I fucking hate myself I didn’t appreciate him enough

I just looked at pictures of my bunny n suddenly I’m depressed again. I’m so fcuk sad he was literally here not that long ago I remember him being behind the door or just hanging out by the door and I went there last-last night feeling him there even though he wasn’t there and I lost it. I still feel like he’s here i here little noises and I think it’s him I can’t believe he’s actually gone n I’m crying again. I wish I could tell him how much I love him one last time to his little face I miss his face I miss his nose I miss the way he would grab my finger I miss his bunny kisses I miss the way he would almost kill me with his hair I miss him so much. he was so playful and it’s our fault he died. it’s like he took my grandmas place. I’m so thankful my grandma is still here but why did he have to go ? he was my baby. I felt like I had a reason to still be here even on days when I felt helpless and now I don’t have himZ I love my family but I want to die and be with him I just want to see him again this is so dramatic but I just want to be able to see him I want to apologize to him for letting him down I don’t want him to hate me. I just wanna know if I’ll ever see him again ..what’s after life is it real is he there I just want to hold him

also I got kinda close to another boy at work a little bit more than devin n ims Dbsjjs bc devin doesn’t like jonathan but I luv him he’s almost like drew !! We both love lana so mcuh and we already called each other honey n darling LIKE WTF when have I EVER if lana had an LA concert I’m pretty sure m n jonathan would have gone bc thats our girlfriend ❣️❣️❣️❣️

I’m SUCH a liar I have 3 other ppl I wanna get close w at work now lol they r so fuckinh NICE AND KIND I actually have so much fun working w them it doesn’t even feel like we’re working. like binch today me n steph killed all accessory go backs 4 full fuckin racks n it didn’t even feel like we did anything bc we were literally having fun like wtf I love her so much already and I’m a lil sad cause L is leaving to Chicago for about a week n w half so it’ll only be me steph n mariela they let me into their group. it feels like high school lol but I can actually feel good in them ?? like genuineness in them.

I probably spelled her name wrong so I'm jus gonna refer to her as b

I think she's the only person I wanna get close to right now. she's not too much. And i just wanna be her friend and make sure she's okay ??? like I want her to be able to talk to me abt her problems bc I see what she writes on twitter n like hey it's okay ?? U can talk to me about this but it's weird cause like we don't know each other.

It's weird to think about how you would never speak to someone like that because in high school it's so different but when you're in a situation like this you can't really avoid it and then you realize that they're not bad at all

it's probably not that deep but something weird happened today. after me n b came back from our lunch I got this weird cut on my finger n she was WITH me when it happened and I had no idea how I got it ?? I was confused and then she told me she had gotten cut on her wrist by something and then I was like ..... What the fuck me too. we both had scars on our wrists from it and THEN bitch .... my finger starts hurting and I realize that THERE IS BLOOD coming out and I'm freaking the fuck out because it hurts and there's blood so I'm like ?? I need to put pressure on this because I'm going to die. then later on it's gets WILD because she ends up getting her finger cut too and I was with HER while it happened and then she started bleeding too. um I think we both bonded today probably some evil cult shit going on but like we bonded

I wonder if riley cares that i blocked him I don't think he does but neither do I. It's sad to say that he could of been rlly good to me but I didn't like him that way. At least we both don't care about that

He keeps pushin the us hanging out thing n I think he gets annoyed when I act disinterested n that I don't wanna meet him cause I avoid That topic so HARD this boy literally was like I'm going to a concert next sat n got an extra ticket if u wnana come LMAOO

I'm scrreaming I told riley he should watch parks n rec and he was like "yeah WE should watch it"

All I did today was watch the last Airbender and cry it was great

I like myself again ! I've finally found a friend ! His names nobody n he loves me ❤️❤️❤️

I also think poppy is cute now oh well

I'm still in love with mars though just an update to myself that she's still my luv

It's happened I just admitted tonmyself that I have a gross crush on titanic now I still don't like him much but I have a CRUSH I wanna @ him on twitter n tell him to call me darling too LMAOOOOOO