a view from the inside

Let me preface this entire post by saying I’m going to be a freshman in the upcoming fall!!! I am no way an expert of any sort, but I’m just going to talk about my experience so far, my fears, and anything else of my mind. 

As a tribute to the fact that in less than one month I’ll be in San Francisco starting my college experience let me tell y’all about my experience with colleges so far

Applying                                                                                                             I started working on my college applications during the fall of 2016. It was scary hard-work for me; as a bit of a perfectionist, I wanted every single essay and short answer to grant me admission. I tried to be realistic where I applied, I only scored a 1210 (out of 1600 I think?) on my SAT and a 27 on my ACT, so I knew that I didn’t have any chance at Ivys, not that they interested me much anyways. I had good grades, great extracurriculars - I’m very proud of my resume and the things I do - and I focused largely on two school choices. Reed College (Portland,OR) and Tulane (New Orleans,LA). I’ve known I wanted to go out of state for school and wanted to join a dance program with a college that wasn’t audition based. Fast forward a bit, I really had my heart set on those two schools, but didn’t get into Tulane and was wait listed at Reed. Buuuuut, I applied to University of San Francisco (and a few other schools) early action - so by November - was accepted on Christmas eve, but didn’t fully consider it until I got my financial aid package and looked more into their dance program. 

USF (ca) - no, the other USF                                                                                 ^ that’s a joke you’ll understand if you go to university of san fran      The irony of my school choice is that when I put down my deposit I honestly had no clue what a perfect choice this school seems for me. I haven’t been on campus yet, but SF is one of my favorite cities (below is a candid photo of my brother and I in front of the Golden Gate Bridge). usfca provides the small school and liberal arts experience I want from college, while being located in a large urban area far, far away from small town, TX.    I’m a performing arts and social justice major (PASJ) with a concentration in dance. Basically, this means that while I’m a dance major, it’s less about performance and more about what our art form can do.                               To quote a good source - my campus website LOL - this is a summary of the program I’m in -> “We care as much about the creative process as the performance... PASJ educates and inspires artist-activists through studio work, community engaged projects, and research seminars that connect academic theory to practice. The content of the choreography, the themes in our theater, the sounds of our music, and the ways we collaborate with community members are how we explore and suggest new approaches to the important civic issues of our time”                                                         San Francisco is also the second largest dance community in the US, which is SO COOL and super important to me for job opportunities. I decided I could major in dance if I was living somewhere that can actually have the opportunity to facilitate moving into a career, and I feel like I do!                      I’m also really pumped that I get to start working on classes that go towards my major starting in the fall of my freshman year (YAY)!!!!                                 I can’t speak much about campus life or dorming or any of that yet because I’m not there, but I can say that coming this fall I’ll be living in a triple (three of us in total in one room) the size of a shed with only two closets... yet somehow I’m really excited LOL. Also, sf is super liberal so that’ll be a breath of fresh air? :-)

Fall Class Load                                                                                                 In case you’re curious to what I’ll be taking this fall and so I can see this in twenty years... I’ll be taking 17 hours in the fall in total (see below)  

Intermediate Ballet Dance - technique course Beginning Modern Dance - technique course Intro to Ballroom, Latin, and Swing Dance - technique Production & Design - A tech theatre class  Dance and Social History - this class is going to warm my heart I’m so hype for it already Rhet 110 - the only university writing course I couldn’t test out of First Year Seminar: The Human Animal - a 16 student class that counts for my philosophy credit that includes excursions into the city and *insert other university sponsored propaganda here*... Basically the class is supposed to be about the philosophy about animal ethics, what makes humans humans and not animals, where do we draw the distinction, all of that good stuff :-)                                                                                  

Money                                                                                                              A large part of my motivation for choosing usf has been the financial aid package I’ve received. Maybe it sounds stupid, but with how much money my school offered me they really made me feel wanted, like I’d be valued on the campus? My pride and ego being set aside I did receive the largest financial aid offer from usf than from any other school, and while talking about money can be weird, here’s the sich...                                                     In total for my tuition, room, and board usf is estimated at $58,600 a year, which is pretty standard for a private school.                                                    In my first financial aid offer which I received in feb I think, I was awarded $48,900 a year!!! I got the Dean’s honor scholarship, which is $22,000 a year and a grant for $17,000. The rest is made up of federal loans with work study allocation up to $4,200 a year. This was an incredible offer and I actual started crying when I opened the envelope and read it. I’ve known for a while that I was going to take out loans for college, because it’s an investment in myself and my future, but this honestly helped take some of the pressure off.                                                                                                  In May, I appealed my financial aid offer - not because I wasn’t grateful for all this school has decided to invest me in - but because of the whole mess of parent financial situation. My appeal was approved (HELL YEAH!!) and I actually ended up receiving an extra $3,000 in grant money a year.                 So taking out my first loan the other day totally sucked and I got a 9.85% interest rate, but it ends up that I’m only paying $9,016 a year - and that’s with an extra $500 each semester to cover expenses.

