I just need a safe space

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Like the dude lived in Paris, he may not like fashion but he knows a bit by osmosis. He'd know enough to have a decent conversation with Kurt. Enough to get his attention, (wearing fashion disasters because even negative attention is attention - popping his collar so Kurt will fix it 👀👀)

Kurt has the awkward reaction of never having had anyone like him first (excluding Mercedes but you know) so he like almost doesn't know what to do about it. Could even move the "cheating" plot to earlier and have it be Sebastian instead of Chandler. [Would be really funny if their texts were family friendly and platonic but written in French so Blaine assumes the worst]

My brain IMMEDIATELY began scripting a screwball comedy in which a broke millennial who desperately want to finish his long-abandoned degree but is drowning in student debt pretends to be a senior citizen in order to attend college for free.

I’m picturing someone Channing Tatumesque, applying age makeup every morning before he heads off to class. It’s sort of a cross between 21 Jump Street and Mrs. Doubtfire. He keeps forgetting which hip is supposed to be his bad one. His classmates laugh every time he uses slang. There’s definitely a scene where he attends a college party and busts it up on the dance floor.

Our Hero is stuck in a job where he keep seeing people get promoted past him because they have a 4-year degree and he doesn’t. He can’t afford to go back to school until he finishes paying off his student loans for the degree he’s one semester from completing. If he got the promotion he wants he could pay them off a lot quicker. But he can’t get the promotion without the degree.

Along comes a clerical error in his almost-alma mater’s records which lists his birth year as 1948 instead of 1984. He gets a call from them about their “free tuition for seniors” program. “Wow, that sounds amazing!” he says. “I’ll be sure to tell my, uh, grandpa, as soon as he gets home.”

It’s one semester. If he can keep up the charade, he’ll have the degree, get the promotion, pay off the student loans. Hell, if they figure it out after the fact and come after him for the tuition, he’ll be able to afford it by then. He just needs to pass as a 70-year-old until graduation. How hard could it be?

His best friend (Chris Evans? don’t judge me) thinks this plan is insane. Our Hero is going to get caught. But Best Friend does have a little sister who’s a professional makeup artist, and she does know how to do age makeup. 

She also thinks this plan is insane– people at Alma Mater aren’t stupid! Someone will notice! But she’s game to try, and it’ll be great practice for her. 

She tells her aunt about this insane plan at a family dinner a few weeks later. “I mean, it’ll never work,” she says. “But I kind of want to see him try.”

“Uh-huh,” says her aunt, only half listening. She’s distracted for a reason, though– she’s going back to school, her first big independent decision since her husband died. Classes start soon! She’s excited, but also nervous.

Wackiness, obviously, ensues.

(at the end of the movie: “Am I technically your uncle now?” Our Hero asks. 

“NO,” both siblings say in unison. “She’s our aunt by marriage! That’s not how this works!”)

(also, someone in the notes suggested “Senior Year” for a title, which is PERFECT.)

What if someone unexpected steps up to persuade the West Side Story directors to give Kurt a chance to play Tony?

Wednesday afternoon after the dress rehearsal for West Side Story, Puck glanced up at the clock on the wall in the dressing room and relaxed just slightly. He hung his costume up, put his own clothes back on, and sat down to remove his makeup. The instant he finished, he took off for the parking lot. As soon as he pulled out, he steered into the left turn lane, then pulled his phone out to check the time again. The line in front of him started to move, and he put his phone down on the seat next to him. Less than five minutes later, his engine stalled out.

“Fuck!” he swore and hoped that no one rear-ended him.

He flipped his hazards on, then coasted to the edge of the road. Fortunately, he was right along the entrance to a gas station that had been out of business since before he was born, so he wasn’t blocking anyone from turning. He tried several times to restart his truck, to no avail. He picked his phone back up and waited for a break in the traffic that didn’t exist. After a minute, he gave up, slid across the seat, and got out of his truck on the passenger side. He considered raising the hood to take a look, but he didn’t even bother, knowing that he had no idea what to look for. He got back in, put the truck in neutral, and watched the traffic again. Once the cars were held back by the traffic light, he hopped out and used all his strength to push the truck forward enough to get it out of the road. The instant he had the truck out of the way, he jumped back in and put it in park. He grabbed his backpack, pocketed his phone, then locked the door and put his keys in his front pocket. He took off jogging down the street. As he approached the Lima Bean, he saw Kurt’s Navigator in the parking lot. He veered off the sidewalk and made his way through the parking lot.

—————————————

Kurt headed out of the McKinley parking lot toward the Lima Bean, somewhat disappointed that he wouldn’t be having coffee there with Blaine after rehearsal. He pulled out but had to wait in the turn lane since the light was red. After what his dad had said about him only showing up when he needed money several weeks back, he realized how little time he had been spending at the shop. He really did love taking an engine apart and putting it back together, despite the havoc it wreaked on his nails. Plus, the shop always felt like home, and he missed it. With college applications looming on his mind, he also realized the clock was ticking on his time with his dad, which also brought up the issue of Blaine being a junior, not a senior, as he had previously thought. As the traffic began to move again, he refocused on paying attention to driving.

He pulled into the Lima Bean parking lot and rushed inside, hoping to be able to quickly grab a bag of coffee and still make it on time to the shop for his shift at 5:00. Unfortunately, it was pretty crowded. He pushed past the line and managed to keep his balance as he squatted in front of the display, looking through the meager options of pre-ground varieties. He preferred to buy whole beans and grind them himself at home, but he didn’t have time for that. He had just chosen the Brazilian dark roast over the Nicaraguan blend and had started to stand so he could get in line when he heard Blaine’s voice.

“You're just so … you know … you’re out there.”

“And your whole bashful schoolboy thing? Super hot,” responded someone whose voice Kurt did not recognize.

He put the bag of coffee down on the top shelf of the display and stepped around it just enough to see who Blaine was talking to. He saw a guy his age in a Dalton blazer, sitting with Blaine at a table for two.

"Why? It's not a problem at all," you smile. You put the pen on the parchment, and you begin signing. You write the first letter of your seven-part title.

"I can do it for free!" says the demon. It begins to hop from one foot to the other, with its devil tail curling between its insect legs. "I can do it twice, with offers."

Humans have red blood. Royals have blue blood. Your blood is golden on the page. You finish writing your name.

By now, the demon is hopping up and down as if it needs to go to the bathroom quickly.

"No." You hand back the document. "We will settle the payment in the traditional manner--before Caine and Abel changed the rules of combat. Make your choice. Will it be via poetry slam, drawing contest, or dance battle? Which devout serfs will you call upon?"

"NOOO," wails the demon, pulling its rabbit ears down to its collarbones. "I only have financers, biowarfare chemists, and managers!"

Stop it with roses turn

Stop it with roses turn