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@bachdidwhat
“The only thing that stops a flat tenor is a flatter viola.”
Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the NRA
Happy holidays from bachdidwhat, reminding you to, as always, be wary of false relations who set the wrong tone at Christmas dinner.
BWV 248, XLVII. Herr, wenn die stolzen Feinde schnauben
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Despite international condemnation and threats to cut off emergency supplies of choir boys, Bach went ahead with his double leading-tone launch using forbidden parallel octave technology.
BWV 232, XIV. Patrem omnipotentem
Thomas Feng continues to undermine Western civilization by pointing out a fifth approached by similar motion, followed by parallel fifths, followed by uranium enrichment.
BWV 301, Du, o schönes Weltgebäude
Rebuke to Bach: excerpt from the consistory proceedings
Actum, February 21, 1706
Reprove him for having hitherto made many curious variationes in the chorale, and mingled many strange tones in it, and for the fact that the Congregation has been confused by it. In the future, if he wished to introduce a tonus peregrinus, he was to hold it out, and not to turn too quickly to something else or, as had hitherto been his habit, even play a tonus contrarius.
Recent scholarship by bwv1080 points to this disciplinary note as the largest contributing factor to J. S. Bach's infamous Arnstadt nude streak of 1706.
The term false relation can also be used to describe your relationship to the people you found yourself with but realized were total strangers when you finally sobered up at 4am in the back of a Mexican gay bar on New Year's Eve. Here's to 2012!
BWV 12, I. Sinfonia
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Rebuke to Bach for inviting a female visitor into the choir loft: excerpt from the consistory proceedings
Actum, November 11, 1706
Ask him by what right he recently caused the unfamiliar maiden to be invited into the choir loft and let her make music there.
Right...'make music'.
Parallel octaves in the Christmas Oratorio. Bach - just subversive, or secretly the antichrist? Happy holidays!
BWV 248, XIX. Schlafe, mein Liebster, genieße der Ruh'
theleadingtone rightly points out that Bach is in violation of international law on the production and use of clusters.
BWV 245, XXId. Kreuzige, kreuzige!
"It's coffee I must have!"
Bach is right - if we legalize gay marriage, then women will start wanting to marry coffee n' shit.
BWV 211, IV. Ei! Wie schmeckt der Kaffee süße (Oh, how sweet coffee tastes!)
HONEY BADGER DON'T GIVE A SHIT, HONEY BADGER JUST JUMPS IN AND OUT OF DISSONANCES
BWV 232, I. Kyrie
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The problem here is that sooner or later we'll run out of either parallel fifths or kittens.
BWV 323, Gott sei uns gnädig und barmherzig
BACH, Y U NO USE REAL CHORDS
BWV 235, I. Kyrie (derived from BWV 102)
"There's something wrong in this country when you can instantly modulate to a double chromatic mediant, but our composers can't openly write parallel fifths."
Rick Perry (or something)
BWV 232, III. Kyrie
Parallel fifths: scourge of kittens.
BWV 1, I. Wie schön leuchtet der Morgenstern
bwv1080 worries that hidden fifths are destroying the moral fabric of our country.
BWV 772, Invention no. 1 in C major
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