My Fears                                                                                                           If for some ungodly reason anyone but me is still reading this, my “fears” about college largely boils down to one thing.                                                   If I fail, it’s my fault. And maybe this sounds stupid, but I’m most afraid of failing myself. There’s no one else to blame but me if I can’t make it happen. I take responsibility for my failure or success or somewhere in between. I don’t have a fallback option - I can’t just run home. If I do fail, I’m the one who’s going to figure out how to get back on my feet and find my next move. So maybe in a nut shell, I guess I’m afraid of not having a safety net - which is a large part of adulthood. Maybe I’m afraid of the initial idea of adulting...

BUT I’m not planning on letting my (main) fear stop me from going, because that would be stupid. It’s time to grow the hell up and join the adult world whether I like it or not LOL. 

Parting Thoughts                                                                                   Harold Whitman once wrote: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  Turning my dream of going to college and pursuing what I love into a reality less than a month makes my heart beat with excitement. No matter what happens, I’m going to figure it out along the way and hopefully have some fun doing it. :-)

Thank y’all for reading!!! This felt so good to write. Below is a picture of my brother and I the first time we visited SF (I was 14 oh god) :-)                                                                          

Well this is my first post on my blog writing about my life, my views, and anything that happens to float through my brain (and my web browser).

Small disclaimer, if any of my views or my lifestyle choices offend you, please don’t feel any obligation to read this. A large part of starting my own blog is using this venue for creative expression and release while I transition to a new part of my life. Furthermore, I’m hoping to create a log of myself, my emotions, and what I’m thinking to look back on in a year (or maybe 20).

SOOO, that being said... A bit about me :-)

My name is Kat (hello and nice to meet you!!), and I’m an 18 year old originally from Texas

I recently graduated from high school and will be starting college fall 2017 at University of San Francisco (go dons!!)

Starting college in the fall I’ll be majoring in Performing Arts and Social Justice (PASJ) with a concentration in dance

Honestly I’ll do a separate post on my pre-college plans because there are A LOT

I come from a single parent household, my mom has raised me by herself since I was about six, and I’m the youngest of four kids. My grandfather, who has been one of the strongest and most loving men in my life, recently passed away. That’s been really hard to deal with.

I have three older brothers but really only communicate with one

I’ve been a dancer since the age of two, and dance is one of the most important things in my life and makes up a lot of who I am as an artist and a person. I love writing about dance, so hang-in if I start to ramble or post A BUNCH about it

I enjoy writing, even though I suspect that I may not be that great at it. This blog is partly to help facilitate some practice writing. And I love to write poetry!!! Maybe if I get the courage one day I’ll post a bit of poetry, but it’s a really personal and honest way for me to express my emotions.. so it doesn’t get read very much.

I’m a proud vegan and have been for about four years. I love living a plant based lifestyle and may write about it?

I am currently very single and identify as pansexual. To me, this means I feel attraction regardless of gender (hearts not parts yo), but I’m trying to focus on my goals and art form right now. Unfortunately, I’m also a hopeless romantic so that doesn’t always go as planned hahaha.

I am a music lover!! I think this largely ties back to dancing, but I will listen to about anything and constantly am listening to music. Maybe if I get techy enough I’ll make a blog playlist and figure out how to link it... pray for me

Along with dance, I love teaching and choreographing. There’s nothing like the thrill of creating a new piece of dance. 

I’m a bit of a nerd, and love to read. I’m not a part of a bunch of fandoms, but I am a die-hard Potterhead.

I am currently taking some time off from working for my last month of summer due to my grandpa’s death and moving and stuff. This is pretty weird for me, considering I’ve worked since I was 16 and have been working two jobs for the past year. We’ll see if I can figure out this “relaxing” thing...

I think I covered a good basis on who I am, although humans are too complex to be covered by simple labels. Hopefully by reading my blog and the posts to come, you’ll (or to me reading this in 2037) get a more accurate picture of who I am. I’m going to try and keep this blog largely my own original content, including writing, photos, dance videos, and whatever else I create. Here’s to you if you’re still reading this.