that, sweet girl?" The headboard rattled at his pace, as you openly scratched at him harder, head lolling to one side, soft mewling sounds threading through each exhale.
"Say it baby. Come on, sweetheart."
"Please â I'm so close â"
"I know, baby⊠I know. Say it first."
"Make me a mommy â" It tore out of you. "Please, Bucky, please â make me a mommyâ"
That pushed him to the edge, and he came, hard and sudden, hips slamming forward and holding while his cock pulsed in long thick ropes inside you. You came apart with him, cunt clenching in tight rippling waves, whole body shaking, a broken sob of his name leaving your mouth. He felt you your pussy milking every last drop, as he kept grinding in, palm pressed hard to your lower belly, like if he just kept his hand there
"Take it â take all of it â every drop, baby â"
He was still rocking into you in slow, sloppy thrusts when he felt himself going soft, working the last of it out. You were limp and shaking underneath him, hands slack in his hair. He pressed his face to your neck and breathed until he could.
He lay there with his softening cock still inside you, palm warm over your belly. You nuzzled your face against his jaw. The room smelled like sex. He pressed his lips to your cheekbone, your temple, the side of your mouth, anywhere he could reach. Told you between each one how good you were, how beautiful you'd be, how he'd meant every word.
When he finally slipped free, it was reluctant, genuinely, physically reluctant, a resistance he had to push against. As he looked down, slow, thick stream of his cum leaked from your swollen, puffy cunt, running down your inner thighs.
He pressed two fingers gently at your entrance before he'd even made a decision about it.
Your whole body twitched. "Bucky."
"Shh." He pushed it back inside, slow but thorough, and pressed his fingers there when he was done. Just held it there. Keeping the warmth of you against his palm, plugging you, not letting any more of it go.
"I know what you're doing," you said.
"I know you do." He didn't move his hand though.
A small, helpless sound slipped out of you. You pressed closer into his chest, as he brought his other hand over your shoulders to rest on your lower belly. Both of them just stayed there â one cupping you from below, one warm and flat on your stomach.
He nuzzled into your hair. Pressed his lips to your forehead. He's wanted this for so long, and he's going to be good at this no matter what.
"You're not moving your hands," you said eventually, voice drowsy, sated, barely there.
"No," he said.
"Either one."
"No."
You made a sound that was too tired to be an objection and pressed your face into his chest. His thumb drew a slow circle on your belly and didn't move.Â
Summary: Your husband is unfaithful, and your contractor is hot.
Pairing: Contractor!Joel Miller x Married!Reader
Warnings: Porn with some Plot?, piv, cunnilingus, fingering, massage, Joel works for reader, adultery, but reader's husband cheated first so it doesn't count and i stand by that, divorce, Joel has a big dick, Tommy Miller, shitty marriage
WC: 8.2k
A/N: This really got away from me im so sorry. but low key lmk if i should make a part 2. Love to hear your thoughts :)
You didnât set out to hire a contractor with the sole purpose of cheating on your husband. It just happened.
In all fairness, he cheated first. Consistently and repeatedly. His ongoing affairs are the reason youâve found yourself in this situation in the first place.Â
In truth, it started long before his infidelity had. You knew marrying him was a mistake the moment he showed just how little he cared for you and your needs, miniscule as they may be, in your opinion.Â
You married Jeremy straight out of college, which was your first miscalculation. Guys your age never quite met your standards of what a healthy and loving relationship should be. But you married him anyway because you thought itâs what you had to do.
His job in finance allowed you to buy the house of your dreams, though it definitely needed some work. He promised you â insisted â that he could take care of the repairs himself despite having the financial means to hire someone else to do it and zero experience doing any sort of manual labor. Your career was just as lucrative as his, so between the two of you, there was no reason you couldnât afford to hire someone to do the job. You lost track of the amount of times youâd fought him on the topic.
Just hire someone! No, I can do it myself! When? Iâll start soon, I swear!
He never started soon. And now, itâs been five years
The home itself was perfect â full of mid-century modern charm, large, bright windows, sleek, low-pitched roof, open floor plan. You loved it. You did not love the orange shag carpet or the lime green cabinets in the kitchen, nor were you a fan of the square teal tiling covering every inch of both bathrooms. But those problems could be easily resolved.Â
Your husband, cheating, vile, misogynistic scumbag that he is, was considerably less simple to deal with.
When you discovered his habitual adultery, you were surprised to feel nothing but anger. Not hurt. Not betrayal. Just pure, unbridled anger. You hadnât been happy in years, and quite frankly, you werenât sure you ever were.Â
It sparked a thirst for retaliation in you that couldnât be quenched without taking full and total control of your life again.Â
First on your to-do list was filing for a divorce. You had all the proof you needed to back up your claims of his infidelity â texts, phone calls, receipts for motels â Jeremy was not smart, nor was he careful, which made the task incredibly simple. Seeing as he fucked anything with a pulse, you had plenty of evidence to go on. Your lawyer was astonished, either at his stupidity or the sheer amount of women Jeremy has been caught with, you werenât sure.
Next, you gathered the funds you needed in order to complete the renovation to your home, and luckily, youâd been saving for that specific task. You wanted him to be dumbstruck when he saw the final product, and then you would hand him the divorce papers and tell him to get the hell out.
Finally, you had to hire the right contractors to get the job done. This proved to be your most ardent task yet.Â
It took you weeks to find a suitable contractor to take on your project. You vetted and price checked and examined their work with a scrutiny that would impress even the most seasoned detectives. You took recommendations, avoided certain ones entirely, and finally landed on Miller & Miller Construction.
Their website had no flair. No pizazz. No gimmicks. It was plain, clean, and it showcased their work in stunning clarity. You were impressed. The custom cabinetry was just what youâd been looking for, the craftsmanship simple, but precise. Their eye for design, their workmanship, everything spoke to you. You set up a consultation and met with them as soon as you could.
Joel and Tommy were two completely opposing entities that you werenât quite sure how to read. Tommy did most of the talking, his smile easy and bright, immediately likable, while Joel sat quietly, eyes trained on you, not exactly frowning, but there was no smile to be had on his face either. You liked them, despite how quiet the elder Miller was, grizzled hair, trimmed scruff on his jaw and chin, mustache flecked with grey.
Something about him made you squirm.Â
You could tell immediately how their dynamic worked. Tommy was the salesman, the entrepreneur, the frontman. And Joel was the brawn, the craftsman â it showed in the rough edges of his features, his hands, his discerning eyes. Though, youâre sure they both put in their fair share of hard labor.
Tommy had a tablet in front of him, typing out the details of your project. Joel paced the kitchen, measuring, examining, testing. You watched him, admiring the slope of his broad shoulders, the sharp line of his jaw, the faint hints of grey in his beard, rippling muscles hidden under a flannel and a t-shirt.
You blinked out of your haze when Tommy spoke.
âFull-scale kitchen remodel. Custom cabinetry. Updated appliances. Marble counters â that wonât be cheap,â Tommy muttered, but you waved your hand.
âItâs covered. Iâve been saving for years.â
His grin flashed, warm and friendly, âDonât worry, we wonât drain it all.â He types something else out, muttering, âHardwood floors, new trim, drywalling, tiling..â he trailed off, listing out everything the two of you had discussed for the entirety of the house. When he was done, he looked across at you with a smile, âIâll get you an estimate in about a week or so.â
You almost bounced in your seat, giddy with the prospect of your home finally coming to life. You were so ecstatic you almost forgot about the wreckage of your marriage.
âWeâll have our design team set up a consultation, pick materials, colors and such, and then we can get you a fixed timeline. Do you have any questions for us?â
Your eyes darted between him and his stoic older brother before shaking your head, âNo, thank you so much.â
In all of your searches and meetings with various contractors in the area, it was the first time you felt seen. They didnât ask if you needed your husbandâs approval. They didnât ask if he wanted input in the project. Didnât even ask if you had a husband. But it was clear in your surroundings â the framed picture of you two on your wedding day situated right behind you on the china cabinet, the menâs tennis shoes discarded by the door, the ugly recliner just visible in the living room. Your wedding ring.
Your meeting with their design team went even better â though team was a bit of an overstatement. A woman your age, friendly, bright, excited to help you design your kitchen. Her name was Winona, and she was bubbly without being obnoxious, smart without being a knowitall. And best of all, she took your design ideas and turned them into something spectacular. You loved her.
Jeremy was on a business trip, probably fucking anything that moved, when you signed the final contract to get the house started. And the progress was swift. Efficient for two guys who did all the work themselves. You wondered, briefly, how many projects they normally took on. If they had a crew doing work elsewhere. But it didnât matter. They were working on your house.Â
And Tommy was right. The estimate he provided didnât drain all youâd saved for the project. You had just enough left over to tuck away for your lawyer fees for your inevitable divorce. Something you were wildly ecstatic about.
Over the course of two weeks, Tommy and Joel arrived at seven am on the dot, ripping apart your house piece by piece, hauling things away, cleaning up the site, and working at a scarily efficient tempo.
By the end of the first week, theyâd had the upper level of your home completely bare, painted in the soft, off-white color youâd chosen for the hallways, and the corresponding colors youâd chosen for your office, bedroom, and guest room. You slept on the couch while the upstairs was under construction, and by the end of the second week, you were back in your bedroom, adding the decorative touches youâd been working on while they did the hard labor.
Now that your primary living space was completed, theyâd moved on to the rest of the house, spending two weeks alone on the bathrooms, and another full day hauling debris from your house.
You enjoyed seeing them bright and early every day. Tommyâs friendly smile, Joelâs gruff nod. After just under a month, youâd grown accustomed to them. You offered them coffee, brewed in your home office instead of the kitchen, and had bagels and fruit out on the kitchen table for them to enjoy at their leisure. Tommy ate the bagels and fruit. Joel guzzled coffee like it would cure whatever had him looking so grumpy all the time.Â
You chatted with Tommy during your lunch breaks, and you were surprised to find that you enjoyed his company. He was charming and friendly and sweet and nothing like his quietly cantankerous brother. You were lucky if you got more than two words out of Joel in a day, but Tommy was quickly becoming the highlight of the entire project.
You learned a lot about him, and incidentally Joel, every time the two of you sat down for lunch. He told you about their construction company, the scale of their work, and how business has really picked up over the last couple of months. He told you about his wife, Maria, and how she was due to give birth any day now. He expressed his excitement, his trepidation, and joy at becoming a father. Heâd had a lot of practice with Joelâs daughter, but she was grown now. That surprised you.
You couldnât picture Joel getting close enough to someone to have a child with them.
While Joel cut lumber on your back patio, you lowered your voice and asked, âHeâs married?â
Tommy took a heaping bite of his sandwich and shook his head, âNah, wife ran off a couple months after Sarah was born. âS just him now that Sarahâs gone off to school in Washington.â
You could see Joel through the patio door, hunched over a piece of lumber, marking it with a pencil, brows furrowed in concentration, eyes focused. You hadnât let yourself examine him very closely, but watching him work, you were struck by how handsome he was. Youâd thought so when you first met the pair of them, but you were so focused on getting the project off the ground, you paid little attention.
His green flannel drew tight over his shoulders and biceps, sleeves rolled to his elbows. He tucked the pencil behind his ear as he maneuvered the piece of wood into place and ripped it through the saw. His forearms tensed, fingers deft and precise as he pulled the wood through. His jaw clenched as he examined it, flicked away the sawdust, eyes singularly focused on his task.Â
âEasy, sugar,â Tommy drawled, snapping you out of your trance, âHeâs a surly old bastard. Donât wanna get mixed up with that.â
You gaped at him, cheeks coloring, pressing a hand to your chest, âExcuse me? That would be highly inappropriate.â You tried to sound glib, but Tommy was right. You were attracted to Joel. And you were aching for someone to touch you.Â
You hadnât had sex in nearly a year thanks to Jeremyâs exploits. You were not interested in contracting an STD from him, and you were so disgusted by him, the thought of having sex with him turned your stomach.
In the month since the project began, Jeremy had only been home twice, complaining about the mess and the dust and screaming at you for going through with the renovation when heâs perfectly capable of doing it all himself.
âWhoâs paying for all of this anyway?â He asked derisively. You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring at him. Joel and Tommy were downstairs, completing the tile work for the guest bathroom, and you knew they could hear every word. âI bet theyâre taking you for a ride. Women always get scammed by contractors, are you stupid?â
âShut the fuck up, Jeremy!â You shouted at him, unable to contain your fury. âWhy donât you just go back to fucking your assistant and keep your shitty opinions to yourself!â You stormed out of the room, slamming the door in his face and retreating to the back patio where Joel was hunched over a wet saw, lining up a tile to cut with with the precision youâd come to expect from him.
He looked up at you, his face neutral, lips set in a firm line, dark eyes assessing.
âEverying alright?â
Stunned by his gentle voice, youâd been unable to speak, simply nodding your head and watching as he nodded back and hunched over the saw again.
Jeremy left, and hadnât been back since.
Between your frustration at your husband, and Tommyâs comment about Joel, a spark of determination lit inside you like dry shrub in a wild fire. Your previously controlled, distant admiration of Joel transformed into a cloying, desperate urge, and he was the one and only thing on your mind.
But that didnât mean anything would happen. Not with Joelâs sour disposition and gruff exterior. Talking to Tommy was easy. Talking to Joel â well, there was very little that came out of his mouth, so you werenât sure it could be qualified as talking. Which is why it was so shocking to you that heâd spoken to you in the first place.
You tried. You really did. Every time he came to your office for a coffee refill, you immediately dropped what you were doing in order to strike up a conversation with him. But he never budged. Just grunted, gave one word answers, sometimes even just stared at you like you hadnât spoken at all. You wondered why he even bothered coming into your office in the first place. Why not just send Tommy to get his refills if it was such a burden to talk to you?
His silence perturbed you. And you were determined to get his attention.Â
You were so desperate, you started wearing less. Instead of yoga pants and a conservative pull over sweater, you switched to shorts and loose t-shirts that hung off your shoulder. It was an easy switch to make as the last remnants of chilly spring weather finally succumbed to the prickling heat of summer.
If Joel noticed your slowly deteriorating selection of moderate clothing, he didnât let on. And the more he ignored you, the more you wanted him.
Instead of letting him come to you for coffee, you brought the pot out to him, low cut, form fitting, spaghetti strap top displaying your perky breasts. Your shorts barely covered your ass. And he didnât even blink.
âCoffee?â You ask coquettishly, lifting your chest just a touch. His eyes stayed on yours, steadfast, hard, and determined, as he held his mug out for you to fill.
âThanks,â he grunted, taking a large gulp.Â
âHot today,â you point out, the beginning of summer making its presence known. âYou sure you donât wanna come inside? Take a break?â
His eyes never strayed. Not once. He shook his head, âTommy should be back with more lumber any minute.â
Itâs the most words you've heard leave his mouth in a consecutive string. It emboldens you.
You nod at the comfortable, air conditioned living room just on the other side of the French doors, âJust a quick break. I can get you something cold to drink. Lemonade? A beer?â
You were pushing, and he wasnât conceding, turning back to the makeshift work table he had set up under the shade of your patio; three saw horses with a large piece of plywood acting as the tabletop, ââM alright, darlinâ. Why donât you go cool off?â
Darlinâ. That subtle Texas drawl, syrupy smooth, deep and rich like honey. Heâd called you Darlinâ.Â
You shouldnât devote too much thought to it. Tommy calls you âSugarâ all the time. Even goes as far as âSweetheartâ on some occasions. But it was natural coming from him. Harmless and utterly platonic. Heâs a smooth talker and a schmoozer. From Joel, it was so foreign, so out of character, you didnât know what to do. Heâd hardly said two words to you in the past, and now heâs giving you sweet nicknames. Calling you Darlinâ was just as harmless as Tommy calling you Sugar, but it did something to you.
You left him on the patio and shuffled back to your office, dazed.Â
You liked it, you realized, skin flushed and heat simmering low in your belly. You wanted him to do it again. Call you by more endearing pet names. Even in your five years of marriage to Jeremy, heâd only ever addressed you by your name or a condescending âbabeâ. You hadnât realized how pathetically youâd been yearning for more. Something softer, sweeter, kinder. Not until Joel.
But he didnât seem interested. Should you be more direct? Ask him, outright, if he was attracted to you? Should you strip naked and throw yourself at him? No, no. That was too direct. You had more self respect than that. Maybe. Probably not.
Jeremy had neglected you for so long, your mind was spinning out of control. You want to be wanted. You want to be touched. And you want Joel.
When Tommy returned with the lumber, you watched them unload it from his pickup truck. Joel shed his flannel and was now clad in a white t-shirt that hugged his biceps, his back spotted with sweat and his muscles bulging with the effort of lugging wood into your home. Fuck, you couldnât stand it.
You have to do something about this ache between your legs. The sudden, unquenchable thirst you feel for him. If skimpy outfits and shy invitations to join you for coffee donât do it, you know what will. And itâs just about as close to stripping naked as you could get.
When Joel arrives the next day, without Tommy, you greet him with a smile, a fresh pot of coffee, and a question in your gaze that asks where his brother is.
âWife went into labor late last night. Iâll be finishinâ up without him,â he grunts, though without any of the typical irritability that comes with the need to socialize. Maybe the birth of his nephew had softened him.
Youâre a little sad you wonât get to see Tommy, but thrilled to have Joel all to yourself.
As you step aside to let him in, you donât miss the way his eyes flit down your bare legs. You hadnât bothered getting dressed, still clad in your oversized sleep shirt that barely hangs down past your ass.Â
As he sets about getting his bearings from where he left off the previous day, you pour him a cup of coffee and toast and butter a bagel for him, knowing he doesnât much care for the indulgence of cream cheese or jelly. He thanks you with a grunt and shuffles his way onto the patio to get started. Your eyes linger on the way his navy t-shirt stretches across his broad, muscular back.
After you change into a revealing tank top and the shortest shorts you own, you coop yourself up in your office to get some work done. But when youâre done for the day, you canât help yourself. You check in on him, peering through the back doors and asking if he wants something to eat. You expect him to decline, but when he graciously accepts, you bounce giddily to the kitchen to make him a sandwich.Â
Today is different. You can feel it.Â
When you present him with the sandwich, he dusts his hands on his jeans and nods at you in thanks, but doesnât say anything. He only watches you, eyes flitting to your cleavage so quickly, you think you imagine it. But then he looks you dead in the eyes as he takes a bite of the sandwich and chews it slowly.
Something in you snaps and your blood heats, making your skin flush. You rush away from him, and as you retreat inside, you swear you hear him chuckle.
With your heart racing and an idea bubbling to life in your mind, you race upstairs and start digging through your closet until you find exactly what youâre searching for. If he wants to tease you, youâre going to tease him right back.
You pull on a white and blue bikini with strings that tie at the hips, around the base of your neck, and at the middle of your back. After applying a nude gloss to your lips and dabbing a light amount of makeup across your cheeks, you pull on a black sheer coverup, that flows down past your ankles, leaving it open. It does little to hide your scantily clad body as you tiptoe back downstairs with a book and a bottle of tanning oil in your grip.
You walk past the back door as deliberately as you can, making sure to catch his attention as you carefully maneuver your way through your deconstructed kitchen to fill a glass with ice water and lemon slices. With your sunglasses perched on the bridge of your nose, you finally step onto the patio, your tits on display, legs bare and gleaming, and smile coy and searching.
âIâm going to lay out by the pool for a bit. If you get hungry or thirsty, help yourself to anything you like,â you tell him, feigning disinterest. Acting like you donât see the way his throat bobs and his eyes greedily drink you in. He doesnât say anything to you as you take the three short steps down to your yard and traipse over to your pool.
The early summer sun is blazing hot, and sweat prickles your skin the moment you lay out on your teakwood lounger, the white cushion comfortable but warm from the heat of the day. Your eyes dart toward Joel to make sure heâs watching, and you slowly slip out of your coverup, intentionally dropping it and bending at the waist to pluck it off the stone pavers surrounding your pool.
It feels almost comically pornographic to resort to this type of temptation, but with the blatant way he watches you, itâs worth it.
You lean back on the lounger, snatching up your book and flipping to the page youâd left off on. Itâs some tawdry romance novel with a shirtless cowboy on the front. Painfully transparent with little to no plot, but youâre not reading it for the plot, anyway.
Your skin prickles with awareness, your eyes darting toward Joel every few minutes to catch him watching you for the briefest moment before he returns to the meticulous work of assembling your cabinetry.Â
When your ice water is half gone and too warm to enjoy, you decide to take a brief dip into the pool. You stand, adjusting your bottoms, pulling them up just a touch, before wading slowly into the rippling water. The effect is instant, the water immediately cooling you and making goosebumps pebble across your skin, tightening your nipples.Â
Youâre careful not to get your hair wet, brushing it aside as you drift further in, then back toward the shallow end. A quick glance in his direction makes you frown. His back is to you, broad shoulders leaned over his plywood table.Â
The power saw buzzes to life, then quiets. He blows away the sawdust, t-shirt damp with sweat. Biceps straining as he joins two pieces of wood together, fastening them with a clamp. Youâre enraptured by his focus. Envious of your very own cabinets and wishing heâd look at you with such deliberate intent and concentration. House be damned.
When you can tell heâs about to turn in your direction, you climb out of the pool, allowing the water to trickle off your frame and slick down your body. You run a hand down your stomach, briefly toying with the pink jewel at your naval, then adjust your bottoms again as you strut back to the lounger.
Under the dark, impenetrable lenses of your sunglasses, your eyes dart to him. Heâs staring, his throat bobbing, hands tight around the clamps heâs using to fasten the cabinets together.Â
You hide your smile, laying out on your towel to let the sun soak up the water from your skin. You feel his eyes on you more prominently than the moisture coating your body. With a sly smile, you push your sunglasses down your nose to look at him.
âHey, Joel?â Voice dripping with honey and mischief.
âYeah, darlinâ?â He calls back, still watching. Not even bothering to pretend anymore. And he calls you that name again. Darlinâ. Your core clenches.
Biting your lip, you give him a coquettish look thatâs all sin and wicked intention, âWill you help me put on some sunscreen?â
Straight out of a porno. The oldest trick in the book. Painfully, achingly transparent. Youâre inviting him to touch you. And even from afar, you can see his resolve snap. Eyes darkening, posture going rigid.
âYou sure about that?â He asks, voice tight and rough.
You nod, biting your lip for good measure, âUh huh.â
He shakes his head like he canât believe what heâs about to do, and a devilish smile spreads across your face, triumphant. Joel dusts his hands off on his jeans, trudges down the patio steps, and prowls over to your lounger. His tall, broad frame eclipses the sun, casting shade over you. You grin and roll onto your stomach, acutely aware of the way your ass looks in your tiny bikini.
âSunscreen, there,â you point to the bottle of tanning lotion on the teakwood table next to you. Itâs more of an oil with UV protection, but the idea is the same: you want him to rub it all over your body, and then fuck you senseless.
The scent of pine and leather wraps around you as he sits on the edge of the lounger, careful not to touch you. He grabs the oil and huffs a laugh, âThis ainât sunscreen.â
âIt has UV protection!â You argue.
âThis is nothinâ more than body oil.â
âStill. Please?â You ask, looking back at him and resting your cheek on your arms. He shakes his head, cheeks dimpling against the smile heâs trying to fight off.
âAinât payinâ me to lather you up, honey,â he says under his breath, flicking the cap of the oil open and drizzling it along your back.
âThatâs okay. You need a break.â
He hums, setting the bottle aside. Your entire body tingles with anticipation, waiting for his skin on yours. You wait and wait, feeling the oil drip along your spine, your shoulders. Then, finally, the coarse surface of his work roughed hand meets your skin and you shiver.
âSâit okay if I untie this?â He asks, voice so low, so smooth, youâre sure you imagined it. But then you feel his fingers playing with the ties at your neck and you nod, frantically, too eager. âOf course it is.â
You almost giggle. He knows what youâre doing and heâs still placating you. You wiggle a little when he unties the neck, then the back, leaving you bare from the waist up. The moment his hands are back on you, you gasp. Pressure firm, but gentle. Sure and thorough as he spreads the oil around your skin. Brushing your hair aside, he massages the oil into your neck. You peek at him to see that concentrated look on his face. Like tearing him away from his task would undo him.
Then, both of his palms press into your back, eliciting a moan straight from your lips. You clamp your mouth shut, but the pressure is so divine, you almost do it again.Â
âFeels okay?â He mutters, hands skimming down your body, your waist, your lower back, and then up again. His fingers graze the sides of your breasts and you nod again. God, if he stopped now, you think youâd cry.
Every pass of his hands turns you to jelly, and soon, he moves down to your legs, first starting at your ankles, then up your calves, careful not to go much further than the bend in your knee. Youâre soaked. Skin humming with the effects of his firm, soothing touch, heated by the sun, and glowing faintly with the sheen of oil.
When you feel his hand inch up the inside of your thigh, you suck in a breath.
âRelax,â he coaxes, moving from the top of your thigh down to your knee and back up again. Over and over and over, pressing a little firmer on the way up, and stopping just short of the gusset of your skimpy bikini. âYou told me to help myself to anything I liked.â
You did say that. And then you called him over to you to touch you freely. You grin, peeking up at him, cheek resting against your arms, âAnd you like me?â
His cheeks dimple, his smile so soft, so sexy, you almost say to hell with your little ruse. Something between a grunt and a laugh escapes him, âDarlinâ, you got no idea.â
Darlinâ. You donât think youâll ever get tired of it. You feel yourself grow damp as he moves his hands to your other thigh, repeating the same, torturous ministrations. But this time, he goes so much higher, you think heâs going to graze the covered, soaked apex of your desperately neglected pussy. He never does. Massages right below it. Thereâs no reason to put oil there, but he does it anyway. His thumbs get closer, massaging circles into your skin, very nearly grazing you, teasing, refusing to give you what you want.
When his hands leave you, you almost cry out in protest, but then heâs nudging your hip, âTurn over for me, sweetheart.â
As you lift up to turn, you toss your bikini top aside, having no desire to feign modesty any longer. He knows it, and you know it. You want him to fuck you.
His eyes spark with interest as they land on your breasts, perky and waiting, nipples tight from your dip in the pool. You lie back, making yourself comfortable as he stares.Â
He chuckles, deep and smooth, âNot beinâ shy no more, are you?â
You grin in response as he grabs the oil and drizzles it over your chest, your stomach, and along your arms. He starts at your hands, making sure youâre fully covered, his large ones engulfing them completely in his grasp. The texture of his fingers is rough, but you like it as he moves his way up your wrists, your forearms, and then toward your shoulders, massaging along the way.
âMm, Joel,â you sigh, his hands rubbing the oil into you completely before moving on. He presses his thumbs into your shoulders, then your collar bones, then the tops of your breasts. He still doesnât touch you there, but then one hand wraps around your throat, resting, thumbing your pulse point where it hammers rapidly against your skin.
âLookinâ so pretty,â he says quietly, keeping one hand on your neck while the other finally finally covers your breast. The initial touch is feather light, thumb grazing your nipple. Then, he presses firmer, his entire hand covering you with his palm while he kneads and massages. His hand leaves your neck only to cover your other breast, and youâre giddy with need as he works you into a whimpering, keening mess. âThat feel good, darlinâ?â
âSo good,â you nod, grabbing his wrist to keep him there, demanding more.
He hums, keeping the hand youâve now possessed on your breast, while the other moves down to rub oil into your tummy. His hands are a work of art, skilled in so many ways. Youâre trembling by the time he reaches the top of your bikini bottoms. His pinky slips under the hem, making you gasp. He withdraws and does it again, rubbing back and forth until your hips move up to seek his touch.
âWant me to take these off?â He asks, tugging at the strings, already knowing your answer before you nod rapidly.
âOff, please. Take them off.â
His reply is a deep grunt, and you think that must be his grumpy little way of teasing you, âNeedy little thing.â
The bottoms come off, and youâre bared to him, your center slick with need and ready to be fucked. But you just know heâs going to take his time. Simultaneously, you canât stand it, but you also yearn for it. Being teased and molded into a whimpering mess, desperate for his touch. Your husband has never made you feel like this. Sexy. Desirable. Loved.
