Ode to the Red Abbey

O spirit of the seasons

Who rules the land and sea,

From crabby claws and runny snouts,

Good spirit keep us free.

From tummy ache, soretail and sniffs,

From grunge and whisker cramp,

From wobbly paws, and flurgy twinj,

A vermin guard approaches.

Quick, get yourselves from sight.

I’ll try to get back to you

My name is Rose of Noonvale,

The tribe of Urran Voh,

My only brother is called Brome,

And Martin’s name I know.

We’re here so we can help them,

So please, friend, tell to me

What we can do to aid those two

I know a mouse called Martin,

And a young un who’s name Brome,

Captured by some vermin scouts

As he strayed from home.

So if you’re out there list’ning,

I’ll pause awhile and wait,

For I’ve been singing half the night

See the roving river run

Over hill and dale

To a secret forest place,

O my heart, Noonvale.

Look for me at dawning

When the sun’s reborn

In the silent beauty

Twixt the night and morn.

Wait till the lark ascends

And skies are blue.

There where the rainbow ends

Amid the deep white winter snow,

Sleeps Mossflow’r until spring,

While sung in Cavern Hole below,

All Redwall’s creatures sing.

Old autumn gave us plenty,

Our harvest did not fail,

No plate or jug is empty,

My blade like winter’s cold doth bite,

Come guide me, Badger Lord,

For truth and justice we must fight,

Wield me, your Battle Sword!

Defend the weak, protect the meek,

Take thy good comrades’ part,

My point like lightning, send to seek

The foebeast’s evil heart!

Eulalia loud like thunder cry,

Be thou mine eyes and brain,

We join in honour, thee and I,

I won’t eat pie or pudden,

Filled with grass n’ roots,

For me a tart’s a good ‘un,

With ripe plump juicy fruits.

Take some cherries an’ blackberries,

Honey so thick an’ sweet,

In golden crust, all fit to burst,

Aye that’s the stuff to eat, mates,

That’s the stuff to eat!

Say nay who can, to mushroom flan,

All baked with onion sauce,

Unless you think ‘tis better than

A crisp green salad course,

Sup cider pale, or nutbrown ale,

Oh isn’t lunch a dream,

Surrounded by an apple pie,

With lots of meadowcream, mates,

Oh rowtledy dowtledy doodle hi ay,

We’re full of plum duff an’ salt water!

Now the Rowtledy Dow was a leaky ole craft,

With aprons an’ kerchiefs for sails fore an’ aft,

An’ all of her crew thought the cap’n was daft,

An’ he was sure they was all barmy!

Her anchor was made from a big rusty pot,

That they hauled up each mornin’ to serve dinner hot,

But the crew was too slow so the cook scoffed the lot,

An’ a seagull flew off with the pudden!

So ‘tis heave away mateys the wind’s blowin’ west,

An’ the cabin mole’s wearin’ his grandma’s blue vest,

While the mate’s got a blanket tattooed on his chest,

To keep his fat stummick from freezin’!

Well there’s fish in the sea better mannered than we,

For they washes their flippers an’ don’t slop their tea,

An’ we’d be better off on the land don’t yer see,

‘Cos I think that the ould ship is sinkin’!

 Oh rowtledy dowtledy doodle hi ay,

Did I ever tell you when I was born,

Pa cried we were clear out of luck,

He sent me out searchin’ for honey,

An’ my head in a beehive got stuck!

Poor mother was so forgetful,

She put a plum pudden in bed,

An’ covered my brother with custard,

“That’ll do us for supper,” she said!

Oh woe is me, what a family,

There used t’be just six of us,

But now there’s thirty-three . . . heeheeheeheeeeee!

The day Grandma took up knitting,

She couldn’t tell yarn from fur,

But she clacked her needles all evening,

An’ knitted herself to the chair!

My sisters left home for ever,

Then returned wet an’ soakin’ with tears,

The fire had died, so ‘twas I got ‘em dried,

I pegged ‘em all out by their ears!

Oh woe is me, not another more,

There used t’be thirty-three of us,

But now there’s thirty-four . . . hawhawhawhaaaaaw!

Old uncle was hard of hearing,

He’d a trumpet to hold by his ear,

Poor auntie was so short-sighted,

That she filled it with beer!

When a squirrel dropped by for a visit,

She tidied the place in a rush,

Auntie swept the floor an’ varnished the door,

By using his tail as a brush!

