A Year of Romantic Comedies

Hello, romcom lovers! I don’t think I’ve shared it yet here, but I wrote another book, and it is extremely Relevant to this Tumblr. It’s called WAITING FOR TOM HANKS, and here’s the summary:

A rom-com-obsessed romantic waiting for her perfect leading man learns that life doesn’t always go according to a script in this delightfully charming and funny novel. Annie Cassidy dreams of being the next Nora Ephron. She spends her days writing screenplays, rewatching Sleepless in Seattle, and waiting for her movie-perfect meet-cute. If she could just find her own Tom Hanks—a man who’s sweet, sensitive, and possibly owns a houseboat—her problems would disappear and her life would be perfect. But Tom Hanks is nowhere in sight. When a movie starts filming in her neighborhood and Annie gets a job on set, it seems like a sign. Then Annie meets the lead actor, Drew Danforth, a cocky prankster who couldn’t be less like Tom Hanks if he tried. Their meet-cute is more of a meet-fail, but soon Annie finds herself sharing some classic rom-com moments with Drew. Her Tom Hanks can’t be an actor who’s leaving town in a matter of days . . . can he?

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It’s coming out from Berkley on June 11th, 2019, but if you want a copy before then...well, then you’re in luck! There’s a Goodreads giveaway going on right now. 

The year I spent watching romantic comedies for this blog was clearly super influential in my writing, and if you like the Tumblr, I’m about 90% sure you’re gonna like the book. There are a LOT of romcom references in there. Even some deep cuts. Even my personal thoughts about Notting Hill. 

IMDB plot summary: A lawyer decides that she's used too much like a nanny by her boss, so she walks out on him.

Is this an accurate plot summary? I guess it’s accurate, but it kind of misses all the tension. 

I distinctly remember seeing Two Weeks Notice in a theatre with several other teenage girls. Eating a ton of fake-buttery popcorn while watching a perfectly acceptable PG-13 movie was THE ideal activity when we weren’t yet old enough to drive ourselves to the theater and our parents wouldn’t let us see R-rated movies. My mom once grounded me because I saw The Mexican, a largely forgotten movie starring Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt, with my best friend and her dad. That’s how serious she was about that R-rated movie rule. 

But I digress. The point is, at the time, I thought this movie was fantastic. I thought Sandra Bullock was charming (I was right). I thought Hugh Grant was the ideal man in literally every role (in retrospect, weird, because he is significantly older than me). I thought that Counting Crows/Vanessa Carlton Big Yellow Taxi cover was amazing (honestly, the jury’s still out). 

But watching it now, as an adult who’s seen a lot of romcoms? Well, I’m not saying it doesn’t hold up...but yes, actually. I’m definitely saying that. This movie certainly has things to recommend it (Sandra Bullock wears a nice dress!) but the leads have very little chemistry, the plot is nonsensical and kinda weak, and, oh yeah, TRUMP IS IN THIS MOVIE. 

But first, let’s explain the plot. So Sandra Bullock is a lawyer, but a hippie lawyer, okay? We meet her when she’s using herself as a human shield to stop a historic theatre from being torn down. She cares about the environment and she has the peasant skirt and headband to prove it. 

Meanwhile, Hugh Grant is Hugh Granting around. As we know, he has two modes: cute, stammery, and shy (Notting Hill) and cute, cocky, and arrogant (most other roles). Here, he is definitely the latter. He’s an oblivious, uncaring businessman and you know all he needs is the right woman to make him change his ways. And that’s...kind of what happens. Eventually. Abruptly. He convinces Sandy to work for him by telling her he won’t tear down her beloved Coney Island community center, then proceeds to totally take advantage of her by making her do everything for him. He’s helpless, and clueless, and he needs her. But when he calls Sandy during her BFF’s wedding, she realizes he depends on her for too much and she gives her...two weeks’ notice (me: “Ohhhhhh!”). 

Some other stuff happens. Hugh Grant has a brother who’s even Hugh Grant-ier than he is (but NOT in a sexy way). His brother decides to tear down the community center and Sandy finds out when she’s at this fancy gala and she’s wearing a beautiful dress that her character would never have chosen on her own and she’s like “Whaaaaat?!?!” and Donald Trump is there and he’s like “*fart noises*” and I literally screamed at the TV for him to go away. 

So of course Hugh realizes the error of his Trumpian ways and he finds Sandra, there’s a “chasing someone down the street” scene, they say they love each other, it’s fine. The Counting Crows play.

This is a perfectly serviceable movie, but I want to get into why I think it fundamentally just doesn’t work as well as it could...but this is gonna require a long digression into a cancelled television show from 2010. I’m sorry. 

So back in 2010, I started watching this show called The Event. I 100% watched it because I have a crush on Jason Ritter, and I don’t apologize for that. Anyway, the show had an interesting concept that wasn’t executed well, and a recap I read of it on Entertainment Weekly said the problem was that no one ever died. There were never any genuine stakes because nothing all that bad ever happened. Like, there was this huge government conspiracy, apparently, but everyone always ended up fine! 

That’s something I think about a lot when watching romcoms. Someone has to die, metaphorically speaking. In a literal sense, I would prefer it if no one died in romcoms (this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel, people!!!). But there have to be some stakes. That’s why I think Nora Ephron movies, and You’ve Got Mail specifically, work so well. Tom Hanks does something actually bad in You’ve Got Mail. In a lot of ways, he’s just like Hugh Grant’s character in Two Weeks Notice. He’s a rich businessman who’s completely out of touch with regular people, content to make decisions in his ivory tower without noticing how they affect people. He does something that is actually very bad...he destroys Kathleen Kelly’s business. That’s an obstacle, not a misunderstanding. Have you ever heard that Nora Ephron said the question at the heart of You’ve Got Mail was “Could you ever love a Republican?” I think that’s why it’s an enduring classic. While I know a lot of people don’t like that he does something terrible, that’s kind of the point. Their love has something to conquer, and that gives the story stakes. 

But in Two Weeks Notice, Hugh Grant never actually destroys that community center. Sandy can’t forgive him because there’s nothing to forgive. Their love has nothing to conquer. She doesn’t have to decide if she, a far more liberal hippie than Kathleen Kelly, can love a Republican because he isn’t even a Republican anymore. He changes, which should be satisfying character growth, but it isn’t...because it’s sudden. There are no stakes. No one died. 

I realize this is, uh, more analysis than the movie requires, but it’s been awhile since I’ve seen a romcom and clearly I had a lot on my mind. The thing is, this is actually a fun movie to watch. Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant are great, Sandy’s parents are great, basically everyone is great and I love that it’s largely set on Coney Island. But it always feels like it could’ve been better if it just tried a tiny bit harder. 

Stray thoughts:

-So I know Donald Trump is in this movie because they filmed part of it at one of his hotels, but why. Why couldn’t they have just picked a different hotel??? 

-Heather Burns is back and playing a romcom best friend again! God bless and keep her. 

-Get a load of this tidbit from IMDB: “The film was originally set to be shot entirely in Toronto due to cheaper production costs, but producer/star Sandra Bullock insisted that a film about New York City must be made in New York City. It ended up being shot entirely on location within a 17-week span. The film revitalized the economy of New York City after the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001 and allowed businesses to flourish once again. In honor of the cast and crew's contribution to the city, 11 December 2002 was named "Two Weeks Notice" Day by the Mayor of New York City.” Let’s all celebrate December 11th of this year as Two Weeks Notice day. We can threaten to destroy beloved community landmarks, then have changes of heart!

-This is going to sound like a ridiculous set up (it is), but at one point Sandy and Hugh are in a traffic jam and she has to use the bathroom so they find an RV and beg to use their toilet. The mom on that RV is none other than BECKY ANN BAKER. Can you even imagine if you walked into a random RV and found Lindsay and Sam Weir’s mom! What an honor to use that toilet. 

-Related: this is an actual excerpt from my notes: “Running down highway to poop in an RV in tennis whites while BTO’s Taking Care of Business plays.” Just your classic romcom poop scene, you know?

-One of my favorite things about watching older romcoms is that there’s usually a Roger Ebert review. He’s one of the only film critics who consistently treated the genre with respect, and he, as usual, made me like the movie I just saw a little bit more. Just read this and see if it doesn’t make you want to watch a romcom immediately: “Romantic comedies are the comfort food of the movies. There are nights when you don't feel like a chef who thinks he's more important than the food. When you feel like sliding into a booth at some Formica joint where the waitress calls you "Hon" and writes your order on a green and white Guest Check.” Read the whole review here; it’s so good. 

-I am deeply in love with these pictures of the author of Eats, Shoots and Leaves getting mad about the missing apostrophe in the title.

-So I JUST discovered that there’s actually a deleted scene of LUCY AND GEORGE GETTING MARRIED and although I originally didn’t think this movie was all that romantic, I’ve changed my mind. LOOK at them. LOOK at that dress. LOOK at Hugh Grant’s sexy sad basset hound features arranged into a gaze of obvious adoration. What a treasure. What a gift. 

Romantic comedy cliches: a rich guy, a hippie, lawyers, Heather Burns as a best friend, chasing someone down in the street, someone walking in on people who look like they’re having sex but they aren’t, a lonely woman eating a lot of Chinese food, a wedding, a boat

Is this a good movie? It’s good, but it could be so much better.

Did I like this movie? I had a pleasant time.

Would I watch this movie again? Maybe I’ll revisit it in another 15 or so years to see how my feelings on Hugh Grant have evolved!

Did this movie make me believe in love? No...but it DID make me believe that Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant can make just about anything work. I love them both so much. 

IMDB plot summary: A newspaper editor uses every trick in the book to keep his ace reporter ex-wife from remarrying.

Is this an accurate summary? Wow, yes. Accurate and succinct. 

Hello again, romcom-loving friends! Remember when I wrote about a romcom every single week on this blog? That is not my reality these days (my reality is more “watching Sesame Street every day and coming up with theories about why Elmo’s mom is never on screen”), but I do still watch romcoms sometimes. For example, I saw His Girl Friday a couple of weeks ago and, as usual, I have thoughts I must fling into the void/this tumblr. 