âFuck, look at that pussy, baby,â he groans, still not touching you where you really, really need it. Heâs massaging your hips now, leaning over you in a way thatâs almost obscene as he gets closer to your slick heat. His thumbs press into your hips, then down your thighs until heâs rubbing oil into your legs, still neglecting you, even though every pretense of professionalism has all but burned up in the wake of your arousal.
âJoel,â you whine, arching your hips.
âPatience,â he answers sternly. And thatâs that. Nothing more.Â
Every stroke up and down your leg is torture as he repeats the same teasing heâd done to the backs of your legs. Getting closer and closer to your pussy, but never fully touching. Youâre so eager, your slick coats your thighs, and on a final pass, he rubs it into your skin before his fingers finally graze your clit. You suck in a sharp breath, your hand shooting out to grab him again. To keep him there. Because if he stops now, you think youâll actually die.
You look up at him, his eyes dark, his grin wide. Youâve never seen him smile like that, and itâs blinding, warm, and teasing. He rubs circles over your clit delicately, not pressing too hard, not too light. Itâs so perfect and youâre so on edge that it has you on the precipice of your orgasm faster than you can blink.
And then he eases up, halting your peak so quickly, your hips buck, making you moan in protest, âNo, no, no, donât stop, please, Joel.â
âAinât planninâ on stoppinâ, baby,â he says softly, âJust need to get a better look at you.â
And then he shifts, gently lowering himself to the ground, knees probably screaming in protest, and grabbing you by the hips to pull you to the edge of the lounger, slightly askew on the cushion, but still comfortable. He lowers his head, making you squirm, lips brushing against your hip, across your tummy, briefly pausing to kiss around the pink belly button piercing. You arch your hips, enticing him.
âSo eager,â he grumbles, one hand spreading your thigh, hooking it onto his shoulder, the other running up your opposite leg, kneading and massaging you into a puddle.
âI need â I needââ you breathe, one hand clutching the teakwood, the other reaching for him, digging into the muscles of his shoulder.
âWhat do you need, baby?â
Your chest is heaving as he plants another kiss below your bellybutton, still massaging your leg while his other hand keeps your thigh firmly planted over his shoulder.Â
âFuck, you smell so sweet,â he sighs, inching down. Itâs torture. Itâs pure, unbridled torture â waiting for him. Youâre a slick mess, oiled up, pussy wet, walls fluttering around nothing. âTell me what you need,â he repeats.
âI need your tongue,â you gasp, the prickle of his beard on your skin driving you insane. You never would have guessed this. That Joel Miller is a fucking tease. That heâs slow and methodical. That he enjoys making you squirm. But here he is, peppering kisses all across your body, everywhere except your aching core, âPlease, make me cum. Please, Joel.â
His chuckle is deep, a hint of red coloring his cheeks and neck, either from the sun or arousal, you donât care.
âSince you asked nicely.â
And then his mouth is on you, hands spreading your thighs wide, keeping you open for him as he drags his tongue from your weeping cunt to your clit where he sucks, teasing you, making you gasp for air, arching your back off the lounger.
Your burrow a hand into his hair â itâs damp with sweat, but that doesnât bother you in the slightest.Â
His mouth is devastating against you, licking stripe after stripe up your slit, pausing briefly to suck and nibble at your clit until youâre sobbing with need. And then, just when you think it canât get any better, he pushes one, thick finger into you, stretching you. The burn makes you cry out, the slow drag sending prickles of lightning up your spine.
âThis is what you wanted, right, darlinâ?â He asks, voice rough with arousal, eyes nearly black as he slowly pumps his finger into you. âItâs why youâve been walkinâ around lookinâ like that. No pants on. Shorts barely coverinâ you, askinâ me to touch you. Askinâ to get fucked.â
You canât answer. Your voice stalls in your throat. You can only nod, frantically. He adds a second finger and it almost undoes you. Youâre so fucking close. He pushes them deep, leaning down to tease your clit again with his mouth, sucking hard, groaning.
âHow do you think your husband would feel if he knew his pretty little wife was gettinâ fucked by the help?âÂ
He twists his fingers, curling them just so. He prods at the sensitive, soft spot inside you, making your arch.
âEx. Ex â husband. Soon.â
He hums, âJudging by that ring, heâs no ex.â
It takes every ounce of will power you have to rip your hand away from him and tear the ring off your finger. It glints in the sun and clatters on the table next to you when you slam it down. Then your hand is back in his hair, urging him back to your cunt where he grins and licks you again, this time not pausing, not slowing.
Your orgasm is volcanic, blinding. You think you scream. You know your fingers clench around his hair so tight, youâre in danger of pulling it out of his scalp. And he just keeps going. Finger fucking you into oblivion, tasting your release on his tongue, moaning against you as you ride the waves of your climax into bliss.
Youâre trembling when he lifts himself off the ground, fingers still probing deep, hunting for another orgasm. He leans over you, bracing his other hand next to your head, and kisses you. You whimper into his mouth, tasting yourself on his lips, tongues stroking and breaths mingling.
âJoel,â you moan when he removes his fingers, leaving you empty and limp. But heâs not pulling away. Heâs kissing down your neck, sucking a spot just below your ear that drives you crazy that your husband always neglects, and undoing his belt.
âTell me what you need,â he says into your neck. But he already knows. You know he knows. Youâve been begging for it this entire time.
âFuck me, Joel,â you whine, hands searching for the end of his shirt. They slip underneath, and you moan at the way his muscles feel under your fingertips. Heâs warm and rough and you want to see him. âOff.â
He hums, leaning up to pull his shirt over his head and toss it somewhere among your discarded bikini. He comes back to you, lips hot on yours while you concentrate your efforts on getting his jeans undone. Heâs hard against your hand as you pull the zipper down, aching and needy.
Once his cock is freed, you break away to take him in, and you almost shrink. He is huge, leaking from the tip, resting heavy against your thigh. Even with how wet you are, you donât know if heâll fit. But God you want to try.Â
âDonât worry, baby, I got you,â he grunts, shoving his jeans and boxers off. He straightens you on the lounger, making room for himself as he climbs over you. Heâs golden and glistening in the sun, slick with sweat and your arousal shimmering on his chin.Â
The sight of his broad, hard form over you almost makes you cum again.Â
He catches you gawking and you could swear heâs trying to fight off a smug smile, but his lips only twitch in amusement instead. Taking his cock in hand, he drags the tip through your folds, making you shudder and reach for his hips, holding him as he hovers, nails pressing a little harder than you intend. He doesnât seem to mind.
As his tip catches your entrance, he groans, âNice and wet for me, arenât you?â
You can only nod, speech evading you as he slowly, cautiously sinks into you. The stretch is everything. Youâre so full, so wet, and inconsolable, it makes you mewl in delight.Â
âWhatâs that, darlinâ?â
âSo â so big. Your cock is so big, Joel,â you sigh, shifting your hips, taking him deeper. The burn is exquisite, but you need him to move. Need him to fuck you into another reality. âPlease..â
âSuch pretty little manners,â he tells you, withdrawing slowly.
The first thrust is devastating. The second is mind numbing. And after the third, youâre holding onto him for dear life. It doesnât take long for you to melt underneath him, arching your hips so he hits at just the right angle.Â
âTightest fuckinâ pussy Iâve ever had, baby,â he pants, leaning down to mutter profanities into your ear, nibbling and kissing your neck, âThat husband doesnât take care of you at all does he?â
âNo, no, no, never,â you chant, every part of you ready to snap.
âBet he hasnât fucked you proper in years,â he grunts, the sound of your skin slapping together downright obscene. âThatâs all you needed, huh, darlinâ?â
âUh huh,â you yelp, almost a broken sob leaving you as he drives into you, âFuck me, Joel..â
âNothinâ to worry about now, Iâll take real good care of you.â
You could cry from the relief of it. The way his hips slam into you, how deep he is, how attentive. Even at the strongest point in your marriage, itâs never been like this, and itâs ecstasy.
Pleasure pools low in your belly, his cock hitting that sweet, sensitive spot inside you so perfectly, the precipice of your orgasm is on you in an instant. Just as youâre about to cum, he stills, breath heaving, your walls trembling, clenching around him.
âJoel,â you whine, breathless and wanting.
âNot yet, baby,â he tells you, voice syrupy and thick. Pressing a kiss to your neck, then your lips, he sits up on his knees, takes you by the thighs and lifts your hips to grind against him. The position is utterly indecent, back arched, him holding your thighs for leverage while he begins snapping his hips against you. And itâs like he never stopped in the first place.
Your orgasm crashes into you, hands reaching for his wrists to hold on as he towers over you, giving you everything heâs got. The power of his thrusts knocks the breath out of you.
âTake it, baby, fuck, youâre such a good girl,â he grounds out, sweat slicking his muscled chest, dripping down his temple. âYou got me so wound up, darlinâ, prancinâ around looking sexy as sin. Now Iâve got you all to myself.â
âDonât stop, please,â you keen, desperately grasping for air, your climax driving away all rational thought and composure. âItâs so good, please, donât stop.â
âGonna make me cum, sayinâ things like that.â
You think, then, that youâd be fine with it. Letting him cum inside you, or paint your oiled up body with his seed. Mark you, stake his claim on you. He can cum wherever he wants, you decide, as long as he promises to do it again.
âAinât gonna let that piece of shit husband touch you again,â he declares, pinning you with a solid, steady stare, âYouâre mine now, darlinâ.â
You tell him, then, âCum inside me, Joel,â nearly sobbing as his powerful thrusts drive you toward another orgasm with blinding speed. His movements are precise and deliberate, his eyes going dark at your words.
You know he wants to do it, that he canât stop himself even if he wanted to. Even if you werenât begging for it.
âYeah?â He huffs, hooking his arms a little higher around your thighs to gain better leverage. You shift your hips, cry out as his cock goes deeper, spearing into you so completely you never want him to leave.
Youâre almost sobbing with the approach of another orgasm, one that will undo you and wreck you for the rest of your life. All you can do is nod and gasp and hold onto him as he fucks you deeper. Your neighbors are going to hate you.
âShit, darlinâ,â he grunts, the buck of his hips frantic as he chases his release. When your nails bite into his forearm, the tight coil of his control snaps like a cable and you feel warm ropes of cum fill you. A final orgasm paints stars across your vision, and you faintly hear a guttural moan leave him as you tighten around him once more. He doesnât stop fucking you until youâre both spent, your muscles aching and fingers sore from how tightly you have them wound around his wrists.
He collapses on top of you in a heap, your bodies slippery with sweat and oil. His hot breath fans over your neck, the weight of him both grounding and comforting. The scruff of his beard prickles your skin as he peppers kisses along your chin, down the column of your throat.
âAinât gonna be able to finish those cabinets today,â he grunts.
A slow smile spreads across your lips, âWhy not?â
He lifts his head to gift you with a warm smile of his own, captivated, even after the way heâd fucked you. Surprised that he gives it so willingly now that youâve had each other in the most physical and intimate manner possible.
âWanna take you out. Dinner. Will you let me?â
His offer stuns you into silence.Â
Yes, youâd practically begged for him to fuck you. Asked him to cum inside you. Told him you were as good as divorced. And yeah, you have every intention of having sex with him again.
But a date? That says something. It speaks volumes to his intentions. Which both frightens and thrills you.
Despite you throwing yourself at him for weeks on end and finally getting what you want, he wants more. And not just your body.Â
Your hesitation draws his eyebrows down, âWe donât have to âââ
âI want to,â you answer quickly. But thereâs still that lingering sense of doubt. Of trusting someone with yourself only to be stabbed in the back. Betrayed in the most visceral sense. You didnât have sex with him because you wanted to move on from Jeremy right into another twisted, sickly excuse for a relationship. You just needed attention. And Joel gave it.
He lifts himself off of you and pulls on his jeans, âItâs fine if you donât wanna âââ
âJoel.â
âIâm too old to be playinâ games, darlinâ. If I wasnât clear before â I like you. More than I should. And I know youâre married, but that didnât stop us, did it? So if you want this, Iâm here. If not, no hard feelinâs.â
Heâs half dressed now, jeans buttoned, belt still hanging loose, t-shirt hanging over his broad shoulder. His wide frame blocks the sun, allowing you to see him clearly. No man has ever been as direct and straightforward with his needs. Not like that. Itâs⊠different. Refreshing. Almost unheard of.
You almost want to pull him back down and let him have his way with you again, but youâre a woman of control and poise. You can articulate your needs just as clearly as he has. And youâd be lying if you said you werenât at least a little bit interested in seeing what manifests.
âDinner would be lovely,â you begin, keeping your expression controlled, âWhen Jeremy gets back from whatever trip heâs on, Iâm serving him the divorce papers.â
You can see the moment when your words sink in, the pleasant twitch of his lips, the way he leans over you and brushes his lips against yours. This kiss is tender and sweet in a way you havenât experienced from your own husband in years. But itâs what he says next that turns your body into mush and your mind pliant and docile.
Summary: Youâre the Vice Presidentâs daughter, public property in pearls, judged by headlines you never wrote. Steve Rogers has been your lead bodyguard for years: disciplined, distant, and devastatingly attentive in all the quiet ways that matter.
Wordcount: 19.4k
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (no use of Y/N)
Warnings:Â slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers (ish), idiots in love, protective Steve, soft Steve, "touch her and die" energy, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, emotional confession, trust issues, fear of commitment, power imbalance (boydguard/client), forbidden-ish romance, tension & softness, hospital scene, domestic fluff, kisses, car accident (minor), conflict with a parent, emotional distress, themes of surveillance and lack of privacy, mild injury
Elixir's Arcade Event: Two Pairs with afraid to commit + bodyguard AU + "You were the only person I thought I could trust." + one of them pretends to not like the other because they are afraid of getting hurt
A/N: I couldn't not write something a little angsty for this challenge, and when I saw the combinations of prompts and tropes, my mind immediately went to Steve. Let it be known that it's probably the first time Cassie @blobfishlol told me that for once, the male character wasn't an idiot (we kinda disagree on that one, but meh)
Masterlist
The first thing you learn, growing up in the shadow of the Vice President, is that people donât look at you the way they look at other women.
They look through you.
They see headlines. Angles. Narratives. They see a daughter as an extension of a manâs policies â an accessory that can be polished for a fundraiser or weaponized in a scandal. They see you and they decide, instantly, which version of you will make their life easier: the spoiled princess, the reckless party girl, the entitled adult child who canât survive without a credit card and a chauffeur.
You stopped correcting them a long time ago.
It was exhausting, trying to prove your humanity to people who benefited from pretending you didnât have any.
So you learned how to move like you belonged to the story theyâd written. How to smile on cue. How to keep your face neutral when they asked invasive questions framed as jokes. How to make your anger small and your sadness invisible.
And then, years ago, Steve Rogers stepped into your orbit like a quiet inevitability.
At first, he was just another agent.
Another man in a suit with an earpiece and a posture that said donât try me. Another shadow at the edge of every room, eyes always scanning, hands always ready but never restless. Another name you werenât supposed to know, another person you werenât supposed to become attached to.
But Steve wasnât like the others.
He didnât flirt. He didnât overcompensate. He didnât treat you like a delicate thing made of PR and glass.
He treated you like a person who deserved to be alive.
Which â surprisingly â was rarer than it should have been.
You remembered the first day in weird, sharp fragments.
The residence hallway smelling like lemon polish and old money. The distant click of heels. The way your fatherâs chief of staff had said, âRogers will be your detail lead moving forward.â Like you were being assigned a new password.
Steve had been standing by the security office, waiting.
Tall, broad-shouldered, blond in a way that looked almost unfair under fluorescent lighting. His suit fit him like armor, not fashion. When he turned his head toward you, his expression was neutral, controlled â professional to the point of being unreadable.
But his eyesâŠ
His eyes were the kind that didnât waste time.
They took in the things they needed: your posture, your pace, the tension in your shoulders, the fact that you carried your phone like it could explode. The kind of assessment that wasnât judgment. Just⊠attention.
You held out your hand out of habit. Polished, practiced.
Steve looked at it for half a second, then took it firmly â no lingering, no performative gentleness. A grip that said I am here because I am capable.
âMaâam,â he said.
You hated that title. It made you sound older than you were, and smaller than you felt. Like a formality could turn you into something manageable.
âYou can call meââ you started, but the chief of staff cut you off.
âAgent Rogers has a protocol.â
Steveâs jaw tightened almost imperceptibly.
He didnât contradict his superior. But later, when youâd turned the corner and the hallway had swallowed the staffers and their clipped voices, Steve had walked half a step behind you and said quietly, like he was offering you a piece of truth without permissionâŠ
âI know your name.â
Youâd glanced back, surprised.
He hadnât looked at you when he said it. His gaze had stayed on the far end of the corridor, the reflective surfaces, the angles where danger hid.
âThen use it,â youâd said, softer.
Heâd hesitated â barely. A beat long enough to feel like a choice.
And then: âYes.â
Not yes to calling you by your name. Yes to respecting that youâd asked.
He still didnât use it right away.
But from that moment on, you started noticing the ways he listened.
The ways he did not pretend you were made of politics.
Years settle into patterns.
Your life had become a long series of structured days: briefings, lunches, galas, board meetings, interviews where every question was a knife wrapped in velvet. A rotating cast of advisers. The ever-present hum of risk.
And Steve became part of that hum.
He was there before you were fully awake and still there after you were too tired to be anything but honest. He walked with you, drove with you, stood behind you, opened doors and closed them again with the kind of care that made you forget doors could be dangerous.
He learned your routines faster than you realized you had them.
How you took your coffee: too strong, no sugar, a splash of cream you pretended you didnât need. How you started fidgeting with rings when you were overstimulated. How you crossed your arms when you were angry even if you were smiling.
How you got headaches after long press days and how you tried to hide it because you didnât want to look weak.
Steve learned, too, the difference between public you and private you.
Public you: poised, biting, unbothered.
Private you: someone who laughed too loudly at stupid jokes when you were exhausted. Someone who sat cross-legged on the floor with a laptop and a hoodie and looked, for a moment, like you could have been anyoneâs daughter â not the Vice Presidentâs.
And Steve â God, Steve â looked like heâd been built for steadiness.
He didnât talk much. He didnât offer opinions unless asked. He existed in the space around you like a wall that didnât suffocate. Like a presence you could lean on without it turning into a debt.
Which is how it started.
Not with a grand moment.
With small things.
Quiet things.
Professional things that werenât supposed to mean anything.
âWater.â
The first time it happened, you were in the backseat of the armored SUV, stuck in traffic, air conditioning humming, your phone buzzing with messages you didnât want to read.
Steve sat opposite you, facing the rear window, eyes on the tail car. His posture was controlled, shoulders squared, the kind of stillness that came from training.
You were halfway through your third coffee of the day, because caffeine was the only thing that made the exhaustion blur into something tolerable.
You hadnât realized you were rubbing your temple until Steve spoke.
Just one word.
âWater.â
You looked up, irritated on reflex. âExcuse me?â
Steve didnât turn. âYouâve had three coffees. No water. Your hands are shaking.â
You stared at him for a second, caught between annoyance and something that felt dangerously like being seen.
âIâm fine.â
Steveâs reflection in the tinted glass didnât change expression. âHydration affects cognitive function.â
You scoffed. âAre you giving me a biology lesson now?â
There was a pause.
Then, in the same tone he might have used to identify an exit route, he added, âThereâs a bottle in the side compartment.â
It was so⊠ridiculously normal.
So careful.
You could have shrugged it off. Could have ignored him.
Instead, you reached down, found the bottle, twisted the cap open, and drank â just to shut him up.
But halfway through, you realized your throat actually had been dry. That your head felt a fraction clearer.
When you lowered the bottle, Steve finally glanced at you.
Not long. Not intimate.
Just a brief check, like he was confirming something in his mind.
Your heart did something stupid in your chest.
You looked away first, because you always looked away first.
âThat better?â he asked, quiet.
ââŠYes,â you admitted.
Steve nodded once, then returned his attention to the window.
No smile.
No comment.
No âyouâre welcome.â
Which somehow made it worse.
Because it meant he wasnât doing it for praise.
He was doing it because he cared.
And you told yourself â because you had to â that it didnât mean anything else.
He kept doing it.
Not just the water.
Little reminders threaded through your days like hidden stitches.
âEat something,â heâd say when you tried to skip lunch before a meeting.
âI will later.â
âYou said that four hours ago.â
Heâd offer a protein bar from his jacket pocket like it had always been there, like it wasnât a decision heâd made because heâd noticed you forgot to take care of yourself when you were stressed.
Sometimes heâd set it down near you without speaking.
Sometimes heâd just glance at you pointedly until you rolled your eyes and complied.
If you got a headache during a press conference, heâd shift, subtly, to block harsher light from hitting your face directly. A slight angle of his body. A fraction of shadow.
If you shivered stepping out into cold wind, there would be a coat â his coat â settling over your shoulders before you even processed you were cold. Heâd do it without meeting your eyes, like he was afraid of what he might see there.
You always tried to hand it back immediately.
He always said, âKeep it. Youâre shaking.â
Not I want you in my coat.
Not I like seeing you wrapped in something that smells like me.
Nothing romantic.
Nothing that could get him in trouble.
But it felt intimate anyway.
Because he noticed.
Because he remembered.
Because he anticipated needs you hadnât even admitted out loud.
And you started trusting him in a way that felt both inevitable and terrifying.
The press, of course, noticed too.
Not the tenderness. Not the quiet care.
They noticed proximity. Angles. Bodies.
They noticed the tall, broad-shouldered agent behind you in photographs, the way he always seemed to be there when you turned your head. The way his hand sometimes hovered near your back when you walked down stairs, close enough to catch you but never touching.
They wrote pieces about it.
Speculation columns.
The VPâs Daughter and Her Mysterious Shadow.
Is He Just Security?
Rumors Swirl Around the VPâs Daughter and Secret Service Agent.
You stopped reading them.
But you couldnât stop thinking about them.
Because the comments â God, the comments â always came in two flavors.
Either you were sleeping with him, using him, exploiting himâŠ
Or he was sleeping with you, manipulating you, climbing.
And the truth â your truth â was so much softer and so much more dangerous.
You werenât using him.
You were falling for him.
And you had no idea if he was falling too⊠or if you were just hungry for a safety youâd never been allowed to have.
The thing was, Steve did not look like a man who belonged in your world.
Not because he wasnât polished. He was.
Not because he wasnât educated. He clearly was.
But because there was something about him â something stubborn and honest and heavy â that did not bend easily to the performative cruelty of politics.
He didnât laugh at the jokes your fatherâs donors made.
He didnât flatter. He didnât pretend.
He was respectful, yes.
But he wasnât⊠obedient in the way so many men around you were. He didnât orbit power like it was a sun. He treated it like a responsibility.
And you watched him, sometimes, when you were in a crowded room surrounded by people who wanted something from you.
Steve would stand a few feet away, scanning the space, jaw tight, eyes sharp.
And if you met his gaze across the room, he would look back â steady, unshaken.
A silent message passing between you without words.
Iâm here.
Iâve got you.
It made you feel seen in a way that was almost painful.
Because youâd spent your whole life being watched, but never truly noticed.
And Steve Rogers noticed everything.
Including, eventually, the way you looked at him.
It wasnât like you were subtle.
Not at first.
You tried to be.
You tried to keep your face neutral. Tried to speak to him like he was only your guard. Tried to ignore the way your body reacted when he got too close, the way your skin buzzed when his hand briefly steadied your elbow in a crowd.
But you werenât trained for this.
You were trained for politics. For smiling through hostility. For navigating rooms full of sharks.
You were not trained for a man who treated your wellbeing like it mattered more than your image.
The first time you realized you were in trouble, it was stupid.
You were sitting in the residence library at midnight, curled up in an armchair with your laptop balanced on your knees, reading briefings youâd already read twice because your anxiety wouldnât let you sleep.
Steve stood by the doorway. Not inside. Never quite inside private spaces unless invited.
âCanât sleep?â he asked.
You didnât look up. âToo much to do.â
âThatâs not what I asked.â
You paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard.
Then, quietly: âNo.â
Steve was silent for a moment.
Then he stepped closer â one step only. Enough to be in the room, just barely. Like he was crossing a line heâd drawn in his own mind.
He placed a glass of water on the side table beside you.
No comment.
No lecture.
Just⊠water.
You looked up, startled. âYou just carry water around like a dad?â
Steveâs mouth twitched. Almost a smile. Gone in an instant.
âDrink,â he said.
You stared at him, heartbeat tripping. âWhy do you care?â
The question came out softer than you intended.
Steveâs eyes held yours for a heartbeat too long.
Then his face closed.
Because of course it did.
âItâs my job,â he said, voice even.
There it was.
That wall.
That safe, cruel, professional wall.
And you nodded, swallowing the disappointment like youâd swallowed everything else your whole life.
âRight,â you murmured. âYour job.â
Steve didnât move.
His gaze dropped to your hands, to the way you were picking at the skin around your thumb without realizing.
His voice, when it came, was gentler than his words.
âTry to sleep,â he said. âYou have an early day.â
You scoffed lightly. âAnd if I donât?â
Steveâs jaw tightened. His eyes flicked away, then back.
âThen Iâll be here,â he said quietly.
The words hung between you.
Not romantic.
Not explicit.
But it landed like a promise anyway.
And when Steve turned and left the room, closing the door softly behind him, you stared at the glass of water on the table and felt your chest ache in a way that had nothing to do with exhaustion.
Because for the first time in your life, you thoughtâŠ
Maybe Iâm not alone.
Steve, on his side, told himself a thousand times to keep it clean.
He was the lead on your detail. He was responsible for your safety. He was trained to stay detached, to maintain boundaries, to avoid personal entanglement.
He knew what happened when agents crossed lines.
Transfers. Investigations. Careers ended.
Lives ruined.
He also knew what happened when people close to power got hurt.
Bodies in the news. Names in press conferences. Grief turned into policy.
Steve had seen too much of that kind of loss to risk becoming another variable.
So he locked it down.
He stayed professional.
He kept his voice neutral.
He didnât look at you too long.
He didnât let himself imagine what your mouth would feel like under his, what your hands would do if they didnât have to be polite.
He didnât let himself imagine you choosing him.
Because why would you?
You were raised in rooms he would never belong in.
You were the kind of woman the world would eat alive for loving the wrong man.
And Steve â Steve was only your bodyguard.
The word only tasted like ash every time he thought it.
Because it wasnât only.
Not to him.
Not anymore.
But it had to be.
So he loved you in quiet, safe ways.
Water.
Food.
A coat.
A hand hovering near your back without touching.
His body between you and danger.
His eyes on every exit.
His voice, low in your ear at crowded events: âOn your left.â âStep down.â âHold for one second.â
And every time you listened â every time you trusted him without hesitation â something in Steveâs chest tightened.
Because trust, to him, was sacred.
And you gave it to him like it was easy.
Like it didnât cost you anything.
He wondered, sometimes, if you knew what you were doing to him.
If you knew that every time you smiled at him â really smiled, private, when no cameras were around â it made him feel like he was standing too close to the edge of something he couldnât survive.
By the time you hit twenty-five, then twenty-six, then twenty-seven, the world had decided you were old enough that your choices should be judged as strategy.
If you dated, it was for optics.
If you didnât date, it was suspicious.
If you were seen with anyone, it was a scandal waiting to be framed.
You started avoiding relationships entirely, not because you didnât want love, but because you were tired of being used as someone elseâs storyline.
And then Steve became your constant.
The one man who didnât ask you to perform.
The one man who didnât want something from you.
The one man who â despite his coldness, his distance, his careful professional mask â still made sure you drank water, and went to bed, and weren't cold outside.
And you began, slowly, to believe the dangerous thing; that maybe he cared because he cared.
Not because he had to.
Not because it was protocol.
Because you were you.
And he was Steve.
And somewhere between press conferences and late-night briefings and the soft weight of his coat on your shoulders, you fell in love with him.
Quietly.
Hopelessly.
With a patience born from years of being told to wait.
And you told yourself you could live with the ache.
