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i present to you: a non-exhaustive compilation of voice clips from dan green's role in Temptation, a two-episode hentai from 2005. this is not his only performance in such a genre but it is by far the silliest. i would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to @seekerbr for bringing this to my attention.
i present to you: a non-exhaustive compilation of voice clips from dan green's role in Temptation, a two-episode hentai from 2005. this is not his only performance in such a genre but it is by far the silliest. i would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to @seekerbr for bringing this to my attention.
having an iud and little to no spotting or periods has me completely unaware of where my cycle is at, and i connected the dots about how im feeling towards my faves. turns out im_ovulating or whatever yeosang's IG handle is (idc if this joke is beaten do death, i love it)
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anyway besides spiralling and struggling cyclically and chronically, ateez's golden hour pt 5 has me scarily parasocial abt hongjoong... like... something in him shifted & he is becoming more and more open about some things & being Just That Much More "unmasked" in some interviews for this album 🥹 like yeah, he's a guy leading a group doing what he loves... and they all seem so much more at peace lately, ESPECIALLY with more domestic recognition (FINALLY)!!
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sorry not sorry life is so dichotomous between "THE LIFE I HAVE IS WONDERFUL AND I WILL NOT HAVE REGRETS" to "I WANT MORE. I WANT MORE. I WANT MORE FROM THIS LIFE BUT FEAR IS KEEPING ME CONTAINED" and i feel crazy
unfortunately, one of the few things keeping me sane these days is ATEEZ, Thai BLs/GLs, irl relationships, and friends. like fr i enjoy my online spaces, but i get it. i used to be spiteful and envious of my other friends who talk about spending more time offline when they can. i've known the internet and social media has become a toxic addictive substance, and i am not taking opinions or arguing this.
i already interact online enough because of kpop, and i am so tired of sinking anywhere from 20mins - 2hrs at a time on my screen taking hit after hit of dopamine, and im finally tired of pretending it isnt that.
this is bittersweet because, again, i have a lot of fondness for online fandom spaces & do make time to keep up with the fandoms im active in, however... i am, once again, struggling to keep up.
a single grocery run for myself, ONLY MYSELF, getting THE BARE MINIMUM TO EAT/SURVIVE, NOT EVEN NUTRITIONAL FOOD, BUT: MAYBE bread, MAYBE milk MAYBE eggs (split between 2-3 grocery runs at a time), packs of ramen, and frozen lunches to get through my work week comes out to $40-60 depending on the brand, day, and grocery store. now that gas is chronically $50-70 PER REFILL ON NON-PREMIUM GAS, we have to choose whether the travel distance to the cost-friendly DEBIT/CASH/CHECK-ONLY GROCERY STORE is worth it. and because i currently cant imagine myself raw dogging life, until i cannot justify spending just enough on substances to have another reason to live and go numb after feeling the effects of prolonged cortisol running in my system, eating 1.5 meals/day + water, the cost of sustaining that is another $40-80 (depending on what i want thatll last longer). then pet expenses. then MORTGAGE expenses. then CAR MAINTENANCE BECAUSE SURPRISE U NEED OIL CHANGES, ANNUAL VEHICLE TAB RENEWALS, ANNUAL CREDIT CARD FEES AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY CREDIT CARD DEBT SOARING FASTER THAN MY WAGES AND SAVINGS, THEN THE GOVERNMENT MAKING HORRIFIC CHANGE AFTER CHANGE WITHOUT OUR CONSENT, PURPOSELY BLINDSIDING US, EXHAUSTING US (mentally, emotionally, financially, physically), LEAVING TOO MANY OF US PARALYZED AND DRAINED TO HAVE THE GUTS TO FIGHT (by stopping. by refusing to feed into the system anymore. by literally stopping everything. no work, no commute, no travel, no money-spending, nothing), has my energy and myself limited.
they are trapping us here, and i feel that the sand in my hourglass feels infinitely running low. it feels so jarring and contradicting to STILL want to dream, to see myself in a better place, making more money, like none of this bullshit is happening (NOT the "American Dream").
since understanding that Earth will be fine despite climate change, I have turned over a new leaf of nihilism: the mass extinction event includes humans and most other life forms as we know it. Earth, as a planet, does not gaf whether we try to preserve anything. Humans are exacerbating a mass extinction event. All for the CONCEPT OF MONEY. MONEY IS A FUCKING CONCEPT. LIKE GENDER. LIKE BORDERS. LIKE "OWNING" LAND. LIKE ANY -ISM, ALL OF IT IS NOT AN IRREFUTABLE, DEFINITIVE, UNCHANGEABLE FACT.
but that doesn't mean i dont care anymore. what im venting about is the fact that i chronically feel like im running out of time, that im struggling to keep up despite putting in the work to get out of my "what am i, who am i, why do i hurt so bad, why arent i like others" state of psychological distress. now that everything in MY life is in my hands, i can choose to be resentful and envious towards other people living the life i want, or i can choose to pursue the life i want.
one problem is deciding and choosing what i want. another problem is MOVING towards it. the biggest problem is MAKING ANY ACTION TOWARDS IT. because life is "stable" for now, but for me it feels stagnant. it's just like the politicians and billionaires want: some of us are "just comfortable enough, just distracted enough" to continue making excuses and live life like "nothing is going wrong" when it absolutely is.
ive said this for years: i want it (my stress/distress, umbrella statement) to stop.
but it won't. it never will.
and once, i thought the people in power want me dead. now i understand that dying is actually one way to get back at them: if the exploited class is dead, who will the rich elite have to exploit? capitalism will not work if we are all dead. it's a morbid solution. but thats how i see it now.
i have another thought that i will not voice because of supersition. but i have a grave anxious feeling as to why certain countries, including the one i am a citizen of, is funding and promoting nuclear power. connect that with the fact that billionaires are building bunkers in places like new zealand.
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