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SUMMARY: The what if's and what could have been's with your one true love.

PAIRING: Kim Jiwon (Bobby) X Reader

GENRE: Feels, so much fucking feels. I literally ugly cried while writing this story.

A/N: Please, please, leave anything on the comments. Murder me, thank me, burn me , anything. Tell me how much you hate these things I write. Apologies for the errors. GIF not mine

"First to the swings! The loser will buy dinner!"

You shouted as you run as fast as you can towards the playground. On a usual date-hang with Jiwon, you are certain you are going to lose. He never lets you pull any punches with these kinds of things. Your boy is hella competitive, one of the million things you liked about him.

But not today.

Today, he ran, but at a much slower pace, letting you win and sit on your favourite swing.

Today is not the usual day. You figured as much when you saw him sitting timidly on the couch when you came home from work earlier. You figured with the way he quietly held your hand and guide you to the nearby park where you first met. The way his smile, his smile that has always been your favorite feel-good thing on earth, does not quite reach his eye. You already know what's up.

You don't need to ask, as that always has been with you and Jiwon. Attuned to each other so hard, you can almost feel his pain as if it is yours.

Plus you heard him talk on the phone, unintentionally, of course, obviously frustrated.

"No, she is not my girlfriend, not yet but... Yeah... I'd tell her... Give me time... Please, give me time...”

 You don't need to ask, because you know what that conversation is about.

He likes you, but it is you or his dream. Man, tough choice.

So you didn’t ask anything and went along, savouring what little time you two have.

 "Hey bunny, a little help here?" you asked as soon as you sit down, motioning him to push you on the swing. Trying not to think.

This is the good thing about your 'almost relationship, you thought. None of those complicated shit. You keep repeating in your head.

He slowly walked behind you, held both of the steel chains that support the swing you are sitting at, but did not push.

You can feel his energy, sad and full of regret.

Uh-oh, this is it, you thought.

"So...", he started.

"YG got us fucked up really bad, huh?", you said with a bitter smile.

 He sighed, "He is sending Jaeho to fetch me. I only have 15 minutes..."

"This is the last time I will see you, isn't it? I mean, not the last, technically...if I would go to your conce—“

You suddenly felt him pulling you close from behind, his warm body closing in on yours, his chin rested on the top of your head. His arms tightly around your shoulders, holding you as if you are the most precious thing he held in his life.

'I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...", he uttered repeatedly, as if it was a prayer.

"It's okay, Jiwon. It's okay...”, you held his hand and closed your eyes. Mentally saving this exact moment. Knowing that you will take this all your life, wondering the what if’s and what could have been’s.

You don't know how long you two are in that position, a lifetime it felt, until he slowly released you from his arms, and walked in front of you.

"He's here...I need to go."

You saw their service van not far from where you're at, Jaeho, looking your way, talking to someone on the phone. Looking worried.

"Alright,", as you stood up. "Go! Don't make him wait too long."

 You held his hands, "Do your best, okay? Show them how good you are, Okay? Be happy, okay?”

“Okay...”, your words trailed.

 His hands touched your cheek and realized that they are wet with tears.

He hugged you, so tight as if he does not want to let you go. As you close your eyes and hug him as tight, you heard him say,

"I love you..."

PAIRING: Kim Jinhwan X Reader

GENRE: Angst/y

WORDS: 708

A/N: Having so much feels recently that I decided to create a series. GIF not mine. Apologies for any errors.

You twist and turn on the bed, unable to sleep. You've been tumbling, tugging the sheets, forcing yourself to succumb to exhaustion, but to no avail.

Your boyfriend, the love of your life, Jinhwan, has been asked to go the CEO's office. You two have been dreading that this day will come.

 You both want to believe that this will never happen and that you two will live just as you both wanted. Him, as one of the top idols in the country, thousands and thousands of girls swooning with his smile, and you, you were always have been contented to see him shine, cheering for him in the background. Waiting for him to come home, ready to give him a hug and a kiss for a job well done.

You heard the door creaked, signaling Jinhwan's arrival. You can hear his steps towards your room, heavy and dragging.

"Please...Please... Let it be a good news. Please..." you whisper.

He hasn't called your name yet, his silence tells you it was not the news you wanted to hear. Deep in your prayers at night, you hoped that this day will never come. In the softest whispers you have, before you sleep, you wished to the high heavens that the CEO will never know your relationship, that he will not ask for this meeting.

But your prayers are apparently not strong enough.

He opened the door, didn't bother to turn on the lights, and slowly laid beside you. He reached for you, pulling your body towards him, his face rested on the crook of your neck, and you feel his cheeks wet from tears.

