existential crisis kid

Every Episode of Supernatural: 62/327

4x02 Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester, Dean and Cas pt3

Some people have speculated that Dean and Cas already slept together (off-screen, of course), but when I thought about it, I didn’t know whether to believe that or not. However, after rereading my answer to this ask, I experienced an epiphany. Now I’m starting to think such conclusion isn’t so farfetched after all.  

We all remember that episodes 9x05 to 9x08 were not aired in the order they were originally meant. We were supposed to watch Bad Boys, Dog Dean Afternoon, Heaven Can’t Wait, and Rock and a Hard Place, but instead we got Dog Dean Afternoon, Heaven Can’t Wait, Bad Boys and Rock and a Hard Place (x). Despite the change, the message the writers tried to transmit can still be understood. So let me try to explain.

Bad Boys established very clearly that when Dean was a teenager, he had to choose Sam over Robin (Dean’s love interest at the time), simply because Sam was the most important person in Dean’s life. This episode was after I’m no Angel, so it doesn’t matter the order was changed, as long as it’s there to explain that Dean choosing Sam over Cas was no surprise at all. The surprising thing was that the choosing was paralleled to a romantic relationship instead of a brotherly one. It wasn’t paralleled to Dean choosing Sam over his friend Benny. NOPE. It had to be a love interest! But why?!

Heaven Can’t Wait is the episode where I think everything happened. A lot has been said about the “fanfiction gap”. What exactly happened that night? What happened after Dean and Cas left Nora’s place? Why did they get to the Gas’n’Sip until the next morning? Where did they spend the night? I’m sure they didn’t spend the night in the Impala or in a hospital (as some people have suggested). They surely spent the night at a hotel. If you think that way, it makes sense that in 9x18 when Cas asks Dean “What’s honorable about a miniature bar in a motel room?”, all other thoughts disappear for a couple of seconds.

It’s just Dean and Cas. They both smile as if they share something that only they know and understand. Something that makes Dean look at Sam twice as if he thinks Sam will read between the lines somehow.

Moving on, Rock and a Hard Place took place after Heaven Can’t Wait. In that episode we got Dean’s speech:

Sex has always felt — I don’t know — good, you know? I mean, really, really good. Uh… But, uh… Sometimes, it just makes you feel bad, you know? You’re drunk. You shack up. Then, it’s the whole morning thing. You know, “Hey, that was fun.” And then, “adios,” you know? Always the “adios.”

Do you know how the Supernatural Wiki describes Dean’s face when he says “always the adios”? “Dean looks wistful.” As far as I know, ‘wistful’ is a feeling of vague or regretful longing.

Longing? Like this?

Always the adios? Is it possible that when Dean said that, he was actually thinking about Cas, not just the “always the adios” line but the rest, too? ‘The whole morning thing, that was fun…’? Huh! 

When Dean and Cas saw each other again in 9x09, they were literally flirting with each other at the bar. They looked like two friends with benefits that when hanging out with others remain as simple friends who smile too much and put some flirting here, a wink there, that’s it.

Of course, in that same episode Dean told Cas that they couldn’t work together and Cas looked like crying when he realized he was being sent away again, but the flirting before that was priceless.

Let’s not talk about everything else that happened because it would get too long and repetitive. I just want to point out that after Dean apologized to Cas in 9x10 for kicking him out of the bunker and not telling him about Sam, he started to behave like a concerned boyfriend all the time. Cas too, but somehow, Cas being concerned about Dean is not new. The “he hasn’t called, he hasn’t texted” phrase doesn’t sound platonic to me at all. What about turning Cas’ GPS on?

What about leaving Chicago immediately because Cas called? What about calling Cas when he couldn’t sleep after killing Abaddon? What about not really telling Cas that he killed Abaddon? Why did he even call Cas? Just to ask how were things with him? How about Dean calling Sam and immediately asking how Cas was?

Ahhh and of course I haven’t forgotten about the change in decoration in Dean’s bedroom. Another night table and lamp? Dean sleeping on one side of the bed instead of doing it in the middle? OK. Not like he’s expecting someone. Or maybe he is. In his mind.

If I am realistic, I have to say that we will never see Dean and Cas “do the do” on-screen no matter how much we want it. Other TV shows have pulled the “they were already together” trope successfully, why couln’t Supernatural do the same? The show is not about love and it will never be. In fact, most of us don’t want it to be about love. I would be OK with an off-screen relationship between Dean and Cas as long as it’s 100% acknowledged on-screen at some point. And as I have said in another post… we’ve never been closer to that! If we see season divine as a whole, Destiel is stronger than ever (despite all the time Dean and Cas have spent apart). I’m totally sure the writers finally decided to show an Eros type of love between Dean and Cas, and they’re taking the steps to do it carefully and intensely. That’s business. That’s story-telling. Let’s make our bets! Mine is that Dean and Cas shacked up in 9x06. What do you think?

