bleh @avoidslife - Tumblr Blog

just ate leftovers that i made saturday night (its monday) and it tasted slightly less good. and i usually have a rule that i won't eat leftovers on day three. (which technically today is day two because i made the soup late saturday night) but i didn't want to waste it and when i realized it didn't taste as good and i was already bending my three day rule (in my head) i was like "its gone bad. this is poisoned" but i was like "no obviously that's not true. i can eat this. i won't die." so I ate the whole bowl and now have so much dread and anxiety haha like. logic doesn't caaarrre! my body is convinced i'm going to die because i ate deadly food. i feel so sick ahhhhhhh

#aaaahahhh #person who definitely doesn't have ocd (<-sarcasm)#like. i relate to a lot of ocd experiences but for a while i was like ''yeah but i can't really identify any compulsions.''#''like. stuff i'm anxious about makes sense to be anxious about?''#or i can ignore the compulsion and be miserable for a little while but its not like i'm spending hours of my day ruminating #like the psychiatrist said i would be if it wasn't just regular anxiety :)#but idk if i've been more stressed or if my meds are losing effectiveness or what #but i've been having a lot of moments like ''oh yeah I get SO weird about certain things sometimes''#like. i couldn't ask my grandpa if he wanted a tupperware of food i made specifically for him #because its something my grandma used to make and what if it upset him and he thought i did it on purpose #and then hated me #and tbh after learning a little bit more about how mental compulsions can present it did kind of change my perspective #like. having a Bad Thought and mentally going ''stop thinking that stop thinking that stop thinking that!''#can be a compulsion lol!#but also i'm super hesitant to actually self diagnose with ANYTHING because if im wrong i don't want to make others who do have it look bad #blehhh #also i know i'll be okay i just have to ride out the anxiety for a little while #:/#kj shut up

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veryluckyclovers

avoidslife

I just accidentally drank three day old wendys root beer because I put my iced coffee in a McDonald's cup next to my old unfinished drink. :( perhaps I'm about to die now!

avoidslife

IT JUST HAPPENED AGAIN 🙃

#been sleeping with a migraine all day and my friend got me a sprite for the nausea #went to drink it but my room is completely dark and i grabbed the wrong drink on my headboard!!!#i really wish i wasnt the kind of person who leaves half drank drinks sitting around its a real problem #and also makes me feel like a gross messy person. which i kind of am but i don't want to be!!#ugh #i was about to go back to sleep but im making myself feel too sick now #i know logically ill be fine like. there wasnt any mold or anything in there. it just tasted flat #and online searching says soda is pretty acidic so itd take a while for it to become dangerous to drink #but what if there was some secret deadly bacteria growing in there and I'll die you know??#anyways #kj shut up

I just accidentally drank three day old wendys root beer because I put my iced coffee in a McDonald's cup next to my old unfinished drink. :( perhaps I'm about to die now!

#frantically googling if drinking something that's sat out for three days will kill me #like. logically i know ill be fine BUT #im scared :<#kj shut up

i hate how like. sometimes when i look in the mirror i think hey. my body doesn't look so bad. i can be attractive sometimes! but then i have a family picture and i'm like "okay so why am i so fat and ugly ughhhh"

#and its like. i don't think being fat is a bad thing!#plenty of fat people are nice and cool and hot #but like. not me?#and i don't want to be the kind to avoid pictures all the time but it does trigger some like.#body dysmorphia? i guess?#like. i think i look one way and then pictures are like ''actually no''#and i used to get kind of dysphoric about my chest but that stopped being as bad #after i realized it was mostly because i wasn't comfortable with men being attracted to that part of me #but the internalized fatphobia sure does rear its ugly head huh?#like. i try to look at myself from an outsiders perspective and it helps sometimes #but ughhh #also. DO NOt try to give me advice on losing weight or diets or anything. i am not looking for that #and i will block anyone who tries to talk to me about that #like i'm sorry weight loss and diets are a really sensitive topic for me i do not want strangers on the internet giving me their thoughts #kj shut up

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sucks that I slept for 14 hours and still woke up with a migraine and I can't sleep anymore so I am looking at my phone with brightness turned all the way down and it's still too bright aaaaaaa