Oh woe is me an’ hares alive,

There used t’be thirty-four of us,

Oh one two three, come to me,

From far o’er the briny sea,

Four five six, each wave flicks,

Past my paws, the sand it licks,

Sev’n eight nine, all in line

This one rolling in is mine,

One to ten, rise and wane,

“We follow our comrades in peace and war,

The hare is a perilous beast, we know,

But who commands, who makes our law?

Ho whack folly doodle oh Duckfontein,

Dillworthy is my family name!

A fatal beauty have I, goodbeasts,

I’m completely unrehearsed,

Havin’ never been, kingess or queen,

Woe to me I’m doubly curs’d,

Oh the crown lies heavy on the ears,

Of a simple maid like me,

Now everybeast must scrape an’ bow,

An’ bend a jolly ole knee . . . heeheeheeheeheeeeee!

Ho whack folly doodle oh Duckfontein,

Dillworthy is my family name!

What a royally difficult life I’ve got,

But I regally say to m’self wot wot,

A Duckfontein must show no pain,

‘Tis fame an’ fortune’s lot,

My super subjects will adore,

My spiffin’ sweet young voice,

An’ loyally cry out, more more more!

Each night they’ll all rejoice . . . joy hoi hoi hoi hoice!

Ho whack folly doodle oh Duckfontein,

Dillworthy is my family name!

Affairs of state that just can’t wait,

An’ decisions of high degree,

The balance of pudden’s fate,

Rests hard ‘twixt lunch an’ tea,

Let anybeast yell “Come let’s feast!”

Whilst the royal beauty doth sleep,

They’ll rue the day that they met me,

Now have ye been away far,

To tarry an’ to roam?

Well sit ye by the fireside,

Welcome to yore home!

The kettle’s on to boil,

Flames a-burnin’ bright,

No more you’ll sleep alone,

‘Neath those stars at night,

Take off yore trav’llin’ cloak,

Come put yore paws up ‘ere,

Put a smile in my ole eye,

Take away this weary tear,

You’ve come home mate!

An’ in time for supper too,

So it feels just great,

Oh I am a sea otter I lives by the sea,

I knows every tide ebb ‘n flood,

An’ I’ll never break free from the sea, no not me,

‘Cos the sea’s in a sea otter’s blood.

Haul yore nets in mates an’ let everybeast wish,

That tonight we’ll be dinin’ on saltwater fish!

Well I’ve seen ‘er stormy, sunny an’ calm,

An’ I’ve tasted the good briny spray,

Just show ‘er respect an’ she’ll do ye no harm,

She’ll send you ‘ome safe every day.

Throw those pots in mates, down deep t’the sea,

Tonight you an’ me’ll ‘ave lobster for tea!

Them waves come a-crashin’ on out o’ the blue,

Aye big rollers all topped white with foam,

I sees my ole boat prow a-cut ‘em clean through,

An’ I sings then a-sailin’ back ‘ome.

We’re ashore now mates, let yore mains’l go limp,

There’s hares on the mountain much older than I,

An’ still they can manage to scoff the odd pie,

I remember ole Grandma had no teeth to boot,

She used to eat rock cakes an’ lots of hard fruit.

Older than I, scoff the odd pie,

No teeth to boot, rock cake and fruit,

A hare is a marvellous creature!

My uncle Alf with long seasons was grey,

“Stale pudden an’ pasties’ll do me,” he’d say,

“Oh fetch me good cider an’ no fancy cuts,

An’ a big rusty hammer to crack hazelnuts.”

Older than I, scoff the odd pie,

No teeth to boot, rock cake and fruit,

Seasons was grey, pasties he’d say,

No fancy cuts, crack hazelnuts,

A hare is a marvellous creature!

My auntie Dewdrop was old as the hills,

She wondered why ducks always ate with their bills,

“Their tummies must flutter,” the old gel would cry,

“I once knew a duck ate a dragonfly pie.”

Older than I, scoff the odd pie,

No teeth to boot, rock cake and fruit,

Seasons was grey, pasties he’d say,

No fancy cuts, crack hazelnuts,

Old as the hills, ate with their bills’

Auntie would cry, dragonfly pie,

Oh the river is deep an’ swift an’ wide.

Waylaheykoom!

And there’s my matey at my side!

Shrumm! Shrumm!

With the sunlight beamin’ through the trees.

Waylaheykoom!

We’ll all remember days like these.

Shrumm! Shrumm!

Oh oh waylaheykoom shrumm shrumm shrew, I won’t forget a friend like you!

Ship yore paddles, stop that fuss,