So His Girl Friday is one of the many classic romcoms I’d never seen, but obviously I’m not immune to the charms of Cary Grant in his prime (I’m only human). I assumed I would like it and I did, but here’s the thing: this is kind of a bananas plot. Yeah, the IMDB summary does a good job of summing it up, but there are a lot of other threads tangled in there. Here goes:

Walter, a newspaper editor, and Hildy, a newspaper reporter, are recently divorced at Hildy’s insistence. Basically she thought Walter was a terrible husband because he did things like cut their honeymoon short so they could investigate a story in a coal mine. To be fair, I would also be pretty bummed about spending my honeymoon in a coal mine. Anyway, now Hildy (A+ name) is getting remarried and leaving the newspaper biz, so it’s up to Walter to stop her...with a series of wacky capers, obviously. Pretty simple plot, right? But also THERE IS A MURDER TRIAL AND PLANNED EXECUTION INVOLVED. I don’t even think I could properly explain it in such a short space, but a man is about to be executed because he killed a cop. Which is...kind of dark for a romcom? 

Listen, I know it’s not the point of the story, but I had a hard time not thinking constantly about this murder and, oh yeah, at one point a woman flings herself out the window and doesn’t die(?) and everyone is just like, “she’s fine, don’t worry about it.” 

But, truly, no one is coming to this movie for the subplot. We’re here for that sweet, banter-y, Cary Grant/Rosalind Russell chemistry. And it’s there, in spades! They talk at each other so fast you’ll feel like this script was written by Amy Sherman-Palladino. I won’t lie, I just wanted them to kiss the entire time. 

Also, it was kind of cool that Walter totally got why Hildy wanted her career, and he understood why staying at home would’ve made her miserable. I generally just expect older movies to be at least a little sexist, racist, and homophobic, and this one certainly had some weird race stuff, but it was surprisingly feminist. 

HOWEVER. Does that mean I think Walter changed in any way? No, I do not! At the end of the movie, when Walter and Hildy get together (no spoiler alert necessary because forget it, you, this is Romcom Town) and agree to get married again and finally go on that honeymoon, Walter gets a call about a story and is like, “Forget our honeymoon, we’re following that story!” I mean, sure, the comedy is in how these characters are falling right back into their old patterns but WALTER COULD YOU TRY NOT TO SUCK SO HARD? Thank you for supporting Hildy’s career throughout this film, but no thank you for listening to literally nothing she said. 

But just because it didn’t make sense doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. I loved watching it and it’s obvious why it’s a classic comedy. But is it romantic? Not so sure. 

STRAY THOUGHTS:

-Everyone in this movie has a Mid-Atlantic accent, which is to say they talk like Katherine Hepburn. As I watched this, part of me was like, “You know, maybe I’ll make this my thing. Maybe I’ll start talking like this.” Can you even imagine what people would do if a woman in the year 2018 spoke like this? Have I just created a great romcom pitch? Mid-Atlantic Accent, about a 1940s actress who is transplanted into Hollywood of 2018. Kind of like Enchanted, but with a bananas fake accent instead of fairy tales? FINE, so it’s not a great idea. 

-I watched this using my brother’s FilmStruck account because Netflix’s entire “classics” section is, like, documentaries about Hiroshima instead of classic romcoms. FilmStruck is GREAT and it includes bonus content, which I love! I got to see Burt Reynolds talk about how much he loves His Girl Friday, which wasn’t something I knew I needed but I’m still glad I had the chance to experience it. 

-FilmStruck also told me that this was one of the first films to use improvised dialogue. Judd Apatow owes this movie such a huge debt. 

-His Girl Friday was based on a play called The Front Page. And in 1988, Burt Reynolds would star in a remake called Switching Channels. My one experience watching Burt Reynolds in a romcom was confounding and offensive, but I...kind of want to watch it. It also stars Kathleen Turner and Christopher Reeve! 

Romantic comedy cliches: A former couple, a newspaper, a terrible boyfriend

Is this a good movie? Without a doubt, yes. If you don’t believe me, listen to the Criterion Collection. 

Did I like this movie? I did!

Would I watch this movie again? Probably not, although I will watch a Burt Reynolds interpretation. Honestly, he is probably GREAT in the Cary Grant role because he seems like a terrible husband. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It made me believe that Rosalind Russell could pull off a big hat, but it did NOT make the case for true love. 

If you’ve got romcom suggestions or thoughts, send ‘em my way on Twitter @KerryAnn or email me at [email protected]. I try to check my Tumblr messages, but I often forget!

IMDB plot summary: A young advertising executive's life becomes increasingly complicated when, in order to impress her boss, she pretends to be engaged to a man she has just met.

Is this an accurate plot summary? Imagine me starting a slow clap. Finally, an IMDB plot summary that is succinct and accurate.

I saw Picture Perfect (or at least part of it) when I was a small child, but I rewatched it for three reasons:

1. It was on Netflix.

2. I think about Jennifer Aniston’s mustard marketing idea ALL THE TIME. “Number two and that ain’t bad” is a GOOD IDEA and I stand by that.

3. I distinctly remember thinking Jay Mohr was very cute in this movie, a thought I have not had since. And let me just say, while some of my childhood crushes do hold up (I still think Ethan Embry is cute), this one did not.

I’m not going to pretend that Picture Perfect “makes sense” or “has a compelling love story” or “is a remotely good movie.” What I will tell you is that I really enjoyed watching it. But first, let’s go over the plot, because it’s kind of confusing. Here we go.

So Jennifer Aniston is single, as the movie spends about ten minutes reminding us. Her mom wants her to get married and her friends are all paired up. Single Jennifer Aniston goes to a wedding and ends up being the only woman in the bouquet toss, so she gets her picture taken with the guy (Jay Mohr) who caught the garter. Is this a normal thing to do? I wouldn’t know, because I tend to make the kind of friends who don’t do bouquet tosses at their weddings.

Anyway, at work the next week she can’t get a promotion and she asks her boss why. He explains that it’s because she’s single and unencumbered, and he only wants to invest in people who are tied down by marriages and mortgages. This seems like an HR nightmare, but whatever, it’s the 90s and the Ask a Manager column didn’t exist. So Jennifer Aniston’s only friend, her coworker Illeana Douglas, tells the boss that Jennifer Aniston is engaged. Her “fiance,” of course, is the guy in the picture from the wedding.

By going along with this lie, Jennifer Aniston gets a sweet new office. Her boss loves her. Kevin Bacon wants to sleep with her. Everything’s coming up Jen! But then, Jay Mohr saves a child and ends up on the news and everyone wants her to bring her fiance to dinner. So Jennifer Aniston has to convince Jay Mohr to be her fake fiance, but GUESS WHAT, Jay Mohr wants to be her real boyfriend because he’s instantly in love with her. I would say “for SOME reason,” but we all know the reason. This is 90s Jennifer Aniston and any man, Jay Mohr or otherwise, would be in love with her.

I’m exhausted from recounting all of that, but it’s only the first half of the movie. Picture Perfect takes SO long to get to the actual romance. I think I’m supposed to be so enthralled by Kevin Bacon’s wavy hair that I don’t notice I’ve barely met the love interest, but guess what? I noticed! As a result, Jennifer Aniston and Jay Mohr have almost no chemistry. Who is Jay Mohr’s character, anyway? He makes wedding videos and saved a kid and loves Jennifer Aniston and that’s all we know!

Plotwise, this movie is hanging on by a thread, but as previously mentioned, I really enjoyed it. Part of that was the nostalgia. Jennifer Aniston wears the most 90s clothes (a spaghetti strap dress over a tshirt! TO WORK!) and, at one point, she and Illeana Douglas smoke and tan on a rooftop as the Twin Towers loom in the background. I actually can’t think of a film scene that better encapsulates the 90s.

But the main reason this movie works, if it does at all, is Jennifer Aniston. There’s a reason why people love her! She’s beautiful and charming and she has that ineffable movie star quality that makes you want to watch her no matter what, even when she’s marketing mustard.

Also, her wardrobe is truly bananas. She walks around town and goes to work and attends weddings all while wearing no bra, like she’s Kirsten Dunst in a street style photo or something. Far be it from me to tell another woman how to dress or what to do with her own body, but her nipples are constantly on display. Again, AT WORK! Part of me is like, “that seems unprofessional,” while the other part of me is like, “Wow, Kerry, capitulate to the patriarchy much? A woman’s body isn’t inherently shameful.” Maybe Jennifer Aniston’s nipples are like a Rorschach test, and in them we see a representation of our complicated relationship with modern feminism.

Nipple tangents aside, I 100% thought I would dress like this when I grew up. Spoiler alert: I haven’t started dressing like this, but i guess I still have time.

But Picture Perfect isn’t just a slide show of Jennifer Aniston wearing various fantastic outfits. It’s a romantic comedy, and whither the romance? Well, even though it’s about as small as one of the dresses Jennifer Aniston wears to professional functions, I was into it anyway. I was skeptical, but did I end up falling for Jay Mohr by the end? Yes. I did. Maybe I don’t care much for real life Jay Mohr, but I enjoyed young fictional Jay Mohr. I mean, let’s get real: the main characters had literally ONE emotional conversation where they talked about their pasts, and it was extremely obvious how it was going to play into the end of the movie. But still! I was feeling it!

This movie isn’t perfect. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, and half of it isn’t even that romantic. That being said, I would still recommend watching it, if only to bask in the nostalgia and the charm of 90s Jennifer Aniston.

Stray Thoughts:

-Up until now, my feelings re: Kevin Bacon have been decidedly neutral. But for the duration of this film, they were strongly negative! He wasn’t even that bad (more like a garden variety d-bag than an actual villain), but I couldn’t understand why Jennifer Aniston liked him so much. Perhaps it was because, in both his build and his hairstyle, he kind of resembled her. It was almost as if she was building a love interest in her own image, kind of like Liberace did.* I also didn’t buy that Kevin Bacon wasn’t interested in her. As if there was a straight man in the 90s who didn’t want to get with Jennifer Aniston.

-This was the third thing I’ve watched this week that featured Macy Gray. What is happening? Are we entering a Macy Gray singularity (a Macyngularity, if you will)? Either way, I’m not mad about it.

Romantic comedy cliches: A wedding, someone who works in advertising, a love triangle, a fun best friend, a demanding boss, fake boyfriend, a mom who wants her daughter to get married

Is this a good movie? I’m not sure. The characters are underwritten and there’s almost no chemistry between the leads, which would lead me to say it isn’t. And yet...

Did I like this movie? YEP.

