Am I Really Just A Teenage Dirtbag, Baby?

A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of blistering wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.

I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my skull and I growled,

• shaving commercials for women where their legs are completely hairless before the razor even touches them

• paper towel commercials where the father bursts through the door with his son, tracking mud everywhere and breaking something, and the mother smiles fondly and cleans by herself

• kids’ protein shake commercials where the six year old refuses to eat his dinner and the mother smiles fondly and?? replaces his dinner?? with a drink??

• shoe commercials where a bunch of women are screaming hysterically and thus making me associate that company with agonizing shrieks

• cake toppers where the bride is dragging the groom because nothing says love and devotion like hatred and regret. these people are going into marriage expecting and even enjoying the idea that they’re not happy.

• bumper stickers that insult the person behind you because for some reason you really want to file all that paperwork when some inevitable idiot rear ends you out of spite

• when teachers divide girls and boys during class discussion, generalizing their opinions by gender, so that they basically discourage anyone from entering the conversation with the goal of understanding each other. now you have spoken for people you never asked the opinion of, as well as made sure that guys feel it’s okay to dismiss the perspective of women and vice versa. education = ignorance after all

If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.

scruffy feather bird = starting to try the fly thing, not very good at it. only put in nest/branch if predators abound, i.e. you have four outdoor cats and they’re licking their chops.