You told yourself it was enough, having him close.
You told yourself you would never ask for more.
But, the thing about lines, is that they donât stop you from feeling.
They just make you bleed when you cross them.
And you were already bleeding, even if neither of you wanted to admit it yet.
The day it started to crack didnât feel dramatic at first.
It felt⊠normal.
Normal in the way your life had trained you to accept â calendar packed from dawn to night, every minute accounted for, every movement observed. Normal in the way your body had learned to carry tension like jewelry: polished, invisible from a distance, cutting into the skin if anyone looked too closely.
You woke before your alarm because you always did. Not because you wanted to. Because your brain didnât trust peace enough to stay asleep.
The residence was quiet in that early-hour hush, the kind of quiet that belonged to expensive places where even the air seemed trained not to creak. You padded across your bedroom in socked feet, hair twisted up, robe tied too tight because you needed the pressure around your ribs to feel grounded.
Your phone lit up with notifications the moment you picked it up.
Press briefing moved up. New guest added to the luncheon. Security note: âcredible threat chatterâ flagged overnight â low specificity, high volume. The kind of message that made your stomach tighten without giving your fear anywhere useful to go.
You stared at the screen for a long moment, jaw set.
Then you put the phone down and went to brush your teeth like you hadnât just read the word threat before coffee.
In the mirror, you looked like the version of yourself the papers loved: composed, pretty in a sharp way, eyes that didnât beg. If you tilted your chin right, you could almost look untouchable.
You were good at untouchable.
And that was the problem, because Steve had seen all the ways you werenât.
He was waiting outside your suite when you opened the door.
Always there. Always on time. Always half a step removed from intimacy.
Suit pressed, tie straight, earpiece in. His hands were clasped loosely in front of him, but his eyes were already moving â hallway, corner, reflection, door seams. An entire world of threat assessments running behind his calm expression.
âMorning,â you said.
âMorning,â Steve answered.
His gaze flicked to you â just long enough to register you werenât fully awake, the faint shadows beneath your eyes, the way your shoulders held too much tension. Then he looked away again, like he didnât trust himself to linger.
You walked past him toward the kitchen.
He followed, the sound of his steps measured, steady.
The residence smelled like coffee and lemon polish and the faintest trace of last nightâs dinner. Somewhere far off, a staffer laughed quietly. A normal morning sound. A human sound.
You clung to it like it was proof the world wasnât always sharp-edged.
In the kitchen, you went straight for the coffee machine. It was automatic. You didnât have to think. You needed that.
Steve stopped at the threshold like he always did.
You hated the threshold rule more than youâd ever admit. The way he never fully entered your private spaces unless there was a reason. The way he kept his body at the edge of your life, even as his presence filled it.
You poured coffee into your mug and took a sip too quickly. It burned your tongue.
You winced. Swore under your breath.
Steveâs voice came, quiet, from the doorway.
âToo hot.â
You glanced up, startled.
He didnât sound smug. Just⊠observant.
âThanks, Captain Obvious,â you muttered.
A beat.
Then, still calm: âThereâs water in the fridge.â
You closed your eyes briefly, because there it was again. That infuriating tenderness disguised as instruction.
âSteve.â
âYes?â
âAre you going to police my hydration today too?â
He didnât move. Didnât step in. Didnât soften his posture.
But his eyes met yours.
âThere was a new security note,â he said. âWeâll be out all day. You need to be functioning."
The word hit you wrong, like it had in the car before.
Functioning.
As if you were a system. A machine. A thing that could be calibrated.
You swallowed, irritation flashing. âIâm always functioning.â
His jaw tightened. Subtle. A crack of something beneath the surface.
âNot like this,â he said. âNot when you havenât slept.â
Your grip tightened around the mug.
âI slept.â
âTwo hours,â Steve said.
You froze.
Your eyes narrowed. âExcuse me?â
Steveâs gaze flicked toward the corridor â checking, automatically, for anyone else listening. Then back.
âYour light was on at two,â he said, voice low. âIt went off at four.â
Heat rushed to your cheeks. Not embarrassment exactly. Something else. Something too close to intimacy.
âYouâre watching my lights now?â you snapped.
Steve blinked once. âIâm doing my job.â
There it was again.
That phrase.
A shield. A wall. The safe, brutal boundary he used to keep you out.
You stared at him, breath shallow.
You wanted to say: You donât watch my lights because itâs your job. You watch my lights because you care.
But you didnât.
You never did.
Instead, you turned back to the coffee and said, too flatly, âFine. Iâll drink water.â
Steveâs shoulders eased, just slightly.
He didnât thank you.
You didnât look at him.
And something â tiny, almost invisible â shifted between you.
Not broken.
Not yet.
But strained.
By eight, you were in the convoy.
The armored SUV smelled like leather and faint cologne. The windows were tinted so dark you could barely see the morning outside. It made you feel like you were moving through the world behind glass, untouchable and trapped at the same time.
Steve sat across from you, facing the rear. Another agent sat in the front passenger seat. A second vehicle followed behind.
You checked your schedule on your phone, thumb scrolling, brain already bracing.
Charity luncheon at ten.
Elementary school visit at noon.
Local hospital wing tour at two.
Donor reception at five.
Private dinner at eight.
Then an early meeting tomorrow with foreign delegates.
You stared at the list and felt your spine tighten.
âYouâre clenching your jaw,â Steve said.
You didnât look up. âIâm fine.â
Steveâs voice didnât change, but something in it sharpened. âDonât lie to me.â
Your thumb stopped moving.
You slowly lifted your gaze.
Steveâs eyes were on you now â not scanning the window, not checking mirrors. On you.
It was rare, having his full attention like that.
It felt like standing under direct light.
âIâm not lying,â you said, quieter. âIâm managing.â
Steveâs jaw flexed. âThatâs not the same.â
You exhaled through your nose. âYouâre really committed to the wellness coach thing today, huh?â
A flicker crossed his face â something like amusement, immediately swallowed.
The car hit a slight bump and your coffee sloshed.
Steveâs hand shot out, fast and controlled, steadying the cup before it spilled.
His fingers brushed yours for a fraction of a second.
Skin to skin.
Heat.
You both froze.
The touch was microscopic. Innocent.
It still felt like a confession.
Steve withdrew his hand as if heâd been burned. His posture went rigid, eyes snapping back to the rear window.
You stared at your own hand like it had betrayed you.
Your heart was pounding too loud.
You cleared your throat. Forced your voice steady.
âThanks.â
Steve didnât answer.
He just stared out the window, jaw clenched, like the city outside had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world.
And you realized â suddenly, sharply â that he wasnât just professional.
He was fighting.
Fighting something in himself that wanted too much.
And the knowledge made your chest ache with a mix of hope and frustration.
The luncheon was a blur of perfume and polite cruelty.
A hotel ballroom, glittering chandeliers, white tablecloths so crisp they felt like a threat. People in expensive suits smiling like knives.
You moved through it the way you always did: chin up, shoulders back, voice warm. You let strangers touch your arm, kiss your cheek, call you sweetheart in a tone that made your teeth grind. You laughed at jokes you hated.
Steve stayed behind you, always half a step removed. Eyes scanning, body angled to block.
At one point, an older donor â a man with a practiced grin and too much confidence â caught your hand and held it a beat too long.
âMy, my,â he said, loud enough for people nearby to hear. âYouâre even prettier in person.â
You smiled, because youâd been trained to.
âThank you,â you said.
His thumb traced the back of your hand.
Too familiar.
Steve moved in instantly. Not aggressive, but present â like a door closing.
âSir,â Steve said, voice calm, âwe need to keep moving.â
The donorâs smile faltered. His gaze flicked to Steve with irritation.
âIâm just complimenting her,â the man said.
Steve didnât blink. âWe have a schedule.â
The donor let go, offended, and muttered something under his breath as you walked away.
Your pulse was fast â not from fear, but from the way Steve had stepped in so seamlessly. The way heâd protected you without making a scene. The way his voice had carried a quiet authority that didnât need force.
When you reached the edge of the room, you turned slightly toward him, lowering your voice.
âThank you.â
Steveâs eyes met yours. Brief. Intense.
Then his gaze flicked away.
âPart of the job,â he said.
You flinched, almost imperceptibly.
You hated that phrase.
You hated how he kept using it like it was the only safe thing he could say.
You took a breath, forcing yourself to stay calm. âNot everything is just âthe job,â Steve.â
His eyes snapped back to yours.
For a second, his expression shifted â something raw, something almost pained.
Then it closed again.
âFocus,â he said quietly. âPlease.â
The word please was gentle, and it only made you angrier.
Because he could be gentle. He just refused to be⊠open.
You looked away, swallowing the bitter thing rising in your throat.
âFine,â you murmured.
Steveâs posture eased, but the tension in his jaw didnât.
Heâd heard it too.
The crack in your voice.
By the time you got to the elementary school, the sky had turned overcast. Wind tugged at your hair, cold enough to sting.
Kids swarmed you with paper crafts and sticky fingers and questions that made you smile for real.
âHow old are you?â one little girl demanded.
âOld enough,â you said, laughing.
âDo you live in the White House?â a boy asked, eyes wide.
âNo,â you said. âBut Iâve been there.â
âIs your dad the President?â another asked.
âHeâs the Vice President,â you corrected gently.
A chorus of woooow followed, like you were a superhero.
You knelt to their level, took their drawings with genuine gratitude, let them talk over each other without interruption.
Behind you, Steve watched it all.
You knew he did, because you could feel him like gravity.
Once, you glanced back and caught him looking at you â not scanning for threats, not assessing the crowd.
Just⊠watching you.
His expression softened, the hard lines around his mouth easing. His eyes warm in a way you almost never saw.
It punched straight through you.
For a heartbeat, you forgot the cameras, the agents, the headlines.
It felt like you and him in a bubble.
Then a teacher moved too close behind you, and Steveâs gaze snapped into focus, professional again.
The softness vanished.
The bubble popped.
And you felt â stupidly â like youâd imagined it.
Like your hope was a hallucination born from too many years of loneliness.
In the car afterward, you stared out the tinted window at children waving as the convoy pulled away.
Your throat felt tight.
You didnât realize you were quiet until Steve spoke.
âYou did good back there,â he said.
You blinked, turning to him. âItâs just kids.â
âItâs not just kids,â Steve replied.
His tone was careful, but his eyes were steady.
âThey see you,â he said quietly. âNot⊠the headlines.â
Something inside you cracked, just a little.
You swallowed hard. âYeah. Well. They donât know any better yet.â
Steveâs jaw clenched.
He looked away, then back, as if making a decision.
âYouâre not what they say,â he said, voice low. âYou know that, right?â
Your breath caught.
Because he didnât have to say that.
Because it wasnât about threats or schedules.
Because it was⊠personal.
Your heart thudded painfully.
And your first instinct was to lean into it â to take that tiny offering and hold it.
But then Steveâs face tightened, as if heâd realized heâd stepped too far.
He straightened, posture snapping back into neutrality.
âWeâre running late,â he added, brisk. âWe need to move.â
The moment was gone.
Just like that.
Your chest burned.
You stared at him, hurt sharp and sudden.
âWhy do you do that?â you asked, voice quiet.
Steve didnât look at you. âDo what?â
âSay something⊠human,â you said, âand then disappear behind the badge.â
Steveâs hands tightened once, barely, on his knee.
âYouâre tired,â he said. âDonât start.â
Your mouth fell open, anger flashing.
âIâm not starting,â you snapped. âIâm justââ
Just what?
Just begging him to admit he cared?
Just asking him to stop treating you like a duty and start treating you like someone he wanted?
The words jammed in your throat.
Steve finally turned his head, eyes hard now.
âFocus,â he said again, but this time it wasnât gentle.
It was a command.
Your stomach twisted.
âRight,â you said, voice brittle. âFocus. Of course.â
Steveâs expression tightened, as if youâd done damage he hadnât intended.
The rest of the drive was silent.
The kind of silence that wasnât peaceful.
The kind that grew teeth.
By the time you reached the hospital wing tour, you had a migraine blooming behind your eyes.
Everything was too bright, too loud. Flashbulbs. Smiling doctors. Hands shaking yours with gratitude that felt like performance.
You did it anyway. You always did.
Steve stayed close, closer than usual now. You noticed his hand hover more often near your back. You noticed the way he angled his body to shield you from crowds without touching you, as if touch was the one thing he couldnât allow himself.
And you noticed the way he kept watching you in between scans â watching your face, your breathing, the slight delay before you smiled.
You wanted to scream at him: If you see me, then stop acting like you donât.
But you didnât.
Because you were in public.
Because you were trained.
Because you were tired.
At one point, as you moved from one room to another, the world tilted â just slightly. Your vision blurred at the edges.
You stopped, swallowing hard.
Steve was at your side instantly.
His hand found your elbow. Firm. Real. Steadying.
âHey,â he murmured, so low no one else could hear. âBreathe.â
You blinked, disoriented.
His thumb pressed lightly, once, against your sleeve â anchoring you.
âToo much,â Steve said, voice almost⊠tender. âWe can take five.â
You stared at him. His face was close. Too close.
His eyes were on yours, intense and worried in a way that made your throat tighten.
Then, over your shoulder, someone called your name.
A photographer.
Steveâs expression closed in an instant.
His hand dropped away.
He stepped back.
âKeep moving,â he said, louder, professional. Neutral.
And the whiplash of it â warmth to ice in half a second â made your stomach churn.
You turned and smiled for the camera because you were very good at pretending.
But inside, something was starting to fracture.
Not because Steve had been cold.
Because he hadnât been cold first.
Because he kept showing you glimpses of something real⊠then yanking it away like it wasnât safe for either of you to touch.
And you were starting to realize that the distance wasnât just protocol.
It was fear.
By late afternoon, the donor reception loomed like a threat.
You stood in your room changing into a sleek dress that made you look exactly like the person the papers wanted you to be: untouchable, expensive, sharp.
You stared at yourself in the mirror and felt strangely hollow.
A knock sounded at the door.
You knew it was Steve. It was always Steve.
âCome in,â you called, and immediately regretted it, because he never did unless necessary.
The door opened only a crack.
Steveâs voice came through. Controlled. Careful.
âFive minutes.â
Your fingers froze on the clasp of your necklace.
âSteve,â you said, impulse winning. âCan youââ
Can you what?
Come in?
Stay?
Look at me like you did with the kids?
Stop pretending?
Your throat tightened.
The silence stretched.
Steve remained on the other side of the door.
Then, softly, âWhat do you need?â
The question â genuine, quiet â hit you in the chest.
You swallowed.
âI donât know,â you admitted, voice small. âIâm tired.â
There was a pause.
Then Steve said, so quietly you almost missed it, âDrink some water.â
You let out a breath that sounded too much like a laugh and too much like a sob.
âOf course,â you whispered.
On the other side of the door, you heard him shift â like he wanted to come closer, like he wanted to say something else.
But he didnât.
He never did.
The door closed again.
And you stared at your reflection, blinking hard.
Because you could feel it now, unmistakably. This wasnât sustainable.
Not the trust. Not the feelings. Not the way he kept you safe with his body but refused to let you anywhere near his heart.
Something had to give.
And you had a terrible feeling it wouldnât be him.
Not until it broke.
The donor reception blurred into one long, glittering performance.
A ballroom washed in warm light and expensive perfume. Crystal glasses clinking. People laughing too loudly at jokes that werenât funny. Your fatherâs allies orbiting the room like planets, each one trying to get close enough to be seen in the right photograph.
You wore your role like armor.
Smile. Touch an elbow. Tilt your head. Repeat a name. Make a comment that sounded personal without offering anything real.
Steve stayed behind you, as always â half a step, sometimes less when the crowd tightened. He didnât drink. He didnât mingle. He didnât laugh. He was the fixed point in the room, the quiet gravity that kept you upright when everything else felt slippery.
You should have been grateful.
You were grateful.
You were also so tired you could barely hear yourself think.
And because you were tired, you noticed more than you usually allowed yourself to notice.
You noticed the way Steveâs gaze lingered on your face when you laughed for real. The way his jaw tightened when a donor held your hand too long. The way his shoulders shifted â subtle, automatic â every time someone stepped into your space like you belonged to them.
You noticed the things he did without thinking.
And you noticed how quickly he shut them down.
A donor â a woman in diamonds and sharpened politeness â leaned in close, voice low and syrupy.
âYouâre doing wonderfully,â she said, fingers brushing the bare skin of your arm. âYou must be so proud. Your father is going places.â
You smiled. âThank you.â
Her eyes flicked past you to Steve.
âAnd you,â she added, as if you werenât still standing there, âyou must have your hands full.â
Steve didnât even blink. âMaâam.â
The womanâs smile turned sly. âHeâs handsome, isnât he?â she said to you, not to him, like you were girlfriends sharing gossip.
Heat crawled up your neck. You forced a laugh, light. âHeâs very good at his job.â
Steveâs posture went a shade more rigid.
You could feel him closing down behind you. Like a door locking.
The woman hummed, amused. âMmm. Of course.â
You moved on quickly, because you knew what those comments did. Not just to you â to him. To the fragile, invisible line heâd drawn around your relationship. The line that kept him safe from rumors, safe from accusations, safe from wanting.
But the comments stayed under your skin anyway.
Because they brushed against a truth youâd been trying not to touch.
By the time you got back to the residence, it was nearly midnight.
You had smiled until your cheeks hurt. You had shaken so many hands your fingers felt numb. Your heels had carved a dull ache into the soles of your feet.
When the convoy pulled into the private drive, you leaned your head back against the seat and closed your eyes.
The SUV was quiet except for the low murmur of radio traffic.
Steve sat across from you, still facing the rear, still scanning. As if the day hadnât ended. As if danger didnât respect your schedule.
You opened your eyes and found him watching you instead of the window.
Just for a second.
His gaze was steady, but there was something in it now â tiredness, maybe. Or concern. Or something deeper he refused to name.
Your throat tightened.
âSteve,â you said softly, before you could stop yourself.
His eyes sharpened. âYeah?â
The single syllable felt intimate in a way it shouldnât have.
You swallowed. Your fingers twisted in your lap.
âDo you everâŠâ You hesitated, words stuck behind your teeth. âDo you ever get tired of pretending you donât care?â
The silence that followed wasnât empty.
It was packed with everything he refused to say.
Steveâs face went blank in an instant. The mask sliding into place so smoothly it made you want to scream.
âI donât know what you mean,â he said.
Your breath came out shaky. You hated it.
âSure,â you muttered, turning your gaze to the window, because looking at him was too much.
The SUV stopped. Doors opened. Night air rushed in.
âHome,â the agent in front said.
Steve moved first, stepping out, scanning the driveway, the shadows, the perimeter.
You followed, the cold air biting at your exposed arms.
Steveâs coat appeared behind you â hovering, then settling over your shoulders. Heavy, warm, smelling faintly of him.
Your heart lurched.
You turned, startled.
Steveâs eyes were on the horizon, not on you. Like he couldnât allow himself to watch your reaction.
âThanks,â you said quietly.
âCold,â he replied, like that explained everything.
You wanted to grab his sleeve. Pull him close. Force him to look at you and admit the truth.
Instead, you walked inside.
Because you were tired.
Because you were trained.
Because you didnât know how to do this without breaking something.
You went straight to your office.
Not because you wanted to work.
Because you needed somewhere to put the restless energy under your skin. Somewhere to drown the ache with emails and schedules and lists.
Your office was dim, lit only by the desk lamp. The familiar scent of paper and leather and faint vanilla from the candle you never lit because open flames were not allowed. The world reduced to quiet.
You kicked off your shoes and sat down.
For a while, you let yourself pretend you were just another woman with too much work and a headache.
For a while, it almost worked.
Then your phone buzzed again: another message from staff. Another adjustment. Another demand.
You stared at the screen until the words blurred.
And without thinking, you typed back an answer. Efficient. Polite. Professional.
Just like Steve.
That thought hit like a slap.
You dropped your phone on the desk and pressed your fingers to your eyes.
You were not supposed to be thinking about him like this. You were not supposed to be measuring your life against the quiet space he occupied in it.
But you couldnât stop.
Because he was everywhere.
Even when he wasnât.
When you finally left your office, the residence hallway was quiet. Most of the staff had gone to bed. The security lights cast soft pools of gold across the polished floor.
You expected to see Steve stationed nearby, like he always was at night.
He wasnât.
For a second, your stomach tightened with something like panic.
Then you heard voices â low, controlled â coming from around the corner near the security station.
You slowed.
Not because you meant to eavesdrop.
Because you recognized his voice.
Steve was speaking the way he spoke to other agents â calm, factual, stripped of warmth. The tone he used when he wasnât talking to you.
And you realized with sudden clarity that youâd almost never heard him speak about you.
Not in that context.
Not in that voice.
You stopped in the shadow of a doorway, heart thudding.
ââsheâs been under significant pressure,â Steve was saying. âItâs impacting her routine.â
Another voice answered, muffled. âAny behavioral flags?â
Steve hesitated only a fraction.
âNo,â he said. âNothing beyond expected parameters.â
You felt your breath catch.
âExpected parameters?â the other agent repeated.
Steveâs answer came smoothly, without hesitation.
âSheâs compliant,â he said. âStubborn, but manageable.â
Your blood went cold.
Compliant.
Manageable.
Words youâd heard your whole life in different forms. Words used by staffers and advisers when they thought you couldnât hear them. Words used by men who saw you as a problem to control, not a person to understand.
Your fingers curled hard around the edge of the doorway.
The other voice said something you didnât catch. Steve replied, sharper now.
âSheâs not the primary,â he said. âThe Vice President is the primary. Her proximity makes her a high-value target. We mitigate that risk.â
Mitigate.
Risk.
Target.
Primary.
Your throat tightened until it hurt.
You knew â logically â that this was how security worked. You knew Steve had to speak this language. You knew it wasnât personal.
But hearing it â hearing him reduce you to a set of variables â felt like being shoved out into the cold without warning.
Because youâd trusted him with the parts of yourself you didnât show anyone.
Youâd trusted him because he felt different.
And now, in two sentences, he sounded exactly like the world.
The other agent asked, âYou still comfortable with the detail?â
Steve answered immediately.
âYes,â he said. âI can handle her.â
Handle her.
Like you were a situation.
A problem.
A thing.
Your chest tightened so violently you felt dizzy.
You stepped back without meaning to.
Your heel clipped the edge of a console table.
The sound was small â barely a knock.
It might as well have been a gunshot.
The voices cut off instantly.
Footsteps.
And then Steve rounded the corner.
He saw you.
For half a second, his eyes widened â just slightly. A crack in the mask.
Then his expression smoothed back into professionalism like nothing had happened.
âShouldnât you be in bed?â he asked, calm.
The casualness almost broke you.
You stared at him, the world narrowing down to the space between your bodies.
âIâm compliant?â you said, voice quiet.
Steveâs face tightened. His gaze flicked toward the security station, toward the other agent, then back.
âYou heard part of aââ
âIâm manageable?â you continued, the words tasting like blood.
Steve took a step toward you. âListenââ
âYou can handle me?â Your voice rose, sharp. âIs that what I am now? Something you handle?â
His jaw flexed. âThatâs not what I meant.â
âThen what did you mean?â you demanded.
Steveâs eyes held yours, and for a second you saw something in them â regret, maybe. Or panic.
But he didnât reach for you.
He didnât soften.
He didnât say your name.
He stayed behind the badge.
âI was speaking in operational terms,â he said, voice controlled. âItâs not personal.â
The words landed like a betrayal.
Not because they were cruel.
Because they were safe.
Because they were the exact kind of answer that let him avoid the thing you needed him to say.
You shook your head slowly, disbelief making your vision blur.
âYouââ Your voice cracked, and you hated yourself for it. âYou were the only person I thought I could trust.â
Silence.
Absolute.
Steveâs face drained of color.
For the first time in years, his composure slipped â just enough to show the man underneath. The man who looked like heâd been punched.
He swallowed hard.
âYou can trust me,â he said, and the words sounded desperate.
You laughed once, broken. âCan I? Because it sounds like Iâm just a file to you.â
âYouâre not,â Steve said, stepping closer now. âYouâre not a file.â
âThen what am I, Steve?â you demanded, and your voice shook with it. âWhat am I to you?â
He froze.
And you saw it â the moment where truth rose to his mouth and he forced it back down.
Because he couldnât say it.
Because he wouldnât.
Because he was afraid.
The pause lasted only a second.
It felt like a year.
Steveâs eyes dropped briefly to the floor, then lifted back up â shuttered.
âWe need to get you back to your room,â he said, voice turning firm. âYou shouldnât be out here alone.â
It wasnât an answer.
It was a command.
And something in you snapped.
âNo,â you said, voice low.
Steve blinked. âNo?â
âIâm not going back to my room,â you said, breathing hard. âIâm going out.â
âNo,â he repeated. âNot without security.â
You stared at him, heart hammering.
âWithout security,â you echoed, bitter. âYou mean without you.â
Steveâs jaw clenched. âYes.â
âWhy?â you demanded. âSo you can handle me?â
Steve flinched.
âThatâs not fair.â
âYou donât get to tell me whatâs fair,â you snapped. âYou donât get to treat me like a risk assessment and then act like youâre the one protecting me from getting hurt.â
His eyes flashed. âI am protecting you.â
âFrom what?â you shot back. âFrom the world? Or from you?â
The question hung between you like smoke.
Steveâs breathing went shallow.
His voice came out low, strained.
âGo to your room,â he said. âPlease.â
The please was the only crack of humanity in it.
It didnât fix anything.
It made it worse.
Because it proved he knew you were breaking â and he was still choosing the badge over you.
You swallowed hard, forcing your chin up.
âI trusted you,â you said, quieter now. âI trusted you with everything. And you justâ you just proved youâre like all of them.â
Steveâs eyes glistened for a fraction of a second.
Then he locked it down again.
âIâm not,â he said.
But he didnât say what he was.
And you couldnât stay in that space anymore.
You turned sharply and started walking down the hall.
âStop,â Steve called, voice firm.
You didnât.
His footsteps came after you, fast and controlled.
âStop,â he repeated, closer.
You spun around, fury burning through the hurt.
âWhat?â you snapped. âWhat are you going to do? Give me an order? Drag me back to my room? Call me manageable again?â
Steve froze, as if youâd struck him.
For a heartbeat, his eyes looked naked.
Then his face set.
âThatâs not what this is,â he said.
âThen what is it?â you demanded, voice breaking. âBecause I canât keep doing this, Steve. I canât keep being⊠this thing you guard and monitor and handle while you pretend you donât care.â
Steveâs mouth opened.
Closed.
His hands flexed at his sides, like he was fighting the urge to reach for you.
He didnât.
âIâm trying to keep you safe,â he said finally.
The words were meant to be comforting.
They werenât.
They were the same words heâd always used.
The same shield.
You stared at him, chest heaving.
Then, very softly, you said the most honest thing youâd said all day, âI donât feel safe with you right now.â
Steveâs face went still.
Like something in him stopped working.
You didnât wait.
You turned and walked away, faster this time, heading toward the front entrance.
Steve followed, immediate.
âYou canât leave,â he said, voice tight.
You didnât look back. âWatch me.â
âYouâre angry,â he said. âYouâre not thinking.â
âIâm thinking clearer than I have in months,â you shot back, and your throat burned. âIâm not your soldier, Steve. Iâm not your assignment. Iâm not your primary or your secondary or your risk factor.â
His footsteps slowed for half a second.
Like the words hit.
Then he surged forward again.
âPlease,â he said again, lower now, almost⊠pleading. âDonât do this.â
You stopped at the door and turned.
Your eyes met his.
For a second, everything else fell away â politics, security, rumors.
It was just you and him.
You stared at his face â the tight jaw, the controlled breathing, the eyes that looked like they held a storm behind them.
âYou donât get to ask me for anything,â you whispered. âNot after what I heard.â
Steve swallowed hard. âI didnât mean it like that.â
âBut you said it,â you replied, voice shaking. âAnd you didnât even hesitate.â
His gaze dropped, shame flashing.
Then, almost inaudible, âI did hesitate.â
You blinked, thrown.
Steve lifted his eyes to yours again, rawness flickering.