Would I watch this movie again? Whether or not I ever see it again, I fear that Kevin Bacon’s feathered hair will haunt my dreams.

Did this movie make me believe in love? Oh, no. Not even a little bit.

If you’ve got romcom suggestions or thoughts, send ‘em my way on Twitter @KerryAnn or email me at [email protected]. I try to check my Tumblr messages, but I often forget!

*This doesn’t really fit within the scope of this blog, but if you haven’t seen the Liberace biopic staring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon, Behind the Candelabra, I highly recommend it. My brother Alex gave the best summary of this or any movie when he said, “I think what we learned is that you can take a lot of baths with someone, but you can never really know them. 

IMDB plot summary: A high school senior instigates a social pecking order revolution after finding out that she has been labeled the DUFF - Designated Ugly Fat Friend - by her prettier, more popular counterparts.

Is this an accurate plot summary? It gets to the point, but I don’t recall her really instigating any sort of revolution.

I watched this movie for two reasons:

1. I really enjoyed the book. I read it last year when I was up a lot with my baby. It kept me entertained on a couple of long nights, and I was genuinely impressed that Kody Keplinger wrote it while she was a teenager! It was a book I would’ve deeply enjoyed when I was an actual teen, and it was surprisingly frank about sex.

2. I just love Mae Whitman! I loved her in Hope Floats, I loved her in Arrested Development, and I really loved her on Parenthood. Little baby Amber! 

So while I won’t say I went into the movie with high hopes, I did have some hopes. Hopes that were mostly dashed, partially because this movie is based only is the loosest way on Keplinger’s novel. The general concept of The DUFF is there, but otherwise it’s an all new plot with a lot of different characters. Which in itself isn’t a problem; I just wished that plot and characters were better. 

First things first: DUFF stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend. You know, the friend who is supposed to make all their other, hotter friends look good in comparison? Oh, you don’t know that, because that’s like a concept from a pickup artist book or something? Well, Bianca finds out this is her role in her friend group when her hot, jerky neighbor Wes explains the term to her. But wait, you say! Mae Whitman doesn’t look ugly and she sure doesn’t look fat, and why is fat presented like it’s inherently negative or something that precludes someone’s desirability? WE’LL GET TO IT.

Anyway, Bianca wants Wes to give her a makeover so she’ll no longer be the DUFF (he knows a lot about bra sizing, I guess?) so they go to the mall for a (imagine this in Oprah voice) makeover montaaaaage! Some generically mean girls take a weird video of her and it goes viral and she’s humiliated. I don’t know, it barely makes sense. Why are the girls so mean? Why do people literally say, “Viral!” as they click on a video? Just don’t expect this movie to be logical. 

So Wes has this on-again-off-again relationship with a character played by Bella Thorne, who is so beautiful that it kind of hurts to look at her. She’s mean! She hates Bianca! You don’t need to know anything else! Bianca tries to have a date with a guy, she ends up falling for Wes, they kiss, there’s a dance. Ken Jeong is there, both in the movie and on the cover. Allison Janney shows up, as confused as we are about why she’s in this movie. Bianca and Wes end up getting together, and we struggle to care.

There were good things about this movie. Mae Whitman was, as always, great. I didn’t think I would like her love interest, played by Robbie Amell, because “hot jock” isn’t really my type. But as an actor, he was really charming and funny. He won me over! 

But this movie was just confusing. A lot of plot lines felt like they were edited down to the point of not making sense. Most characters had zero motivations. Bianca and Wes got along so well at the beginning that I didn’t really understand why they weren’t just friends in the first place. 

And then there’s the DUFF stuff. Obviously “ugly” is a subjective term, which is kind of what the book gets at...we all feel like the DUFF sometimes! Everyone has insecurities! But that point doesn’t really come across in the movie. It’s like we’re supposed to believe that no one finds Mae Whitman attractive, which is a bridge too far for me! And when it comes to fatness...whew. The movie never examines why “fat” is a insult, or questions why someone’s size renders them unlovable. At one point Wes tells Bianca, “You don’t really have to be fat to be the DUFF!” Oh, okay, well then! As long as no one’s fat! This movie has never heard of the concept of fat positivity and it’s also never seen a fat person. 

There were cute parts of this movie, but it felt like it wasn’t sure what it wanted to be. It’s too tame to be a raunchy, mean teen comedy (although apparently it was initially intended to have an R rating) and it’s too cruel to be a sweet romcom. I don’t recommend it, unless you’re a Mae Whitman completist. 

But because I’m trying to learn something from romantic comedies, what did this one teach me? I always thought that great chemistry between lead actors could overcome even the worst of plots, but The DUFF proved that isn’t the case! Mae Whitman and Robbie Amell have great chemistry and feel like they’re actually friends, but even they couldn’t make this work. 

Stray thoughts

-In case it wasn’t clear, I really enjoyed the book and I would recommend it. It’s fun and kinda dark and at one point the main character likes a guy because he’s “a democrat, like me” which was also MY thought process in high school. It just felt very believably high school. 

-A lot of this took place in a mall. Do you ever read those news stories that are like, “Malls are dead! No one hangs out in malls! Teenagers hate malls!”? I have no real point here; I’m honestly just wondering if teenagers still hang out at malls (I feel like they do in the suburbs?). 

-Truly, why did this movie even have Allison Janney if it wasn’t going to DO anything with her? Same with Ken Jeong. 

Romantic comedy cliches: A makeover montage, enemies to lovers, a big high school dance, a big party, a girl who feels like her friends are prettier than her, making a dress for a dance

Is this a good movie? I think it could’ve been, if it was a little more like the book.

Did I like this movie? Sure didn’t!

Did this movie make me believe in love? It made me believe that apparently I’ll watch anything Mae Whitman ever does. 

If you’ve got romcom suggestions or thoughts, send ‘em my way on Twitter @KerryAnn or email me at [email protected]. I try to check my Tumblr messages, but I often forget!

IMDB plot summary: An aspiring playwright in New York strikes up a friendship with a guy while on the rebound from a break-up.

Is this an accurate plot summary? Technically, yeah, but it makes the movie sound much more boring than it is.

Listen, there are few things I love more than gimmicky romcoms. I love all those “he’s a journalist/it’s a bet/they own competing bookstores” plotlines. But it was also really, really nice to watch The Incredible Jessica James, a relatively quiet movie that’s just about a woman doing her thing (and dating extremely cute guys).

Jessica James is played by Jessica Williams, whom we all know from The Daily Show. She’s an aspiring playwright who just broke up with her (very cute) boyfriend Damon. Her actor/caterer/barista/fun lesbian friend Noel Wells sets her up with (very cute) Chris O’Dowd, whom we all know from Bridesmaids and all the other things he’s in that weren’t quite as big hits in America.

There isn’t a lot of plot here: Jessica works at a children’s theatre company, she tries to find success with her plays, she goes on dates with cute Chris O’Dowd as he tries to get over his divorce and she tries to forget about Damon. At one point she goes home to Ohio for her sister’s baby shower. And...that’s about it! It’s pretty quiet, and calm, and at no point does anyone run somewhere to confess something. People mostly just wait quietly on benches to confess things.

And I loved it! This is definitely a romantic comedy, but it’s more focused on career than most romcoms. Pretty much every romantic comedy also involves the female lead having some sort of other success that runs parallel to the romantic storyline, but the career aspects of this one are more prevalent than most. Don’t worry, this movie still has a romantic happy ending, but Chris O’Dowd isn’t even in the final scene. I guess this is kiiiind of a spoiler, but the movie doesn’t end on a kiss in a park, You’ve Got Mail style. It ends zooming in on Jessica’s face. This is a romance, sure, but it’s about Jessica.

Which is why this movie worked so well for me...Jessica James is a lot different than the romcom heroines we’re used to seeing. She’s open and honest and very outwardly confident. During the necessary “romantic conflict” scene, after Chris O’Dowd messes up and offers her a simple, “I really like you,” she just says, “Of course you do. Everyone does. I’m freaking dope.”

Which brings me to my next point! When I told Lauren I was watching this movie, she was like, “If you want to see the worst take ever, check out Joyce Carol Oates’s Twitter.” And hoo boy, Lauren was right! Basically, JCO complains that the movie doesn’t explore race and gender issues, complains that it could’ve been made by Lena Dunham, then complains that it isn’t as “sharp” as Girls. She says that nothing in it is “special” to Jessica Williams.

This reminded me of what I said about Amira and Sam back in 2015: WHITE PEOPLE DON’T OWN MEET CUTES. Like, sorry JCO apparently doesn’t know what romantic comedies are or for some reason expects Jessica Williams to make a movie to meet her expectations. But listen, I’ve seen A LOT of romantic comedies, and the fact that someone’s complaining about one starring a black woman because it isn’t satirical enough is just kind of shitty. White people don’t have a monopoly on fluffy, fun romcoms. White people don’t have a monopoly on happily ever afters. White people don’t have a monopoly on escapism or thinking Chris O’Dowd is cute. We’re living in 2017, Joyce! Good Lord! And if she thinks this character isn’t “special,” then I’m not sure what to tell her.

No one @ JCO on this. I know she checks her mentions and I DO NOT have time right now for a public beef with the author of “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been.”

If you’ve read this far into my rambly thoughts on The Incredible Jessica James, thanks. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. It’s sweet, Jessica is fun, and the dudes are cute. What else could you want? Unless you are Joyce Carol Oates, and then you will never be satisfied.

Stray Thoughts:

-Chris O’Dowd, I love you. I read somewhere that romantic comedies always star not-as-famous or not-American male actors because all of the “big” stars worry that being in a romcom would be bad for their careers. Like, they won’t be able to star in their own action franchises if people just see them as love interests. No idea if this is true, but it DOES shed light on the eternal question “Why won’t John Krasinski just be a romcom star like I want him to be?” Anyway, I love Chris O’Dowd and I think it’s always nice to see people in romcoms who aren’t classically good-looking. Not that he’s not good-looking! There are lots of ways to be good-looking! They just don’t all have to involve Chris Evans.

-I loved Noel Wells on the first season of Master of None, and I loved her here. I feel like she learned a lot from Aziz Ansari because so many of her mannerisms reminded me of him.

