♱

I dunno.. I felt like I was under pressure (in my head) to not change and so as I changed as a person... it stopped lining up with this persona I had for my blog. I stopped giving it as much time because it was honestly draining. I'd love to keep my blog especially cuz I love all my moots, and my notifications used to make me so happy !! like a fun little hit of dopamine from a non destructive behavior lol. But being viewed by and interacting with others on here that I found so much cooler than I am... My own self-esteem issues sort of seeped into and ruined the whole reason I created this blog. I felt a need to keep up with what was expected of me, but I wasn't sure what was. I'd wanted to have a place to share my thoughts and my vibe, like the inside of my head plastered on a site that I could look through, and others could too, but I got so in my own head about the fact other people were reading my dumb posts (and in my mind criticizing me) I got stressed. Overthinking every word and reblog drained the fun. It felt like less of my soul and more of the same sort of performance I put on offline, when I'd wanted to be myself without any preconceived notions people had changing that. I'm an ever changing person, my personality and identity are still something I've yet to find, and really don't know if I ever will, but I wanted to experiment with that. I was so worried about others holding me back that I didn't notice I was doing just that. Anyway, thats all I have to say! Sorry if this makes absolutely no sense or if there's any grammar issues. Not really expecting anyone to even read it. I needed to spill my word vomit though, so this is what you guys get! We truly are our own worst critics.

shot from the crowd in Birmingham ♡

Church of St Lazarus, Larnaca, Cyprus

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