Justwriting

I am hiding from everything

I hate this person I have become

Isolating

Isolating

Just open up Jose

I have nothing to fear but fear

And I am too afraid

This illness I have makes me think of you

It won’t let me reach out to you

I was right

I think I am going to die first

I don’t know what’s after this

I don’t know how to cope with this pain

I’m so glad it’s you and not me

Wait

What did you just say?

You see

I am lost

In every way

You showed me how to love myself for a moment

I have never felt this much physical and emotional pain.

I have never felt any of this.

Maybe it’s what I am meant to feel so that the next life will be better.

I am scared of everything and it haunts me.

You should do that

It’s hammering me down like nothing new in my house

It’s a studio apartment

A beautiful neighborhood with no compartments

My only companion is not even human

Have I always neglected?

I feel everything amplified to a degree of uncertainty

I watch

Sit and wait

Childs play day after day

I am my own without a sense of me

Forgetting about myself

Forgetfulness

Downstairs

Is where the tug of war begins

My eyes are the vessel of the future

My mind is the one convinced I’m already dead

Republican religions

Reptilian repetitions

Amplified in my head

Country

Weather

My intentions aren’t there

I reach for freedom

Every day feels like a game

Autopilot is what I play

Awareness is how you keep me awake

Slave to you today

Tomorrow doesn’t exist

These trains are my worst nightmare

Up and down is how we stare

Watch how we spiral into pathways of porn and desires to meet