Autistic mind

My 14 year old me never felt cute or anything like that. He felt like a walking disabeld cockroach, not worth to achieve anything or even be able to travel on his own.

10 years later he is matured but stil he doubts alot. What do people find attractive to me? And why do they find me so attractive that they just want to do with me.

Why do fuckboys say that i’m cute or attractive but once I tell them to piss off, they change their character and suddenly they tell me im not attractive anymore. My 14 year old would come back and start to doubt. Because the people are attractive devils. Somehow I feel like judging them too “Ah he had pancake hair anyway”

I dont expect to people to treat me better, but I do expect that people would rather just ignore me and dont say anything at all. Then hearing the uglyness of their voice.

They laugh like a Hyena

They feel so though and manly

Once I start to criticsize all they think is “Kill this roach”

I just want to go to bed and sleep so long.

I want to go back to the dreams I had in my past. In a strange world.

The underground I walk in.

The train that I sit.

The cafe that I have visted.

The paris like city.

The amsterdam look a like.

A better hong kong.

My mind is not okay and I wish I could tell someone what is really going on. But I cant even trust the people I thougt I used to know.