-I thought the only thing I really knew Lakeith Stansfield from was Atlanta, but IMDB told me he was in Short Term 12, a movie I LOVED. Also I discovered he’s five years younger than me and wow. It’s shocking how fast you go from “everyone in romcoms is older than me and that’s so glamorous!” to “everyone in romcoms is significantly younger than me and I am very, very old.” I guess I should just go watch Something’s Gotta Give.

-IMDB’s "Did You Know?” section states the following: “In the film, Jessica James is portrayed by Jessica Williams, who's [sic] name is also Jessica.” Yes, IMDB. I did know.

-If you’re a writer or artist of any kind, there’s so much to love in this movie. As you probably know because I will literally never stop talking about it, my first book just came out, and its release brought out so many unexpected feelings! In one scene, Jessica asks an acclaimed playwright when she knew that she “made it.” The playwright says, “I’ll let you know when I get the memo,” then says something to the effect of “Are you writing plays? Then you’re doing it. There’s not much more to it than that.” Let’s just say it struck a chord.

Romantic comedy cliches: Someone hiding in/knocking over trashcans, a guy going through a divorce, New York, a foreign male lead, someone who wants to be a writer, a wacky BFF, a baby shower

Is this a good movie? Yes.

Did I like this movie? I loved this movie.

Did this movie make me believe in love? Yes, but it also made me believe that any man would be a fool not to fall in love with Jessica James. She IS freaking dope.

If you’ve got romcom suggestions or thoughts, send ‘em my way on Twitter @KerryAnn or email me at [email protected].

IMDB plot summary: A single woman takes the place of a stranger's blind date, which leads to her finding the perfect boyfriend.

Is this an accurate plot summary? I guess. I do like how the movie poster is doing the work of trying to explain what this movie is about because the title is so vague and terrible.

Well, hey, guys! Long time, no talk about romcoms. What have you been up to since our year of romcoms ended? As for me, I’ve been busy a) having a child and b) publishing a book. Which all means that my romcom consumption has gone WAY down...like, do you know that babies have VERY little interest in meet cutes? It’s true! Anyway, the other night my husband and I actually had the chance to watch a movie together, so I took the opportunity to romcom it up. And since everyone loves Simon Pegg and Lake Bell, I chose this one. Several people recommended it to me, it was in the library’s Blu-Ray selection, it was fate.

Let’s get to the plot: Lake Bell, now British, thinks she’s a loser, I guess because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. What she does have is a lovely sister played by Sharon Horgan. Can you imagine if Sharon Horgan was your sister? You would have access to great clothes constantly.

Lake Bell, single and not loving it, is headed home for her parents’ anniversary party, for which she had to write a speech. Don’t worry, she wrote it in a notebook she carries around everywhere that definitely WON’T get lost or become a central plot point.

While she’s on the train home, she runs into a girl who’s reading some popular self-help book. Lake Bell, too cool to care about anything, makes fun of it. When the train stops, she realizes the girl left the book for her. Instead of trashing it, she tries to chase down the girl in the train station to return her book. That’s how she comes to be standing by herself under a giant clock, forlornly holding the book, when Simon Pegg shows up. Because guess what, you guys? He’s supposed to be meeting a blind date there, and they’re both supposed to be holding copies of that book. And instead of being like, “Nope, not me!” Lake Bell is all, “Yes, I AM your blind date.”

And who can blame her? Simon Pegg is cute! He’s wearing a scarf! He’s got that haircut every man I know got when he turned 30 (no shade; it’s a nice haircut) and he’s very friendly. So she’s on this date with him, pretending to be a girl named Jessica, and you know where this is going. She’s gonna be outed and he’s not gonna be able to trust her but they’re gonna have chemistry, right?

I mean, yeah, pretty much. Can we talk about the specific moment in which she’s outed as a big faker, though? So she and Simon Pegg are at a bowling alley, taking part in a romcom montage that shows how much fun they’re having, when Lake Bell runs into a guy she knows from high school. He knows she’s not named (sorry, “called,” this movie is British) Jessica, and he’s had a crush on her for years. So he attempts to blackmail her into sexual favors to keep him from telling Simon Pegg her true identity! Which is...extremely gross! He was so creepy that I cringed every time he was on screen, yet he was also kind of the “wacky side character” so it was a real conflict. On the one hand, this guy is threatening a woman. And on the other hand...well, actually that one hand’s got plenty of creepy stuff in it. It was gross, is what I’m saying.

Once they have their inevitable parting of ways and Lake Bell shows up super late to her parents’ anniversary party (seriously, girl, they’re your PARENTS), she’s crushed. And Simon Pegg realizes that Lake Bell is the girl he’s supposed to be with, and also he realizes he has her notebook from the beginning. You know, the one with the speech in it that she needs for the party. So of course he has to find her, and of course it involves a high-speed race through the city.

Here’s what I liked about Man Up: it actually cast a good actress who’s known for comedy. I like Lake Bell a lot and she’s super talented. Also, Simon Pegg is very cute and I would watch him in more romcoms, including the ones I write in my head when I’m daydreaming. There were parts that were genuinely funny, and several scenes that made us laugh out loud (mostly involving that creepy dude, who was very good at acting creepy). And TBH I would watch anything that lets me stare at Sharon Horgan for a few minutes.

Here’s what I didn’t like about Man Up: it’s hard to explain, but there just wasn’t enough build up to their feelings about each other. It didn’t feel 100% earned when Simon Pegg was running down the street trying to find Lake Bell. ALSO I resent that the movie expects me to believe Lake Bell looks bad just because her hair is kind of messed up. In one scene, she goes into the bar bathroom, puts on the tiniest amount of makeup and changes her shirt, and when she comes out Simon Pegg is like, “Whoa, who’s THIS girl?” Like...she looked like Lake Bell before, she looks like Lake Bell now. This isn’t new information.

What it boils down to is that I liked this movie enough to wish that it was just a tiny bit better.

I still found this to be a really charming and likable movie, and I get why so many people recommended it to me. Both of the leads were wonderful, the side characters were great (and occasionally creepy) and Sharon Horgan was there. All in all, a solid romcom...nice and cozy and pretty comforting.

Stray thoughts:

-I hate googling actors while I’m watching a movie, but I couldn’t figure out who Simon Pegg’s ex-wife was and it was driving me so crazy that I had to look it up. And she was ROSEMARY FROM RUSHMORE. A blunt bob can really change your look.

-There’s a scene built around Duran Duran’s The Reflex and I guess I never realized what a killer song it is. We should all be so lucky to have a climactic fight with Simon Pegg during it.

-Okay, you guys, this was the creepy dude:

He must be a great actor because he was SELLING IT.

-Just to confirm, both Simon Pegg and Lake Bell were super adorable in this film. Look at all their layered clothing!

Romantic comedy cliches: blind date, mistaken identities, running through the streets to find someone, a missing item that must be returned, a single person who keeps getting set up by their friends, a falling-in-love montage, an evil ex

Is this a good movie? I think it is.

Did I like this movie? Yes! I would recommend it when you’re, oh, I don’t know, overwhelmed by the news and just want to watch nice people meet each other. If that’s a mood you’re ever in.

Did this movie make me believe in love? It made me believe that I have developed a crush on Simon Pegg.

That’s it for now! I enjoyed watching a romcom so much after all this time that I think I might pop back in occasionally.  What can I say? Romcoms and I are like a couple in a romcom: we might be pushed apart by plot constraints, but we’ll always find our way back to each other. I deeply enjoy talking about romcoms and sharing recommendations with the people who read this blog, and it’s nice to have something that’s purely fun.

And before I go, just a reminder that my first book is out now! It’s called LOVE AND OTHER ALIEN EXPERIENCES and I tried to cram as many romcom elements as possible into it. It’s been called a YA The Shop Around the Corner, and you know what? I’ll take it! If you like this blog, chances are pretty good that you’ll like the book, because, you know...I wrote both of them.

PROMO OVER. I’ll check back in next time I get the chance to see a romcom. I just got The DUFF from the library and I have a feeling I’ll have a lot to say. No one better mess with Mae Whitman.

IMDB plot summary: When attending their son's college graduation, a couple reignite the spark in their relationship. But the complicated fact is they're divorced and he's remarried.

Is this an accurate plot summary? How nice of it to explain the title. I’m sure you were asking yourself, “But wait, what’s the complicated part?” 

Here we are. 52 movies and way more than 52 weeks after I watched The Wedding Singer, we’ve arrived at the final movie in my year of romcoms. Maybe I should’ve saved one of my all-time favorites for last, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched It’s Complicated, a movie that dares to ask the eternal question: Alec Baldwin or Steve Martin?

They both have their pros and cons. Alec Baldwin has a lovely voice and says things like, “OMG, I thought he’d never leave.” But he also goes on ill-advised rants, and I think he has a podcast? Meanwhile, Steve Martin is possibly the funniest person alive. But I imagine that he’s exactly like his character in Shopgirl in real life. 

But this movie isn’t about choosing between actual Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin; it’s about Meryl Streep choosing between the fictional characters they play. Meryl and Alec have been divorced for ten years and have only recently begun to sort of get along. Alec Baldwin lives with his consistently barely dressed wife, Lake Bell, and Meryl lives in the most beautiful house you’ve ever seen in your life. Alec and Meryl are able to comfortably hang out with their three grown children (one of whom is played by Zoe Kazan, who I love) and things are going as smoothly as Lake Bell’s shiny, beautiful hair. That is, until the two of them get super wasted at a hotel bar and end up sleeping together. 

Naturally, they begin having a secret affair. Alec Baldwin has zero remorse for what he’s doing to his wife, and only one scene where he appears to feel bad for his wife’s kid from another relationship. Basically, Alec Baldwin just struts around in a suit, looking cool and occasionally/often stalking Meryl Streep. 

And as for Meryl...well. She’s living her Oprah-style best life. Honestly, Lady O herself probably wishes she could live this good. Hanging out with Rita Wilson while drinking white wine, owning a bakery, eating unlimited amounts of pie, and undergoing a home renovation even though her house is already perfect. At one point, Meryl’s like “Finally, I’ll get to have a real kitchen,” but I can guarantee that her current kitchen is nicer than any kitchen I’ve ever set foot in. But whatever. It’s Meryl Streep’s world, we’re all just living in it and settling for inferior kitchens. 

Who will she end up with? Alec Baldwin, whom she can’t seem to stop having sex with? Or Steve Martin, her very sweet and divorced architect? I honestly didn’t know where the story was going, and I was pleasantly surprised where it ended up. Nancy Meyers, you got me again. 

