Breathe

Days when I feel like it’s the season after autumn and before spring. Days when the sky is not in bright glow and is embellished with leaden clouds. Days when I am just laying on my bed, letting my beige cozy blanket covered my bareness. Days when the only sound I’d love to hear is Claude Debussy’s Clair de Lune, Einaudi’s Anything, or any classical music that could make me feel sleepy and at ease. Days when I feel the calm after those long, tiring, and not-so-good days. Days when I am not doing anything but to reminisce some good old times. Days when I am missing friends I haven’t seen for a very long time now. Days when I am longing for warm hugs and genuine smiles. Days when I am reflecting on the things I’ve done ever since I was young. Days when I am asking myself, “How are you feeling now?” Days when I am embracing my vulnerability. Days when I am contemplating the vastness of this universe.

I want days like this. Days when I am reminding myself that I am just a moment in this vast universe. That I am nothing but a mere soul craving to feel alive. That just like everyone else, I am that someone who's doing her best to make her own little world the best it can be. That I shall make my life worthwhile by living as if there's only five seconds left. Because I am only a moment. I am only a speck of dust— in this vast universe.

you’re craving other people’s validation

That two-letter word can be too puissant. It can either blow the house cards you've been trying so hard to build or fill the missing piece on your jigsaw puzzle. It can either wreck or build important things... like bonds.

To tell you honestly, that has been my personal struggle ever since I was young. As someone who always seek for other people's validation, I became so scared to lose some parts in my life that I thought I needed. I became so dependent on things that once filled the emptiness in me and I wasn't aware that these things would chain my feet eventually to keep me from moving forward, giving me no chance to live my life the way I want it to.

Recently, I've finally got the courage to break the chains that were holding me in place. I've finally found out the difference between selfishness and knowing my priorities. Giving people a firm and downright “no” feels refreshing to me. It feels like breathing after staying in the depths of an ocean for a very long time. It feels like capturing the criminal mastermind you have been chasing for so many years already. It feels like getting into the top after a series of falls and failures. It feels like a eureka moment.

To you who's reading this, always remember that it's okay to say “no” sometimes if it is for your own good. Let yourself breathe once in a while. Life's too short to deprive yourself from freedom. You are no slave of anyone who pulls the strings behind the curtains. You own the stage. That is your territory. You are free to choose which music you are willing to dance with. You have the absolute power to control who and what destroys you.

That two-letter word is not just a sign of refusal, it can also mean seeking refuge and solace.

Let yourself take a lighter step forward.

Let yourself fly freely without the fear of falling.

Let yourself feel more human.

Let yourself breathe.

Let yourself live.