Bird Not Found

Yesterday I noticed my neighbor was having a garage sale. Hes a scary old man with yellow eyes and he works at the graveyard and is always covered in grave dirt and pieces of bones and stuff. But I wasn't scared because I respect his hardworking attitude. So I went to his garage and he had a bunch of old video games! I love video games. I picked up a box full of CD games and started looking through it and there were all the classics like Myst and Riven: The Sequel To Myst and et cetera, and then at the very back there was a game called Chuzzle 3. Now I used to love playing Chuzzle when I was a kid but I haven't played it in years, ever since the tragic accident where my friend Billy fell over and accidentally slit his throat on the disc and then it wouldnt run any more.

I held up the case for Chuzzle 3 and checked to make sure the disc was really in it. Yup its all there. I didn't even know they made a Chuzzle 3 on cd considering Chuzzle 2 came out in 2018 and it was like an iphone game, but I guess retro is coming back into style, so I didn't worry about it. I asked the old man how much for Chuzzle 3 and he looked at me strangely with a strange look on his face... "Just take it kid," he said which was really cool of him cause I only had $3 and I also wanted this dope pocket knife he had that was shaped like a wolf. I walked back home with a smile on my face, I was so excited to play Chuzzle 3 and see my friends the Chuzzles again after so many years! And also to practice some tricks with my new wolf knife. I used to love doing knife tricks when I was a kid but I haven't done it in years, ever since the tragic accident where my friend Dennis was doing knife tricks he saw on youtube and accidentally slit his throat with a balisong and then my dad took my knives away. My dad used to love taking my stuff away but he hasn't done it in years, ever since the tragic accident where he was cheating on my mom with a woman at the office and accidentally slit his throat on a business card.

I went home and put Chuzzle 3 in the computer. It took a really long time to load so I did some awesome knife tricks while I waited. When it was finally done I noticed it looked like kind of strange. There weren't any game mode selection buttons and not even any options or anything. There was just a purple Chuzzle and a button that said "Continue". The Chuzzle's eyes which were normally so happy had a strange, gloomy cast to them... almost like fear... or more accurately,... dread...

I clicked "Continue" and immediately it went into a level. It was pretty advanced, it had all the colors of Chuzzle right away and the locks were coming on fast, but I beat it quick anyway because I'm really good at Chuzzle. As I mentioned I used to play this game all the time as a kid, I would even play it instead of going to school sometimes. Honestly I never forgave Billy for ruining my Chuzzle disc. I went into the next level thinking about how much I hated his stupid ass. I didn't notice it but on the loading screen between levels, the same purple Chuzzle from the title screen was there, and its eyes were even more sad and tormented than before.

The next level was almost the same except halfway through a weird bug happened where one of the Chuzzles on the board turned into a red square. I couldn't match it with anything, I even tried to blow it up with a super chuzzle and nothing happened. I was starting to wonder if maybe this copy of Chuzzle 3 was a rare prerelease version or something. I took another look at the case and sure enough on the back it said "NOT FOR RESALE" in big black letters. Now this was really exciting, I used to love playing demo versions of games when I was a kid but I haven't done it in years, ever since the tragic accident where my friend Gerd downloaded some malware that gave him a seizure and while he was in the hospital the doctor accidentally slit his throat with a scalpel. I went back to the game and beat the level with the glitched Chuzzle no problem.

I didn't notice it but on the next loading screen there was red text above the Chuzzle that said "ITS ALREADY TOO LATE" in Jokerman font. I started playing the level and more glitched red square chuzzles appeared. There were 3 of them at once so I moved carefully and lined them up to match. When I did instead of popping cutely there was a horrible really loud sound from the speakers and all the Chuzzles on the screen exploded in blood and guts that smeared all over the screen, it was so freaky and gross I almost threw up, it was really scary. WTF was going on with this game?!?! Theres no way this was normal. I panicked and tried to eject the disc from the CD drive but nothing happened. I mashed the eject button really hard and nothing happened. When I looked back at the screen there were words written in Chuzzle blood that said "ITS YOUR FAULT". Honestly at this point I was crying and I pulled the computer plug out of the wall and the screen went black but somehow the Chuzzle level music kept playing, except it was a dark and twisted version, with the sound of a child crying softly mixed in.

