agent grudgington

the thing about ortus nigenad is that he has to be muscled to all hell, right? if his look is "broad tall fat man in his mid thirties" and the one thing he has going for him as a ninth cavalier is his ability to lug around absurd amounts of bones then that sounds like classic a strongman's build. ortus "depression" "momma's boy" "brought rpf to a gunfight" nigenad logically has to be yolked as fuck and the only reason the text never explicitly states that is because we only ever see him through the eyes of two teenaged lesbians who view him as their lame ass older brother. ortus very possibly might have been hot this whole time.

the number of times I say "motherfucker" per day has increased 100x since he entered my life

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.