1) Some people say the show has been about love since the beginning and they are right, but it’s been about familial love (storge), not romantic love (eros). The show will NEVER be all about romantic love. EVER. And I’m 10,000% OK with that because that’s not why I watch the show. If I wanted that, I would watch TVD or a soap opera. Of course, I love Destiel because it feels natural, not forced (like the couple we got in Bloodlines). It’s just something that happened. Exactly like life. You don’t plan to love someone, you fall in love. Period. This is what’s happened to Dean and Cas (the writers created these characters and suddenly these characters have surprised the writers themselves, as Robbie Thomson told us in Meta Fiction). But if we expect the show to be about the romantic relationship between Dean and Cas, then we’re delusional. The show’s about “saving people, hunting things, the family business”. The show’s about the two brothers and their allies, and their adventures, and free will, and right and wrong, and saving the world. Destiel will NEVER be the main plot of the show, which IMO is a good thing. 

2) Some people said that Destiel can’t be canon yet because good things are not supposed to happen at this point of the narrative. Who says that making Destiel canon means that Dean and Cas will be together and live happily ever after? This is Supernatural we’re talking about, not a Disney movie! Destiel can be canon and they can still be kept apart because the world needs saving or because of any other conflict the writers can think of. The “will they, won’t they” is just as interesting as the “eternal slow burn” we’ve got with Destiel. Of course, I’m not saying that Destiel will be canon in the season finale, I have no way of knowing that. All I’m saying is that canon doesn’t equal happiness. Shit can still get serious even if both Dean and Cas acknowledge their feelings for each other somehow. 

3) I forgot to emphasize the “He hasn’t called, he hasn’t texted” line we got from Dean. In that same episode we saw Cas use his cell phone to send a picture. Castiel? The one who couldn’t even set his voicemail? Apparently he’s got a lot of practice. I don’t think he has a lot of friends to text with. So… Dean, thanks for telling us that YOU AND CAS TEXT EACH OTHER PROBABLY A LOT. How often do they even text? Six missed called and no texts and Dean was already freaking out… so much that he turned on the GPS and sent Sam to look for Cas. How often do they communicate? My guess is that it’s VERY OFTEN because you don’t worry so much when you know someone takes their time to call or text you back.

Anonymous said: lol can the show just admit that John is trash and stop sucking his dick every chances they get

Anonymous said: lol saw a post somewhere that said dean and sam’s story from the mid-season finale proves that john was a good father like sit down and shut the fuck up if you don’t have anything intelligent to say

I’m pretty sure all three of these came in on the same night in quick succession so here we go

It’s been shown explicitly that in his heart of hearts Dean knows John didn’t do right by him. However this is one of the things he can only admit to himself in the dark still. Like real people who go through years-long abusive relationships he’s basically been brainwashed into making excuses for and even romanticising everything John did to Sam and him. There’s only a touch of wryness to it when I refer to Dean as a battered housewife wrt John, ‘cause that’s exactly how he comes off.

Or IDK it’s like he’s Harley Quinn and John is the Joker, but the Winchesters’ home dynamic was a different sort of complicated.

There is a family dynamic called “covert incest” in which a parent puts one of their children into a spousal role, emotionally, mentally, and in regards to the responsibilities placed upon that child. Most often, this kind of dynamic happens with the eldest child, and usually it happens with the child of the opposite sex as the narcissistic parent. So while the situation is a bit different from the “normal” dynamic in play with covert incest being that dean is his son, it still reads the same way with John and Dean. 

clari-clyde and andieblogs first introduced me to this concept about a year ago in a series of messages, and I wholeheartedly agree with the analysis. 

Good ole Wikipedia defines covert incest as such: 

 Covert incest (also known as emotional incest or psychic incest) is a relationship between a parent and child that puts a child in the place of fulfilling adult emotional roles. It is a term strictly describing interactions between a parent and child that are exclusive from sexual abuse, as they typically do not include the type of physical contact that would be considered child sexual abuse. These relationships are considered to be harmful, placing the child in a position of an inappropriate emotional role. (x).

Dean became John’s emotional crutch. And that’s not an interpretation. That’s straight from canon. 

When John came home from a difficult hunt, it was Dean who was reassuring him that everything would be okay. Part of this came from Dean’s natural empathy, but John took advantage of Dean’s ability to read the emotional state of others and he used him as a way to make himself feel better. 