I pried open the CD drive with my wolf knife (knew it would come in handy) and took the Chuzzle 3 disc out. It was burning hot and I almost dropped it. I put it back in the case and shut it. Just to be extra sure I got some packing tape and wrapped it all the way around the case. It was still light outside so I made up my mind to take this godforsaken disc back to the old man for some answers. I put my shoes back on and walked across the street, but to my surprised, his entire house was gone. It was just an empty grass lot and some stupid birds.

I went back home and sat on the couch. I didn't know what to do, I didn't even know what to think. I used to love thinking but I haven't done it in years, ever since the tragic accident where my friend Trudger thought too hard and a malevolent thoughtform slit his throat in the astral plane. He lived but he can't dream anymore and the only reason I was even hanging out with him was so he would dream up some strategies for my small business. So fuck him anyway.

I did some knife tricks for a couple hours but honestly I was getting really bored and understimulated, so I decided to give Chuzzle 3 another try. I cut the tape off with my wolf knife, plugged the computer back in, and put the disc in the tray. This time it started immediately and there was no Chuzzle on the title screen, just a shadow on the ground. I hit "Continue" and it went to a level where the board was really big, and all the Chuzzles were sad and shivering, and there were red glitched Chuzzles in a pattern that spelled out "HELL".

"What do you want from me?!," I yelled at the screen. All the Chuzzles shook and the glitched ones fell to the bottom of the board. The score meter went to 6,666,666. The normal Chuzzles still on the board started getting locked up one after the other. The lock sound was loud as hell. Every time it hit a Chuzzle it was like a gunshot through the speakers. And the scary music was still playing and it was even louder and scarier. Once all the Chuzzles were locked the whole screen went red and a line of Chuzzles that were all black except for their eyes appeared. As I looked at them, I realized with shock that they were my friends, Billy and Dennis and Gerd and Trudger, and my dad, and my other friends Yurt and Weevil who I didn't tell you about, and my twin brother Govrod, who died last year in a tragic accident where we were playing in the yard and I accidentally slit his throat with a machete. All of them were staring back at me with pure despair and hatred in their eyes. I started to feel sick. I couldn't say anything. A ninth Chuzzle slowly fell from the top of the screen... it was Me. I was crying uncontrollably. An ice cream truck drove by outside and I didn't even care.

(Short disclaimer that I am TME. I don't have any authority on transmisogyny, these are just notes on an encounter I had that begun wholly because of it. I just got really fucking tired of seeing stuff lately.)

Around mid-september of this year, a random person came into my dms claiming to have proof of a random trans woman (Whom I have never interacted with on a personal basis and that at most I've seen superficially by skimming a post on Social Media App) being a pedophile zoophile abuser who was So Very Mean. I have Never seen, much less spoken to this person before in my life. There are however multiple red flags to be spotted: They are in a sock puppet account made Very recently, they show no evidence of anything, and also they only found me because I LIKED THIS RANDOM TRANS WOMAN'S POSTS BEFORE.

When I block them, they send me Another dm from a different (also sock puppet) account, extremely agitated and now accusing ME of being a pedophile zoophile abuser and an apologist to the Random Trans Woman Whom I've Never Met. When I block them again (Now with my dms restricted) and make a silly post poking fun at the situation, they become insanely agitated and send an anonymous ask calling me the R-slur and a furry pedophile. I don't think I posted even a single piece of furry art to this account ever up until this point. This was around the ending of september, beginning of october.

When I don't respond, they continue trying to get a rise out of me by sending me random asks from sock puppet accounts and anon filters over the span of, and I REALLY wish I was joking, almost an entire fucking month. Some of the asks sent poke fun at extremely specific things they only could've seen if they were stalking Not Just my main blog (this one), but also my second blog that I only use for art. They call me a zoophile for posting furry art someone commissioned from me, they make fun of a random oc x canon ship piece I did, throw in random insults about me being plural (which I barely talk about, ESPECIALLY here) and say, quote, "Epstein was plural too, you guys are basically twins", with the implication being I was a pedophile again. It was very funny for like 5 minutes and then kind of concerning, but given I have nothing to hide, I just shrug it off and continue on with my life.

...At some point though, I guess they lose steam and stop completely. I haven't heard from them for weeks, despite having dms open again, and sock puppet sightings have been completely halted. I don't use this blog for much of anything anymore, I've been really busy lately and I hardly have time to add tags to posts, so I don't even try. Their random bullshit is all gone, and when you search my name on the search bar, the most that'll come up is usually my own posts and something a friend posted that incidentally mentioned me, my account never got restricted or deleted. I sent the messages I saved to Staff, even wrote a stupid formal report and everything to justify Why I think a random person calling me a pedophile baselessly might be bad, and that seemed to do the trick. I dealt with this random asshole by just continuing to be barely active on this platform.