#head hurty #i dont want to get up because i feel bad and im not hungry but like. im getting bored lmao #kj shut up

paper-wounds

avoidslife

I started taking anxiety meds too recently that they haven't started working yet and I'm sooooo anxious in this doctors waiting room right now. It's just a regular checkup but I want to bring up my migraines but I doubt I'll be able to :(

avoidslife

fuck my stupid baka life

#i did not say anything #blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #kj shut up

I started taking anxiety meds too recently that they haven't started working yet and I'm sooooo anxious in this doctors waiting room right now. It's just a regular checkup but I want to bring up my migraines but I doubt I'll be able to :(

#kj shut up

Oughhhgg I have started sertraline and it makes my tummy real upset :(

#pain and suffering on planet earth #at least she told me to start taking it at night so im not dealing with it during the day at work #i do hope my body gets used to it im still only taking half doses #kj shut up

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feefal

Ugh… headache. Head splitting migraine, even.

feefal

Good news everyone I found the cause of headaches, it’s because of the angry blobs residing in your brain

steamandcream

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

steamandcream

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

#its SO HARD #but maybe one day

rubyleaf

You know, when I see fictional characters who repress all their emotions, they're usually aloof and very blunt about keeping people at a distance, sometimes to an edgy degree—but what I don't see nearly enough are the emotionally repressed characters who are just…mellow.

Think about it. In real life, the person that's bottling up all their emotions is not the one that's brooding in the corner and snaps at you for trying to befriend them. More often than not, it's that friendly person in your circle who makes easy conversation with you, laughs with you, and listens and gives advice whenever you're upset. But you never see them upset, in fact they seem to have endless patience for you and everything around them—and so you call them their friend, you trust them. And only after months of telling them all your secrets do you realize…

…they've never actually told you anything about themselves.

rubyleaf

Adding onto this: characters who are so deeply repressed that they don't even realize they're not fine, or at the very least not supposed to be fine. Characters who do tell you about a situation they're in that should be bad, but instantly laugh it off saying they can handle it (spoiler: they can, in fact, not handle it). Characters who laugh with you and listen to all your woes and much later you learn that they were actually going through something at least equally bad at the time, but they wave it off and don't want to speak of it. Characters whose main coping mechanism seems to be "don't think about it" on endless loop.

Basically, the fictional embodiment of the "this is fine" dog.

#every time i see this post im like ''damn i need therapy''#me having the reputation as the ''chill'' friend...#ive gotten better at talking about myself but its really hard

weltenwellen

Heather Havrilesky, How to Be a Person in the World

#youch

i'm in my bad hair era i guess

#hhhhhhuuu #it doesn't actually look that bad. like. not to sound full of myself or whatever #but i have nice hair #but its damaged and always feels bad (to me) and i dyed the bleached part brown a while ago #to match my roots #but my roots are darker than the bleached part #and now my hair has three tones. a lighter brown from where it was bleached. a darker brown from where my roots had already been grown out #and my natural brown from my roots growing out even more since then #and i just trimmed my hair myself with this stupid tutorial i found and the layers don't look even #but i! kind of don't care!#and its not that bad or noticeable i don't think. plus i wear my hair up at work all the time anyways. so whatever!!#my hope is that since i cut a few inches off it will feel slightly less damaged. and not tangle as badly #if i really hate it and it not working for me. i'll get the nerve to go to a professional about it #kj shut up

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greeniery

does anyone feel the layer of plexiglass between themselves and the rest of the world or is that just a me thing

I keep going to bed later and later on my nights off. It's 7am right now. My sleep schedule is fucked and my body knows and feels it. I've been having such a miserable time waking up for work in the mornings and I feel like my joint pain is worse and I'm not getting enough sleep and I'm worried my cat is sick but otherwise I've been okay emotionally? so I'm not sure why I actually don't feel fine at all :/

#think im having flare up but i always forget to treat it until it's too late #uh also im not looking for advice. just venting.#so please don't comment with advice #anyway I'm going to try to go sleep now #kj shut up

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