When John needed to go on a hunt, it was Dean he expected to take on the caretaker role for his younger son. 

While John “Doted” on Sam (his words, not mine. I have many separate feelings about the way John treated Sam) Dean was the one that John was always hardest on. 

While Sam and John always butted heads, Dean never felt he was able to stand up to his father because “Dad needed me.”  and he envied Sam’s ability to be his own person and to go to college and be “normal” when he knew that would never be in the cards for him because there are some traumas that shape who you are. And he had too many to count.  

Dean was put into a position of adulthood long before he had the physical, emotional or mental capabilities to handle that burden. 

I know a lot of people have analysed Dean’s parentification, but it’s important to note within this dynamic especially. Dean was not capable of being a parent to Sam. He was a child put into a role that he had no chance of successfully fulfilling, and he did the best he could with the limited experience he had. 

But the responsibility to parent the Winchester boys starts and ends with John Winchester. And he failed miserably. Instead, he depended on his son to be a man long before Dean could ever have been. And if Dean failed in any burden that his father unfairly put on his shoulders, then he was punished for it. He was pushed down and pushed down, stuck in a box that he had no hope to escape… Until all he could think about was being everything his father needed him to be. Until John not only became his entire focus, John became his hero. His savior. Dean gained value in his life not in his accomplishments, but in the ways he could help John. 

He set aside his needs, his desires, to focus on what his father needed him to do. And the most important thing that John expected Dean to do was to raise his brother while he was gone. So that became the most important thing to Dean. Dean’s focus became Sam. Was Sam clothed? Was Sam fed? Did he get to school on time. Did he have his homework done? Was Sam able to join the soccer team? Was he able to perform in the school play? Was Sam happy? What can I do to distract Sam from Dad being gone? How can I make sure Sam grows up innocent and pure, because my life is already planned out. His doesn’t have to be. What can I do to make sure Sam has a good Christmas because Dad isn’t here? 

Dean became exactly what his father needed him to be. And in return. John showed him the love that Dean so desperately craved. 

Wikipedia goes on to further explain the dynamics of the relationship. 

The child becomes the surrogate partner and source of emotional support for the parent.[9] The abusing parent may also be afraid or unable to meet their needs through a relationship with another adult.[5] Alcoholism and other substance addictions are also associated with the occurrence of covert incest.[3][10] Covert incest occurs when a parent is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with another adult and forces the emotional role of a spouse onto their child instead.[5] The child’s needs are ignored and instead the relationship exists solely to meet the needs of the parent[11] and the adult may not be aware of the issues created by their actions.[12]

Now let’s look at some of the results of how this kind of dynamic effects the children of emotional incest. 

Addiction and compulsivity: In general, addicts don’t use to feel better, they use to escape and dissociate from stress, emotional discomfort, and the pain of underlying psychological disorders, including depression, anxiety, attachment deficit issues, and more. All of these issues are symptomatic of both covert and overt incest. It is therefore not surprising that a very high percentage of incest survivors also deal with adult addiction – substance abuse, compulsive gambling, sexual and/or romantic addiction, compulsive spending, eating disorders, etc. Sex addiction is especially common among both covert and overt incest survivors.

Difficulty developing and maintaining adult long-term intimacy: Covert incest leads to a wide variety of intimacy disorders. Many covert incest survivors feel smothered or trapped when they enter into adult romances, even if the person they are seeing is incredibly emotionally healthy. The unhealthy attachment bonds these survivors formed in childhood are just too deep, and they can surface any time an intimate attachment presents later in life. Sometimes covert incest survivors avoid intimate adult relationships altogether; other times they seek these relationships but sabotage or flee them when the anxiety they associate with emotional closeness kicks in. As a result, many survivors of covert incest report feelings of social isolation and social dissatisfaction.

Codependency: Many covert incest survivors develop a pattern, usually during childhood, of placing the needs of others ahead of their own. In covertly incestuous relationships this sort of behavior is rewarded by the perpetrator, which reinforces it. In Dash’s case, he got fancy lunches and adult-oriented movies when he complied with his mother’s desires.

Shame and feelings of inadequacy: Shame is the inherent, deeply rooted belief that one is defective, not good enough, and unworthy of love. Most often adult shame is rooted in various forms of childhood neglect and abuse, including (but not even remotely limited to) covert and/or overt incest.