âFor a second,â he admitted. âAnd then I remembered what Iâm supposed to be.â
The words should have been honest.
They should have been enough.
They werenât.
Because what he was âsupposed to beâ was the exact thing that was breaking you.
You reached for the doorknob.
Steveâs hand moved â fast â then stopped short, hovering, not touching.
A restrained instinct.
A leash he held on himself.
You stared at the space between his hand and yours, that fraction of distance that had defined your entire relationship.
Then you opened the door.
Cold air rushed in.
You stepped out into the night.
And you left him behind, standing in the doorway like a man whoâd just watched the one person he loved walk straight into danger â because heâd been too afraid to call it love.
Cold air hit you like a slap the moment you stepped outside.
The residence grounds were quiet at this hour â too quiet. The kind of quiet that made every crunch of gravel sound obscene, every rustle of leaves feel like a whisper meant for someone elseâs ears. The security lights cast pale pools across manicured hedges and stone paths, turning the world into a series of bright islands and dark gaps.
You kept walking anyway.
You didnât let yourself hesitate, because if you did, you might turn around.
And if you turned around, you might see Steve standing in the doorway with that expression youâd just glimpsed â raw, wounded, terrified â and it would make you weak.
You couldnât afford weak.
Not tonight.
Not when the one person youâd trusted to see you as human had just reduced you to a set of terms.
Compliant. Manageable.
Your hands were shaking as you crossed the drive.
You fumbled for your keys and hated how loud they sounded. Hated how small your body felt under the open sky, exposed and stupidly vulnerable without the usual wall of agents and protocol around you.
The irony wasnât lost on you.
You had walked out on security because you felt unsafe with him â because you felt betrayed â yet your skin prickled with awareness now, every nerve screaming danger like it hadnât in months.
A car engine idled in the distance. A dog barked once, far away. Somewhere, a security camera rotated with a soft mechanical whirr.
You reached your car and yanked the door open.
The interior smelled faintly of leather and the vanilla air freshener youâd bought on impulse weeks ago, trying to make it feel less like another controlled space.
You sat behind the wheel.
And for a moment â just one â your hands hovered above the ignition as your chest heaved, breath caught like youâd been running.
The tears didnât fall yet.
They gathered, hot and humiliating, burning behind your eyes.
You blinked hard.
No.
Not here.
Not now.
You shoved the key into the ignition.
The engine turned over with a low purr.
You backed out too fast, tires crunching over gravel, and headed toward the gate.
Your phone buzzed.
You didnât look at it.
You didnât need to.
You knew exactly who it was.
Inside the residence, Steve stood frozen in the doorway like heâd been nailed there.
He watched your taillights cut through the darkness and felt something in his chest collapse.
His training screamed at him. Protocol demanded immediate action. You were leaving the secure perimeter without your detail. You were angry, emotional, impulsive â high risk on every axis.
He should have moved.
Should have called it in. Should have sent another unit, activated the contingency plan, locked the gate if necessary.
He did none of it.
Because for one nauseating second, all he could see was your face when you said it.
You were the only person I thought I could trust.
It had landed in him like a bullet.
The truth was â he had known you trusted him.
Heâd felt it every time you stepped exactly where he guided you without looking. Every time you followed his quiet âleftâ or âstep down.â Every time you let him stand close without flinching.
Heâd carried that trust like it was something fragile, something he didnât deserve.
And then, tonight, heâd treated it like⊠language.
Heâd talked about you like a file.
Heâd let his operational brain choose words that were safe, detached, professional â words he would never say to your face.
And you had heard them.
Heâd been caught.
Not lying.
Being exactly what heâd forced himself to be.
A bodyguard.
Only a bodyguard.
And the cost of that, suddenly, was you walking out into the night without him.
Steveâs hands clenched hard enough that his knuckles went white.
His radio crackled in his ear. A voice asked a question. Another voice called his name.
He didnât answer.
He was staring at the empty driveway like he could will you back.
He couldnât.
Then his instincts finally snapped into place â too late, too desperate.
He reached for his phone.
Your phone buzzed again.
Then again.
And again.
You kept your eyes on the road.
The city outside the residence grounds was sleeping â streetlights casting long reflections on wet asphalt, storefronts dark, occasional cars drifting past like ghosts.
You drove without a destination.
Because it wasnât about going somewhere.
It was about being gone.
Being out of the residence, out of the camera angles, out of Steveâs orbit.
Being somewhere where you could breathe without feeling like you were being evaluated.
The buzzing stopped.
A second later, the screen lit up with a call.
STEVE.
Your throat tightened so hard it hurt.
You stared at the name until the call went to voicemail.
Immediately, another came through.
You let it ring too.
Your hands were trembling on the steering wheel.
Your chest felt tight, like your ribs were strapped down.
The anger was still there â hot, sharp â underneath everything.
But now it mixed with something else. Something sick and heavy.
Guilt.
Because you knew leaving was dangerous.
You knew he wasnât calling because he wanted to win an argument.
He was calling because his entire job â his entire identity â was keeping you alive.
And you had just ripped that away from him.
A tiny part of you whispered: He deserved it.
Another part whispered: Youâre being reckless.
You clenched your jaw.
You turned the volume of your radio up just to drown out your own thoughts.
At the first red light, you finally looked down at your phone.
Eight missed calls. Five new messages.
You didnât open them.
You couldnât.
If you read his words, you might cave. You might turn around.
And you werenât ready to do that.
Because if you turned around, youâd have to face the truth: that you still wanted him. That despite everything, your heart still leaned toward him like a compass.
And wanting him felt humiliating right now.
You exhaled shakily, staring at the red light.
Your reflection stared back from the windshield â eyes too bright, face pale.
You looked like a woman who had finally realized the one safe thing sheâd clung to wasnât safe after all.
The light turned green.
You drove on.
You ended up in a quiet neighborhood near the river â one of the few places in the city that didnât feel like it belonged to anyone important. Rows of trees, dark water, a narrow road that curved along the edge like a secret.
You pulled over and parked.
Your hands stayed on the wheel for a long moment.
Then you let your forehead fall forward until it rested against your knuckles.
And the tears came.
Silent. Angry. Ugly.
You werenât crying because Steve had done something unforgivable.
You were crying because he had proven something you had spent your whole life fighting against; that even the kindest men still saw you as a thing attached to power.
A risk.
A duty.
A problem to manage.
You dragged in a shaky breath, wiping at your cheeks with the sleeve of your coat â Steveâs coat â still around your shoulders like a cruel joke.
You should have taken it off.
You couldnât.
It smelled like him.
Warm, clean, familiar.
Safe.
And that made you hate him more.
Your phone buzzed again.
A new message.
You glanced down despite yourself.
Please. Tell me where you are.
Your throat tightened.
You stared at the screen until your vision blurred.
Then you locked your phone and tossed it onto the passenger seat.
No.
Not yet.
Ten minutes passed.
Then fifteen.
The city stayed quiet.
Your breathing steadied.
The anger cooled into something aching.
And underneath it all, a dangerous thought kept creeping in, He sounded panicked.
Not professionally urgent.
Panicked.
Heâd looked like heâd been losing something when you walked out.
And maybe â maybe â he had.
Maybe this hadnât been easy for him either.
Maybe heâd been holding himself back for so long that the only way he knew to survive was to put you in a box labeled âclientâ and âassignmentâ and âmanageableâ â because if he admitted what you were to him, he would want too much.
You swallowed hard, hands tightening on the steering wheel again.
It didnât excuse it.
But it made the hurt feel⊠complicated.
You hated complicated.
You lived in complicated.
You wanted, just once, something simple.
Something honest.
You wanted him to look at you and say I love you.
Not Itâs my job.
Not Focus.
Not Go to your room.
Your stomach twisted.
You should go back.
You knew you should.
If not for Steve, then for yourself.
If there was another threat, if there was some idiot with a camera, if someone recognized your carâŠ
You inhaled, shaky.
Fine.
Youâd go back.
Youâd go back on your terms.
You reached for your phone.
Another buzz interrupted you.
This time, it wasnât Steve.
It was your fatherâs chief of staff.
You stared at the name, dread sliding down your spine.
You answered before you could think.
âWhat?â you said, voice rough.
âWhere are you?â the chief of staff demanded immediately. No greeting. No softness. âWe got an alert you left the residence.â
Of course you did.
Of course they knew.
Of course your life was monitored even when you tried to run.
âIâm fine,â you snapped.
âYou are not fine,â the chief of staff shot back. âYou are the Vice Presidentâs daughter. There are protocolsââ
âDonât,â you hissed. âDonât talk to me about protocols.â
A pause.
Then, quieter, more careful: âAgent Rogers is losing his mind.â
Your chest tightened despite yourself.
âHe shouldnât,â you said, cold.
âHeâs trying to locate you,â the chief of staff continued. âHeâs activatedââ
âTell him to stop,â you said, voice shaking. âTell him Iâm notâ Iâm not his file.â
Silence.
Then, âYou need to return.â
âI will,â you said, jaw clenched. âSoon.â
âWhere are you?â
You looked out at the river, dark and indifferent, and felt the exhaustion settle in your bones.
âIâm in my car,â you said. âThatâs all you get.â
You ended the call with your fatherâs chief of staff with your pulse still in your throat.
The quiet in the car felt wrong now â too thin, too exposed. Like the night had been holding its breath with you, waiting to see what youâd do next.
You stared at your phone, screen dark. The urge to call Steve rose again, sharp and guilty, and you swallowed it down like youâd swallowed everything else tonight.
Not yet.
You couldnât deal with his voice. Not when it might crack you open.
You pulled in a slow breath, wiped the heel of your hand across your cheek, and forced your fingers to stop trembling.
Fine.
Youâd go back.
Not because he deserved it.
Because you did.
You started the engine. The familiar vibration under your palms steadied you a fraction â something solid, something you could control.
Headlights cut a clean path through the dark as you eased out of your spot and merged back onto the road.
The city was quiet at this hour, streetlights painting wet asphalt in pale gold. Storefronts were shuttered. The river disappeared behind you, black and indifferent.
You drove carefully. Too carefully, maybe â every mirror checked twice, every intersection approached with the cautious patience of someone whoâd grown up being told the world was dangerous.
Your phone buzzed once.
You didnât look.
Your grip on the steering wheel tightened anyway.
Just get home. Just get back inside the perimeter. Just breathe.
A few streets later, you came up on a traffic light.
It was green.
Clear. Simple. Permission.
You rolled through, the tires humming softly over the painted lines.
And then â movement.
A blur from your right, too fast, too wrong.
You had just enough time to register headlights cutting across the intersection at an angle that made no sense.
Red for them.
Green for you.
Your stomach dropped, reflex screaming.
You jerked the wheel left on instinct â useless, too late.
The impact hit the passenger side with a brutal, grinding crash.
Metal screamed.
Glass shuddered.
The whole car lurched sideways as if a giant hand had grabbed it and thrown it.
Your body snapped against the seatbelt, the strap biting across your chest. Your head whipped â not hard enough to injure, but hard enough to steal your breath.
The world turned into noise and spin.
The car rotated â once, twice â tires skidding, the road becoming a smear of light and shadow outside the windshield. Streetlights strobed past in dizzy flashes. Your hands clenched the wheel like it was the only thing keeping you anchored to reality.
Then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped.
A final jolt.
Silence â thick, ringing silence â punctured by the ticking of your engine and the distant hiss of another car idling wrong.
Your heart was hammering so hard it felt like it might crack your ribs.
You sat frozen, both hands still locked around the steering wheel, breath trapped halfway in your lungs.
For a second you didnât move because you didnât trust your body to obey you.
Then you blinked.
Once. Twice.
Your vision steadied.
You looked down at yourself automatically â arms, chest, legs.
No blood.
No sharp pain.
Just the violent aftershock trembling through your muscles, the ghost of impact still vibrating in your bones.
You swallowed hard and forced yourself to breathe.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Your hands finally loosened their death grip on the wheel.
The passenger side was caved in enough that you could hear the faint crackle of stressed metal cooling. Your side mirror was hanging at an angle, reflecting only dark sky. The air smelled like burned rubber and something electrical.
You turned your head slowly, checking the passenger seat on instinct.
Outside, somewhere nearby, a horn blared once, then cut off.
Your phone had slid into the footwell. The screen was lit with a web of missed calls and notifications, but your eyes couldnât focus on the words yet.
You swallowed again, throat tight, and stared through the windshield at the traffic light still glowing green, indifferent.
You had done everything right.
You had had the right of way.
You had been careful.
And stillâŠ
Your breath hitched, anger and fear tangling together, hot and ugly.
The door handles rattled as someone outside stumbled, footsteps unsteady on the pavement. A slurred voice floated through the night, too loud.
âOhâ oh shitââ
Drunk.
You could hear it immediately in the loose way the words fell apart.
You didnât open the door.
You didnât even think about it.
You just sat there, shaking, safe only because you were unhurt and alone in the car.
And because somewhere, in the back of your mind, the brutal truth cut through the adrenaline like ice.
You had left the perimeter.
You had left your detail.
You had left Steve.
Your hands found your phone without you fully deciding to. You dragged it up from the footwell with trembling fingers, thumb hovering over his name like it had been carved into memory.
Your throat tightened so hard it hurt.
Not yet, you thought.
Then you looked at the crushed passenger side again, and your pulse stuttered.
Your thumb hovered over Steveâs name for half a second again.
Muscle memory. Instinct. The person your body still wanted to reach for even when your pride was bleeding.
You swallowed hard and forced yourself to move past it.
Not Steve.
Not yet.
Your screen was smeared with your fingerprints when you unlocked it â hands still shaking, heart still thundering. You scrolled, fast, past recent calls, past missed notifications, until you found the number you needed.
SAM WILSON.
You hit call.
It rang once.
Twice.
He picked up on the third, voice already alert, like he never truly slept when you were off-perimeter.
âWilson,â he said.
âSam,â you breathed, and your voice came out thinner than you wanted. You cleared your throat, forcing the words into shape. âItâs me. Iâ Iâve had an accident.â
The pause on the line wasnât silence. It was Samâs brain switching gears.
âOkay,â he said immediately, calm in a way that wrapped around you like a blanket. âOkay. You hurt?â
âNo,â you said quickly. âNo, Iâm shaken but Iâm not hurt. I thinkâ I think the seatbelt did its job.â
âGood. Stay with me.â His tone tightened, professional now. âWhere are you?â
You swallowed, eyes flicking around the intersection. The street sign. The traffic light still green for the direction youâd been going. A storefront on the corner â dark, but the name was visible under the streetlamp.
âIâm atââ your voice wobbled, and you hated it. You sucked in a breath. âIâm at the intersection ofâ hold on.â
You leaned forward carefully to see better, neck stiff, and read the signs out loud. Then you glanced at your navigation screen and rattled off the nearest cross street again, more clearly.
Sam didnât interrupt once.
âOkay,â he said when you finished. âIâve got it. Iâm pinging it now. Stay in the car. Doors locked?â
âYes,â you said, breath shaky. âYes, theyâre locked.â
âGood. Seatbelt still on?â
You looked down like you needed proof. The strap cut diagonally across your chest, taut.
âYes.â
âPerfect. Keep it on for now.â You could hear him moving â keys, maybe, the rustle of fabric, the controlled urgency of someone already in motion. âTell me what happened.â
You stared at the crushed passenger side, the way the metal had folded in on itself like paper. Your stomach rolled.
âI went through a green light,â you said, voice tight. âAnd someoneâ someone ran the red. They hit me on the passenger side. I spunâ my car spun around.â
âAny airbags deploy?â
âNo.â
âAny smoke? Fuel smell?â
âNo smoke,â you said, sniffing automatically. âJust⊠rubber. And like⊠hot metal.â
âOkay.â Samâs voice stayed steady, anchored. âIs the other driver still there?â
You looked through the windshield. In the periphery, you saw movement â someone staggering near a car stopped awkwardly by the curb. They seemed more interested in their own bumper than in you.
âYeah,â you said slowly. âHeâs here. He⊠heâs not steady.â
A beat.
âDrunk?â Sam asked, already knowing.
âSounds like it.â
âAlright.â Sam exhaled, sharp. âListen to me. Do not engage. Do not roll down the window. If he approaches your car, you call me out loud and you honk the horn. Understood?â
âYes.â
âGood.â Another pause, shorter this time. Then, âIâve dispatched a unit and Iâve got EMS en route. Ambulance is on the way.â
The words hit you in the chest with a strange combination of relief and humiliation.
An ambulance. Over a minor crash. Over you.
But you didnât argue.
Your hands were still shaking too much to pretend you were fine.
âOkay,â you whispered.
âIâm going to stay on the line,â Sam said. âTalk to me⊠you hear me, right?â
A shaky laugh tried to escape you and died halfway.
âI hear you.â
âGood.â His voice softened a fraction â still professional, but warmer. âYou did the right thing calling. Youâre not alone, alright?â
Your throat tightened again, hot this time.
Because you hadnât wanted to feel alone.
Not when you left. Not when you drove away. Not when you tried to punish Steve with absence.
You swallowed hard, blinking fast.
âSam,â you said quietly, âcan youâ can you tell Rogers not toââ
You stopped yourself.
Because you didnât even know what you wanted.
Not to come? Not to blame himself? Not to show up looking like stone and make you feel small?
Samâs tone stayed neutral, but there was a gentle edge to it, like he already understood where this was going.
âNot to what?â he asked.
You stared at the dark street beyond your windshield, listening to the ticking of your engine like a countdown.
ââŠNothing,â you whispered finally. âForget it.â
Sam didnât push. He just let the silence breathe, filling it with his steady presence.
âAlright,â he said. âAmbulance is about five minutes out. Youâre doing great. Just stay put.â
You tightened your grip on the phone, knuckles white.
Outside, the drunk driverâs voice carried again, louder â complaining, swearing, blaming the universe.
You ignored him.
You kept your eyes forward.
You focused on Samâs voice, on the fact that help was coming, on the fact that you were unhurt.
And on the bitter, unavoidable thought you couldnât quite shove away:
If Steve found out youâd been hit â if he heard you were in an ambulance â he would come like gravity.
And you werenât sure you were ready for what would happen when he arrived.
Sam didnât waste a second.
He lowered the phone from his ear, already moving, already making the next call as he walked, jaw set.
Steve picked up fast â too fast, like heâd been holding his phone in his hand.
âWilson,â Steve said, voice tight.
âItâs me,â Sam answered. No preamble. âSheâs been in a car accident.â
Silence â sharp, immediate.
Then Steveâs voice came through, controlled but dangerously strained. âIs she hurt?â
âShe says sheâs not injured,â Sam replied, already filtering information the way they were trained to. âPassenger-side impact, vehicle spun. EMS is on scene, theyâre getting her out now.â
Steve exhaled hard, a sound that wasnât quite a breath.
âWhere?â
Sam rattled off the coordinates and the nearest cross streets. âAmbulance is en route to the hospital for a check-up. Standard protocol. Iâve got units moving.â
Steve didnât respond for a beat.
Sam could hear it anyway: the shift. The snap into motion. The way Steveâs mind would already be mapping routes, calculating time, rewriting the night around one single priority.
âWhich hospital?â Steve asked, voice low.
âNearest trauma-capable facility,â Sam said. âTheyâll confirm destination in a minute, but itâs likelyââ He named it.
âOkay,â Steve said, and that single word was steel. âIâm going.â
Sam kept his tone even. âRogersââ
âIâm going,â Steve repeated, sharper now, and the professionalism in it didnât hide the undercurrent. Not to Sam. Not after years on the same details, reading each otherâs tells.
Sam paused, then chose his next words carefully.
âShe didnât call you,â he said quietly. âShe called me.â
Silence again.
Then Steveâs voice, rougher: âI know.â
Sam sighed through his nose. âGet to the hospital. Donât make it worse.â
âI wonât,â Steve said â too fast, too certain, like he needed to believe it.
Sam could already hear movement on Steveâs end: a door opening, footsteps, the clipped efficiency of a man heading into the night with purpose.
As Sam ended the call, he glanced back toward the outside of the residence. He watched for a second longer than he needed to.
Then he turned away, because there were protocols to run, reports to file, and a vice-presidential detail that had just gone from tense to volatile.
And because, somewhere behind all of it, he could already picture Steve Rogers walking into that hospital with his mask on, and praying it wouldnât crack at the worst possible moment.
The ambulance ride was a blur of sirens and antiseptic.
The paramedic kept asking you questions in a calm voice that didnât match the way your heart was trying to climb out of your chest.
âAny nausea?â
âNo.â
âHeadache?â
âJust⊠pressure.â
âNeck pain?â
âYes.â
âRate it, from one to ten.â
You stared at the ceiling of the ambulance, trying to attach numbers to sensations you couldnât name. Your body didnât feel like it belonged to you right now. It felt like a suit youâd been forced into â tight in all the wrong places, buzzing with adrenaline.
âFour,â you managed, because four sounded reasonable. Because you were still trying to be reasonable even now. Even when your hands wouldnât stop shaking.
Your phone sat on the bench beside you, screen cracked at the corner where it had hit the floor of your car. It kept lighting up with notifications you couldnât read fast enough.
Calls you didnât answer.
Messages you didnât open.
Because one name kept appearing, over and over, like a pulse.
STEVE
The paramedic noticed. âFamily?â
You swallowed. âNo.â
They didnât push. They just nodded and tightened the strap on the blood pressure cuff around your arm.
The fabric bit into your skin.
The restraint of it â gentle, clinical â made your throat tighten.
Not because it hurt.
Because it reminded you how quickly control disappeared when something went wrong.
You stared at the ceiling again and forced yourself to breathe.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Youâd done this before â panic attacks in bathrooms during campaign events, hyperventilating in the back of cars after debates, hands pressed to your ribs while you tried to look normal.
Steve had been there for some of them.
Not close.
Never too close.
But there â outside the stall, outside the door, voice low and steady: Count with me.
And now he wasnât here.
Not yet.
And the absence was a weight.
The paramedicâs radio crackled. âETA three minutes.â
Your stomach twisted.
Part of you wanted Steve to show up.
Part of you wanted to lock the hospital doors and never see him again.
Both parts felt like they belonged to you.
Both parts felt like betrayal.
He arrived before you did.
Which shouldnât have been possible.
But Steve Rogers didnât do âimpossibleâ the way most people meant it.
When the ambulance doors opened at the ER entrance, cold night air rushed in along with bright fluorescent light. The world became too loud â voices, footsteps, wheels squeaking, the sharp beep of a monitor being rolled past.
And then you saw him.
Steve stood just beyond the threshold where the paramedics would hand you off, jacket thrown over his suit like heâd dressed in seconds, hair not quite perfect, eyes wild in a way youâd never seen before.
He looked⊠wrong.
Not unprofessional. Not sloppy. Just⊠undone.
Like whatever mask he wore for the world hadnât snapped fully back into place.
His gaze locked on you.
And you watched â actually watched â the moment his face changed when he confirmed you were alive.
Relief hit first. Sharp, almost violent.
Then fear.
Then something that looked dangerously close to pain.
He moved forward.
Not with the careful half-step behind you. Not with the measured pace of a man staying in his lane.
He moved like a man who had been held back too long.
âSir,â one of the paramedics greeted him automatically, then corrected themselves when they recognized him. âAgent Rogers. Sheâs stable. Minor collision. Possible whiplash. No loss of consciousness.â
Steve didnât take his eyes off you.
âAre you hurt?â he asked, voice low and raw.
It wasnât the polite question heâd asked you a thousand times during events. It wasnât operational.
It sounded like he needed the answer to breathe.
âIâm fine,â you said, and your voice came out hoarse. âItâs minor.â
Steveâs jaw clenched.
His gaze dropped to the strap over your chest, the way your hands trembled against the blanket.
âYouâre shaking,â he said.
âAdrenaline,â you muttered.
Steveâs throat bobbed.
He looked like he wanted to say something else.
He didnât.
He turned sharply to the nurse approaching with a clipboard.
âI need a room,â Steve said, voice snapping into authority. âPrivate. Now.â
The nurse blinked. âSir, we triageââ
âSheâs the Vice Presidentâs daughter,â Steve said, controlled but edged with threat. âAnd you will triage her, yes. In a room. Not in a hallway.â
The nurseâs eyes widened. She nodded quickly and gestured down the corridor.
âRoom three,â she said.
Steve walked alongside the gurney as they wheeled you in.
Too close.
Too present.
Your chest tightened with something sharp.
You stared straight up at the ceiling tiles and refused to look at him.
Because if you looked at him, you might soften.
And you couldnât afford softness. Not yet.
Not when his voice had called you manageable.
Not when youâd walked out and heâd let you go.
Not when youâd needed him and heâd been a job description.
Room three smelled like disinfectant and paper. The lights were harsh, unforgiving. Everything was white and metallic and designed to make people feel small.
They transferred you onto the hospital bed. Wrapped a blood pressure cuff around your arm. Put a pulse ox on your finger.
The beeping started â steady, irritating, constant.
A nurse asked you questions.
Name, date of birth, allergies.
You answered automatically, like you were reciting a script.
Steve stood near the door.
Not at the threshold this time.
Inside the room.
Like the rules had shifted, and he either didnât care or couldnât remember them.
His presence pressed on you, heavy and familiar.
You kept your eyes on the wall.
A doctor came in and did a quick exam: checked your pupils, pressed gently along your neck, asked you to move your head.
You winced.
âLikely cervical strain,â the doctor said. âWhiplash. Weâll do imaging to be safe, given the mechanism. But it looks minor.â
âGood,â Steve said.
The doctor glanced at him. âFamily?â
Steve opened his mouth.
You beat him to it, voice flat. âSecurity.â
Something in Steveâs face flickered.
The doctor nodded like that made sense in your world, then left.
The nurse adjusted the bed. âWeâll get you to imaging in a few minutes.â
Then she left too.
And suddenly it was just you.
And Steve.
And the fluorescent hum.
The silence spread between you like a pool of cold water.
You stared at the wall, jaw clenched so hard it ached.
Steve didnât speak at first.
You could hear him breathing.
Too fast.
Too controlled.
Like he was trying to wrestle his body back into discipline.
Finally, his voice came quietly.
âWhy didnât you tell me where you were?â
You laughed once, bitter. âBecause I didnât want you to come.â
Steve flinched.
You turned your head just enough to see him in your peripheral vision.
He looked like heâd been punched again.
His hands were clenched at his sides, knuckles pale.
âI didnât let you go,â he said, voice strained.
You blinked. âYou literally watched me leave.â
Steve swallowed hard. âI didnât stop you.â
âRight,â you said coldly. âBecause it wasnât personal.â
Steveâs eyes closed briefly, as if he could physically feel your words.
When he opened them again, his gaze was on the floor.
âI shouldâve followed you,â he admitted, voice low. âI shouldâve⊠I shouldâve handled it differently.â
Handled.
The word made your stomach twist.
You sat up slightly, careful of your neck, and looked at him fully now.
âDonât,â you said.
Steve looked up, startled.
âDonât use that word,â you said, voice shaking now. âNot here.â
His face tightened. âI didnât meanââ
âI know what you meant,â you cut in, breathing hard. âThatâs the problem. I know exactly what you mean.â
Silence.
Steve took a step toward the bed.
Then stopped, like there was an invisible line he couldnât cross.
He hovered there, stranded between what heâd always been and whatever this was becoming.
âI was scared,â he said, and the admission came out like it cost him.
You stared at him, heart pounding.
âOf what?â you asked.
Steveâs jaw flexed. His gaze lifted to yours, and for the first time tonight, you saw it â the thing heâd been hiding.
Not indifference.
Fear.
Real, human fear.
âOf losing you,â he said simply.
Your chest tightened painfully.
You scoffed, because if you didnât, you might cry. âFunny way of showing it.â
Steveâs shoulders sank a fraction.
âI know,â he said, voice rough. âI know.â
He stepped closer again, slower this time, like he was approaching a wild animal that might bolt.
He stopped at the side of the bed.
Not touching you.
Just⊠near.
âI heard you,â Steve said quietly.
