it's batticus, babey !

makes me so sad when my friends refuse to pirate things and insist on paying for a streaming service EVEN when i offer to do it for them or teach them. like pleaseeee i have a vpn i have a plex server i can get you whatever you want. don't buy disney+ i can be your little poob i have it for you.

starts talking and a disclaimer appears above my head saying that all resemblance to real languages is strictley coincidental

Autism is some monkey's paw sort of shit, you've got the power to give people the most devastating rip-your-scalp-off level insults that will haunt them for life, with a completely straight face, but the catch is that you don't do it on purpose and also have no idea that you're doing it at all before people get mad at you for no apparent reason again.

masculine men only exist to put their jackets across puddles for me to walk over and open doors and take bullets for me and stuff like that

Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.

"hire two evil advisors but make sure neither of them is gay" are you hearing yourself right now. be serious

idk which transgender bitch needs to hear this but u are better than everyone else

What I found to be particularly clever about the coining of this very unique first person pronoun 弊機 (heiki) is that it’s a homophone of 兵器(heiki), meaning ‘weapon’

the alphabet says HI but it doesnt actually mean it bcause it said JK afterwards what a fucken asshole

*guy who has never heard of Hamilton* I don’t know why you guys are all shipping random founding fathers with each other and not Lewis and Clark who were definitely fucking in a tent every chance they got on that trip Brokeback Mountain style

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

I understand the transition away from the term "comorbid" (any medical terms with morbid in it sounds more scary than it should) but also I love the word. Co-morbid. Me and my morbids are co. My company of morbids. My medical condition, my statistically likely to be present medical condition, and me.

what to do when something you want also fills you with alienation and revulsion