02 10
I dunno how to title this entry let alone know what I'm really feeling right now.
To start of, this will be my first entry for 2015 and I haven't done one in ages. So whoever will come across this and read it, I have to say sorry for this will just be a very confusing blow by blow entry about my current mood and feelings.
i don't really get it why I always want to blog when things in my life gets really confusing. I don't even know who reads this. but still here I am rumbling alone in my dark bed with only my Mac as my companion. So here goes..
As you may very well observe, my most used word is "Don't", which connotes some level of negativity. That's the thing, I'm 25 yrs old and still confused as to what I really want to do. I have been in a lot of "adventures" this past year, I have already given myself ample time to decide and explore my options. And still I DON'T know what to do. I'm not exactly jobless. I'm currently working in a place full of nice people and opportunities for growth. However, it's not something that I can see myself doing for the next couple of years. I like it some ways, but when I assess myself, I can say that it's not as exciting as my previous jobs. I get paid more, yes that's true. But I honestly find myself bored at times in the office. Again BUT, this work place draws me closer to God.
In connection, I haven't been exactly in constant contact with God lately. Yes I remember to pray at times, Yes I attend services and Yes I serve in church too. But I find them very shallow. I admit that I wasn't the same person spiritually before and I know it's troubling. and that's the thing again, I know there is something wrong. BUT I DON'T do anything about it. but now that I've mentioned it in writing, I promise to do something about it.
Next. I am currently in a relationship. After two years of being single and dating. I finally found someone who makes me happy and I can say that I hope and pray he'll be my last. Then again, sometimes I can't help but question my actions. Like I said I haven't been in constant contact with God, I told my love ones I prayed for this relationship, which I really did and is still praying for it. However, no matter how I say that I am sure about this, doubts still surfaces. Most times, I'm so so happy when I'm with him, and I know I love him, he says he loves me too. But I just can't help question that love. maybe because we are just starting, we're only a few months in this relationship. So yeah I answered my own dilemma, maybe I just have to give it more time. (crazy, I'm sorry). He's one of the best blessings God gave me for 2014. I am crazy in love, I'm just not sure if he feels exactly the same way.
I apologize again for all the rumbling. After all this is my blog. I kinda just wanted to rant it out tonight cause I got no one to pour it out to at the moment. Hopefully, one day when I read this again. I'll only laugh at myself for being silly.