Your throat tightened. âHeard me?â
âIn the hallway,â he clarified. His voice cracked on the last word. âWhen you said⊠I was the only person you thought you could trust.â
Your stomach dropped.
You looked away quickly, throat burning.
Steveâs voice continued, softer now. âIâve replayed it about a thousand times since you left.â
You swallowed. âGood.â
The word was cruel.
You couldnât stop it.
Steve flinched, but he didnât retreat.
Instead, he exhaled slowly, like he was making a choice.
âYou shouldnât have been alone,â he said.
You snapped your gaze back. âDonât start. Donât you dare make this aboutââ
âNot because you canât take care of yourself,â Steve cut in quickly, urgent. âYou can. You always do. Thatâs not what I mean.â
His hands flexed, then stilled.
His voice lowered.
âI mean you shouldnât have been alone because I shouldâve been there. Because I made you feel like you couldnât call me.â
Your mouth opened.
No words came out.
Your chest hurt.
Because yes.
Because that was exactly it.
Youâd wanted to call him the moment your stomach started twisting in the car. The moment you pulled over. The moment the other car sent yours on the side.
You hadnât.
Because hearing him speak about you like a file had made you feel stupid for ever believing he was different.
Steve took a shaky breath.
âI used the wrong language,â he said, and the apology in it wasnât pretty or polished. It was raw. âI know I did. Iâ I talk like that in briefings because it keeps things clean. It keeps me⊠separate.â
You stared at him. âSeparate from what?â
Steveâs eyes held yours, and for once, he didnât look away.
âFrom you,â he whispered.
The words hit like heat.
âYou think talking about me like Iâm not a person keeps you separate?â you demanded, and anger flared again, sharp and protective. âThatâs what you chose?â
Steveâs jaw tightened. âI didnât want to want you.â
The sentence landed in the room with a thud.
Your breath caught.
Steveâs eyes looked almost haunted.
âI didnât,â he repeated, like confession was something he had to force out. âBecause wanting you means⊠Iâm not objective. Wanting you means I make mistakes. Wanting you means I cross lines I canât uncross.â
You stared at him, heart hammering so hard you felt it in your throat.
âAnd you think I donât know what that feels like?â you whispered.
Steve blinked. âWhat?â
You swallowed hard, voice shaking with it.
âI live in a world where every relationship is strategic,â you said. âWhere people donât touch me unless it benefits them. Where I have to second-guess every smile. Every compliment. Every invitation.â
Your eyes burned.
âAnd you,â you continued, voice cracking, âyou were the first person who didnât feel like that.â
Steve went very still.
Your throat tightened until it hurt.
âI trusted you,â you said again, quieter now. âBecause you were steady. Because you were honest. Because you didnât want anything from me.â
You let out a shaky breath.
âAnd then I heard you reduce me to âcompliantâ and âmanageableâ and âparametersâ like you were talking about a malfunctioning device.â
Steveâs face twisted, agony flashing.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered.
You stared at him, tears threatening.
âYou donât get to be sorry,â you said, voice thin. âNot if youâre going to keep hiding behind your job when it matters.â
Steveâs hands trembled.
You watched it.
Watched the tiny shake he couldnât control.
That scared you more than the accident.
Because Steve didnât lose control.
Not like this.
He looked at you like you were something heâd almost lost and didnât know how to survive it.
âIâm done hiding,â Steve said suddenly.
The words startled you.
You blinked. âWhat?â
Steve swallowed hard. His voice was rough, like heâd been swallowing glass.
âIâm done hiding behind it,â he clarified, and his eyes flickered to the door as if he was afraid someone might hear. âBecause tonight⊠tonight I realized something.â
You didnât speak.
You barely breathed.
Steveâs gaze locked on yours.
âIf you had been hurt,â he said, voice shaking now, âif you had been lying in that car and I wasnât thereââ
His throat bobbed. His jaw clenched hard.
âI wouldnât have survived it,â he finished, almost inaudible.
Your chest tightened painfully.
âSteve,â you whispered.
He flinched at his own name coming from your mouth. Like it undid him.
He exhaled, slow and shaky.
âI love you,â he said.
The words were quiet.
Not dramatic.
Not romantic in the movie sense.
Just⊠honest.
And it felt like the room tilted again, except this time it wasnât dizziness.
It was your heart trying to decide whether to leap or protect itself.
You stared at him, tears spilling now despite your best effort.
âYou donâtââ you started, then stopped, because you didnât even know what you wanted to say.
Steve looked terrified suddenly, like heâd jumped off a cliff.
âI know I shouldnât,â he said quickly, voice urgent. âI know itâs not appropriate. I know Iâmâ Iâm your bodyguard, and youâreâ youâreââ
âThe Vice Presidentâs daughter,â you finished, bitter.
Steve shook his head sharply. âYouâre you.â
His eyes shone.
âYouâre the woman who remembers the names of every staffer in this house,â he said, voice breaking. âYouâre the woman who sits on the floor with a laptop because chairs make you feel trapped. Youâre the woman who drinks too much coffee and forgets to eat when youâre stressed, and then pretends youâre fine.â
His voice softened, wrecked.
âYouâre the woman Iâve been trying not to fall in love with since the first year.â
Your breath hitched.
You pressed the heel of your hand to your mouth, shaking.
Steveâs hands lifted slightly, hesitated, then lowered again â still not touching you.
Like he still didnât think he was allowed.
âWhy?â you whispered through tears. âWhy didnât you tell me?â
Steveâs eyes closed briefly.
âBecause Iâm not supposed to want you,â he admitted. âBecause the second I admit it, everything changes. Your father finds out. The press finds out. The Service finds out. And then you lose your detail lead, and I loseââ
He swallowed, voice rough. âI lose you.â
You stared at him. âYou think keeping me at armâs length keeps you from losing me?â
Steveâs jaw clenched. His eyes opened, meeting yours.
âI thought it would hurt less,â he whispered.
The honesty of it made your chest ache.
âBut hearing you say you trusted meââ He shook his head, voice breaking. âHearing you say I was the only person⊠and then watching you leaveâŠâ
His breath shuddered.
âI realized Iâd already lost you anyway,â he finished.
Silence filled the room.
The monitor beeped steadily, indifferent.
Outside, footsteps passed in the hallway.
And inside, you stared at Steve Rogers â this man who had guarded you with his body for years but had been too afraid to guard you with his truth.
You wiped at your cheeks, angry at the wetness.
âI donât want grand gestures,â you whispered.
Steve swallowed. âOkay.â
âI donât want⊠promises you canât keep,â you added, voice trembling.
âI wonât,â he said immediately.
You stared at him, throat tight.
âWhat I want,â you said slowly, âis for you to stop treating your feelings like a liability.â
Steveâs eyes softened, pain and hope tangled together.
âI donât know how,â he admitted, barely audible.
You inhaled shakily.
âThen learn,â you whispered.
Steve flinched as if the word struck him.
You held his gaze, steady despite the tears.
âAnd if youâre going to say you love me,â you added, voice fierce now, âthen donât say it because youâre scared. Say it because you mean it.â
Steveâs throat bobbed.
âI mean it,â he whispered.
And for the first time in years, he didnât hide behind the badge when he said it.
He didnât move to touch you.
But his eyes looked like hands anyway â careful, reverent, trembling with restraint.
A knock sounded at the door.
A nurse peeked in. âWeâre ready to take you to imaging.â
You blinked, dazed.
Steveâs gaze flicked to the nurse, then back to you.
âIâm staying,â he said quietly.
It wasnât a question.
It wasnât a protocol.
It was a choice.
And as they started to wheel your bed out of the room, Steve walked beside you â close, unflinching â his hand hovering near the rail like he was finally allowing himself to be something other than your shadow.
Not just your bodyguard.
Not tonight.
Imaging took longer than it should have.
Not because anything was wrong â your scans came back clean, your neck pain labeled as a strain, the kind that would ache for a few days and then fade into memory â but because hospitals were built on waiting. Built on bright lights and paperwork and the quiet, grinding erosion of control.
You lay still while machines whirred. You answered questions with a numb voice. You nodded at nurses and let them fuss with straps and angles and warnings.
Through all of it, Steve stayed close.
Not in the hovering, disciplined way he usually did.
In a way that made the air around you feel⊠anchored.
He walked beside your gurney, one hand near the rail like he couldnât quite let himself grip it, like touch was still a language he was learning to speak without flinching. When a nurse asked him to wait outside the imaging room, he did â immediately, without argument â yet you could feel him on the other side of the door, a steady presence refusing to leave.
And every time the door opened again, he was there.
Eyes on you first.
Not scanning the corridor.
Not checking exits.
You.
It was unnerving.
It was also, in some helpless part of you, exactly what youâd wanted for years.
When they finally wheeled you back into room three, your body felt heavy with exhaustion. The adrenaline had burnt itself out, leaving only soreness and a hollow ache behind your ribs.
They settled you into the bed again, adjusted the pillow, handed you a cup of water and a small packet of painkillers with the kind of practiced kindness that made you feel even more fragile.
âTake these with food when you can,â the nurse said. âYouâll likely feel stiff tomorrow.â
You nodded.
She glanced at Steve â who was still by the door, posture taut, eyes too intent.
âAnything else?â she asked.
Steve answered before you could. âLow light if possible. Quiet. She needs rest.â
The nurse gave a quick, sympathetic smile and dimmed the overheads.
Then she left.
The door clicked shut.
And you were alone again.
With him.
In a softer room now, the harsh white cut down to a gentle hum. Shadows pooled in the corners. The monitor beeped steadily.
You stared at the cup of water in your hands like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
Because looking at Steve felt like standing too close to a fire.
âYou should drink,â Steve said quietly.
You let out a short, tired breath that might have been a laugh if your throat didnât hurt.
âOf course,â you murmured, and took a sip because you didnât want to fight over water in a hospital bed.
Steve didnât smile, but something eased in his shoulders anyway â as if seeing you do something simple and safe was enough to keep him from falling apart.
You hated how much that mattered to him.
You hated how much it mattered to you.
A long silence stretched.
Then, Steve spoke again, voice low.
âI should have told you years ago.â
You didnât look up. âTold me what?â
âYou know what,â he said, and the words carried a rawness that made your chest tighten.
You swallowed. Your fingers tightened around the cup.
âSay it anyway,â you whispered.
Steveâs inhale was shaky. âThat it wasnât just the job.â
Your throat burned.
You stared at the water. âBut it was, though.â
Steve went very still.
âIt started as the job,â you continued, voice quiet but sharp. âYou were assigned to me. You followed protocols. You did what you were trained to do.â
You finally lifted your eyes.
âAnd somewhere along the way,â you said, âyou forgot you were dealing with an actual person.â
Steve flinched like the words physically hit him.
His hands clenched once, then relaxed as he forced them open again.
âI didnât forget,â he said hoarsely. âI⊠I did the opposite. I saw you too clearly.â
You stared at him.
Steveâs eyes shone in the dim light, not with tears spilling â Steve didnât spill easily â but with something strained, too bright.
âAnd it scared the hell out of me,â he admitted.
The honesty landed differently now. Less like a confession meant to stop you from leaving. More like a truth he couldnât carry alone anymore.
He took a step forward, slow.
He stopped by the chair at your bedside like he wasnât sure heâd earned it.
âCan I?â he asked quietly, gesturing to the chair.
The question â permission â undid something tight in your chest.
You nodded once.
Steve sat down carefully, like the chair might break, like the floor beneath him might.
His knees angled toward you. His hands rested on his thighs, fingers flexing, betraying the tension he was holding back.
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
And then you whispered, âI heard you.â
Steveâs jaw clenched.
âI know,â he murmured.
âNo,â you said, voice trembling. âI mean⊠I heard you for years. In the little things.â
Steveâs gaze lifted to you, startled.
âYou canât spend years reminding someone to drink water, or to eat, or to sleep, and then act surprised when they fall in love with you,â you said, and your laugh broke halfway through because it hurt too much to say it out loud.
Steveâs eyes widened, then softened in a way that made your throat close.
âI didnât thinkâŠâ he started.
âYou didnât think I would love you back?â you finished, bitter.
Steveâs throat bobbed.
âI didnât think I deserved it,â he admitted, barely audible.
Silence hit again, heavy and intimate.
You looked away quickly, blinking hard.
âAnd tonight,â you said, voice quieter, âyou made me feel stupid for trusting you. For⊠for letting you be that close.â
Steveâs shoulders sank.
âI know,â he whispered.
You turned your head sharply, anger flaring again because it was easier than softness.
âNo, you donât,â you snapped. âDo you know what itâs like to grow up with everyone wanting something from you? Everyone touching you like youâreâ like youâre currency? Do you know what it feels like to finally let one person in and then hear them talk about you like youâre a set of parameters?â
Steveâs face twisted with pain.
âNo,â he said, voice rough. âI donât. Not like you do.â
He swallowed hard, eyes fixed on yours like he couldnât look away even if it destroyed him.
âBut I know what it feels like to be terrified of wanting something you donât think youâre allowed to have,â he added.
Your breath hitched.
Steveâs hands lifted slightly, then fell again.
âI made myself talk like that,â he said, and the shame in it was palpable. âI trained my mouth to use operational words because if I didnâtâ if I let myself think of you as⊠youâ then I would start making choices that werenât clean.â
You stared at him.
âWhat choices?â you whispered.
Steveâs jaw flexed. He looked like he hated himself for what he was about to say.
âI would start wanting to pull you away from rooms youâre supposed to stand in,â he said quietly. âI would start wanting to take your phone out of your hand and tell every person who thinks they own you to go to hell.â
His voice grew lower, dangerous in its sincerity.
âI would start wanting to put my hands on you in ways that have nothing to do with security.â
Heat crawled up your neck.
Your pulse spiked.
Steve noticed â of course he did â and his face tightened.
He looked away for the first time, like he didnât trust his own eyes.
âAnd then what?â you asked, voice shaking.
Steveâs laugh was broken, humorless.
âThen I lose my job,â he said. âI get pulled off your detail. Your father finds out. The press finds out. And you get shredded for it.â
He looked back at you.
âAnd you deserve better than being someoneâs scandal.â
Your throat tightened.
âDonât decide what I deserve,â you whispered.
Steveâs gaze held yours, steady.
âIâm not deciding,â he said, voice softer. âIâm⊠admitting why I was scared.â
You exhaled shakily.
The room felt too small. Your skin felt too sensitive. The air between you felt charged.
You swallowed hard.
âAnd what are you going to do about it?â you asked.
Steve blinked, caught off guard. âWhat do you mean?â
You stared at him, exhaustion stripping you down to blunt honesty.
âYou told me you love me,â you said. âOkay. Now what? Are you going to go back to being cold in the morning? Are you going to put the mask back on and pretend tonight didnât happen?â
Steveâs face went pale.
âNo,â he said immediately, too fast. âNo.â
You held his gaze, not letting him hide.
âThen what,â you repeated, voice firm despite the tremor. âBecause I canât go back to half-truths, Steve. I canât do this if youâre going to punish me for feeling something.â
Steveâs breath shuddered.
He stared at you for a long moment â like he was measuring the distance between his fear and your honesty.
Then he nodded once, small but decisive.
âIâm not going to punish you,â he said quietly. âAnd Iâm not going to pretend.â
He swallowed, jaw tight.
âBut I also wonât lie to you,â he added. âThis is complicated. There are consequences.â
âI know,â you whispered.
Steveâs gaze flicked over your face, lingering.
âAnd you still wantââ He stopped, like the words hurt. âYou still want me?â
Your throat tightened.
You wanted to say no out of pride.
You wanted to say yes out of truth.
You settled on the only thing you could say without breaking.
âI want you to be honest,â you whispered.
Steveâs eyes softened.
âOkay,â he said. âHonest.â
He leaned forward slightly, elbows on his knees.
âI love you,â he repeated, slower this time, like he was building something careful. âI have for a long time. And I hate that I let fear make me cruel.â
Your breath caught.
Steveâs voice lowered.
âWhen I talked about you like that, it wasnât because I donât see you,â he said. âIt was because I see you too much, and I didnât know how to keep myself from wanting toââ
He stopped, jaw tightening.
âFrom wanting to be yours,â he finished, almost inaudible.
The words landed in your chest like a weight and a balm at the same time.
You stared at him, pulse racing.
âAnd what does that mean?â you whispered.
Steve swallowed. His eyes didnât waver.
âIt means Iâm going to ask for a transfer,â he said.
You blinked, startled. âWhat?â
Steve nodded once, grim.
âI canât keep protecting you while Iâm lying to you,â he said. âAnd I canât keep wanting you while pretending I donât.â
Your stomach dropped.
A sharp pain flared â not in your neck, in your chest.
âYouâre leaving,â you whispered.
Steve flinched immediately. âNo.â
âThatâs what that is,â you snapped, panic rising. âThatâs you leaving because itâs easier thanââ
âItâs not easier,â Steve cut in, voice rough. âItâs the opposite.â
His hands clenched hard, then relaxed as he forced himself to breathe.
âIâm trying to do this without destroying you,â he said.
Your eyes burned.
âAnd what if I donât want to be protected from getting destroyed?â you whispered. âWhat if I want to choose?â
Steveâs face twisted, a mix of pain and something like relief.
âYou do,â he said softly. âYou get to choose. Thatâs⊠thatâs why Iâm telling you now. Not hiding it.â
You stared at him, heart pounding.
âOkay,â you said, voice shaky. âThen hereâs my choice.â
Steve went still, eyes locked on yours.
You swallowed hard.
âI donât want you gone,â you whispered. âI donât want you to run because youâre scared. And I donât want you to stay if youâre going to keep carving yourself into pieces to fit the job.â
Your voice cracked.
âI want⊠something real,â you finished. âEven if itâs messy.â
Steveâs breath shuddered.
For a second, his eyes looked wet.
Then he nodded, slow.
âOkay,â he whispered. âReal.â
He hesitated, then lifted his hand slightly, palm open on the edge of the bed â not touching you, just offering.
The gesture was small.
It felt enormous.
You stared at his hand for a long moment, heart hammering.
Then you placed your fingers into his.
Steveâs entire body went still, like heâd been shocked.
His grip was gentle. Careful. Like he was holding something precious and breakable.
You exhaled shakily.
âStill afraid?â you whispered.
Steveâs mouth twitched, a small, sad smile. âTerrified.â
You squeezed his hand once, a silent answer.
âGood,â you murmured. âThen at least youâre honest.â
Steve let out a breath that sounded like it had been trapped in his lungs for years.
He didnât pull you closer.
He didnât try to kiss you.
He just held your hand like it was a promise he didnât want to break.
After a moment, you whispered, âIâm sorry I left.â
Steveâs jaw clenched.
âYou shouldnât have been alone,â he said, voice thick.
âI know,â you admitted. âI was angry.â
Steveâs gaze dropped to your joined hands.
âYou had every right,â he said quietly. âAnd I⊠I shouldâve earned that trust better.â
Your throat tightened.
âAnd for what itâs worth,â you whispered, âI didnât leave because I wanted to hurt you.â
Steveâs eyes flicked up. âWhy did you?â
You swallowed.
âBecause I was scared that if I stayed,â you said, voice trembling, âIâd forgive you too fast. And Iâd go back to pretending the ache was enough.â
Steve stared at you like the honesty gutted him.
âItâs not enough,â he said, voice low.
âNo,â you agreed. âItâs not.â
Silence fell again, but it was different now.
Not teeth.
Not cold.
Just⊠quiet.
Steveâs thumb moved once, barely, over your knuckles. A tentative stroke, like he was testing whether he was allowed.
You didnât pull away.
Steveâs breath hitched softly.
âCan I stay?â he asked.
You blinked. âYouâre supposed to.â
He shook his head, almost imperceptibly.
âNot as your detail lead,â he murmured. âNot as protocol. As⊠me.â
Your chest tightened.
You swallowed, then nodded once.
âYes,â you whispered. âStay.â
Steveâs shoulders sagged in relief so visible it startled you. Like that single word loosened something heâd been carrying in every muscle.
He shifted the chair closer to the bed and sat again, still holding your hand.
The minutes stretched.
Your eyelids grew heavy.
The pain in your neck throbbed dull and persistent.
Steve stayed awake beside you, gaze fixed on your face like he was memorizing you.
At some point, you murmured, half-asleep, âHydration check, Agent Rogers?â
Steveâs soft huff of laughter warmed the room.
âDrink some water,â he whispered.
You smiled faintly, eyes closed.
âAnd Steve?â you murmured.
âYeah,â he answered immediately.
Your voice was sleepy, but the truth in it was clear.
âIf you ever talk about me like Iâm a file again,â you said, âIâll make you regret it.â
Steveâs thumb stroked your knuckles again, gentle.
âI wonât,â he promised. âNot ever.â
You breathed out, letting yourself sink into the pillow.
âOkay,â you whispered.
Steveâs voice followed you into the edge of sleep, steady and soft.
âIâve got you,â he murmured.
This time, it didnât sound like a job.
It sounded like a vow.
Two months later, the residence felt different.
Not because the hallways had changed â same polished floors, same quiet hum of security systems, same framed photos of handshakes and flags and history. Not because the cameras had disappeared â they hadnât. They never would.
It felt different because you had changed.
And because Steve had, too.
The fight with your father in the days after the accident had been the kind of argument that left bruises you couldnât photograph. It had started with protocol and reputation, with phrases like inappropriate and unacceptable risk, with your fatherâs voice cutting through the living room like a gavel.
It had ended when you finally snapped and said, shaking, âI nearly died because I stopped believing I could call the one person who actually sees me.â
You didnât remember everything that happened after that. Just flashes: your fatherâs face going pale. His hands tightening on the back of a chair. The moment his anger faltered â not into softness, not immediately, but into something far more telling.
Fear.
Because heâd seen you shaken before. Heâd seen you tired. Heâd seen you irritated.
He had not seen you broken.
Not like that.
Not with your voice cracking on the truth.
And when he realized that this wasnât a crush or rebellion or tabloid fodder â that this was you clinging to the only thing that had ever felt steady in a life built on shifting ground â something in him had shifted.
The next morning, your father had knocked on your door without staff, without advisors, without the press team lurking like vultures.
Heâd stood there, looking older than youâd ever allowed yourself to notice.
âI donât like it,â heâd said plainly. âI donât like the risk. I donât like what it means for you.â
Youâd crossed your arms, braced for battle.
Then heâd added, quieter, almost reluctant, âBut I like you being alive more.â
And after that, it had been⊠not easy, never easy, but possible.
Your father had stopped trying to control the narrative like it was the only thing that mattered. Heâd stopped treating your feelings like a liability to be mitigated. Heâd started â slowly, awkwardly â treating you like an adult whose choices might actually be about something other than optics.
And SteveâŠ
Steve had stopped living at the threshold.
He still wore his suit. Still carried the earpiece. Still watched crowds like a hawk watches the horizon.
But he didnât hover like an outsider anymore.
He entered rooms without acting like his feet were on hot coals.
He sat beside you on the couch, close enough that your shoulders touched.
He slept in your bed on the nights you needed him to â actually slept, not just âstood guardâ with his heart beating too loud.
He learned how to split himself in two without tearing.
Agent Rogers, when cameras were pointed at you.
Steve, when you were alone and your hands were shaking for reasons that had nothing to do with threats.
He got better at it every day.
So did you.
Tonight, the residence library glowed with warm lamp light. Rain tapped softly against the windows, turning the glass into a blurred watercolor of city lights.
You sat at the desk in your usual way â laptop open, shoulders tense, hair pinned back because it got in your face when you worked. A mug of cold tea sat forgotten to your left. Your inbox was a battlefield.
Steve had been in and out for the last hour â brief phone call in the corridor, a quiet check with another agent, a glance at the monitors. Heâd left you to it, because youâd asked for space.
But âspaceâ didnât mean âdisappear.â
And Steve had learned the difference.
The chair creaked behind you.
You didnât look up immediately. You were halfway through rewriting a statement, the cursor blinking like a heartbeat.
Then Steveâs voice came, calm and unarguable.
âOkay,â he said.
You paused, fingers hovering over the keys. âOkay what?â
âOkay, youâre done,â Steve replied.
You blinked, finally turning your head.
He was standing in the doorway â except he wasnât lingering at it. He was in the room, fully, like he belonged there. One hand braced on the doorframe, the other holding a glass of water that caught the lamplight.
His expression was familiar: that composed steadiness that could handle a motorcade and a riot and a screaming donor.
But his eyes were pure Steve â soft, attentive, affectionate in a way that never quite stopped making your chest ache.
âYouâve been staring at that screen for two hours,â he said. âWithout a break.â
You frowned. âThatâs not true.â
Steveâs mouth twitched. âYou havenât blinked since the last time I walked past.â
âThatâs an exaggeration.â
âItâs not,â he said, stepping closer. âDrink.â
He held the water out to you.
You took it automatically, because you always did now â because somewhere along the way, the act stopped feeling like being managed and started feeling like being cared for.
And the fact that you didnât fight it anymore made something warm unfurl in your chest.
You raised the glass and took a drink.
Steve watched, quiet, like he could finally breathe again.
You swallowed and set the glass down.
Then you smiled â small, genuine.
âItâs kind of funny,â you said.
Steve lifted a brow. âWhat is?â
âYou still do it,â you murmured. âThe water thing.â
His expression softened. âIâm going to do it until youâre eighty.â
You huffed a laugh. âBold of you to assume Iâll live that long.â
Steveâs gaze sharpened instantly. âDonât.â
The single word wasnât harsh.
It was protective. Immediate. The edge of fear still living in him, even months later.
You held his gaze for a beat, then nodded, gentling.
âOkay,â you said quietly. âOkay.â
Steveâs shoulders eased.
He reached past you and closed the laptop with one smooth motion.
You made a protest noise. âHeyââ
Steve leaned down, close enough that his breath warmed your cheek.
âThat,â he said softly, âis not a request.â
You stared up at him, lips parting despite yourself.
His eyes dipped to your mouth for a fraction of a second.
Then, like he remembered himself, he straightened â half a step back, the tiniest return to professional composure.
âYou need a break,â he said. âA real one.â
Your pulse thrummed.
âAre you telling me this as my bodyguard,â you asked, voice light, âor as my boyfriend?â
Steveâs mouth twitched again. A smile he didnât fully let himself wear in public.
âBoth,â he admitted.
You hummed thoughtfully and reached for the glass again, taking another sip just to watch his gaze follow the movement. Like he couldnât help it.
When you set it down, you turned in your chair fully to face him.
Steve stood there, arms relaxed, posture steady.
A man who could be dangerous to anyone else.
A man who was gentle with you like gentleness was a sacred duty.
âOkay,â you said.
Steve blinked. âOkay?â
âYou want me to take a break,â you said. âFine.â
You reached for the edge of his tie.
Not tugging yet.
Just touching it.
Steveâs breath caught â subtle, but you heard it. You always heard it now.
His eyes darkened, a flicker of heat behind the calm.
âSweetheart,â he warned, voice low.
You smiled. âThat sounded like boyfriend.â
âIt was,â Steve admitted, swallowing.
You hooked your fingers into his collar and pulled him down toward you â decisive, unapologetic.
Steveâs hands hovered for a beat, as if he still had to ask permission.
Then he remembered: youâd told him to be real.
So he let himself.
He kissed you.
Not like a man trying to prove something.
Like a man coming home.
Warm, firm, careful at first â then deeper when your hand slid behind his neck and you made a quiet sound against his mouth that melted the last of his restraint.
His palm cupped your jaw gently, thumb brushing your cheekbone like he couldnât help it. Like he needed to touch you to believe you were here.
The kiss wasnât frantic.
It was grounding.
It tasted like water and rain and the soft sweetness of safety.
When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against yours.
His voice was a whisper.
âBetter?â
You exhaled, breath shaky with a laugh. âMuch.â
Steveâs mouth curved, finally, into a real smile.
He pressed a smaller kiss to your lips â gentler, almost playful â then straightened and glanced at the closed laptop like it was a defeated enemy.
âYouâre taking a break,â he said again.
You tipped your head. âOr what?â
Steveâs eyes warmed. âOr Iâll carry you out of this room.â
You arched a brow. âThat sounds like an abuse of power.â
âItâs an abuse of concern,â he corrected smoothly.
