Minecraft Critical

gamers:

mojang: also fire, but blue

gamers:

More concept art for the Nether Update! - (taken from Minecraft’s Instagram)

I’m back with more bad ideas

cornfield: The only plant or tree is corn. The only resource is corn. The corn is 2 and a half blocks high and you can walk freely through it but you can’t see anything without jumping above the corn. You can collect corn, which becomes popcorn when cooked. terrible things spawn in there

meat: the ground is made of meat blocks, which can be broken to get raw meat and which make a squelching noise when you walk on them. like the badlands biome, the meat is in strata that lie over top of each other: mutton, beef, salmon, chicken, pork, cod. It is cooked in areas where it contacts lava, and there are random patches of rotting flesh that spawn maggots. there are bone blocks where stone would begin in other biomes.

kudzu forest: a variant of normal forest where everything in sight is covered by kudzu. You can clear it but there’s nothing to do with it but plant it again. It grows faster than anything else in the game. It will cover your house. It will cover your crops and kill them. It will cover your bed and suffocate you while you sleep. There is no escape. TNT and fire both temporarily kill it, but only temporarily.

Chernobyl: there’s probably cool loot somewhere, and you can see villages in the distance, but you’ll never find them because you can’t go 50 blocks into this biome without taking radiation damage and dying. Anything you collect in this biome is so radioactive you can’t carry it in your inventory without it killing you.

Walmart: a (nearly) empty Walmart. the fluorescent lights glow in the day, and switch abruptly off at night. There’s sometimes cool loot and all sorts of food. something horrible lives here...

the North Pole: just a bunch of ice. He spawns exclusively here. he knows your sins. he sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He sees all. He knows what you have done. There is no escape.

hot springs: it’s just the plains but the water kills you when you touch it

trailer park: actually just variants on normal biomes where the villages are replaced with trailer parks.

candy cane forest: self explanatory. You can eat the trees but you take diabetes damage.

Endor: Iike giant tree taiga but there are Ewoks