Another great thing about this movie: the ages of the protagonists. I’m actually not sure I’ve watched a single movie with “older” lead characters this year. Usually, romcom leads can be up to 30 years old, and if they’re 30 they’re required to be actively trying to find a date for their sister’s wedding/getting married. The characters in It’s Complicated are in their 50s, and they’re not only surviving but thriving. There’s none of the frantic pratfalling, random sex, or anxiety that’s in most romcoms about people in their 20s. Everyone’s secure in their careers. No one’s dealing with an overbearing parent who wants them to get married. Everyone’s fine on their own, even if they end up alone. It’s clear that a romantic relationship is a nice bonus to Meryl Streep’s already-awesome life that involves plenty of gardening, wine-drinking, and inexplicable wealth (seriously, how successful is that bakery? And what does Alec Baldwin do, anyway?). But she certainly doesn’t need a man, and she creating some sort of elaborate, hare-brained scheme to find one. This is a romcom about a secure, successful, all-around awesome woman, and honestly that’s a lot more rare than it should be. 

Stray thoughts:

-Yet ANOTHER movie in which John Krasinski is present but NOT the romantic lead. This is bullshit. Am I saying he should’ve played Meryl Streep’s love interest? Frankly, yes. I would watch that movie. I wish John Krasinski would listen to me and my romcom pleadings instead of lifting weights and going through a Michael Bay phase. You could be the next Tom Hanks, dude. Wouldn’t you rather be hanging out on a houseboat and falling in love with 2016′s equivalent of Meg Ryan instead of blowing stuff up?? Just something to think about. 

-It’s Complicated made me so excited to have children. Yes, okay, so all of Meryl Streep’s children are grown, but they have such a wonderful dynamic and it really makes being part of a big family look wonderful. At one point they refer to themselves as “the original five” and I wrote it down in my notes so I can start calling my own family that (I won’t do that, but I will want to). 

-This is the first line of Roger Ebert’s review: “It's Complicated is perfectly plausible if you are only willing to believe that Meryl Streep sells a whole lot of muffins.”

Romantic comedy cliches: A montage, a rainstorm, a love triangle, getting high, baking/cooking together, a man who’s an architect

Is this a good movie? Yes, thank God. I don’t think I could’ve ended this year on a bad one. 

Did I like this movie? I actually loved this movie. 

Would I watch this movie again? I would! Rita Wilson, take me away!

Did this movie make me believe in love? It made me believe that Meryl Streep does NOT need a man to be happy, but it’s fine if Steve Martin wants to come along for the ride/enjoy some light recreational pot use. 

THAT’S IT, guys! I can’t believe my year of romcoms is over. Thanks a million for taking on this project with me. It was a lot of fun and, honestly, I think I learned a lot about the structure of romantic comedies. I have a better idea of what it takes to make a good romcom (it’s harder than you think!) and what makes some romcoms suck so hard. This project happened during one of the weirdest, best, hardest years of my life...I wrote my first book, I found out I was pregnant, my book came out, two beloved relatives passed away, and I got another book deal. I had to take a lot of time off from writing about romcoms so this project definitely didn’t get finished in a year, but I’m so glad I had these sometimes stupid, sometimes wonderful movies to fall back on. I so appreciate every single email, tweet, or message I got, even if I didn’t have a chance to respond. 

IMDB plot summary: A bored and sheltered princess escapes her guardians and falls in love with an American newsman in Rome.

Is this an accurate plot summary? Yes, BUT I do feel like it should prepare us for what’s to come. More on that later. 

Can you believe that this is the first time I’ve seen Roman Holiday? Forgive me for thinking that it was all vespa rides and Gregory Peck in a suit when actually it’s only half that and half the despair of realizing that love isn’t always meant to be. 

I mean, maybe you read that ending as slightly more uplifting than I did, but we’ll get to it. If, like me, you haven’t seen Roman Holiday (I know, what’s wrong with us?), here’s the plot: 

Audrey Hepburn is a beautiful princess with the smallest waist you’ve ever seen captured on film. She escapes from her fancy abode in Rome after being given some high-strength sedatives and goes out for an ill-advised night on the town (falling asleep in public). Luckily, Gregory Peck (who was born looking like a hot dad) finds her and, because this is a romcom, takes her safely back to his apartment where they do not sleep in the same bed, because this is the 1950s. Gregory Peck, of course, works for a newspaper, and he soon realizes he has a story on his hands/wearing his pajamas. Romcom hijinks ensue. There’s a fight on a boat! Dancing! Kissing! A wacky best friend! The aforementioned vespa ride! Roman scenery! It’s all charming and attractive and you’d have to have a heart of stone not to like it. 

Despite being made a good 50 years before most of the romcoms we’ve discussed this year, Roman Holiday has all the markers of a current romcom. There’s a man working for a newspaper and lying to someone for a story (which has probably been a plot point in about 30% of the romcoms I’ve seen this year). There’s a delightful falling in love montage. There’s a final scene with a press conference that Notting Hill basically stole because hey, what’s good enough for Gregory Peck is good enough for Hugh Grant. 

There are actually a lot of similarities between Roman Holiday and Notting Hill. They’re both eerily quiet. They’re both pretty slow-paced. They both feature a “famous lady, regular dude” storyline. But they end up going totally different directions at the end. In Notting Hill, Hugh Grant races to the press conference to ask Julia Roberts a series of personal questions.

And then there’s that Elvis Costello song, and a montage to make sure we all know, without a doubt, that Hugh and Julia ended up happy. 

So when essentially the same scene started in Roman Holiday, I was all, “Oh yeah, I know where this is going.” Basically I was rubbing my palms together greedily, because that’s what I’m like watching a romcom when I know that final kiss or declaration or whatever is coming. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL. 

This is not a 90s romcom ending. There is no montage to assure you that everything turns out okay and they get married and have babies. Elvis Costello isn’t even playing. Gregory Peck waits around for a minute, and then he just walks away. She doesn’t come back. That’s it. Sure, it’s open-ended enough that you could argue they end up getting together, but forget it Gregory Peck, it’s Rome-town (that didn’t really work, sorry). She’s a princess, he’s a reporter, they’re not gonna end up together. They had a great time getting into fights and taking dangerous vespa rides, but they don’t live in a world where their relationship can happen. 

Film-wise, this is a great ending. It’s ambiguous and sad in a pleasant way (I really like this post about it). Does it hit all the romcom buttons for me? No. I watch depressing films and murder documentaries for ambiguity. When it comes to my romcoms, I like ‘em clear cut and sealed with a kiss (or a wedding, or a baby, or all three). I want that happy ending to be visible from a mile away! So no, this doesn’t technically fit my working definition of a romcom because it doesn’t have a HEA. It’s still romantic. It’s still a comedy. But it’s working in a completely different emotional wheelhouse. You may disagree if you have a different definition of romcoms. 

Frankly, I’m surprised this movie hasn’t been straight up remade (in a more blatant fashion than Notting Hill, that is) by current-day Hollywood. It would be so easy! I mean, sure, you’ll never find a modern man with Gregory Peck’s hot dad swagger, and I can’t really think of an actress who’s anything like Audrey Hepburn (although I maintain my belief that Lupita Nyong’o should be in a romcom, and I don’t see why it can’t be this imaginary one I just made up), but all those romcom cliches and a less-vague ending would get at least one happy viewer. Me. Basically I just want this movie to exist to I can watch it. And I’m casting Channing Tatum in Gregory Peck’s role, because this project is almost done so let’s just go for broke. 

Romantic comedy cliches: Rome, a lead who works for a newspaper, lying to someone for a story, a wacky best friend, a press conference, rich-girl-regular-guy, a fight, a montage, someone sleeping in someone else’s bed, helping someone get undressed, someone being under the effect of drugs, royalty

Is this a good movie? Of course. I’m not about to argue with 50+ years of film criticism.

Did I like this movie? As a movie, yes. As a romcom, I could’ve done with both more rom and more com.

Would I watch this movie again? Yes, because that ending tore my heart out and I’m a masochist.

Did this movie make me believe in love? It made me believe in love and love’s inability to conquer all. 

IMDB plot summary: A woman looks back at the past nineteen men she's had relationships with in her life and wonders if one of them might be her one true love.

Is this an accurate plot summary? Yep! That’s the movie!

Okay, so the first thing you need to know about What’s Your Number is that it features Chris Evans in various states of undress. Like, constantly. Like, in every scene. This is basically the most clothing he wears at any given time: 

I try to keep this blog in the “safe for work” category, so this is one of the few pictures of him I can even include here. But listen, if Chris Evans is your thing (and judging by the reactions I got when I said I was writing about this movie, he’s everyone’s thing), then just know that he is VERY rarely clothed in What’s Your Number. 

Moving on. 

So What’s Your Number follows Ally Darling, a woman who encounters a few tried-and-true romcom favorites immediately:

-her sister is getting married, and she needs a date to the wedding!

-she has a hot neighbor!

-like all women, she is legally obligated to take every article printed in a women’s magazine as fact and adjust her behavior accordingly!

Yes, Ally comes across an article that says women who sleep with more than 20 people have a difficult time getting married. She freaks out because she’s already at 19 (until she sleeps with Joel McHale, which puts her at 20). HOW WILL SHE EVER FIND A HUSBAND? Never mind that she doesn’t really seem that lonely or like she wants to be married all that much. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single women in possession of an engaged sister must be in want of a husband. So with the help of her neighbor, who very conveniently happens to be perpetually naked Chris Evans, she decides to track down her previous partners to see if she can spark a connection and find The One without increasing her number. Hijinks ensue. 

Ally and Nude Neighbor Chris Evans end up getting together, of course, but not after plenty of conflict and a sort of nonsensical fight that involves Chris Evans shouting this classic romcom line: 

I mean, where would we even be if a romcom didn’t feature a line about not knowing who you are, doing something for a bet, or losing something you never really had? 

This movie hinges on a totally bonkers concept (although it’s really not any weirder than half the movies I’ve seen this year), and I never really quite believed in it. I mean, in 27 Dresses, you get that being married means something to Katherine Heigl. It never even seems like a genuine goal to Anna Faris’s character. I’m not here to dismiss a wacky premise, because then I’d never watch ANY romcoms, but I do at least want to feel like everyone involved buys into the premise. I mean, what did her character actually want? To make sculptures, something she devoted like one evening to over the course the of the entire film? 