 You turned and faced him, afraid to ask, not trusting your voice. You raised your hand, noticed the first time that it was shaking and touched his beautiful face.

 He didn't need to speak a word, his eyes said it all. You both know what happened in that meeting, and you both know what will happen in the future. You both know that tonight is the end, the end of a dream, but you both cannot bring yourselves to say it.

 "How was it, babe?", you forced yourself to ask.

He just smiled wearily. He looked so tired like a warrior fought and lost. His smile feels like a punch in your stomach, you felt sick.

Both of you smiled bitterly.

"Hey... what's with the long face? I don't want a sad Jinhwan tomorrow, okay? Don't be a spoilsport! Tomorrow is such a special day!" , you faked a cheery remark.

Tonight is the night, you both know, the last night you will be able to hold each other like this, so you wrapped your hands on his waist, hugged him tight, and you whispered in his neck.

 "Let's not think about it, Jay. Just for tonight let's be our old selves."

He sighed, and pulled you closer, you felt a shudder past through him, and then you saw him smile, that sweetest smile you have seen in your life, the one that made you fall in love with him the first time, and everything felt okay.

 "So, pancake or waffles for breakfast tomorrow?" ,  he asked.

 "Pancakes, of course!", you quickly answered.

 "Pancakes, it is then. Pancakes...", he whispered, as if in a trance.

You proceeded to talk about your trip the next day, laughing at how ridiculous your plans are. You talked about the future and what would it be when you've finished your studies, and he retired from his craft. You talked about your greatest dreams, when you two are married with kids.

You both fell asleep with smile on your faces.

You already know that he is gone, the moment you opened your eyes in the morning but you cannot help but reach out to him. His side of the bed, made. You smiled, while tears stream to your face, then the quiet tears turned into sobs.

 Here comes the fucking waterworks, you thought.

 You hugged the sheets that still smell his perfume.

You looked outside, and it is raining hard and noticed a stack of pancakes on your bedside table.

You let a hollow laugh, mentally cursing his humor despite what happened. You about to pick up the plate of the pancake when a small note beside it dropped to the floor...

 SUMMARY: When the love of your life needed to choose paths, and you know you will never be chosen.

PAIRING: Kim Hanbin x Reader

GENRE: Angst / A lot of fucking feels

WORDS: 540

A/N: First time to write anything here in Tumblr, feel free to murder me with your comments. Apologies for any errors. GIFs not mine.

  “So, what do we do now, love?” , you softly asked.

“I...I don't know, I don't know Y/N.” , the love of your life, sounded so confused, and hurt.

You held his hand, keeping your lips quiet and unmoving. It has been hours since he went out of the CEO's office, and you know, from the look on his face that the meeting with the man everyone feared of has not gone well.

Hanbin weakly sat next to you, gripped your hands, linked to his own and didn't utter a single word. You did not dare say anything, because you know that one word, one word will end in a sob, and you remember how much he hates seeing you cry.

 You still remember how all of this started, you both teenagers falling in love, falling hard, falling fast years ago, when you are both normal people and living far from all the glamour of the music industry.

Hanbin has always been attracted to music, the next best thing after you, he said. You know that the industry has always, always been calling out for him, and you know it is only a matter of time, before he goes and live the life, this life that you are most afraid of.

The glamour, the same thing that made you both anxious years ago, seems to have a bitter taste in your mouth now.

 Your musings came to a stop, as he tugs your hands closer to him. He puts it in his heart, and you can feel its beating against your palm. Every beat feels like a brick in your chest. Because, you know, you know that this is goodbye. 

"What do you want me to do, Hanbin?", you asked, softly.

Wait for me... Please say, wait for me..., you thought. You know from the bottom of your heart, that you will do as he says. If only he will say it.

But this is Hanbin you are talking about.

"You know what he wants, Hanbin. You have to choose, me or your career." 

You never saw him cry before, so it came as a shock as you saw his face, tears running down his cheeks, agony in his eyes.

And at that moment, you realized, he can never make that decision. He will not say that he is choosing his career over you. He will never do that.

 So you need to make it for him.

Slowly, you pulled your hand away, standing up, steeling your heart.

"Let's break up, I don't love you anymore, anyways...", you abruptly said.

He looked up, shocked, and found your eyes, brimming with tears, your lips quivering. He stared at you, for a lifetime, it seems, and slowly hugged you so tight, so fucking tight, you thought your ribs cracked. You did not complain, as you want the last hug you will receive from the greatest love of your life, to be the tightest of them all.

 “I don’t love you too, not anymore…” , he forced himself to say.