You laughed, the sound soft in the lamplight.
Steve leaned down and kissed your forehead â quick, tender â then held his hand out to you.
âCome on,â he said. âFive minutes away from the screen. Thatâs all Iâm asking.â
You looked at his hand.
At the steadiness of it.
At the way he offered without demanding.
You took it.
âFive minutes,â you agreed.
Steveâs thumb stroked your knuckles once, like punctuation.
âAnd,â he added, voice quiet, âIâm proud of you.â
Your throat tightened.
âSteveââ
âI know,â he murmured, squeezing gently. âNo more work talk. Just⊠let me take care of you for a minute.â
You nodded, swallowing past the sudden burn in your chest.
As he led you away from the desk, you glanced back at your laptop and realized something startling. For the first time in a long time, stepping away didnât feel like losing control.
It felt like being held.
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SUMMARY: Bucky has been non-stop taking care of you while also trying to make sure not to break the exterior of his grumpiness. But who could've thought one drowsy sentence would change all of that?
Ingredients: 18+ MDNI, slight horror element (paranoia of being watched), no use of y/n, pet names (doll, babydoll, sweetheart), angst, fluff, lots of fluff, Bucky finally goes fully soft, Sam Wilson mentioned, pancakes, Bucky cries slightly, mentions of coughing and sickness, fluffy ending.
Calories: 2.2k
Chef's Note: I added the paranoia bit because when I was sick, I'm telling you, I had crazy thoughts. I thought I was being watched in every corner OF MY OWN HOME. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this final chapter!
Part One, Part Two
It was already past midnight as Bucky adjusted your pillows once more. You couldnât lay down without wanting to cough your lungs and liver up so violently he really did think you died for a moment there.Â
âBuck⊠I donât need 12 pillowsâŠâ Bucky only grunted at you, still making sure the now mountain of pillows was sitting you up enough you didnât choke but also not enough that it felt like you were just sitting in bed. (Which meant you would never get to sleep if they were). He needed you to rest, youâd already had your cold and flu tablets which were definitely starting to make you feel drowsy already, he could see that as clear as day.Â
âThere aren't even 12 pillows, doll.â He muttered before readjusting the final one. Perfect. You were at the perfect angle enough to sleep and enough where it wouldn't be too hard to breathe. He hopes. âWant anythinâ? Tea?âÂ
He was still trying his best to make sure his tone and speech were as caring as possible, but not too caring to break the safe compound he had built around himself. You knew of his past, not all of the details but the major key events were told to you, one late night in the middle of Winter. But he still made sure to keep some to himself, you didn't need his burdens or his guilty thoughts. You needed to stay like you were (before you were sick obviously). He needed you to stay his personal sunshine until the ends of the Earth, because if you got corrupted by him⊠Well it wouldn't end well for the world.Â
âKisses?â Your request made his brain pause. All his over-thinking vanished within seconds because of that adorable little pout on your face.Â
âKisses⊠huh?â He stayed standing next to you for a moment, his metal fingers twitching along with his flesh before huffing. He couldn't say no to you, especially not to the request of affection that doesn't take too much effort. âAlright, âere you go.âÂ
He sat down on the edge of the bed before leaning down to your face and leaving 3 gentle kisses. Two on each cheekbone then one right on your lips. The pair moulded perfectly together, like they always did. He hopes that the day where they don't fit each other like a puzzle piece never arrives. The tiny sigh of contempt you made only made Buckyâs heart soften. Wow, you really did love him, donât you? You don't see him as scary or mean, somehow you just see your boyfriend who is the grumpy ogre of the entire street. But you seem to be perfectly fine with that, for some odd reason he seriously cannot figure out.Â
When he pulled away, his cheeks couldn't help but heat up ever so slightly at the little squelch and pop sound the disconnect made. You didn't seem to react to it as you yawned quietly before turning away from his direction and coughing into your elbow.Â
âCould I make⊠one more request?â Bucky sat up straighter.Â
âUh, yeah, âcourse. I won't deny you when youâre sick, Doll.â The small smile that tugged at your lips only seemed to make his face feel even hotter, but ignored them. You needed him, and he needed to step it up.Â
âCould you get me a water bottle? My throat feels so dryâŠâ Bucky was already up and out of the room. Walking like he was on a mission in⊠well a grey t-shirt, some plaid pyjama bottoms and the pair of fluffy red socks you got him ages ago. You wanted matching socks! And red was all they had, and did he act opposed to it? Yes. But did he secretly become super gooey inside and immediately wore them the first chance he got? Yes again.Â
âWater bottles, water bottlesâŠâ He bent down and pulled open the first cabinet before shutting it again. Youâd think he would know where water bottles are situated in his own kitchen. âOh, right. Over here.âÂ
He turned around only to see you standing in the bedroom doorway, the blanket wrapped around you tightly like bubble wrap, protection even.Â
âWhat are you doing up? I was gettinâ the water bottleââ
âThe blind is open.â Bucky paused. Fuck. Of all things he forgot to do, his brain decided to forget to shut the blind in your bedroom. Even when the two of you first moved in, you hated that window for some reason. You had told him you swear you see someone peeking in late at night or just feel eyes on you. It gave you nightmares, and it killed him. He did suggest just boarding up the window, but you went the more practical route and got some blackout curtains and a blind. Double safety barrier.Â
âFuck, sorry⊠Hang on. Iâll get the water bottle, then I will shut the blind.â He quickly bent down to the next cabinet, whisked out a water bottle and quickly filled it up before rushing back over to you and the bedroom. âHere, go lay back down.âÂ
âThank you JamesâŠâ You took the water bottle before padding back over to bed and getting comfortable. Bucky went to the window and glared out, observing each thing. The streetlights and the moon were bright enough to give him a perfect outline of everything. The bushes, the neighbours house, the fence line. Nothing seemed to have an odd human shape, but that didn't mean someone wasn't there, wasn't watching. He knew he wasn't completely safe of all of his crimes but if there was someone watching, they had no fucking right to make you paranoid.Â
If there is, heâll just have to commit one more crime. That's all. Just a few fingers cut offâ
âBucky, get to bed alreadyâŠâ He quickly snapped out of his haze and shut the blind before then shut the curtains. Heâll have to think of a torture plan some other time.Â
âCominâ doll. Iâm cominâ.â He walked over to his side of the bed and slid in and lay, albeit, way lower but right next to you. His metal arm curled under his head as his flesh palm went under your hoodie and rested on your mid torso. How could skin be so soft? Seriously, how?Â
âMm, your hand is warm.âÂ
âYeah?â You nodded as your eyes drooped shut, every time you breathed in your nose would slightly whistle and your throat would crackle on a breath out. Yet, he still found you adorable looking so tired.Â
âJames?â Bucky blinked but didn't look away from you.Â
âYeah doll?âÂ
âI wish you were home more⊠I miss you so much.â By this point, the cold and flu tablets had made your brain so drowsy that you didn't care what you said. Too tired to even figure out what you were saying before it fell out. You couldn't even see how hard that hit Bucky. He felt like he was right back there again, falling from that train and plummeting to his death.Â
â...â He stayed silent, he just watched you slowly fall asleep and allow it to take over you gently. When your breathing became even but still dry, he sat up and decided to share your mountain of pillows. He didn't care that he was close enough to get sick from you, he didn't care that even if you turned in your sleep, there was a high chance youâd accidentally cough right into his face or chest. None of that mattered. Not now. Not ever. But especially not now.Â
âIâm so sorry doll, I promise, Iâll be around more. Okay? As soon as youâre better Iâm taking you out. Weâre going to go get some lunch, go see a movie or somethinâ. Then dinner.â He didn't even realise it until something wet went down his face. He was⊠crying. Hadn't done that in a while.Â
âLook at you, huh? Makinâ me cry.â He quickly wiped the tear away before tucking you into him. His flesh hand stayed on your stomach while his metal arm wrapped around your back. The top of your head then became a planting ground for multiple kisses short and long as his shoulders shook slightly. Sam was right even in his joke, he needed to stop being a grump all the time. He could stay a grump, but fuck it, he needed to show you actually meant something to him. On how precious you really were, how you helped him finally realise he didn't need to stay locked up and away from people for the rest of his time.Â
He placed one final kiss onto your head before muttering repeatedly that he loves you so much, that the world will never hurt you when he is around and that heâll battle this sickness for you.Â
âI love babydoll⊠So much. Now you have sweet dreams for me, okay?âÂ
Bucky didn't sleep that night, he made sure that every shuddered breath or cough wasn't your last.Â
You woke up alone when the sun had finally risen. Your head was pounding slightly and your nose was extremely blocked. But at least, your body was warm. No cold spot to the touch.Â
You slowly sat up with a grunt, a groan and a violent cough before finally being up straight. The noise of a pan and two quiet voices came from the kitchen. One was definitely Buckyâs. But you couldn't place the others' voice. So you slipped out of bed, putting on your house slippers and walking into the hallway. Bucky stood over the stove flipping what seemed to be pancakes and Sam sitting at the kitchen counter nursing a mug filled with coffee in his hand. Both their eyes immediately went to you.
âGâmorning doll. I was going to let you sleep inâŠâ Bucky quickly put the pancake onto the pile before coming over to you and feeling your forehead. He grimaced. âYou still have a temperature. Not as bad as last night, but still pretty hot to the touch.âÂ
âYou find me hot?â It was only a tad tease, expecting to get an eye roll or a muted glare. But to get a scoff laugh and a grin? Not something you were expecting from Bucky.Â
âYeah, I find you very hot. So hot that you should go eat breakfast and then take medicine. That's an order.â From behind them in the kitchen, Sam couldn't help but smile. Heâd definitely need to tell Steve that their sourpuss of a friend was finally shattering all over and allowing the spark of him to filter through.Â
âYes sir.â You did a weak mock salute (your muscles still feeling like goo) and followed him into the kitchen. âHi Sam.âÂ
âHey. Feeling any better?â He mainly came to check up on Bucky as he hadn't heard from him in a while, only to find out that you had been struck with the flu, well, then his care shifted.Â
âMm, better than I did two days ago. Iâm not seeing sparkles anymore.âÂ
âWell I would say that's a decent step.â You smiled a little and nodded before a plate with 3 pancakes was put into your hands.Â
You gasped.Â
âYou made me⊠banana and chocolate chip?â You hadn't had these since you and Bucky last went to go and see your parents 3 years ago. They visited here during that time or the both of you would meet them half way. But, this has always been your favourite. Since childhood.Â
âYeah, well, I tried my best. Don't count on them being good. But I just, you seemed way too down for my liking. I missed your⊠smile.â Sam choked on his coffee but neither of you looked towards him, you stayed on each other.Â
Your eyes started to well up with tears as you sniffled. This was definitely amped up by the sickness but you couldn't help it. Not when, the, James Buchanan Barnes, who would barely even crack a smile at the funniest joke, has just opened up to you in the most vulnerable way you have ever seen him. He noticed you were smiling as much, fuck, he missed your smile!Â
âH-Hey why are you cryinâ? Did I say it wrong? Shit sweetheart âm so sorryââ You cut him off with a peck to the lips and cheek.Â
âYou didn't say anything wrong Bucky⊠You said it all perfectly.â You gave him a pure, genuine sweet smile before grabbing the mug of hot lemon tea behind him and your packaging of pills. You gave him one more final peck on the lips as a thank you before disappearing into the living room. Leaving a stunned Bucky and an even more shocked Sam.Â
âWowââ
âNot a word from you, Wilson.âÂ
And from that day on, Bucky made sure to be more open. More loving, more happy, more genuine. Sure, he was still in a grumpy mood. Especially when he would have nightmares the night before but by the end of the day, he wouldn't be grunting and eye rolling anymore since you decided to just be, you.Â
The amazing you.Â
He wonders what type of ring you like the mostâŠ
Thank you for reading!! Please consider showing some support through reblogging or leaving comments! <3
I hope you enjoyed this little two parter series! I am considering on making a headcanon list for this to, finish it off I suppose? Yeah, I probably will.
Tags (List is open!): @hellilovedit @cruel-serpent
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Summary: You get sick with a serious hard-hitting cold. Bucky decides, even through his grumpiness, it's finally time to show more of a softer side to help you get your light back.
Ingredients: no use of y/n, established relationship (bf!Bucky, gf!reader), reader is fem (uses she/her), Bucky is a right up grump, but he finally shows some softness, 18+ only even if there isn't smut or nsfw, mentions of mucus, mentions of vomit, Non-sexual nudity, Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers mentioned, fluff, angst (on Bucky's end), Bucky being a carer, so much fluff with grumps.
Calories: 1.4k
Chef's Note: This is actually perfect for me to write atm. As I have a death giving cold (I cannot breathe-) But anyways! I hope you enjoy!!
Part One , Part Two
The first thing he noticed was the way you started to cough constantly. It would be light at first, like you just haven't drunk enough water or maybe even swallowed something wrong. Nothing that really caught his attention at all, until your... attitude was, bleak. Mild. Like all the sun you had inside of you was starting to be covered by large storm clouds, that inched only slowly until all the rays of light were to disappear from his skin.
Your smile was smaller, sometimes forced. Your eyes wouldn't spark up whenever you saw something of your interests or just general knowledge. You didn't even perk up when he hesitantly gave you your favourite mug filled with hot chocolate. But that was 2 days ago now. Bucky had just come home from spending a night at the Tower due to some... discrepancies. However, those are now at peace. But what is not at peace is Bucky's heart as he walks in to hear retching from the bathroom.
He happened to mention to Sam about your mood. And how you were slowly becoming more bored than happy, which Sam, being Sam, only responded with one thing that has been stuck in Bucky's mind the whole day.
"Well maybe you should stop being a grunting grump and step up a little."
Sam meant it as a tease and Bucky knew that. But it still slashed a part of him that he forgot existed. It existed before applying for the army, it existed before the train. Fuck, it existed before everything bad that ever happened to him. It slashed his care, his deep-love, even if he would be flirting with every woman he saw back in the 40s, this was different. Not that you were different, you were still a bright, intelligent and gorgeous woman but this entire relationship, was the difference.
You saw him as James Buchanan Barnes. Not The Winter Soldier, not the guy that fell from a train and was presumed that he plummeted to his death. He was just, Bucky. The normal guy, who just happened to have a metal arm. Who you loved, with every inch of your shining soul. And all he did to return that was minimal soft moments, grunts and eye rolls. And now you were as sick as a sailor with seasickness on the most violent moving ship ever made.
And what was he doing? He was standing in the doorway, a duffle bag in one hand, and groceries in the other. Like a complete idiot. He needed to be in the bathroom with you, petting your back, whispering that it'll be okay and just let the vomit come up.
... The bags fell to the floor with a very loud thump. He threw his cap off and booked it down the hall of your small home before he practically threw himself into the bathroom.
"Sweetheart, hey, hey it's okay." He rushed his way over and immediately started to rub your back gently. "I know it hurts, trust me I do. But it's gotta come up, okay? Bad for it to stay there, yeah?" You nodded only to gag again and bring up chunks of mucus.
"I'm sorry James... I'm so sorry..."
"Hey hey, none of tha' okay? I should be the one that's saying sorry. Because I'm guessing this started last night? Yeah? While I was gone?" He already knew the answer, especially once your coughing had started he should've just stayed home. Helped you out.
"C'mon... I'll help you clean your face up then we'll get you a hot shower runnin' alright? Hot shower, those warm pyjamas and then lots and lots of medicine." You proceeded to side glance him, because what is with this behaviour?
You'd been sick around him plenty of times before, and he never changed from the ol' lovable grump. But this was... different. Unexpected, is probably a better word to describe it all. Yes, your Bucky could be soft, but in the rarest of moments. This was just... almost like a stranger of a man just broke into your home and happened to look like Bucky.
However, the shattered exterior with rushed softness dispersed once he cleaned your face and started to help you undress while he set up the shower. His hands were gentle but fast, not wanting you to get worse and freeze. Plus, he made sure there was plenty of steam and heat from the shower but not enough to dry you out completely before helping you in.
"...Buck?" He grunted quietly in response as he got your nightly routine ready on the bathroom counter. "Thank you..."
Bucky stayed quiet for a moment, he hated how your voice sounded so... bland. It's usually so much more lively, energetic but at a pace he could handle. Now? Now it was practically non-existent. If he wasn't so grumpy all the time maybe he would've noticed you getting sick earlier and helped you before it got to this.
"You're welcome... I'll go get your pyjamas ready. Call out if you need me, 'kay?" He then left the bathroom quietly, turning on the heater before putting your towel in the dryer and grabbing your winter based pj's.
âêłâ *°ââ.àłàż*:*â ââ
The joint kitchen and dining room strongly smelt of chicken, garlic and ginger. It raked over your body like a calming wave of breath. No, seriously, your nose slightly unblocked as soon as it hit you. Bucky stood over the stove as he stirred something in the brand new cook pot you got last week. He looked domestic, calm, like the world beyond the windows and door of your home wasn't as dangerous as it was. No alien invasions, no HYDRA based issues, none of it. Just the four walls of your home and everything inside.
âThat smells goodâŠâ You padded over to him, wrapping your arms around your own waist to get slightly warmer from Buckyâs hoodie that you stole.
He didn't look up from the pot, grunting quietly as he grabbed a bowl from the left of him, scooping some contents into it. The steam was spinning and swirling around him.
âHere, itâll help clear you up.â He handed it to you without looking back, he was scared too. He didn't want to see the light gone from your eyes. The small but exhausted smile would only make him die a little more than he already was.
âThank you JamesâŠâ You gave him a small and quick kiss onto his Henley covered shoulderblade before making your way into the warm living room. Leaving alone a Bucky who just kept staring at the bubbling oil that surrounded the seasoned chicken breasts.
He needed to follow Samâs advice, but the way he acted when he got home only scared himself slightly. He was terrified to break what he has up, because what if by the time he fully shatters from his grumpy shell exterior, youâre taken from him? The only solid light in his life that was stronger than Sam and Steve combined.
He huffed before serving his own bowl and stalking into the living room. His steps and pace calculated, like if he made one wrong move youâd disappear, like this entire sickness was reminding him that you wouldn't ever be as strong as he was, you were just, you.
That's all he needed, couldn't lose that now. No. He would kill this sickness off for you, all you needed to do was just rest.
âThis is really good. Oh my goodness.â You scoffed the final piece into your mouth as he sat down next to you. He muttered a quiet, âthanks, glad you enjoy it.â, before focusing on whatever game show was playing on the TV before you. His thoughts still sprinting around in circles of every possibility he could take to get the best solution. That solution being that you get healthy and back to normal ASAP.
âJust follow what Sam said. Stop being a grunt, be the boyfriend she needs you to be.â
âMmm, James? Can you hear me from there?â His head snapped up from his bowl to you, like a dog being asked if it wants a treat.
âHuh? What?â
You glanced back at the TV before back at him. Repeating and reading out the trivia question to him. âWhich U.S. president won the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for his heroism during World War II?â
âOh, uh⊠John F. Kennedy. I think.â That then came up onto the screen as the answer, you gave a quiet, real, giggle before petting his head playfully.
âSuch a smart cookie.â You cooed. He only grunted in slight embarrassment and dismay before hiding the grin into his bowl of chicken.
final chef's note!! : I've decided to make this a two parter as I feel this COULD have some more potential behind it. (thoughts? feelings? emotions?)
⥠reputation | F. A.
‷ you first meet the winter soldier persona that bucky worked so hard to hide.
@aquaticmercy ââââââââââ
â have we met before? | F. A.
‷ america chavez says that you and bucky are together in every universe.Â
@brookghaib-blog ââââââââââ
⥠another version of you | F.
‷ in order to find a piece of secret information that would change her life, y/n goes back to the 40's to retrieve, where she meet bucky barnes before it all. how could she love someone she couldn't have ? how could she love someone who doesn't exist anymore? how could she love a version of someone she could never retrieve?
‷ [ part 2 ]
⥠i wish you knew | A.
‷ after losing her husband under mysterious circumstances, y/n builds a quiet life in brooklyn, finding unexpected comfort in two neighbors: yori and his friend bucky barnes. as her bond withbucky deepens, she begins to healâunaware that heâs hiding a dark secret: he was the one who killed her husband.
‷ [ part 2 ]
@dontpulltohardman ââââââââââ
â the arm bandit | F.
‷ as your daughter grows, her fascination with buckyâs metal arm gives you a run for your money.
@eufezco ââââââââââ
â bring your bucky to school day | F.
‷ bucky shows up for family friday day for your daughter.
â bucky barnes x reader | F. A.
‷ about asking wanda for help to protect bucky
â civil war!bucky x fem!reader | F. A.
â imgonnagetyouback | A.
‷ set during avengers: endgame, you time travel to 1943 to see bucky but you end up meeting a very different version of him.
â bucky barnes x reader | S.
‷ bucky's sexual drive had been in negative numbers for so long.
@fru1t4fr0gs ââââââââââ
⥠you and me | S. A.
‷ after being captured and âenhancedâ by HYDRA, you flee to romania only to form an unlikely alliance with the man who once tried to kill you.
⥠snow and pine | S. A.
‷ you fought the winter soldier. you survived. now, captured by HYDRA, you plan to escape on your own.
‷ [ part 2 ]
â you drive me crazy | S. A.
‷ the thunderbolts are used to you and buckyâs harmless teasing and bickering, but in all of the time the two of you have been together theyâve never seen you fight. however, when an argument breaks out after a mission, they realize that your relationship is a lot more passionate (and entertaining) than they previously thought.
@iamthatonefangirl ââââââââââ
â quiet | A.
‷ it was quiet. when bucky wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you upright, unable to walk on your own, he did it without a word. he did not respond when you thanked him; there was no need for you to thank him. he would always help you, no questions asked.Â
@imtaashu ââââââââââ
â staring problem | F.
‷ youâre not supposed to see it. the way he stares. the way he smiles when youâre not looking. but today⊠you catch him.
â mine, always | F.
‷ you post a cute selfie, and the internet does what it does bestâstarts flirting. but bucky sees it before you even finish writing a caption. and before you know it, your ultra-private boyfriend turns very public with a possessive Instagram story that just says one word: mine.
â google search history | F.
‷ bucky leaves his laptop open. you peek. what you find in his search history sends you into a full meltdown of the best kind.
â she's spoken for | F.
‷ when someone from your past gets too friendly at an avengers party, buckyâs quiet possessiveness surfaces. Heâs never loud or mean just gentle hands, sharp eyes, and soft whispers that remind you exactly who you belong to. but beneath it all? a little boy afraid youâll realize you deserve someone better. not on your watch.
â your name, my dog tags | F.
‷ it starts with a missing hoodie. then a vanishing water bottle. then your name shows up on buckyâs dog tags. everyone else sees whatâs happening except you two. until bucky finally decides... maybe itâs time to make it official.
@kbzonceblog ââââââââââ
â hand in babysitting | F.
‷ you're sister drops off her kids without any warning. begrudgingly, you agree to look after them. you're surprised, however, to stumble upon your very brooding teammate looking after them already.
@kinanabinks ââââââââââ
â big mouth | F. A.
‷ you have a bad habit of running your mouth when you're tipsy. luckily, your best friend is always prepared to help you out of any trouble that big mouth of yours gets you in.
⥠the new avengers... and their mom | F. S. A.
‷ kay romano is the new curvy / plus sized nanny for the new avengers. she cooks for them, cleans, and patches up their wounds. as she ingratiates herself with each of the team, none is more enthralled with her than bucky barnes, the brooding super soldier with old school gentleman's charm. and while they may flirt and share longing glances, will either of them ever make a move? or will misunderstandings tear them apart?
⥠ours to keep | F. A.
â secret admirer | F. A.
‷ bucky is learning to live with feelings he doesnât quite know what to do with. and even though he barely speaks to you, heâs been quietly leaving you little gifts he knows you'll like. youâre not supposed to notice, but you do. especially on your birthday, when you finally confront him.
@lolab4t ââââââââââ
⥠off duty | F. S.
‷ after a rare night off, you stumble back into avengers tower at 2 am.. tipsy, feet hurting, and definitely not expecting to run into bucky barnes on the couch.
‷ [ part 2 ]
@m4rv3l-girl ââââââââââ
â a secret worth spilling | F. A.
‷ bucky x reader are having a baby but noone knows yet. reader can feel her belly get chubby and while in the kitchen grabbing a snack, sharon and a few other agents comment on it and say if reader keeps gaining weight bucky won't be interested, reader leaves the snack and goes back thier shared room and hides away, bucky hears the quiet sobs and immediately rushes to you and asks what's wrong, you explain that you overheard someone talking about you but wouldn't say who but bucky finds out and makes a big scene and spills the secret of your baby
@magical-reid ââââââââââ
â the bucky barnes cake conspiracy | F.
‷ when wanda convinces you and natasha to do the âhear me outâ cake trend, you think itâs just harmless fun. that is, until every single one of your picks is a different version of bucky barnes, the entire tower gets involved, and bucky himself finds out in the most humiliating way possibleâvia wandaâs viral video.
@redemptive-truth ââââââââââ
⥠right where you left me | A.
‷ after accidentally slipping through a portal into an alternate earth, she discovers that this worldâs version of herself is deadâand that version of herself had an unexpected, mysterious bond with bucky barnes
‷ [ part 2 ]
@saltyjoy ââââââââââ
â whose cat is it anyway? | F.
‷ for the longest time, you thought the cat roaming the tower wasnât owned by anybody. then you eventually realize that the âtower catâ does, in fact, have a name, and is owned by none other than bucky barnes himself, the one team member you arenât exactly best friends with. after bucky finds out that alpine has become fond of you, he starts giving you odd looks and passive-aggressive comments. this leads you to the conclusion that he is jealous of you for taking his cat. however, as time goes on, you come to the realization that it might be the other way around.
â shouldn't have snapped | F. A.
‷ bucky accidentally snaps at you and then you two confess your love for each other.
â sparing you | F. A.
‷ bucky spares you when heâs in winter soldier mode.
@ssvbse ââââââââââ
â sunglasses | F. S.
‷ bucky gets caught staring through his sunglasses.
@wandererling ââââââââââ
â drunk | F.
‷ you take care of your drunk bucky.
@weeinertoad ââââââââââ
⥠blood stained snow | F. S. A.
‷ reader has been enhanced through experimentation, she has blood control abilities, and is part of british SHIELD. she and a group of others are sent to the US as a part of an integration program between the sister agencies. reader befriends bucky barnes (the winter soldier), their relationship grows until bucky relapses into the winter soldier and attacks her, straining their already odd relationship.
‷ [ part 2 part 3 part 4 ]
â still you | F. A.
‷ you hadnât expected him. not today. not when your hair was scraped back in a frizzy ponytail , your glasses slipping down your nose, sweatshirt three sizes too big and eyes puffy from cryingâagain.
@wintersoldiersoul ââââââââââ
â bucky x pregnant!reader | F. A.
@wkemeup ââââââââââ
â purgatory | A.
‷ while on a mission, bucky becomes dissociated into the winter soldier. but instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.
AU Summary: Bucky is no longer the Winter Soldier. He's something more. He's a husband, and he's going to be a father. While his past is still there, it won't define him. He'll put down his roots with his family and live the best life possible.
AU Warnings: Domesticated life, established relationship, pregnancy, smut, feels, slight angst, more warnings to come.
A/N: We deserve a life with Bucky, okay? I hope you lovelies enjoy this AU! Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
Pairing: Husband!Bucky Barnes x Pregnant!Female Reader
Summary: During a fun and relaxing afternoon, Bucky overhears someone making fun of your body. He doesnât take too kindly to that.
Word Count: Over 2.9k
Warnings: Established relationship, pregnancy, pet name (sweetheart for you, baby nicknamed Sprout), mention of stretch marks (they are beautiful), pregnant body shaming, threat of violence (not against reader), fluff, feels, domestic life, Steve and Sam are good friends, protective vibes, putting a jerk in his place (sorry if your name is Chet), Bucky Barnes (he's down bad and a warning, okay?).