However, the majority of trans women who are even Remotely prominent in this app are not nearly as lucky as I am. Most trans girls here get five seconds to defend themselves Tops, and even when they do, they get termed by staff anyway. They have to scrape and claw to compile MULTIPLE posts full of evidence of their stalkers obsessively harassing, degendering and lying about their entire online (and offline !) presence CONSTANTLY, of the threats they receive not just through asks but through entire documents that either A) Take things out of context and exaggerate them greatly in order to frame her as a disgusting predator No Matter What, or B) They straight up just fabricate an entire story for what they Think happened based on a Rando's totally real, totally backed with screenshots experience, and then cycle back to A again. And if that's not enough, they will fucking doxx this girl for having the audacity to not just lay there and take it. They will orchestrate an elaborate harassment campaign until everyone she knows leaves or until she is dead. And then Popular Social Media website still fucking drags her body through the muck and delete her fucking blog anyway, all while leaving the people who killed her up and running for another target.

Transmisogyny does not affect me. I am not a target for the campaigns being carried out lately. My case was that of a stray bullet completely missing me because they were aiming for a Random Trans Woman, and they tried to recruit me through fear by acting tough on Popular Social Media and calling me Names (while also conveniently wearing a mask that not only obscures their actual identity, but also makes their message a lot more accessible because you can't track it down to the dipshit who sent it first). You know. Like a high school movie bully would do as an initial display of their completely unwarranted petty and violent behavior. The real reason why they left me alone is because I outsmarted them by (not being a trans girl) not using this blog as much because I work at a mall and don't rlly check tumblr often anymore lmao. But A LOT of t-girls don't experience the same reality I do, and sometimes, their blogs are careers, entire social networks, financial support in tough times, art portfolios, business opportunities, spaces of leisure— all of which are at risk of being lost at any given time because a random dipshit decided to frame them as a sex pest to try and ruin her life. Or one of Popular Social Media's famously transphobic moderators decided they didn't Want them to have a blog anymore. Or because the virulent transmisogynists they let run loose on this god forsaken app sent one too many death threats and that finally did it.

I don't know about you personally, but I'd rather not leave it up to a gaggle of Completely Random Assholes of Varying Motivations and an Unchecked Amount of Power Over a Dying App whether or not a trans woman gets her life ruined Right Now or if it should wait until Tomorrow. I think that might be Bad, actually.

I want transfems to be safe. The whole way through. I don't care if she was or is mean. I don't care if she has a weird kink you think is bad. I don't care what she said 1, 3, 5 years ago, that was kinda problematic. I don't care about what she said That One Time on her private discord server. Transfeminine people have the right to be safe, and to not be in the fucking panopticon everytime they aren't perfect 100% of the time 24/7 for their entire lives. God, what an exhausting fucking life you must want for these girls where they are constantly under scrutiny for how well they can perform calm, collected dialogue while Literally Being Tortured.

And you know what ?? Even while I write this post, a part of me knows it is a little performative. Of Course I love my transfem friends an insane amount, Of Course I am doing this out of love for my trans sisters out there, but at the same time I feel the need to keep in mind that all of this is all words. It's incredibly easy to just say things and to have people agree with you, especially if you're a wordy motherfucker like I am, because people tend to value quantity over quality in posts like this. It's easy to sprinkle "Love all trans women ! Respect trans women ! I am Team 'Please Don't Put Trans Women in the Torment Nexus, It is Mean' Like a True #Ally !" in a post and have people look at it and think it's automatically transfeminist, because so many people do that already. There has to be like. actual tangible actions to everything, cuz otherwise you are just talking out of your ass.

I can always be a better ally to transfems— I have not fully unlearned the sheer transmisogyny that has been ingrained into me for all my life, and I know I have a long way to go because the path to being educated on something is never straight. There will always be things I can change, and although I am grateful for the trans girls in my life who are there to call me out when I stumble, that responsibility to recognise my fumbles still lies On Me. This is because I am a grown ass person and it is not on the trans women in my life to tell me when I'm doing or saying shitty things All The Fucking Time. This goes triple for all transfems of colour and disabled transfems as well. YOU can be a better ally too. The resources are all well within your reach. So get to reachin'.

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