I stick my hand out during a breezy, cool Sunday summer night. The moon gleams before my dashboard, and the sounds of classic blues play over my car's radio loud, with the windows down.

The bugs hit my hands, sending quick, semi-painful snaps on my palm as I let my hand feel the wind rush past my fingers.

Glimpses of fireflies bash my windshield as I drive far past the speed limit, sending bright flashes of yellow-green colors across my view.

The smell of sickly sweet, wet-cut grass and rotting leaf litter dances around my nose as I tell myself, “I think I should go to therapy.”

My shoulders bounce with each hi-hat. I continue to dig deeper in this vulnerable moment. I dance half-heartedly while I focus on the lines on the road, swaying in front of me.

Trying to concentrate on my destination, all while finally I'm allowed in an unlocked portion of my psyche.

I battle between getting to them safe or completely surrendering to the rare sonder feeling of myself almost kissing the guardrail. I question myself in a swift manner.

I sip more from my shameful cheap liquor and cheap low-calorie soda as I tell myself, “I don't deserve this. Where am I?”

Not in a way that I don't know where I'm going in the moment, but in a way where, when my hand pulls back into my window and I try to answer my rapid reaction to each mental question, I spin deeper in my driver's seat and grip my steering wheel, and abruptly, without notice, my drive is over.

Me : NO ONE CAN TELL IM USING

Me @ 4am on a Tuesday

Anyways my first day is today I feel nervous cuz new ppl and new job.

Anyways it’s only for summer until I move for next winter and go work at my fave mountain mauahahah.