Dissociation: Depending on the individual, the age at which he or she experienced the abuse, the nature of the abuse, and how it was (or was not) handled in the family, covert incest survivors can learn to dissociate or space-out when experiencing a stressful emotional moment or a “trigger” to past abuse. Some may develop a full-fledged identity disorder, though most simply struggle to “remain present” at work and in their interpersonal relationships.

Difficulties with self-care (emotional and physical): Like most early-life complex trauma survivors, many covert incest survivors do not feel that they deserve to be happy or to get their needs met in healthy ways. One way this sense of unworthiness can manifest is through inadequate self-care – poor eating habits, lack of exercise, underemployment, seeking out and/or staying in abusive relationships, procrastination, not completing important work or school projects, etc.

Love/hate relationships, especially with the offending parent but also with others: Unhealthy attachment bonds that form in childhood, such as the bonding that occurs with covert incest, tend to repeat later in life, not just with the person who helped form that unhealthy attachment, but with romantic partners, employers, and even friends.

Inappropriate bonding with their own child (intergenerational abuse): Sadly, bonding styles learned in childhood tend to repeat later in life. As such, victims of incest, both covert and overt, tend to perpetrate the same abuse on their own children. (X)

Now I dunno about you, but that sounds like a textbook definition of many of the problems Dean has as a result of his upbringing. And Sam too, to a certain extent. 

John failed his sons. There is no doubt about it in my mind. He failed them. 

And because the lens that this show is shown through is Dean’s point of view all we’re ever going to get is a skewed perception of who John is. 

Because as Tom says, Dean has been brainwashed into thinking his father can do no wrong. And though he has resentments that have built up over time regarding John, Dean will never voice those resentments to Sam. 

They will be pulled from the deepest parts of his minds from a skinwalker who downloaded his memories. 

They will be forced from him when he’s dreaming and confronted with the reality of what he’s soon to become because he’s going to hell. All for a brother he couldn’t let die because it would fail everything his father instilled in him. 

Those resentments will be brought out with an embarrassed admission that he never wanted to act toward his child—er I mean— Ben like his dad acted towards him. 

Or he will mask them and trivialize John’s part in the way Sam and Dean were raised, but only in a haze of alcohol and funny anecdotes about the 101 different ways he had to make macaroni and cheese as a kid because that was all they had. 

But if you study the show you will see that any time Sam is around, Dean is quick to defend his father. And I don’t think that will ever change. Because he’s been conditioned to believe that as far as Sam is concerned, Dean thinks John was a hero. That he did no wrong. 

Only in later years do you see Dean somewhat opening up about John around Sam. The fact that Dean said that John would “win no parenting awards” in that TFW bar scene was significant to me because it was the closest Dean ever came to an admission of guilt regarding John in front of Sam. In 10 seasons. That was the first time he said something like that about John in front of Sam. 

(in no particular order)

A lot of celebs ignore the theme for the Met Gala, which is annoying and boring. it’s a fashion costume party. LIVE IT UP! Lady Gaga kicked off the event in four outfits, not that anyone doubted she’d live up to a theme like “Camp!”

I hate giving attention to Jared Leto, but thankfully Ezra Miller outdid him at his own game so we can just look at Ezra Miller (if you don’t find it dizzying)

I really think the hair dryer handbag made this very very Barbie look on Kacey Musgraves

I also loved that Hallie Steinfeld rocked a camera clutch with her look

Even with a theme like camp, you don’t have to go crazy to fit it. I like this on a Tinkerbell level 

Showgirl is a good direction for this theme because Vegas is nothing if not campy (and Celine would know)

A self-styled Lady Liberty is exactly the kind of statement I’d expect from the great DVF

Billy Porter loves DRAMA and I love him for it

Ryan Murphy looks like if King Tritan starred as the Great & Mighty Oz in a synchronized swimming production of The Wizard of Oz: Under the Sea

Cardi B went with the philosophy “Go Big or Go Home.” She will not be going home. I feel like this theme is very much in her wheelhouse 

It lights up. It’s literally Cinderella. It’s totally Zendaya and amazing 

Cara Delevingne looks gleeful in this sort of a disturbing pop art Chiquita Banana lady look 

This fits the theme. She’s literally a chandelier. (Though a part of me wishes Sia would have worn this and not Katy Perry because it would have been a great pun and too on the nose and perfectly campy)

There is a lot happening here and I’m so glad all of it is happening. Lupita never lets us down

We can also count on the amazing Janelle Monae as she wears all the hats and keeps an eye on all the things

Saoirse Ronan looks like the lost Avenger who turns into a dragon. I feel like they really could have used her in End Game

This is a fashion costume party with the theme “camp” at a museum. Tracee Ellis Ross captured all of that when framed herself like the work of art she is