And yet! The reason this movie works (and presumably the reason so many of my Twitter friends love it, aside from Chris Evans being an Always Nude) is the chemistry between Anna Faris and Chris Evans. They’re both genuinely funny, and they make a good couple. You can see, almost immediately, why these characters would be drawn to each other. What’s Your Number proves, for the millionth time this year, that good chemistry trumps everything in romcoms. 

Stray Thoughts:

-Please enjoy the movie’s title in France. 

-At the very, very end of the film, there’s a voice cameo by Aziz Ansari. I didn’t bother checking to see if it’s really him because it’s obviously him, but why? Why go through the work of hiring Aziz Ansari to record a short phone message when it could’ve been done by literally anyone? 

-Maybe the best part of the movie: a driving/biking/running through the city scene set to Bizarre Love Triangle, aka the best New Order song (this is a proven fact, based on extensive research I’ve conducted that involves listening to a lot of New Order). 

-Chris Evans isn’t the only dude whose half-naked body is on display! What’s Your Number also features Joel McHale’s butt, shot from perhaps the least flattering angle for a butt. Watch it, you’ll see what I mean.

-Heather Burns, also known as the bookstore employee who wasn’t Steve Zahn in You’ve Got Mail, is one of Ally’s/her sister’s friends! She’s clearly got the “romcom supporting player” part down. 

-Chris Evans was once a model for Mystery Date, a fact I know because my friend Liz brought the game to a recent girls’ night.  This is not in any way related to romcoms, but I just wanted to let you know that Mystery Date is MUCH more fun if you ignore the “official” rules and instead play by the rules created by Liz and her husband, wherein boys are organized into tiers based on their cuteness (Chris Evans reigns supreme in his own tier, duh). 

Romantic comedy cliches: a women’s magazine article, an alcohol-fueled toast that goes awry, a sister getting married, needing a date for a wedding, cake tasting, an arbitrary deadline, neighbors falling in love, a douchey guy who turns out to be nice, a situation that ends up with the love interests being mostly naked, basketball, skinny dipping, hanging out on a rooftop, running through the city to make a declaration of love

Is this a good movie? I think it really depends on how much you like Chris Evans. 

Did I like this movie? I’m like Ally’s noncommittal boyfriend, played by Zachary Quinto. I liked this movie just fine, but I didn’t want to settle down with it. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? An unfair question, as I was blinded and knocked unconscious by the glare from Chris Evans’s washboard abs and no longer know what to believe in.

Would I watch this movie again? Maybe if I was in some sort of magazine-mandated situation in which I could only watch 20 romcoms I’d already seen. 

IMDB plot summary: For fun loving party animal Ben Stone, the last thing he ever expected was for his one night stand to show up on his doorstep eight weeks later to tell him she's pregnant.

Is this an accurate plot summary? It barely makes sense grammatically, and it doesn’t even mention Katherine Heigl’s character’s name. 

In retrospect, it may have been a bad idea for me to watch Knocked Up while pregnant. I’m not by any means a Judd Apatow hater (I like most of what he does, and I like that he seems committed to working with interesting female writers and actors), but I had a very different experience with the movie this time around. In 2007, when I was in my early 20s, unmarried, and definitely not with child, I found no fault in anything that happened in Knocked Up. But headed into my 30s, married to an adult man, and totally pregnant, I found myself constantly enraged at this manchild who couldn’t just take responsibility for his actions. 

But then I cried at the end and sobbed through the entirety of the credits. Want to go on this wild ride with me? Let’s do it. 

Katherine Heigl plays Alison Scott, an E! News reporter who lives in her sister’s guest house. Seth Rogen plays Ben Stone, an unemployed stoner who lives with a bunch of his stoner friends in some sort of extended childhood situation. We don’t get a ton of details about Alison’s life, but she seems fine. She works hard at her career, she cares about her family, whatever. She’s the straight “man,” as it were, to Ben’s goofball. And that’s a tired plot, but listen, we’ve gone through a lot of tired plots this year and I’m certainly not going to reject any film based on that alone. 

That being said, it did really get to me. I kept thinking Good Lord, Ben, you’re having a child! Get it together! and then remembering, Ugh, he’s 23, he doesn’t even know what together MEANS. I believe we’re supposed to think that, at his core, he’s a sweet person, and maybe that’s true. It certainly seems like it at time, but also what about that scene where he and Alison get in a fight at the doctor’s office and he calls her a crazy bitch? I have a hard time accepting a romantic lead who uses that sort of language toward a woman, and it made me feel a little uneasy knowing that there are probably many, many men out there who identify with him and find all of his/his friends’ antics hilarious. I don’t think you can fault the filmmaker for the audience’s response, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. This isn’t a movie that assumes a female viewpoint, which is unusual for the genre, and I was pretty uncomfortable for a lot of it. 

Which brings us to perhaps the biggest reason I shouldn’t have watched this movie while pregnant: the birth scene. It’s not that it’s inaccurate (I mean, I’m sure it’s not, but that’s not my point), but the way it’s played for male laughs. It’s not about Alison’s experience so much as it’s about Ben’s experience, which...fine. But the part that bothered me was when Jay Baruchel’s character came into the delivery room and was horrified by the sight of the baby crowning, which we are shown not once, but twice, for shock value, How hilarious, right? Child birth! This crazy, gross thing women go through! And isn’t it just so rough that some dude might catch a glimpse of it and be horrified? That poor guy. 

Here’s a face that sums up my thoughts on that:

Of course, this movie’s about growth, so Ben does turn things around by the end (by which I mean he gets a job and an apartment), and that’s nice. I get that character growth and obstacles are essential for any romcom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get to be annoyed by the way they’re handled.  

Am I coming off a little too harsh on Knocked Up? I think I might be, because the thing is, I like this movie. I like that it doesn’t stick to the typical romcom mold and shows characters that are unlikeable or confusing (like, for example, Leslie Mann’s and Paul Rudd’s characters). And I do find parts of it genuinely funny and moving. That being said, this movie isn’t for adult me, and that’s okay. Not every movie has to be. 

Knocked Up, just like the other Apatow-related movie I watched this year (Trainwreck) is about the way love changes you. It’s not necessarily bad for a 23 year old man to live in a disgusting den of filth, but you can’t really argue that being unemployed and constantly high and living with other men who give each other pinkeye by farting on pillows are super great conditions for raising a child. Ben changes not because he’s wrong, per se, but because he wants to be better because of his love for Alison and their unborn child. Yes, this movie is geared much more towards men than most romcoms, but that fact alone doesn’t make it sexist (it does make some of the jokes themselves a little sexist, though). It features more f-bombs and fewer pratfalls, but at it’s core, Knocked Up has the same structure and heart as every other romcom. It’s still about how love changes you, and maybe that’s why I started crying during the birth scene and then kept crying as a Loudon Wainwright song played and then really kept crying as the credits rolled (there were baby pictures involved). Knocked Up isn’t perfect, but I still like it. 

Stray Thoughts:

-Knocked Up certainly expects that viewers will find everything Seth Rogen’s friends do hilarious, but that was not the case with me. I am as uptight as an Uptight Career Woman in a romcom and I found them mostly annoying, but: Jason Segel as a harmless creep was absolutely hilarious. When he started a sentence with , “Granted, gynecology is only a hobby of mine...” I realized I would’ve watched the entire movie for that line. 

-According to IMDB, Anne Hathaway was originally supposed to play Alison. Honestly, I don’t think that would’ve changed the movie a lot. I totally think Anne Hathaway could play an uptight E! anchor. 

Romantic comedy cliches: An uptight career woman who has no time for love (or pregnancy), a slacker dude, a montage, pregnancy, a childbirth scene

Is this a good movie? I think it really depends on who you are (a 23 year old dude, or me) and what you’re looking to get out of a movie

Did I like this movie? I did! Much like Seth Rogen’s character, it was unexpectedly sweet. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? More like parent-child love, not romantic love.

Would I watch this movie again? Maybe I’ll wait another 8 or 9 years and see what I think of it then. 

IMDB plot summary: A journalist enrolls in her old highschool as part of her research for a story.

Is this an accurate plot summary? It’s...short. 

Just as we’ve reached Peak Hugh Grant before, now we’ve finally done it: we’ve made it to Peak Barrymore. This is Drew at her absolute Drewiest. Charming, wide-eyed, klutzy, chewing on every word that comes out of her mouth. And I love it. If we needed one Drew Barrymore movie to put in a time capsule to explain her greatness and the value of out cinematic art to future civilizations, this is the one I would choose. 

And, okay, so this movie doesn’t make any sense and is actually a little (A LOT) creepy. We’ll get to it. 

Our Lady Drew plays Josie Gellar, a 25 year old copy editor at the Chicago Sun-Times. She longs to be a reporter and it doesn’t look like her dream will come true...until crotchety Garry Marshall decides she should go undercover to get the scoop on what high school students are really up to. Armed with an all-white ensemble and a feather boa, Josie heads back to high school to remake some memories. 

Because, you see, Josie had a pretty awful high school experience the first time around. In fact, as her brother Rob (played by David Arquette, who’s supposed to be 23) reminds her, they called her Josie Grossie. But Josie’s determined to make high school work the second time, and she almost instantly befriends some mathletes. 

But calculus does not a hot story make, and Josie’s pleasantly cranky boss John C. Reilly demands she befriend the popular kids. Josie has no idea how to become popular, so Rob (who looks way less like a high school student than Josie) enrolls at her school, becomes popular right away, and drops enough rumors to make everyone think Josie’s cool. 

Now, Josie’s living out her high school fantasy. But where’s the romance, you’re asking. WELL, it’s in a very weird place. There’s actually no way for Josie to have a non-creepy romantic interest, because it’s either going to be a high school student she’s too old for or an older person she’s pretending to be too young for. Because this isn’t a movie about statutory rape laws, it’s the latter. Her teacher, played adorably by Michael Vartan, is obviously very into her. This was something that seemed charming and normal when I was in high school. Now that I’m an adult, I realize that this is incredibly weird. The film is very careful to avoid Michael Vartan doing anything actually illegal (you can’t, to the best of my knowledge, get in trouble for subtext-laden ferris wheel rides), but damn if he doesn’t say something weird things. Take, for instance, this exchange:

Michael Vartan, grown man and teacher: All I can tell you is that when you're my age, guys will be lined up around the corner for you.

