💙Shades of Blue💙

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️Lightning Storm⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

I had a dream last night that pierced my soul. As always I wrote it down while it was still fresh in my mind. I read it over and over again feeling the emotions it erupted inside me. I wanted to call someone, but I didn't. I realized in that moment the fear I've felt and how I've kept these dreams locked away in a journal I've had since I was seventeen. I began reading my dreams I've had the past two years and my body went numb. Thousands of words I've never spoken and hundreds of truths I kept in tight, all there in black and white. Some prophetic, some silly and others down right crazy.

My mental wake crashing down in my own words. I remembered telling someone a dream I had and how they dismissed what I said. Then I realized my greatest fear in this life is people abandoning me and judging me for being who I am. Maybe it's lessons to be learned from my own fear of self. People say I'm too sensitive, too trustworthy, too needy and maybe I am. People have called me a witch, a bitch, crazy and weird. My dreams, my thoughts, my inner voice have been judged, dissected, feared, laughed at and shamed. I've anatomize myself to the point of pain and fear of who I am. Pieces of me scattered across miles of people I trusted. Family, friends and enemies I let inside wholeheartedly because that's who I am. I use my heart more than my mind and intuition more than logic. Not all the time but most of the time.

It's taken me years to accept who I am inside and the only apologies I have are to myself. I'm not perfect. I fuck up, but I always admit my faults and truths. This year has been filled with sadness, heartbreak, tragedy, betrayal, illness, loss and madness for me, but it's what I needed. Not what I wanted, but what I needed. I don't say a lot but I write a lot. And just because I never said it out loud doesn't mean it didn't effect me. I loved when everyone told me I shouldn't and I cared when everyone questioned why. I never asked for anyone to agree, but only listen. I trust in God to lead me through...always. I believe in myself, right or wrong. New chapters and new books are straight ahead. If you're against me...bring it. If you're with me...bring it harder. Azurèe