A/N: What can I say, lovelies? I love a Bucky down bad and sticking up for you. Part of Soft Echoes, Strong Roots AU. â€ïž Beta read by the wonderful @mumbles411, but any and all mistakes are my own. Divided by the talented @saradika-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
It was meant to be a relaxing and fun afternoon.
Nothing major. Just a small gathering with a few familiar faces, some friends and agents, and good food. Maybe a few games, some music and conversations. Bucky only agreed because you batted your eyes and promised that you wouldnât overdo it.Â
As if he could ever say ânoâ to you.Â
âYou could smile a bit more, you know,â Steve teased, handing him a beer.Â
He scoffed, the bottle cool against his warm hand. âI am smiling,â he argued.
His general demeanor had improved since you came into his life. He liked to think he smiled more than he scowled most days. Well, at least he smiled more when you were around. Or when he thought of you, which was all the time.
So, yeah, his demeanor was much better.Â
âYou only smile like that when you look at or think about your wife,â Steve pointed out, like he knew exactly what he was on his mind.
Buckyâs gaze softened immediately when he heard you laughing, watching you from where you stood a few feet away.Â
You were glowing.
A pregnancy glow, yes, combined with something warmer. The dress you picked somehow flowed while showing off the shape of your body perfectly. Your smile lit up your face and you had a hand on your belly like youâd done for weeks now without thinking. It was beautiful.Â
You were beautiful.Â
âCan you blame me for having a smile just for her?â Bucky asked.
âNot at all,â his best friend replied.Â
You shifted your weight before you took a seat, your smile brighter when you spotted Bucky watching you. He never strayed far from you. Didnât even sip the drink in his hand. He had his eyes on you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered.Â
You and Sprout.Â
Pride flickered through his chest when his gaze dropped to your belly. His wife and his baby. His family.Â
Everyone was waiting on you hand and foot. At least, they tried to. The moment someone tried to bring you a drink or food, he stepped in. He couldnât help himself. Once you were taken care of, he went back to his spot. The perfect place to keep an eye on his surroundings since some old habits died hard.
And you just smiled, soft and bright.Â
Steve nudged him with his shoulder. âYou deserve this, you know.â
Bucky swallowed hard. It didnât always feel like he did. The past liked to seep into his mind at unexpected moments and make the world look a little darker. Depending on the day, heâd either hug you close or take you to bed to drown out the noise. Sometimes both.
And no matter what, you made the world look brighter again.
âSo, youâre saying I deserved to knock up my wife?â he joked to deflect.Â
The blonde snorted. âYeah, thatâs what Iâm saying,â he said, giving him a small smile. âAlso saying you deserve this life.â
His chest tightened when you laughed at a joke Sam made, your head tipping back slightly and your hand going back to your belly. There was no fight to worry about. No past to haunt him. Just small precious moments like this.Â
His lips twitched upward when you found his gaze again, your love for him burning bright in your eyes.
He did deserve this kind of life.
âThanks, punk,â he mumbled, clinking their bottles together.
âJerk.â
You turned your attention back to Sam and Bucky pushed off the wall to move closer before a voice stopped him.
Something low and careless.
âIs that chair gonna break? Jesus Christ, sheâs fucking huge. How many are in there?â
The thought of domesticity and peace left Buckyâs mind, replaced by something cold and dangerous.Â
You were blissfully unaware that some prick had just insulted your beautiful body, still smiling and enjoying yourself. As you should be. You only deserved good things. No one else around you seemed to notice the change in the atmosphere either.
But Steve stiffened out of the corner of his eye. He heard it. They both heard it.Â
Super soldier senses really were handy at times.
Ice took over the blue of his eyes, his head slowly turning to look at the fucker stupid enough to open his mouth and even breath the same oxygen as you. A new agent with a very punchable face who wore too much cologne. There was a good chance that you kept your distance for that very reason since some smells still overwhelmed you. The snickering prick certainly wasnât a friend of his or yours. He was only âinvitedâ because someone else thought it would be good for him to hang out outside of work.Â
That wouldnât happen again.Â
âBetter snag a brownie before she stuffs her face with the whole tray.â
My wife can have all the fucking brownies she wants, you fucking piece of shit.
The bottle in his hand began to crack. It would shatter if he kept squeezing. He didnât want to draw attention to himself.
Not yet.
âYou know thatâs Barnesâs wife, right?â The assholeâs friend shifted uncomfortably. âSheâs really nice, and heâs⊠well, heâs pretty protective of her.â
Buckyâs gaze flicked back to you, much softer, before looking at the soon-to-be-dead fucker again.
No. Canât kill the guy. I have a wife and kid to think about.
The prick had the nerve to laugh. âSo? Does that give her a pass to look like a whale?â
âŠHeâs fucking dead.
Steve took the cracked bottle from his hand. âWant me to handle him?â he asked, his voice low.Â
He exhaled through his nose. Steve didnât like bullies. Never had. But he knew why he was asking instead of just stepping in and taking care of it.
Because you were his wife. His to defend. His to love and care for.Â
This was his fight.
âI got this,â he replied, subtly nodding to where you were sitting. âJust keep an eye out for a minute?â
Steve nodded in understanding, positioning himself to block your line of sight without looking too obvious.Â
Bucky took deliberate steps toward the table, his movements controlled and measured. His jaw tightened the closer he got, his fingers itching to toss the guy out with his bare hands. He wouldnât cause a scene out of respect for you.Â
But he wasnât going to stay silent.Â
The atmosphere shifted the second he got to the table, the chatter ceasing immediately.Â
The prick, of course, had the nerve to smile.Â
âHey, man! You-â
âYou got something to say about my wife?â he asked, his voice as cold as his stare.Â
The manâs eyes widened, maybe from shock that he was overheard or that he was being confronted. âI⊠What?â
Had no problem using your words seconds ago, asshole.Â
âYou were talking about her.â Bucky tilted his head slightly, his eyes flat and unreadable. âMy wife.â
The air shifted more, something cold settling over the surroundings as the guy sputtered to come up with an excuse.Â
âSay it again,â he ordered, placing his hands on the table and leaning down to his eye level. He made sure there was no warmth in his expression. âWhere I can really hear you.â
The idiot swallowed and looked to his friend for help and found none; his friend was suddenly very interested in the beer in his hand. âUm⊠Barnes, I-â
âMy wife, the love of my life, is carrying my child. Our child.â His lip raised in a small snarl and he leaned in enough that Agent Asshole had to back up. âAnd you think you can sit here and make fun of her? You think I wonât do something about it?â
âI-It was a bad joke,â he tried to reason.
Reasoning only worked with people when they were in a forgiving mood.Â
He wasnât.Â
âOh, now itâs a joke? You think youâre funny?â He smiled with no trace of friendliness behind it. It was likely how a wolf looked baring their teeth before sinking them into their prey. âYou think Iâll laugh while you crack âjokesâ about my wife?â
The prick looked like he was a heartbeat away from pissing himself, which made Bucky question the hiring process for agents. This sort of âinterrogationâ was nothing. Childâs play.Â
Then again, how many agents could say they had the former Winter Soldier in their space?
âI-I really didnât mean-â
âDonât.â His voice dropped even lower. âDonât insult my intelligence.â
He glanced back and saw Sam looking his way, his eyes narrowing when he sensed the tension. Steve subtly shook his head. There was no reason to intervene. He was still in control.
Barely.
But you were still smiling, which was the important thing.
âYou know what I see when I look at her?â he asked rhetorically, his chest tight. âI see the strongest person Iâve ever met.â
He smacked his hand on the table hard enough to make the bottles rattle and the guys flinch.Â
Sam, thankfully, chose to tell another joke at the same time and Steve cackled so the noise at the table wouldnât draw your attention.
I really do have good friends.Â
âIâll say it again. Sheâs carrying our baby. Sheâs uncomfortable and exhausted and guess what? She still walks into a room smiling and thinks of others first. And you sit here and act like sheâs something to mock when sheâs the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen.â His jaw clenched even as his heart swelled with pride. âYou should be ashamed of yourself.â
The guy shrank lower as every word washed over him.
Good.
Bucky stared at him for another long moment before something colder settled into place behind his eyes.
âGet up, Chet,â he ordered.
âChetâsâ mouth fell open. âThatâs not my-â
âI know what your name is, and I donât care,â he cut him off, straightening up. âBecause you donât respect my wife, so I refuse to respect you.â
A bright shade of red passed through his cheeks before he paled.Â
As someone who was stripped of his own agency for years, identity mattered to Bucky. Basic decency mattered. So, maybe it was a little petty to call him by the wrong name, but it was also a good way to put him in his place by letting him know he didnât matter.
Chet, as his name was Chet to him now, got to his feet on shaky legs. âSorry.â
âIâm sure you are sorry now, but itâs a little too late for that.âÂ
Bucky clamped a hand on the back of his neck. To just about anyone looking over, it wouldâve looked casual. Almost friendly. But they wouldâve missed the firm squeeze.Â
âMove.â
The prick didnât need to be told twice.
He guided him away from the table and made sure to smile as he did so. He shot his friend a quick glare for good measure, but at least he stuck up for you. That was the only reason he didnât make him leave, too.Â
The chatter continued behind him, but he barely noticed it over the sound of Chetâs pounding heart and his own blood roaring loudly in his ears. But then he heard your laughter and he took a deep breath, picturing your loving smile and hand on your belly.Â
It kept him from snapping completely.
Once they were in the driveway, Bucky shoved him forward. Hard. He stumbled, but somehow managed to stay on his feet. He wished he could punch him for good measure, but he seemed like the type of coward who would cry and call the cops.Â
Even if they let him off with a warning, he didnât want to add any stress to your plate.
âChrist, man,â Chet muttered.
âYou stay the fuck out of my house and never come back,â Bucky said, his voice low and lethal as he stepped forward. âAnd donât you ever disrespect my wife again.â
Chet nodded quickly. Too quickly. âI wonât.â
Bucky looked every bit like the Winter Soldier wrapped in civilian clothing when he added, âYouâll never speak about her like that again. Youâll never look at her like that again. And you sure as hell will never come near my family again.â
âI understand,â he swore, his voice cracking.
âGood.â Buckyâs nostrils flared as he looked him over one last time, disgust curling in his stomach. âAnd the next time you come across someone pregnant, maybe try showing them some goddamn respect.â
He looked down at his feet, avoiding his gaze and swallowing any excuse he had left to give.
Fucking coward.Â
Bucky pointed toward the street. âGet the fuck out of my sight.â
The idiot practically ran to his car.Â
Bucky glared as he drove down the street, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck once he disappeared. He exhaled the remainder of his anger through his mouth, his hand moving through his hair. There was nothing to be upset about anymore. Agent Asshole was gone and now he could get back to you.
Where he belonged.Â
The second he walked back to the yard, his eyes found you automatically.Â
Still smiling, safe, and his.
He grabbed a couple of brownies from the tray before he walked over, giving Steve and Sam two nods. One to let them know everything was fine. The other to thank them for shielding you from that display.
They nodded in return.Â
You were his wife and family, but you were their family, too.Â
âThereâs my handsome husband. I wondered where you went off to for a minute.â You smiled up at him when he approached, his heart skipping a beat. âYou okay?â
Bucky stared at you in awe.Â
God, sheâs so fucking beautiful it makes my chest ache.
Up close, your glow was even brighter. You looked at him like he put the sun in the sky just for you. He would if he could. And your belly moved slightly under your hands, and he wanted to feel Sprout move, too.Â
âI should be asking you that,â he replied, his brows furrowing. âAre you okay? Are you thirsty? Hungry?â
He observed you carefully, looking for signs of discomfort or fatigue. The conversation with Chet and kicking him out didnât take very long, but it felt like hours now being apart from you. Steve and Sam had been watching over you, but it wasnât the same.Â
âIâm just fine,â you assured him, and he knew you werenât just saying that for his benefit. âBut you didnât answer my question,â you added teasingly.Â
Always thinking of me.Â
âYeah,â he murmured, gentler than he had spoken all day. âEverythingâs fine now.â
You studied him for a moment, sensing something underneath the surface. He didnât falter under your gaze. There was no need to.Â
âEverythingâs fine now, which means it wasnât fine before,â you guessed.Â
Bucky sighed. He shouldâve known youâd feel that something was off. You were too intuitive for your own good. That was one of the things he loved about you. And part of him loving you was trying to protect you from harm, physically, mentally, or verbally.Â
But there was also no hiding from you, even when he did his best to shield you.Â
âJust⊠needed to throw some trash out,â he said carefully.Â
It was true.Â
Chet was trash.Â
âThatâs one way of putting it,â Steve muttered into his drink, making Sam snort.Â
Before you could question him further, he set the brownies down and crouched slightly in front of your chair so he could rest a hand gently over your belly. He didnât chastise Sam for snapping a photo, and he didnât care who saw him like this. The two of you were his world and he wasnât going to pretend otherwise.Â
âHey, Sprout,â he murmured, his entire expression softening. âYou behaving for your mama?â
The baby kicked almost immediately beneath his palm.
He smiled wide, making him temporarily forget about the dickhead he just threw out.Â
âSproutâs just fine, too,â you promised, placing your hand on his, your gaze thoughtful. âYou sure youâre okay?â
He leaned up slowly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He remembered sitting on the couch and comforting you after the mean voice in your head made you doubt that youâd be a good mom. And how you didnât think your stretch marks were pretty but he thought they were so beautiful. You were so strong and inspiring. His wife. The mother of his child.Â
He wasnât about to ruin your fun and relaxing afternoon by telling you what happened.Â
But as much as he wanted to protect you, he would tell you later once everyone left because he refused to keep secrets from you. There was a good chance youâd cry. Not because of the cruel words spoken or hormones, but because he stuck up for you so fiercely. He would always stick up for his family.Â
And if you wanted him to punish Chet even more, heâd do it without question.
That was how much he loved you.Â
And heâd take you to bed later, kissing and touching every inch of you he could. Heâd make you feel beautiful and cherished if any of your insecurities began to surface. Heâd silence any mean voice in your head, hopefully for good, the same way you drowned out the horrors he experienced and made him feel loved.Â
I love you both so much.Â
âYeah, sweetheart,â he whispered, glancing down at your stomach with so much love. âIâm better than okay.â
We all deserve to have someone in our corner. Love and thanks for reading! â€ïž
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Thinking about, Congressman!Bucky watching his pretty little wife hump his pillow from the crack in the doorway.
Tags/warnings: Congressman!Bucky x Wife!Reader, Masturbation(F&M), Consensual Voyeurism, Reader has a vagina, Kinda Porn no plot?? lmk if I have missed any
A/N: This is not proofread, it's 12am. There will be spelling mistakes or storyline errors.
He had stayed late at work, filing out paperwork, doing boring shit. And you patiently waited for him so you could both eat dinner, fuck like rabbits, shower, then go to bed together, like you both usually do. You were wearing that cute baby blue lacy set underneath your lounge clothes, knowing itâs the one that makes Buckyâs mouth water and his tip leaky. Truth be told, You had been pent up since the morning, when you watched him flex his back muscles while pulling on his shirt.
So, to say you were disappointed when you had found out Bucky would be staying later, was an understatement. You cried a little bit, you just wanted to be held by your husband while he made love to you, whispering those dirty words in your ear that you love so much.
2 hours had passed since Bucky had called you, you had already put away the leftovers inside some tuper wear, making sure to leave the correct amount of portions for Bucky knowing heâs a little stingy with his diet. You had showered, fingering yourself a bit just to relieve some tension, and done your skincare routine.
You werenât very tired when you had slipped on your sleepwear but you were still very horny for your husband, who was still supposed to be at the office. An idea popped into your head, and you quickly shimmed out of your sleep shorts. You dipped your finger through your folds, finding it still sticky and sweet.
You hopped onto your bed and smirked while looking at Buckyâs designated pillow. Straddling your hips over the sides of the pillow, placing your dripping wet pussy onto your husbands pillow. Whimpering at the texture against your sensitive clit. You moved your hips softly at first, thinking about Buckyâs hands roaming across your body. You thought about the way his giant hands cupped your breast, the way his tongue darts out to lick your nipples. Your hips gradually pick up speed, while you hump the pillow, softly shaking the bed.
You had been so caught up in the fantasy of your husband fucking you, that you hadnât even heard the door to your shared apartment open and close.
Bucky strides into the apartment, petting Alpine as he make his way into the kitchen in search of the leftovers from the dinner you made. You knew that by this hour, you both wouldâve been curled up in bed. Infact, he expected you to be asleep already, he felt bad for not being able to do your shared night routine together.
Bucky rubbed his hand over his stubble as he picks up the container that holds his diner, before turning and placing it in the microwave. Before he could even push in the numbers to start heating up his food, he hears a whimper come from the bedroom. His eyebrow raised in suspicion, wondering if you were having a nightmare perhaps. His heart clenching at the idea of his lover being alone while having a bad dream, so he slowly makes his way towards your shared bedroom. Yet, Bucky stops dead in his tracks as he peaks through the crack in the doorframe. His mouth goes dry as he watches you, his perfect beautiful shy little wife, humping the life out of his pillow like you were in heat.
He watches as your plump thighs clench around the pillow, the way your ass squishes against the cushion as you rub down onto the fabric. He attempts to hold back his own moan while hearing your whimpers and moans. Buckyâs hand travels down to his pants, that know feel entirely too tight. He waste no time pulling down the zipper and freeing his now aching leaking cock. A soft groan escapes from his mouth when he wraps his hand around his thick shaft. Rubbing up and down in motion with your own thrust onto his pillow.
Youâre so close to your orgasm, the feeling of the fabric against your clit becoming too much as you get closer and closer to the edge. You aggressively hump the pillow more and more. Squeezing your thighs around it as if it was Bucky himself. You flop yourself onto the pillow that you know realize smells heavily of his scent. You moan as you dig your head further into the pillow, breathing in his scent before you finally feel the knot inside you untie.
Bucky speeds up his jerk while he watched you finally cum. He whispers praises under his breath that he wishes you couldâve heard while masturbating. âYouâre such a good girl baby -fuck, cumming all over my pillow. My dirty little wife.â His hand pumps faster over his shaft, the precum and spit acting as a lubricant. Though Bucky wishes it was your cunt instead. He humps his hand before coating his hand in his sticky release.
You whimper as your slick and cum coat your husbandâs pillow, feeling it soak the object beneath you. Youâre just coming down from your high when you feel a strong hand grip your shoulder. You tense, becoming startled by the person who had just tugged on your shoulder, before you realize itâs Bucky.
You take notice of the shade of pink across his cheeks, as you let your eyes wander down to his open pants, where his cock is set loose and proud.
Joel is your grumpy patrol partner who doesnât even talk to you in the streets of Jackson. But one night a man grabs your arm at the Tipsy Bison, and Joelâs decided he doesnât like it.
tw: smut, fem reader, afab reader, unspecified age gap, reader is smaller than Joel (shorter, can be picked up by him), oral (m! receiving), p in v sex, crying, fighting, blood, drinking, Joel may be out of character but I donât care, not proofread.
Word count: 8.1k
masterlist
MDNI!
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Joel was seething. Youâd never seen him like this, rage burning in his gaze and his hands balled into fists at his sides as he was pushed toward the door. Of course youâd seen him in fights before, dealing with raiders and infected on patrol was a bloody business at best, but the second the new guy, Jake? Jack, at the Tipsy Bison put a hand on youâjust touching your armâJoel exploded.
You didnât even have time to blink before the man grabbing your arm was on the ground, ugly bruises blossoming on his face. You didnât even launch into action to get Joel off of him, shock leaving you frozen. You only remained plastered against the bar, gaping at Joelâs savage expression and the way his fists bludgeoned Jack's face. The drink in your hand spilled over the sides a bit, a sticky combination of fruit juice and alcohol coating your skin and absorbing in the sleeve of your sweater.
You were already tipsy, your face hot and your eyes a bit glassy. You were more loose with your expressions, the careful filter you kept starting to deteriorate. By the time a bar fight broke out, you were already more than a few drinks in, your heart pounding in your chest along with the soft music and a thin layer of sweat starting to prickle at the back of your neck.
Joel had stayed quiet that night, sticking to the secluded booth in the back of the bar that he usually haunted. There was no acknowledgement of each other, his chocolate-colored eyes had landed on you for a moment when you walked in, shadowed over by his dark brow in its permanent scowl. As always, he didnât speak to you despite the fact that you spent most mornings together patrolling the outskirts of Jackson.
He wasnât your biggest fan, even going so far as to complain to his brother when the two of you had been assigned together. Tommy was giving you a shot on the patrol, you were newer to Jackson and needed a job. You could handle a gun and didnât seem completely clueless, so he figured he would stick you with Joel to see if you made it out on the other side.
But, nevertheless, Joel was now being pulled off Jack by a few other patrons. They hauled him up by the collar of his canvas jacket, his knuckles bloodied and a snarl on his face as Jack scrambled away. You still stood wide-eyed and dopey, your voice caught in your throat as you struggled for something to say.
Joel wouldnât look at you, eyes drilling into Jack as he was shoved toward the door. He kept hissing threats through his teeth, snippets of âIâll break your fucking arm if you ever touch her again,â audible above the music as he grappled with the men trying to contain him.
Your gaze traced the outline of his aquiline nose, the way his lips were pursed beneath his dark mustache. It was a struggle to push him out the door. You flinched when it slammed shut behind him, spilling more of your drink.
âYou better get your damn dog on a leash.â It was one of the older women in the neighborhood, her brows drawn and a disgusted expression on her face as she regarded you. You finally snapped out of your shocked stupor, looking at Jackâs bloodied and swollen face as he was picked up and put into a booth.
What was Joel even thinking?
You downed your drink in a few gulps, setting the empty glass on the bar before pushing yourself away from the bar top. Wind swept inside the Tipsy Bison as you forced the door open, providing a moment of relief from the humid heat of the bar. It was starting to get cold out, dried leaves swirling in the breeze as autumn settled into the bones of Jackson.
You shivered, wrapping your arms around yourself as you peered out into the darkness. The leaves crunched under your shoes as you took a few tentative steps, the sweater you wore offering you little protection from the wind.
Joel leaned against the wall of a nearby business, his head tilted back and his throat bared to the dim light of the moon. He was sucking in deep breaths through his mouth, his bloody knuckles limp at his sides. His jacket was off-kilter from where heâd been thrown out the door, his hair mussed.
âJoel?â You approached him like you would a wild animal, on high alert and prepared for any sudden movement.
He looked at you with a bored expression, the moonlight catching on the silver hair that splintered at his temples and in his patchy beard. You hesitated, stopping your approach for a moment before pressing on until you were a few feet in front of him. His dark curls stuck up in every direction, they were a little long now that winter was approaching.
âWhat the hell was that?â you asked, crossing your arms over your chest as your weight settled so one hip popped out to the side. You sounded more aggressive than you intended to, the words coming out like an accusation rather than a question.
It was times like this that made the age and size difference between you and Joel apparent. He stood up straight, towering over you a bit as he cleared his throat. Sometimes he made you feel like you were still just a dumb teenager instead of a woman in her mid twenties. âI donât know what youâre talking about,â he muttered, his voice a deep grumble with a slight southern twang to it.
A scoff leaves your mouth before you can even stop it, the alcohol reducing your filter to near non-existence. âWhat do you mean, Joel? I watched you beat the shit out of that guy for what? Touching my arm?â You were a little too loud, your voice ricocheting off the buildings around you. Under different circumstances, you would have cringed and apologized immediately, but something forced you to soldier on.
Thankfully no one else was outside that nightâit was too cold and still too early for the Tipsy Bison to have a last call. It felt like a standoff. His dark eyes were trained on your face, his mouth drawn into a scowl. You usually backed down to him, acquiescing to his stubborn nature.
âAnd so what if it was?â Joel grumbled, his attitude matching your own. The way he crossed his arms made his biceps bulge under the fabric of his jacketâyour breath hitched for a moment before you glanced away.
You shook your head, disbelief coloring your expression as his words settled in. âYou donât even like me!â You canât help but gesture wildly, your hands moving like they had minds of their own.
He ignored you regularly. There was an unspoken rule of only acknowledging one another on patrols together. The woods outside of Jackson were the only place that Joel would actually talk to you, otherwise you acted like perfect strangers in town.
His jaw clenched as he pushed off the wall, taking a few steps closer to you. âWho said I didnât like you?â he asked, his voice lower as his head dipped toward yours.
He couldnât be serious.
Your eyebrows shot up, disbelief making you smile incredulously. âWhat, so ignoring me in public and complaining about me to Tommy is how you treat your friends?â You were moments away from leaving and letting Joel find a new patrol partner.
You spent too much time defending Joel from his reputation as the town pariah, arguing that he wasnât the animal everyone thought he was. He had a hard time blending in, bigger than most everyone except for his brother and unapproachable to a fault. It seemed that Tommy and Ellie were the only people he willingly spoke to, otherwise keeping largely to himself.
Sometimes you wondered if he heard the rumors going around about himâspeculation that he used to be a hunter, a smuggler, a heartless killer. You never had it in you to ask him about it.
Not that he would tell you, anyways.
Joelâs scowl deepened, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. His silence did nothing but rile you up, it felt like an admission to the fact that you were right. You huffed, the autumnal breeze making dried leaves stick to your jeans and your breath clouding in the air.
âWell, Joel, you should really figure out how to act like an adult,â you snapped, shaking your head as you started to turn away from him. âYouâre way too old to be beating up boys at a bar for touching someone you donât even give a damn about.â
The Tipsy Bison called to you, warm light spilling out the windows and the people moving inside. Your friends were still in there, giggling with one another at the bar. You could see others nursing Jack in a booth, pressing ice wrapped in towels against his face as his blood turned them pink.
âI didnât like how he was grabbing ya,â Joel finally said after youâd taken a few steps away. The admission made you stop in your tracks, looking back over your shoulder at the man. He looked sheepish as he admitted it, his gaze on the floor like a toddler getting scolded. He cleared his throat, taking a deep breath before redirecting his eyes to the sky. âYou didnât⊠you didnât hear how he was talking about you⊠didnât want you with a guy like that.â
Your eyebrows shot up, your lips parting slightly. Your head tilted up to look at him properly, eyes narrowed slightly as you evaluated him. He seemed shockingly sincere, the awkward expression on his face sealing the deal. âCareful Joel, Iâm almost starting to think you care about me.â
There was something in the way his eyes shifted to meet yours that almost made your heart stop.
âNever said I didnât care,â he mumbled, one of his baseball mitt hands coming to rub the back of his neck. The blood on his knuckles was drying, turning to a rust color under the moonlight. You couldnât help but purse your lips, tilting your head to one side. It was hard to understand, the alcohol making you feel like you were buzzing as you mulled over Joelâs words.
He cleared his throat again, shuffling a little closer to you in the process. âWhen I talked to Tommy, I wasnât complaininâ about you,â Joel said. His cheeks were flushed, making you wonder if he was cold or just from the alcohol. He was notorious for sucking down bourbon like it was water, especially on nights when he had nothing to do the next day.
âYou werenât?â you asked, probing the older man a bit. You had only walked by when Joel was talking to his brother, catching your name in their hushed whispers and Joelâs strained expression. Youâd assumed it was because he was stuck with you, a newer recruit, a woman.
Joel sighed, shaking his head. It felt like you were pulling every word from his throat. âTommy⊠he uh⊠he put us together because he thought it would be good for me,â he said, hesitating between parts of his sentence. âThought youâd be good for me.â
âGood for you?â The alcohol made your voice soft around the edges, the question tumbling out of you before you had the sense to stop it. Joel stepped closer, his Adamâs apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. He was close enough that you could see the scar on his ear, the scars littering his bloodied hands and the ones across his nose. Sure, youâd seen them on patrol as you walked shoulder to shoulder, but for some reason you find yourself trying to memorize every detail about him in the moonlight.
âYeah, sweetheart, good for me,â Joel mumbled, looking down at his boots for a moment before making eye contact with you again. Sweetheart. The nickname rattled around in your mind, echoing in time with your heartbeat. You wouldâve punched anyone else for calling you sweetheart, but it sounded good coming from Joel.
Your face heated up, an odd smile quirking up the corners of your mouth as you struggled to find words to say. âYouâre a liar, Joel,â you manage to spit out.