Josie Gellar, grown woman pretending to be 17: You have to say that because you’re my teacher.

MV,GM&T: Actually, I shouldn’t say that because I’m your teacher. 

Imagine a grown man you know saying that to a presumed teenager! Just imagine!

Everyone at the newspaper is like, “Damn, Josie, here’s your scoop. This teacher is totally into you.” But Josie doesn’t want to sell out Michael Vartan, dreamboat that he is. Instead, she focuses her attention on going to prom, which apparently has no dress code (a lot of people show up without pants). Josie ends up blowing her cover after she’s crowned prom queen, which is wonderfully dramatic and also gives us the opportunity to see another “Was this all for a story?!” scene. 

With her chances for a sexy expose destroyed, Josie decides to write a heartfelt story about never being kissed. She promises to be waiting for Michael Vartan to come kiss her at the high school baseball championships, and people inexplicably become obsessed with this tame personal interest story. There’s a countdown! There’s a kiss! The crowd goes wild! No one gets arrested! 

I don’t know that I find this story romantic, or anything other than borderline creepy, but Drew sure does sell it. She’s so awkward and so charming that she makes it (relatively) easy to be like, “Yeah, okay, it’s fine because she’s actually 25.” That’s the power of Barrymore. 

Stray thoughts:

-We’ve established that Michael Vartan is walking a thin line here. But what of David Arquette? What he’s doing is certainly worse, because he’s “dating” a 16 year old! No physical affection is ever shown between the age-imbalanced couples, but are we expected to believe that David Arquette’s 16 year old girlfriend decides she wants to have sex with him before they’ve at least made out heavily? I think not. You’re creepy, dude. 

-Let’s relive the glory days of Leelee Sobieski. If you were a teenager when I was (early 2000s), you remember how aggressively they pushed us on her. She was everywhere! On magazine covers and in movies with Chris Klein! Here, she’s perhaps the only person to out-Barrymore Barrymore, with her tendency to chew on her lines before spitting them out. I love her. I miss her. Come back, Leelee! 

-James Franco is in this movie, and he looks just as James Franco has from time immemorial. 

-Did any of us suspect that Jessica Alba would one day run an organic diaper and body care line? Sure, she was great at wearing a crop top, but who knew? 

-The soundtrack is ridiculously good. REM, The Smiths, and not one but TWO old Jimmy Eat World songs. I felt like I was reliving high school. 

-This is (presumably) the last DB movie I’ll cover in this project. I’m just glad we were able to send her out in style. Drew, I love you. You’re my favorite. 

Romantic comedy cliches: Prom, a countdown, a grand gesture, a journalist doing something for a story, a carnival, beginning with a voiceover, a woman who’s aloneness is apparently caused by a love of needlepoint, Shakespeare, someone getting drunk/high and dancing, a big speech, sports

A missed opportunity for a romantic comedy cliche: Josie got a makeover and there was NO MAKEOVER MONTAGE. WHAT THE EFF. 

Is this a good movie? Never Been Kissed is a lot of things...confusing, strange, perhaps ill-conceived. But I’d argue that it’s also a good movie, mostly because Drew carries the whole thing on her feather boa draped shoulders.

Did I like this movie? Despite not seeing this movie since high school, I almost had it memorized. My love for it is engraved on my soul. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? NO. It certainly did in high school, but time makes you bolder/aware that the age differences (real or presumed) in all these relationships are weird. 

Would I watch this movie again? Duh, yes. I know this movie so well that I feel like it plays when I close my eyes. 

IMDB plot summary: After being jilted by her boyfriend, a talk show talent scout writes a column on the relationship habits of men which gains her national fame.

Is this an accurate plot summary? It’s very generous, in that it makes it sound like something actually happens. 

I sort of wish I had some sort of sophisticated film-selection process for this project that I could brag about. I mean, sometimes I do plan a few weeks ahead, but sometimes it’s the weekend and it’s like 3 degrees outside so I don’t want to go to the library and I just have to settle for what I can find on Amazon Prime, which just so happens to be this completely baffling movie starring Ashley Judd, Greg Kinnear, and Hugh Jackman. 

I don’t mean “baffling” in the way that Timer is baffling, in a way that’s like, “Wow, this made me think about the concept of soulmates and now I’m confused.” More like, “How did someone make a feature film without anyone saying, ‘Hey, you forgot the conflict, and also why is Greg Kinnear playing a jerk again?’”

This isn’t, let’s just say, a consequential movie. And, to be fair, neither are plenty of romcoms I love! But Someone Like You has just about no stakes. We learn almost nothing about anyone’s backstory. It’s as if we’re expected to believe that Ashley Judd’s character (WHO IS NAMED JANE GOODALL because this movie cannot take ANY chances that you won’t pick up on what it’s trying to do) was born unto this earth on the day that the movie began. She has no real problems to speak of, no dissatisfaction with her career, no struggling friendships, no divorced parents to haunt her future romantic decisions, no anything. Everyone lives in hilariously large and beautiful apartments and no one ever has money problems. This movie, released in 2001, is pre-recession and pre-9/11 (in fact, there’s one scene where a realtor brags about an apartment’s views of the World Trade Center, and the skyline is prominently shown many times). No one’s losing a business, no one’s lost a spouse, no one’s experiencing any sort of sadness or negativity or anything that might make you feel a modicum of emotional connection to any of the characters. 

Whew. It feels good to get that off my chest. 

So clearly I didn’t like it, but still, humor me by reading what this one’s about, because Lord knows I still have things to say and Greg Kinnear still has charming smiles to give. 

So Ashley Judd, as previously mentioned, plays a character named Jane Goodall (sure). She, smarmy sweet Greg Kinnear, and promiscuous-yet-lovable Hugh Jackman work for a talk show hosted by Ellen Barkin. Greg Kinnear plays a character he’s played a lot, which is the Wrong Guy Who Seems Like the Right Guy. He and Jane start up a relationship as the movie begins, and it progresses quickly. They’re taking walks! They’re having sex in scenes that show no nudity but a precarious amount of sideboob! They’re looking at apartments! Naturally, things quickly go awry, and all of a sudden Jane’s dealing with a breakup and looking for a place to live. 

But guess who needs a roommate? Just guess. No, not a friend of a friend or someone from a newspaper ad or any reasonable suggestion. Hugh Jackman needs a roommate, because one man alone simply cannot fill up that huge industrial loft with artfully paint peeling walls.  

Meanwhile, Jane reads an article about how bulls don’t like to mate with the same cow twice, and then she pretty much won’t stop talking about it to anyone who will listen, including her long-suffering BFF Marisa Tomei. Jane’s going on and on about her “new cow theory” (which isn’t her theory, like, at all? It’s something that happened in an animal study that she decided to apply to humans, which isn’t exactly a huge leap, but whatever!), and finally Marisa Tomei’s all like, “I work for a magazine, as at least one character from each romcom is required to do, so why don’t you write a column for us about your weird, inaccurate theory? We’ll make up a pen name and use the picture of a recently deceased woman, because none of us have ethics!” 

Somehow, this column becomes national news, even though it sounds like something Carrie Bradshaw would dash off in her sleep while muttering, “I can’t, I’m on deadline.” Everyone wants to know about this anonymous scientist who wrote such a spectacular column about cows and dating, even Oprah! As if Oprah would even stoop to care about this (or even get near any subject involving cows after that time she got sued by all those cattle ranchers). 

Meanwhile still, Jane and Hugh Jackman are getting closer and closer. Both of them walk around their apartment in their underwear (there is no way this is a normal thing to do when you live with a coworker), they almost connect at a NYE party, etc. etc. It’s very hard to believe that there’s any sort of chemistry building between them, even though we can tell that the plot is urging them together. An underwear scene does not chemistry make. 

Eventually, Jane decides to reveal that she’s the true author of the explosive cow/dating column on her boss’s live talk show. Inexplicably, everyone lets her talk directly into the camera for several minutes and have a personal revelation about how her theory was really stupid because now she’s in love with Hugh Jackman. And so she leaves the studio and runs through the streets of New York and tells him how she feels, all while Someone Like You by Van Morrison is playing. You know, the one from the end of Bridget Jones’s Diary? A song that schmaltzy works in a Richard Curtis movie, but it just sounds super weird here (and also made me say, “Oh, so that’s where the title came from,” because wow, that’s a generic title). 

They kiss, they presumably live happily ever after, and all of us wonder what we just spent an hour and forty minutes watching. Seriously, was this movie just from a simpler time? One where movies could get made even if they had only threadbare plots? 

Stray Thoughts:

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many turtlenecks in my entire life. What sort of cold neck epidemic was happening in 2001? Men and women alike simply could not stop wearing turtlenecks (or mock turtlenecks). 

-Someone Like You was no doubt heavily influenced by early seasons of Sex and the City. Narration, title cards, dumb theories, a column...it’s all there. 

-This movie was based on a book. I’m sure the book is much better. 

-I still can’t figure out Hugh Jackman’s character. It’s like he got the direction, “Sound like Joey Tribbiani, but weirder.” 

-What happened with Greg Kinnear? He seems so nice, and stammers with all the charm of Tom Hanks, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why he’s always the disappointing jerk, never the dream guy. 

-Jane uses a diaphragm. Was this more common in 2001? The last time I’ve seen a diaphragm referenced in popular culture, it was in Philip Roth’s Goodbye, Columbus, which was released in 1959. Aren’t you glad you read this blog? Come for the romcoms, stay for the Philip Roth. 

Romantic comedy cliches: NYC, a climactic NYE countdown, spending NYE alone, a guy who sleeps around because his heart is broken, a woman working for a magazine, a woman working for a morning show, running through the streets to declare your love for someone

Was this a good movie? No.

Did I like this movie? I didn’t find this movie offensive, but I am confused by its mere existence. It’s gone beyond like and dislike.

Did this movie make me believe in love? It made me believe Hugh Jackman should just not wear turtlenecks.

Would I watch this movie again? Absolutely not. 

IMDB plot summary: Beth is a young, ambitious New Yorker who is completely unlucky in love. However, on a whirlwind trip to Rome, she impulsively steals some coins from a reputed fountain of love, and is then aggressively pursued by a band of suitors.

