Be Gay, Do Crime, Wild Hearts Never Die

another week of whatever the fuck this shit is

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

how is it almost 2016 wasn’t it like 2009 a week ago

man half of my mutuals are named some shit like Snooble at this point im doing some poob as bullshit in my life

anti abortion propaganda that tries to like scare you into feeling guilty by reminding you that the fetus has body parts are so funny. "uwu please don't abort me I have eyes at 4 weeks old 🥺" nice try sucker I don't care if you see it coming

No. I'm all for renters rights but if you want to evict someone from your internal organs you get to fucking do that.

"If you invited them in the house"? What in the fuck kind of vampire logic is that? Just... What? Nobody invited anybody to the house. I had a barbeque and some fuckhead driving by decided to just walk right in. No. Fuck off. Who even are you? That's a burglary, and I'm stabbing the fucker. In most cases it's not even a full bukakke barbeque, I'm just cooking dinner.

Lotta anti abortion ppl seem to forget accidental pregnancy can happen

well, no. they're very aware that not all pregnancies are planned or wanted. they just also think that a forced pregnancy is a suitable consequence for someone with a uterus daring to get laid.

a woman holding her boob should be considered a neutral pensive gesture like when a man scratches his beard

Alarm Off perfec t time for put lying in bed to t/hink! Inside very Quiet and Peace thoughts very productive put in Alarm Off. Put Thinking in Alarm Off time. no problems ever lying in bedd with alarm off because good Contemplation and Eyes Closed for difficult deep thoughts about day. alarmOff yes safe place to close eyes lie in bed can trust not to fall back asleep. friend bed

You wouldn’t think that flamingoes are extremophiles just from looking at them. It’s like somebody tried to build the vertebrate equivalent of that fungus that lives inside nuclear reactors, and ended up with a gangly pink dinosaur with a spoon for a face.

….. Didn’t know most of that

Huh… so that’s why zoos don’t put them somewhere warm during winter.

Some species of flamingo actually subsist almost entirely on a diet of bacteria! In other words, there is a species of dinosaur that eats only bacteria and lives in lakes so toxic they would kill almost anything else—and it is best known to the average person as a kitschy lawn decoration.

It is genuinely mind blowing to me just how many Tumblr posts have changed my life for the better and taught me to be happier. Not all of the thoughts originate on Tumblr, but the way people collect and frame them has literally changed my brain chemistry.

what doesnt kill you is still valuable data points for a graph im working on titled "how to kill you"