He let out a chuckle, the kind that hardly made any noise and just let out a sharp breath of air. You earned one every now and then, it always made you beam when you could get him to chuckle on patrol. âYeah? I couldâve switched a long time ago,â Joel murmured, shrugging his broad shoulders. âTommy offered to let me switch.â
You crossed your arms over your chest, a sliver of your combative nature rising up your throat. You wanted to argue with the older man, inform him that he was wrong.
Joel must have picked up at the way your jaw twitched, your expression twisting. âItâs nice to listen to ya blabber in the mornings,â he said, his tone lighter than it had been. It was almost easy to forget what happened in the Tipsy Bison, the way you watched him beat Jackâs face into a pulp.
You huffed, shaking your head. There was a small smile on your face as the heat continued to rise on your cheeks. âThen why do you act like Iâm a stranger when I see you around?â you asked Joel. You scraped your teeth over your lower lip, scuffing the toe of your shoe in the dirt.
Joelâs face fell a bit, his eyes softening as he became serious once more. âYou donât want to be around me anyways, people would judge ya.â It was like he didnât want to admit it, his voice low and mumbling.
You hummed your disagreement, deciding to be bold and step even closer to the huge man in front of you. He towered a head over most people in Jackson, strong and wide and sturdy. You looked over his tanned, weathered skin, his dark curls that were starting to show age through scattered silver strands. âYou donât seem too bad to me,â you said, nearly a whisper.
You saw how Ellie looked at him like he was her favorite person in the world. If that girl could trust him, then so could you.
Joelâs warmth radiated onto you in the cool evening, the smell of bourbon on his breath and blood on his hands. He shook his head, maintaining the closeness youâd established. âSweetheart, you know most of the shit they say about me around this town is true.â
Youâd figured as much. Youâd watched Joel kill raiders without a blink of an eye and jump into action whenever infected approached the high, protective walls around Jackson. The first time youâd witnessed it, his precision took your breath away. Now it was something that you had come to depend on.
âI assumed as much,â you said with a shrug, folding your arms over your chest and tucking your hands under your armpits to keep them warm. âNever mattered to me,â you said, biting the inside of your cheek for a moment.
You considered going back to the bar to avoid the chill, but you didnât feel like having to answer questions about you and Joel all night. Everyone would want to know what he said to you out here, would have their own ideas about why he did it. There were a few breaths of silence. âBut, I should probably go home.â
âNot gonna go back inside?â Joel asked, nodding his chin toward the Tipsy Bison. His gaze was still focused on you. You thought about it for a moment before shaking your head, glancing back at the bar. It had lost its appeal.
âJust home, Joel. Have a good night⊠thanks for protecting my honor and stuff,â you said with a small smile. There was a lightness in the way you spoke, your eyes sparkling in the darkness.
You started to walk toward your house, living in the opposite direction from Joel. âMake sure you clean up those hands of yours, donât want to have to get another patrol partner any time soon,â you said without looking back, dead leaves crunching under your feet with each step.
You heard his heavy footfalls behind you until Joel fell into step at your side. âMind helping me out? Not great at first aid,â he said, holding his knuckles out in front of him. They were blown apart.
âJesus, Joel,â you muttered, grabbing one of his wrists to inspect his hand as you walked. His wrist was warm and thick in your hand, he didnât pull away. The wounds overlapped a number of scars beneath them, a snippet of Joelâs past violence. âWere you trying to kill him or just teach him a lesson?â
âI donât pull my punches,â Joel said with a noncommittal shrug, making you roll your eyes. Of course he didnât. Joel definitely taught him a lesson. You dropped his wrist, not giving him a response as you followed the path to your home.
Your house was one of the smaller ones, the yellow paint starting to peel off the siding and the wall around Jackson casting a shadow over it in the moonlight. Joel was grumbling about your proximity to the wall as you opened your front door and flicked on the lights.
âTake off your boots before you track mud in, Iâll meet you in the kitchen,â you tell Joel, toeing your shoes off before you head to one of the bathrooms. You can still hear him complaining as his heavy boots hit the floor, his lumbering footsteps going to the kitchen. The layout for all of the homes in Jackson was relatively the same, the sub-development it had been converted from seemed fairly cookie-cutter.
Joel sat patiently at the counter as you brought in the first aid kit, setting it down on the stone countertop and flicking it open. He seemed calm and unconcerned, more like a seasoned veteran to first aid than a novice. âI find it hard to believe that youâre bad at this,â you murmured, opening an alcohol wipe to start cleaning his knuckles.
Joel placed his big, catcherâs mitt hands flat on the counter for you to work. His jaw tensed a few times as you wiped over the largest knuckle on each of his hands. âIâm here for your gentle touch, sweetheart,â he muttered, sarcasm biting his tone and making you laugh.
âIâm not a nurse for a reason,â you said, smearing ointment onto the wounds with your fingertips. You tried to be careful, not applying too much pressure to the irritated skin.
Joel chuckled, watching your movements as you pulled out a roll of gauze and loosely wrapped his wounds to cover them. He flexed his hands as soon as you were finished, the gauze stretching tight when he made fists. âGood as new,â you said, leaning against the countertop. You both looked down at his bandaged wounds, lingering in the closeness before you stepped away.
âNow, you should hold off on bar fights for a while.â Mirth glittered in your eyes as you grabbed a wine bottle from one of the shelves in your kitchen. You grabbed two glasses without asking, methodically going through the motions of opening the bottle and pouring.
It felt like you and Joel were sprinting head-first at a line the two of you had never crossed before. There was a shift from coworkers to something else, and it started the second Joel pounced on Jack. You found yourself studying his face as you handed him a wine glass, categorizing his features as you took a sip. He was handsome, but he always had beenâyou just didnât let yourself recognize it.
âNo promises,â Joel grumbled, taking a long drink. You watched him swallow, your eyes partially lidded before you remembered yourself. You felt your cheeks and ears heat up as you took another drink, unclenching your fist at your side and focusing on the stretch of the bones and ligaments.
âYou really didnât need to beat Jack up, I can handle myself,â you murmured, your lashes fluttering as you redirected your gaze to Joel.
He just snorted softly, shaking his head. His expression twisted into amusement, the papery wrinkles of his crowâs feet becoming pronounced. Your brows furrowed, your head tilting as you prepared to argue the fact that you could, in fact, defend yourself. âHis name is Jake.â
Embarrassment made blood rush to your face so quickly you almost felt light headed. A sheepish smile settled on your features, a giggle working its way through your throat. âHe even let me call him Jack like⊠five times the other day,â you said into your wine glass, a guilty look on your face.
âPoor boyâs got it bad then,â Joel said, smirking at you. His dark eyes appeared even darker in the lighting of your kitchen.
âDonât worry, I think you scared him enough,â you said, rolling your eyes playfully. You picked your glass up off the counter, walking out of the kitchen to your cozy living room.
Joel came to sit on the couch as you stoked a fire to life, burning some of the dried kindling you kept in a bucket near the fireplace to coax the logs to life. You could feel his eyes on your back as you crouched, the flames breathing warmth over you as they crackled. The combination of his gaze, the fire, and the wine you kept sucking down in mouthfuls made a sweat prickle at the back of your neck as you stood up straight.
He made himself comfortable, lounging on the couch with an arm draped on the back of it. Heâd brought the bottle of wine, it sat on the coffee table next to his empty glass. One of your eyebrows arched as you sat next to him, leaving enough space between the two of you that you could twist and bring your knees and feet up onto the sofa.
âYou really made yourself at home.â
Joel cracked an easy smile, the fire illuminating the deep shadows of scowl lines on his forehead. You felt the urge to smooth them out with your fingertips. âIâve got a habit of doing that,â he said, his dark gaze sliding to the fireplace. One of the logs popped, sending sparks through the hearth.
There was a lapse of silence where you reached over and filled up his wine glass again. You felt surprisingly comfortable next to him, relaxing your side against the cushioned back of the couch as you faced Joel. âThe ladies at the Tipsy Bison called you my guard dog.â
That made him outright snicker. âYeah? Iâm your guard dog, huh?â he asked, clearly teasing. The way his flannel clung to his shoulders was heavenly, wrapped around every well-defined muscle like a second skin. The wine was staining his mouth purple, you were enraptured as his tongue darted out to catch any remaining drops on his lips.
You cleared your throat, blinking as you nodded. âSaid I should get you on a leash,â you mumbled, the heat on your cheeks spreading to your neck and ears. You gulped the wine to break some of the tension, your nose scrunching as you swallowed.
There was a shift, it wouldâve gone unnoticed if you werenât paying attention.
Joel stretched a bit, tilting his head back as he finished the rest of the wine in one gulp before setting the glass on the coffee table. When he sat back, heâd moved closer to you. Your knee was nearly touching his thigh, that inch of empty space feeling electric.
âDo you want me on a leash?â he asked, his voice deep. There was something different to his tone, the harsh edges of his voice rounded out more than usual. The question made your breath stutter in your chest. The sincerity in his expression caught you off guard. You opened your mouth to speak, only silence coming out. âIf there was anyone who could convince me, it would probably be you, sweetheart.â
You choked on your wine, awkward and clumsy as you sat up straight to prevent it from coming out of your nose. Part of you felt like Joel had turned you inside out as you spluttered, confusion and self-consciousness running rampant.. Finally you got a hold of yourself, sucking in wet breaths with tears in your eyes.
âYou okay?â His voice was sweet and soft when he asked, as though he hadnât caused it. You nodded, waiving off his concern as his paw of a hand grabbed your shoulder. His touch was napalm, igniting your skin through your thin sweater.
âJust surprised me,â you choked out, wiping away the tears with the heel of your hand as you sniffled. Joelâs hand stayed where it was, his thumb rubbing along your collarbone over the black fabric. He did nothing but hum his acknowledgement, patiently waiting for you to catch your breath.
Another cough rattled through you before you could breathe again. Joelâs eyebrows were raised as he watched you, mirth sparkling in his eyes. âYou are so full of shit, Joel Miller,â you finally said, pushing his shoulder lightly.
He still was touching you, leaning forward into your space as he did so. Your breaths were shallow, apprehensive and giddy in all the right ways.
âYou think Iâm full of shit?â he asked, smirking.
âI know you are.â You couldnât help but flirt, batting your eyelashes and smirking at Joel. You felt electric, lightning just crackling under your skin with the potential thrill of him reciprocating. Sure, you were risking a decent work relationship, but you could get a new patrol partner.
He hummed thoughtfully, his hand creeping toward the back of your neck. The stretch of his fingers to the meat of his palm spanned nearly three-quarters of the circumference of your throat, something that shouldâve chilled you to the bone. Excitement sparked in your belly as you swallowed against the firm press of his thumb on your windpipe.
âYou donât seem like an âon the leashâ kind of guy,â you murmured, the feeling of the gauze youâd wrapped around his knuckles rubbing against your soft skin making you shiver slightly.
âNo, guess I donât,â Joel agreed, his dark brown gaze shifting from your eyes to your mouth and back. It was so quick, but the thrill that followed made you feel like you were glowing. You slicked your tongue over your lower lip, making it shine in the firelight.
The way he spoke made you press your thighs together, the stiff seam of your jeans pressing against you in the perfect way if you shifted how you were sitting. Joel moved as well, his thighs spreading just a bit, a palm quickly smoothing over his lap in an action he probably didnât think he would notice.
âSweetheart, we should just get this out of the way.â
Your brow furrowed in confusion before Joel was pulling you toward him, his lips slotting over yours. A soft, startled noise was muffled against Joelâs mouth, shock dissipating quickly as your eyes slid shut. His mustache tickled your upper lip as you accidentally bumped your nose against his.
When he pulled back, there was a hint of a smile on his face. Your face felt like it was on fire, a goofy grin gracing your features as your gaze flickered over him.
Joelâs other hand crept onto your jean-clad thigh, a calloused thumb stroking along the frayed hole at your knee. âSo, was that weird for you?â you asked like an insecure teenager, your teeth digging into your lower lip as you waited for his answer.
Your heart was pounding, the irrational side of your brain wondering if he was able to hear it. He surely felt it against his palm, his heavy hand resting near your pulse as he kept you close on the couch. He smiled at your question, shaking his head no as he pulled you back in for a second kiss. It was quicker, a messy stamp of his mouth over yours.
âDidnât think youâd be into an old man like me,â he said with a chuckle. If you didnât know better it almost seemed like Joel felt bashful. The apples of his cheeks were dusted pink, whether it was from the kiss or the wine you didnât know.
Your eyebrow arched, a grin still on your face. âYouâre not old,â you said, rolling your eyes playfully. Your hands were pressed into your lap, part of you not knowing what to do with them. You looked up at Joel through your eyelashes before your gaze dragged down his torso and to his jeans. The flannel he wore was thin, the fabric well-worn and not tucked into his blue jeans.
âI should, um, thank you,â you murmured, shifting to put your empty wine glass on the coffee table.
Joel chuckled, still watching you like a hawk that set sights on its prey. âLast I checked, you were just lecturing me about fighting your own battles,â he teased, curiosity shining deep in his chocolate eyes as you got off your couch.
The wine must have gotten to your head, because you wouldâve thought you were losing your mind. You moved to stand between Joelâs legs, slowly sinking to your knees on the squishy gray carpet that covered your living room. âI donât have to thank you if you donât want me to, Joel,â you murmured, your hands hovering over his thick thighs for a moment before resting on them.
He looked dumbfounded and giddy, his hands already resting on the black, leather belt he wore around his waist. âNo, sweetheart, youâve got aâŠuh⊠promising idea,â Joel said with a smile, shifting his legs so they bracketed you and his knees pressed against the coffee table.
You laughed softly, hands roaming up his muscular thighs to where his belt rested just under the soft layer of fat covering his stomach. âYou sure? I can always get back up,â you said teasingly, working your fingers under the tongue of his belt and pulling the buckle open. It clinked as it fell off to the sides, you didnât bother pulling it from the belt loops.
Joel shook his head, leaning back farther into the couch and shifting his hips toward you. âMâsure,â he answered, preoccupied on the way your fingers popped open the button of his jeans and worked the zipper down.
He was already hard, the outline of his cock pressing against the denim and toward his thigh. You reached into his black boxers, pulling it out of its confinement with a satisfied sigh.
He was big, bigger than any other guy youâd been with. You held the base of his cock, fingers against the curly, dark hair that covered his pubic bone and ran up toward his belly button. It was hot to the touch, the head already leaking precum that followed the path of the prominent veins down his shaft. It was more pink than the rest of him, the head a shade darker than the rest.
You licked your lips, almost embarrassed to find yourself drooling as you braced your forearm on his thigh and kitten-licked at the underside of Joelâs cock. He grunted at the contact, his hands digging into the plush cushion of the couch as his hips twitched toward your face.
âEager,â you mumbled, a smile on your face as you looked up at Joel through your eyelashes. He was already looking down at you, his lips parted in anticipation and his breaths heavier than they were. You licked the tip of his cock again, the salty taste of his precum on your tongue. Thereâs something about the way that Joel lets a breath out through his teeth that makes you feel like you were set on fire.
You let out a breathy chuckle, wrapping your lips around the head of him and hollowing out your cheeks on your descent toward his lap. It was a lot to take, your eyes watering as you swallowed more of Joelâs cock. His moans and sighs were enough to keep you going, your lips curled over your teeth and your head bobbing up and down.
One of his hands found the curve of your jaw, calloused fingers tracing it before hooking around the back of your head. You were fine with his direction, letting Joel gently press your head down to dictate your speed.
The taste of him was salty and heady, a musk that was distinctly Joel filling your nose as you drooled and sucked his cock. It was slick with your spit, the mix of your saliva and his precum coating your lips and chin. You still had your hand wrapped around the base of him and moving in tandem with your mouth, ensuring you could get everything that your throat couldnât fit.
âGoddamn, sweetheart, you suck cock like you were made for it,â Joel said, his words punctuated with soft sighs and moans. It made you want to live permanently with his praise, your gaze flicking up to meet Joelâs for a moment.
He was completely blissed out, his head tilted back toward the ceiling as he bit his full lower lip between his teeth. His Adamâs apple kept moving erratically in his throat, like he couldnât decide whether to breathe or not. His hand still cupped the black of your head, half-thought praises falling frantically from his lips. Joel was barely speaking in sentences, some words falling to the wayside of his soft grunts.
Feeling emboldened, you moved your hand away and tried to relax your jaw as your head descended far enough that your nose was pressed firmly against Joelâs pubic hair. It smelled surprisingly clean, just the undertone of musk clinging to the dark, curly thatch of hair as you resisted the urge to choke around his cock.
It was thick and heavy in your throat as you swallowed around him, eliciting groans and his hand pressing tightly against the back of your head. Tears burned in your eyes as Joelâs thick cock twitched in your throat, your hands spread flat on your thighs as he moaned your praises.
Joel barely thrusted his hips toward your awaiting mouth, your eyes slipped shut so you could focus on relaxing your throat. Lungs burning, you finally pulled off to suck in deep breaths. Your hand resumed what your mouth had been doing moments before, taking Joel in your fist and using your saliva as lubrication.
âLook at how pretty you are,â Joel murmured, his southern accent thicker than normal as the hand on the back of your head shifted to cup your cheek. Your eyes were watery with a few tears tracking down your face, your lips swollen and saliva coating the entirety of your chin.
You smiled, stroking his cock as you struggled to regain your breath. âDidnât know you were such a good girl,â Joel drawled, dragging his thumb through the saliva on your chin and smearing the pad of it across your parted lips.
âWhen I want to be.â Your voice was thick and raspy, your eyes partially lidded. Your knees were digging into the carpet, his legs keeping you where you sat.
He smirked at that. Joel gently moved your hand away from his cock, his arms winding beneath your armpits and lifted you back up to the couch. You squealed in the back of your throat, surprised by his strength as he settled you against the arm of the couch and twisted to face you.
Large hands yanked your sweater over your head to reveal the black bra you wore, a soft groan coming from Joel. He didnât waste time, finding the back closure and popping it open. You helped him, guiding the thin straps down your arms and tossing the garment aside.
âChrist,â Joel mumbled, his thick fingers brushing over one of your nipples. A jolt of electricity traveled down your spine at the touch, warmth blooming on your cheeks.
You were impatient, panties already soaked through and feeling uncomfortable as you popped open the button on your jeans. âJoel, I need you,â you murmured, leaning forward to kiss him as you shimmied your pants and underwear over your hips.
âSo impatient,â he muttered between presses of your lips, pulling away so he could look at you properly. The firelight illuminated the curves and shadows that littered your body, stretch marks and scars visible on your skin. Self-consciousness reared its ugly head for a moment, your gaze fluttering away from Joelâs intensity as he just stared at you.
He grabbed your thighs, pulling you toward him until your back hit the couch. âJoelâŠâ you whined as he pressed your thighs apart, his dark eyes focused on your sex.
He spread the slicked lips apart with his thumb, making you cover your face with your hands out of embarrassment. âLook at youâŠâ he mumbled, hardly even talking to you. He let go of your other thigh, his fingertips teasing your clenching hole to gather some of the wetness dripping down you and smearing it across your clit.
You gasped, your back arching at the contact against the nerves. Joelâs fingers were calloused and thick and warm, drawing tight, slow circles over your clit as his other hand pressed into the crease between your inner thigh and your pubic bone. It kept your hips from squirming away from him.
âYouâre so sensitive, sweetheart,â Joel said, the smile audible in his voice. Youâd kept your hands over your face, your moans muffled by your palms as you resisted the urge to snap your thighs closed. You felt vulnerable and exposed under him.
âYouâre teasing,â you mumbled, your hips twitching in an attempt to get more friction from his calloused fingers. He kept his touch agonizingly light, making you whine and whimper in your desperation for more from him. He chuckled, fingers dipping to tease your entrance again before trailing back up to your clit.
âLet me see ya,â Joel said, his hand leaving the nestle of your thigh to wrap around your wrists and pull them away from your face. He held both in one hand, keeping your wrists captive against your sternum.
Your breaths were heavy, his fingers strumming over the swollen bump of your clit pulling moans from your throat. Joelâs eyes were partially lidded as he looked down at you, a smirk growing on his face at your desperate expression. âJoel, please,â you begged, your cunt clenching around empty space as you wished he would just fucking fill you up already.
He chuckled, clicking his tongue against his teeth with mock disapproval. âIf youâre so desperate, get up and turn around, sweetheart,â he said, pulling you up by your wrists. âMy knees arenât what they used to be, help an old man out.â
Youâd normally take that opportunity to make a joke at his expense, but you just let him move you around like a doll. He guided you so you were kneeling on the couch, your chest pressed against the back of it. You arched your back as much as you could, sticking your ass out and hoping you looked pretty as you looked at Joel over your shoulder. He didnât even bother getting undressed, just standing up behind you and taking his cock in his hand.
His other hand still rubbed over your cunt, smearing your arousal over your swollen lips and onto your inner thighs. Much to your relief, he pressed two thick fingers inside you. The sensation made you groan, resting your weight on your elbows and your knees as you pushed back against his fingers. They slid in so easy you were almost embarrassed.
âYouâll take me just fine, sweetheart,â Joel murmured, approval echoing in his voice. He crooked his fingers to press and massage the spongy spot inside of you, making your mouth fall open and your legs jerk.
You twisted enough to glare at him, Joel covered in shadow from the fire crackling behind him. âQuit being an asshole, Joel,â you said through your teeth, making him chuckle.
âWhere are your manners, sweetheart?â he asked, pulling his fingers from your cunt. He brought them to his mouth, sucking them clean with a sigh before grabbing your hip with a hand. His wet fingers smeared against your heated skin as he pulled you back a little more, making your back arch like a bow pulled too tight.
He slid the blunt head of his cock between your folds until it tapped against your clit, making him when you whimpered. Joel finally granted you what you wanted, lining up with your entrance and pressing his way in. His cock caught, sliding in so slow that it made you squirm.
âRelax, sweetheart.â Joelâs big hand slid up and down your curved spine, calloused fingers feeling each and every notch of your vertebrae. Your pussy fluttered around him, stretched out and so eager as he bullied his way inside of you. The breath you took in was frantic and overwhelmed, it felt as though he was pushing all of the air out of your body. The two fingers he had pressed inside of you as a test didnât prepare you at all for his thick cock.
You could hardly breathe, youâd never taken a cock this big inside of you without any preparationâbut you were too impatient to wait for him to stretch you out on his fingers. You were pathetic, whining and wheezing as your hands clenched against the cushions on the back of your couch.
Youâd never felt anything better in your life.
After what felt like ages, Joel was fully seated inside of you. His coarse jeans were pressed against your soft thighs, the two of you breathing heavily like youâd run a marathon.
âYouâve gotta relax. Feels like youâre gonna squeeze my dick off,â Joel said, slowly grinding his pelvis against the swell of your ass. You nodded, trying to take in deep breaths and get used to the feeling of being stretched full.
âSorry,â you muttered as you focused on becoming pliant, your taught muscles slowly releasing. His beard rasped against the back of your neck as he kissed you there, a moment of intimacy to calm you down. It felt like a reward, your breaths slowing as you unclenched around Joel and welcomed him deeper.
The sound you made when Joel pulled out and pressed back in was pathetic. It felt like he was sawing you in half, carving a space for his cock inside of you with each thrust. There was some caution to his movements, his fingers digging into the fat of your hips as he grit his teeth.
âSo fucking tight, sweetheart,â Joel said, his voice muffled as his mouth pressed against your neck. Each thrust coaxed a gasp from you, your nails digging into the fabric of the couch as you took whatever Joel is willing to give. Your vision was blurry from the overwhelmed tears brimming your eyes.
The sound of your bodies smacking together filled your living room, the open belt still threaded through Joelâs pants clinking on the off beat. He maintained his pace like a machine, drilling into the gummy spot inside you that made your eyes roll back in your head.
Your nipples were sensitive, rubbing against the coarse fabric of the couch cushions with every thrust. The noises you made were absolutely undignified, the sounds of someone being fucked completely stupid. He was filling you up so perfectly and the knowledge that it was Joel, your hardass patrol partner who never gave affection to anyone, it made you feel like youâd touched a live wire.
âTell me how it feels, sweetheart,â Joel said, a wide hand reaching around you to fondle your breast. He used it to bring you back, curving your spine so the back of your head was pressed against his collarbone and you looked up at where the wall and ceiling met.
You felt helpless and primal, your mind scattered a million different places. âSo good,â you gasped stupidly, hardly able to form words. Your hands grabbed his forearm and fisted in his flannel behind you, an effort to anchor yourself to him.
âI know,â he murmured, kissing the shell of your ear. You were vaguely aware of tears running down your cheeks, your mouth hanging open as you struggled to stay afloat. You were already lost, a sea of sensation pulling you under with only the places where you and Joel were pressed together serving as your lifeline.
Joelâs free hand reached around your belly, finding your neglected clit with practiced ease. You moaned his name like a broken record, your eyebrows furrowing. He rubbed it hard and fast, matching the pace he was rutting into you with. You already felt heat pooling in your lower abdomen.
âOh god,â you gasped, already shaking from head to toe and your grip tightening around his forearm. âJoel Iâmâyes, yes, yesââ
It felt like your whole world shattered as you came with a shout, your muscles convulsing. You clamped around Joelâs cock like a vise, your hips twitching wildly. Pleasure flooded through you from head to toe, warm and fuzzy and all-consuming. The sensation was simultaneously too much and not enough, Joel steadily fucking you through it as your vision went white.
Joel had to pull himself away from you, letting you slump forward on the couch cushion as you came down from your orgasm. You were clenching around nothing, whining at how cruel he was to leave you empty.
The wet, sticky sounds coming from him made you turn your head as you went boneless on the couch. Joelâs cheeks were red as he tugged at his cock, a hand squeezing the flesh of your ass. His dark eyes were focused on you, all loose limbed and spent.
He finally noticed you looking, his mouth open and panting. He took in your fucked out expression, your eyelashes clumped with tears and cheeks red. Heâd made a mess of you, the dazed look on your face his undoing as he let out a grunt. He sunk his teeth into his lower lip as he came, spurting thick come over your ass as his fingers dug into you.
You sighed as you felt his hot come land on your ass and back, pooling in the curve of your spine. You were still floaty and out of it, vaguely aware of him milking the last spurts of his spend from his thick cock.
âJesus,â he grumbled, swaying for a moment before sitting down on the couch next to you. He gathered you in his arms, pulling you onto his lap and against his chest as you went perfectly limp.
You nuzzled against his neck, humming your affection as his hand rubbed up and down your back. The motion smeared his come along your skin, his fingers rubbing it in like body lotion. It was like heâd stuck your brain in a blender, the mush of the aftermath hardly able to form more than feelings as you pressed your forehead against his beard.
âIâll beat up the whole town if this is the thanks I get,â Joel said, pressing a kiss to your temple. His barrel chest shook beneath you with a chuckle, his hands never straying from your body.
âNo oneâs gonna want to touch me with a ten-foot pole,â you muttered after a moment of silence, it took you a beat to even process what Joel was saying. He snickered, seeming pleased with himself as you melted deeper into his embrace.
âGood, I should be the only one touching you,â he said, making warmth bloom in your chest. âUnless Iâm assuming things.â
You smiled, a sleepy look still on your face as you wound your arms around his neck and snuggled in closer. âSo this wasnât a spur of the moment thing?â you asked, sounding shy as you said it.
Joel chuckled, shaking his head. âYou know how many times I had to go home after patrol and take a cold shower just because you bumped my arm or bent over to pick something up? Felt like a damn teenager.â
You giggled, picking your head up to look at Joel properly. He looked so soft and sweet around the edges, that normal fire and flintiness was gone from his dark eyes. âYou gonna stay tonight?â
He pulled you in for a kiss, it was sweet and over all too soon. âIf youâll let me,â Joel said, sounding earnest.
You nodded, tucking your head back against his neck. You were starting to succumb to your drowsy state, your eyes sliding shut as you puddled into Joel. You were vaguely aware of him lifting you off the couch, his good-natured grumbling about carrying you up the stairs filling your ears.