Is this an accurate plot summary? Surprisingly thorough. 

I had very low expectations for When In Rome. In fact, I half-expected another Leap Year situation...the terrible cover and lackluster plot description made me think it would be forgettably bad. Imagine my surprise, then, when it turned out to be a completely charming, fun movie! It’s not Ephron (do I say that every week we’re not covering an Ephron movie? I feel like I do), but it has the sort of agreeable, non-offensive pleasantness of many of the romcoms I’ve really enjoyed this year (Just Wright, Sweet Home Alabama, 27 Dresses). If you’re like, “Uh, ‘not offensive’ is all it takes for you to consider a romcom good?”...well. We can talk about that one after you sit through the unique discomfort that is The Ugly Truth. You’d be surprised how few romcoms manage to be light and fun while not humiliating their female leads. 

But if I start talking about The Ugly Truth again I might never stop, and I made a promise not to look back to that dark time. When In Rome features a perfectly nutty romcom premise. While in Rome for her tiny sister’s wedding, Kristen Bell gets bitter-drunk on champagne and climbs into a fountain, where she steals a handful of coins tossed in by lonely men. But when she returns home to New York, she finds out that taking a coin from the fountain places a spell on the person who dropped it in. Long story short, Danny Devito’s now in love with her. And so are Dax Shepard, Will Arnett, and Jon Heder, being far creepier than he ever has before. How did she only pick up coins that were tossed in by men, not women? Who knows! I guess that was one plot complication too far. 

But Kristen Bell didn’t just get publicly intoxicated while she was at a wedding. She also met Josh Duhamel, Mr. Fergie himself, and he’s obsessed with her, too. He’s significantly less creepy than Jon Heder, who at one point does a magic trick that involves ripping his beating heart out of his chest, so obviously he’s The One. But is he also under her Roman fountain spell? 

Zany capers ensue. There’s an art show (Kristen Bell is a curator who is obsessed with her job and she has no time for love, you guys). At one point, Will Arnett drives Kristen Bell, Danny Devito, Jon Heder, and Dax Shepard into a building and onto an elevator in a tiny Italian car. Dax Shepard spends most of the movie shirtless. It’s all a lot to take in. 

Is it cliched? Yes. Do I care? By this point, you know the answer. No. I do not. Bring on the cliches, as long as they involve Josh Duhamel inexplicably running into things. At one point, when Kristen Bell finally realizes she loves Josh Duhamel, she literally says, “I love him more than my job!” You have to respect a romcom that commits so fully to the Career Woman With No Time for Love trope. Just look at how many pencils surround her. 

Somehow, as nonsensical as it all is (I mean, there’s a spell involved), it still works. Most of this is because of Kristen Bell, who manages to play even the most ridiculous plot points very seriously. And the chemistry between her and Josh Duhamel when they first meet at her sister’s wedding is refreshingly normal and believable. Why isn’t Kristen Bell in more romcoms? The public (me) demands to know! 

Josh Duhamel isn’t working with a lot (seriously, is his character’s entire backstory “used to play football”?), but he still manages to come off as nice, funny, and not a creep. And when you’re playing opposite Danny Devito as a sausage salesman, “not creepy” gives you a leg up on the competition. He looks nice and nonthreatening, right?

Overall, this is a good one. It’s not starting a romcom revolution, but it’s charming, funny, and features significantly more creepy Jon Heder than any romcom we’ve covered this year. 

Stray thoughts:

-Shaq. Is. In. This. Movie. Sure, he’s only there briefly, but it was good enough for me. 

-Anjelica Huston plays Kristen Bell’s intimidating boss, and I think the entirety of her direction was, “Basically be like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada.” Which, frankly, is a real waste of Anjelica Huston. 

-Romantic comedies, in general, have some of the most useless DVD bonus content. No one needs blooper reals, okay? Ever. Anyway, this one included a truly atrocious music video from 3OH!3 (remember them? I hope not!) and Katy Perry. The song floated into my ears and then floated out again just as quickly, destined to be forgotten forever. The video involved Katy Perry getting drenched in a fountain. It was absolutely as terrible and as unrelated to the movie as you could imagine. 

Romantic comedy cliches: An uptight career woman with no time for love, NYC, finding love in another country, a curse, a wedding, leaving someone at the altar, a power outage, pratfalls, some talking trash about another person and then saying, “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

Is this a good movie? It’s a movie full of simple pleasures, like Danny Devito talking about sausage at length. It’s an enjoyable way to spend an hour and a half. 

Did I like this movie? Maybe this movie has me under some sort of Roman fountain spell, but I really enjoyed it. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? It sort of makes me believe in Roman fountain spells. 

Would I watch this movie again? I totally would. It was fun! 

IMDB plot summary: A young woman who's reinvented herself as a New York socialite must return home to Alabama to obtain a divorce from her husband, after seven years of separation.

Is this an accurate plot summary? I wouldn’t call her a socialite, but okay.

Is there any romcom plot more beloved than “big city lady/dude discovers that life in a small town is really what matters”? I think not. And Sweet Home Alabama is the perfect distillation of that plot. It’s not exactly reinventing the meet-cute and it only made me cry once, but it’s a good romcom. It understands and respects its audience, it uses cliches in a way that never feels lazy, and it features Ethan Embry. Truly, what more could you ask for? 

Reese Witherspoon plays Melanie Carmichael, an up-and-coming fashion designer in New York in the early 2000s (sidenote: this was the first movie allowed to be filmed in NYC post 9/11, according to IMDB). And boy is it ever the early 2000s. Melanie has a choppy bob, she wears a turtleneck in the poster, and she plays No Doubt’s Keep on Dancing at her fashion show. It’s all a glorious blur of nostalgia and off-the-shoulder dresses. 

Not only does Melanie have a great career, but she also has the love of Patrick Dempsey. He’s the son of the mayor, he’s rich, and he wants to get married. The only problem, as you probably already know, is that Melanie’s still technically married to a guy back in Alabama. And that guy, Jake, refuses to divorce her. 

But of course she and Jake still have chemistry, because this is a romcom. And so Melanie tries various tactics to get him to sign the papers, and Jake refuses for reasons unknown that are actually reasons very known (he’s still in love with her, duh). That is, until Melanie goes on a drunken rant, insults everyone at the bar, reveals that Jake once got her pregnant, and outs poor Ethan Embry who’s never done anything to hurt anyone in his entire life. 

Patrick Dempsey can’t stay out of the picture forever, though. He finds his way to Pigeon Creek and discovers that Melanie’s been lying to him, but guess what? He still wants to get married! Patrick Dempsey is an absolutely, unrealistically nice person in this movie. A lesser, more obvious movie would have made him insult Melanie’s family or cheat on her, but he always stands by her, even despite her questionable fashion choices and the fact that she’s legally married to another man. 

So they decide to get married in Alabama, and things are going swimmingly except for Melanie’s realization that she’s always going to be in love with Jake. She literally leaves Patrick Dempsey at their wedding by explaining to him, in front of their guests and God and Candice Bergen herself, that she gave her heart away to someone else a long time ago. Most people in this situation would be upset or maybe write an angry song like Adam Sandler did in The Wedding Singer. But Patrick Dempsey is basically the human equivalent of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 

It’s not even really that upsetting to see him get dumped, mostly because he hardly cares but also have you seen Josh Lucas? Insert fire emoji here. Of course he has a business making elaborate glass sculptures because that’s like the ideal sexy romcom male career (fire! sand! DANGER!). 

Look at him! Covered in grease!

One thing Sweet Home Alabama understands in a surprisingly thorough way is what it’s like to have complicated feelings about your hometown. Melanie talks about loving Pigeon Creek but also hating it, which is probably a feeling anyone who’s from a small town can relate to. I’ll admit that I had a slightly hard time fully buying into this premise because I’m from a small town, and I have a sinking suspicion that a real-life Jake would have several DUIs and a rampant case of homophobia, not a successful business and an accepting nature. But I’m willing to buy into the fantasy of Sweet Home Alabama, because what are romcoms if not idealized situations? Maybe in real life the chances of Jake/Josh Lucas turning into basically an entirely different person are slim, and maybe the chances of Reese Witherspoon deciding to give up on her relationship with suspiciously perfect Patrick Dempsey are negligible. But who cares? Forget it, Jake, it’s Pigeon Creek, aka Romcom Town, and we don’t make the rules. 

Just go kiss in the rain, you guys. 

Stray Thoughts: 

-ETHAN EMBRY! I love how he always plays characters who are sweetly dim, whether he’s in Can’t Hardly Wait, Empire Records, That Thing You Do, or Sweet Home Alabama. He has the face of an apologetic baby and I love him. 

-Okay, so do you want to know the one scene in the movie that really got to me? While I enjoyed this movie, I didn’t find it to be incredibly emotional, EXCEPT FOR THE DOG STUFF. The part in the dog cemetery when Melanie is all, “I’m sorry I left you, Bear. You probably wondered what you did wrong,” was where I lost it. 

-Sweet Home Alabama does thing I hate where it continues the story in the credits. I just invested an hour and a half in you, movie! You can tell your story within the allotted time frame! You don’t need to follow up to assure me that Patrick Dempsey got married to someone else (okay, okay, so I’m happy for him). 

-The bonus features on my DVD included an alternate ending that was so terrible I laughed out loud. It involved a fake death. Afterwards, the director said, “So, you can see why we changed it. Test audiences hated it. One person told us, ‘This isn’t funny.’” I’m still wondering why they bothered to include that ending on the DVD...wasn’t the whole point of reshooting it that people wouldn’t know how bad it was?

-According to IMDB, Charlize Theron was originally supposed to play Melanie. So basically this would’ve been a much sweeter Young Adult. 

Romantic comedy cliches: Big city lady comes back to a small town, a secret identity, lying about a family, opposites attract, emotional scenes involving dogs, calling off a marriage, kissing in the rain, a manipulative mother in law

Is this a good movie? Yes! It respects its viewers, hits all the romcom beats, and still manages to be a little surprising.

Did I like this movie? Uh, does Reese Witherspoon know how to wear the hell out of a one-shouldered blouse? Yes. The answer is yes. 

Did this movie make me believe in love? Love and Ethan Embry (the working title for my romcom)

Would I watch this movie again? I would! It was charming and had a delightfully early-2000s soundtrack, including an Avril Lavigne deep cut.